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kazalala;1270867 wrote: oh you noticed! good thought it was just me ,, or i had gone invisible again:-2hate it when that happens :-5:yh_rotflSo don't participate, but don't disrupt the thread because you're uncomfortable with it.

Ahso!;1270868 wrote: So don't participate, but don't disrupt the thread because you're uncomfortable with it.


Im not uncomfortable with it ,, i was participating,, but im obvioulsy not the one you or others wwant to interact with,,, thats fine, sorry fro the disruption. i;ll keep out of it now.

kazalala;1270874 wrote: Im not uncomfortable with it ,, i was participating,, but im obvioulsy not the one you or others wwant to interact with,,, thats fine, sorry fro the disruption. i;ll keep out of it now.I read your post which stated you thought I was over reacting, and what, since I haden't replied to it you're feeling shrugged?

Go ahead and add to the discussion, I promise to reply to all your posts in this thread as long as I am participating myself...Is that good enough for you?:)

Quote:

has that been confirmed ? did he say so?


Well the NINE women who have come out of the woodwork are probably not all liars. Heh.

You've never been in love?


Well sure I have! Lots of times. I didn't even get married until I was 34 so I had lots of relationships. The difference, and it's a critical one, is that I never went out with two girls at the same time. I was dedicated to each relationship while I was in it. If I felt like it wasn't going anywhere or was unproductive (or if my partner felt that way) we ended it.

Ahhh so you were testing the waters before having this view? YOu were a serial relationship addict?


lol. No, just a young man out in the world with lots of cash, no ties, and a sense of adventure. I guess I'm choosy, but I never married any girl until I found the right one. (And that took some time to find!)

Hmmm learn your history (being sold into marriage is not uncommon) among royalty, trade partners or for family gain. It has been an acceptable act since the year dot to marry for honour and prestage .....and then you have your loves after the fact..........


That might be history, but it's not American history. That's not how our society was founded. (Even if some people practice that, they are still not the norm just as polygamists are not.)

Must be nice to be able to live a free and normal life as a commoner


Well, let's just say that it gives a certain clarity of purpose.

Human condition? That's up to the individual.


I thought that argument might come up, but again, a society has common values and morals. And that's a good thing since the lack of that results in chaos.

Saint_;1270877 wrote:

Well sure I have! Lots of times. Is "Love" that transient or fleeting, or are you just not that sure what love is?

Saint_;1270877 wrote: I thought that argument might come up, but again, a society has common values and morals. And that's a good thing since the lack of that results in chaos.What I'm wondering here, Saint, is whether you believe that those whom have not reached your obvious advanced level of maturity at the same time as you or in the same manner, are immoral no goods, which seems to be the tenor of the OP and question.

Ahso!;1270876 wrote: I read your post which stated you thought I was over reacting, and what, since I haden't replied to it you're feeling shrugged?

Go ahead and add to the discussion, I promise to reply to all your posts in this thread as long as I am participating myself...Is that good enough for you?:)


No:wah:i wasnt feeling shrugged,,, ( i did post before that too btw:)) It was more a realisation that there was no point anymore as its obviously a debate between you and saint, so best to let you get one with it. anyway maybe we will get the chance to have a discussion in some other thread,, i would like to have a normal discussion here in fg from time to time:)

Ahso!;1270878 wrote: Is "Love" that transient or fleeting, or are you just not that sure what love is?


Why put boundries on love? Surely the emotion speaks for itself!:D But that's a subject for another thread!

What I'm wondering here, Saint, is whether you believe that those whom have not reached your obvious advanced level of maturity at the same time as you or in the same manner, are immoral no goods, which seems to be the tenor of the OP and question.


I think you missed the point, but thank you for the compliment. I was only pointing out that adultery is seriously against my value system. Moreover, I believe that fidelity is a necessary part of any society, due to the negative consequences of cheating to society's operation. (Murder, rape, broken homes, abortions, adoptions and the psychological and emotional devastation.) And of course, there's the whole "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" Biblical aspect!

On a personal level, when I look at some of the marriages I know that were wrecked by it, I see that the effects reach far beyond just the two involved partners into the children's lives and even relative's lives. I work at an Alternative High School and so I deal on a daily basis with the aftermath and effects of broken marriages and homes.

But I'm not judging anyone who thinks differently, hence the question at the end, "How do you feel about it?" I'm merely putting forth my opinion. Take that for what it's worth and don't worry, I'm not threatened by anyone who's opinion differs from mine.

Now, I notice that you seem to have taken exception to my stand. (And, although I have apologized if I have upset you, I am NOT willing to change my position.);)

Ahso!, Is there some reason or set of circumstances that you think makes adultery acceptable or perhaps unavoidable? If so, what are they? I am very curious.

kazalala;1270899 wrote: No:wah:i wasnt feeling shrugged,,, ( i did post before that too btw:)) It was more a realisation that there was no point anymore as its obviously a debate between you and saint, so best to let you get one with it.


