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On a recent trip to London I met a guy and after an evenings flirting I realised I had been on my own for close on 3 years!

I have to say it unsettled me for a week or so, I was feeling a little sad and wistful so decided to join a dating site.

I put my profile and picture on and had lots of mail from guys, some nice, some just weird, I thought a lot about it and wondered if these guys were serial daters.

I must add I have never got to the stage of actually meeting one yet :yh_chickn



I decided to put another profile on to see if any of these guys mailed me, none of them have but I get more mail for the fictitious one than I do my own! :yh_rotfl



this is the profile I did;



I'm no raving beauty and may have a face like a melted Lidl bag but lets face it guys you dont look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire!



I love eating, drinking, watching people sleeping, pubs, dancing, drinking.

I need a man who will show me a good time before last orders and then hopefully carry on with a few bottles of cider, its okay I dont normally pass out but if I do my alert card is behind the clock.





WTF is msn, does it involve whips & things????



My hobbies include;

Belly dancing



bungee jumping (yes there is a rope strong enough)



Trying to sneak into the 1st class lounge at Piccadilly station.



Stalking coronation st actors (norris floats my boat)



Evading the police whilst stalking the above ^



putting a banana into my mouth sideways



Word puzzles (I can make 32 words out of the word deviant)



Shopping



Shoplifting



Training my left eye not to stray too far to the right



Norbert Dentressangle truck spotting (46 so far)



Dislikes;



Being sober



Signing on (have to sign at 11.00 wtf is that about!)



Teetotalism



Any word that ends in ism



Disco's (in fact any potato based snacks)



Tambourines



Swimming



Running



Walking...in fact any activity that I have to put my fag out to do.



Men who can't balance an ashtray on their back.



Any men in uniform, firemen being the exception they come in useful when



men lack balancing skills



Store detectives



People who can't spell.. (((Yuse yer spellchequer for dogs sake!)))



Adverts that keep popping up saying "Learn the trick, discovered by a

mom, to turn yellow teeth white from home"

Where the hell would I be doing it from???



First date;



Depends if I'm sober or not!

Piccadilly station has a 1st class lounge? Rats....



oh, I just worked out which one you mean. Us Londoners don't think in those terms you know.

I got Bill Roache's autograph once...

I'd date ya! Ya sassy Mancunian minx! :-4

:yh_rotfl

Oh Gosh Abb's am I understanding you right, your profile you posted there is what you actually used as a profile, you are saying you got more replies to that than the one where you were honest about yourself.

Oh geeze too darn funny.

Girl I have to say you gotta meet a whole lotta dead fish before you can find someone remotely near your liking.

If you are taking the online dating scene seriously keep trying over and over and over. I know from experience it was a bloody challenge.

Aw shucks thanks Rap unfortunately you dont meet my requirements. :wah:

:-3 I have to add, the profile I posted here is the fictitious one.

abbey;1294058 wrote: Aw shucks thanks Rap unfortunately you dont meet my requirements. :wah:

:-3 I have to add, the profile I posted here is the fictitious one.


Aw flamin 'ell Abbs ! That's a disappointment mate! I was beginning to think that you'd been conning us all this time :yh_rotfl What a laff ! Hey, sounds like there are a load of weirdo males on these dating sites. Crikey, you've got to be damn careful. Who knows what sort of kinky buggers there are out there! But I suppose there must be a couple of genuine fellas somewhere ???:-3

abbey;1294058 wrote: Aw shucks thanks Rap unfortunately you dont meet my requirements. :wah:

:-3 I have to add, the profile I posted here is the fictitious one.


Well pffft! I dunno, I'd let you put a straw in my glass of wine and I'd share a bag of chips with you. What more do you want woman? :sneaky:

You're just being a posh bird, int yer eh? :wah:

Seriously though, why on earth do you want a fella? All those smelly sox on the floor and unwashed dishes in the sink and "Gerrusa beer love"! Pffft!

Buy yourself a rabbit (plastic not fur variety! ) and spend your time and money on yourself doing what YOU want to do and live life to the max! That's far more fun! :D

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Love it Abbey going to use as a profile here in the USA changing a few words to make it sound more American and see what happens.

:yh_rotfl

Too funny! I've joined two and have enough wierd stuff for a book or at least a short story.

Me thinks some of the men that answered that fictitious ad probably were a true male match ( the right eye would wander...)

and the rest knew you had a wicked sense of humour. :yh_clown

I have been tempted to put my picture on her (saggy aggie) profile

This is the picture I use for her and the reply that really cracked me up was "You're gorgeous wanna make love?" :yh_rotfl

Attached files

Beware the men that can only correspond late at night. My dabble with dating sites, a few years ago now, led to me realise that the majority of men there were married or in long term relationships :rolleyes:. I also met an absolute nutter that was really quite scary but people do meet real 'normal' people and end up in relationships... apparently :-3

Great Thread

Ive tried it, a few times. I think its horrible. The 60 year olds ( who look like their 80 years old) are looking for 30 year old women. I get a kick out of the guys who look like Jack LaLanne... Their hobbies are running, cycling, lifting weights, rowing,and hiking. When do they ever sit down? And cigarettes are now the new crack cocaine... your a junkie. If you can write intelligably, they scratch you off right away. Evidently they only want grunters... or mommies... or olympic hopefuls.

Betty Boop;1294115 wrote: I also met an absolute nutter that was really quite


Look ! I apologized for that. Do you want me to grovel? Ill grovel if that will get you off my back.

Anyway I didnt know it was you, I told you that.

Nomad;1294154 wrote: Look ! I apologized for that. Do you want me to grovel? Ill grovel if that will get you off my back.

Anyway I didnt know it was you, I told you that.


Please do grovel...

I may, or may not get off your back :yh_rotfl

Betty Boop;1294157 wrote: Please do grovel...



I may, or may not get off your back :yh_rotfl


Ive done my share of groveling. After you drop the pride routine its not so bad.

weeder;1294117 wrote: Ive tried it, a few times. I think its horrible. The 60 year olds ( who look like their 80 years old) are looking for 30 year old women. I get a kick out of the guys who look like Jack LaLanne... Their hobbies are running, cycling, lifting weights, rowing,and hiking. When do they ever sit down? And cigarettes are now the new crack cocaine... your a junkie. If you can write intelligably, they scratch you off right away. Evidently they only want grunters... or mommies... or olympic hopefuls.


Then there are the total retards like the guy who said "I have this 'faddish'. My ideal woman has to have a straight nose. I don't care how beautiful she