Not at all! The more opinions the merrier!



anyway maybe we will get the chance to have a discussion in some other thread,, i would like to have a normal discussion here in fg from time to time:)


LOL. It's true, this thread seems to be spinning round and round!:wah:

Saint_;1270906 wrote:

LOL. It's true, this thread seems to be spinning round and round!:wah:


This thread spins round and round because there are too many variables in it ..........Just like life itself.

Hi every one.

I thought that I may be among few who will refuse it.

But i am happy that most members here are mature enough to distinguish between the right & wrong

I haven't gone back and read this whole thread but you all are getting my 2 cents whether you like it or not. :p If the circumstances are bad enough to cheat, they're bad enough to divorce over. People who cheat, IMO, want their cake and to eat it too.

Peg;1346246 wrote: I haven't gone back and read this whole thread but you all are getting my 2 cents whether you like it or not. :p If the circumstances are bad enough to cheat, they're bad enough to divorce over. People who cheat, IMO, want their cake and to eat it too.


Good for you, Peg! Decent through and through.

If you commit adultery, you are breaking your contract with someone you have a very personal relationship with. It is a betrayal. If you are not prepared to stick by your vows, you should not marry in the first place, or at least have the integrity to get a divorce.

OpenMind;1346253 wrote: If you commit adultery, you are breaking your contract with someone you have a very personal relationship with. It is a betrayal. If you are not prepared to stick by your vows, you should not marry in the first place, or at least have the integrity to get a divorce.


Exactly.

I have to wonder if the ones who think it's okay to cheat under certain circumstances, would think it's okay if they were the one being cheated on.

Here's a scenario: What if someone has come to hate their marriage and thinks their spouse is akin to Satan, so they have an affair. But the affair makes them realise that what they seek is not something they can get from someone else so they change their expectations and find that they truly do love their spouse and the marriage is saved.

It makes for a good story and I don't suggest that it is the common story behind most affairs... I'm just saying that nothing is ever black and white.

koan;1346279 wrote: Here's a scenario: What if someone has come to hate their marriage and thinks their spouse is akin to Satan, so they have an affair. But the affair makes them realise that what they seek is not something they can get from someone else so they change their expectations and find that they truly do love their spouse and the marriage is saved.

It makes for a good story and I don't suggest that it is the common story behind most affairs... I'm just saying that nothing is ever black and white.


The scenario that you suggest, Koan, doesn't exist. The nature of love is such that you would never see someone you love as "Satan." When you truly love someone, you would never hurt them in any way. The very act of cheating on them shows that you don't truly love them. Better to move on than to cheat and lie to the other and yourself.

Love is black and white.

Peg;1346270 wrote: I have to wonder if the ones who think it's okay to cheat under certain circumstances, would think it's okay if they were the one being cheated on.


What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. In the past, divorces were nigh on impossible, especially for common folk. If your spouse cheated on you, your only recourse, unless you were wealthy or had influence, would have been to put up with your lot or copy your spouse.

koan;1346279 wrote: Here's a scenario: What if someone has come to hate their marriage and thinks their spouse is akin to Satan, so they have an affair. But the affair makes them realise that what they seek is not something they can get from someone else so they change their expectations and find that they truly do love their spouse and the marriage is saved.

It makes for a good story and I don't suggest that it is the common story behind most affairs... I'm just saying that nothing is ever black and white.


This scenario still involves breaking your vows. Even if this occurred without your spouse knowing, you have been dishonest. That much is black and white. To honour. To obey. To cherish. To love.

Whatever.

I've never cheated on anyone but I've been cheated on. I still don't believe the world is black and white when a human is involved. Maybe I just have an odd way of seeing the world. I'm not looking to argue it... because I believe everyone is different.

koan;1346371 wrote: Whatever.

I've never cheated on anyone but I've been cheated on. I still don't believe the world is black and white when a human is involved. Maybe I just have an odd way of seeing the world. I'm not looking to argue it... because I believe everyone is different.


I agree with you in general, Koan. Human relationships are not black and white and they would be boring if they were. My comments are made with regard to the context of this thread. Otherwise I would not disagree with you.

It happens all the time and always will, so in that sense we have to accept it. That's life. But, if someone feels they are the type who would have an affair, then don't Marry in the first place. Deep down we all know if we're the type who'd play around.

Robin of Loxley;1378925 wrote: It happens all the time and always will, so in that sense we have to accept it. That's life. But, if someone feels they are the type who would have an affair, then don't Marry in the first place. Deep down we all know if we're the type who'd play around.I'd be incredibly surprised if the percentage of people that have ever thought they might cheat on their spouse is above 5%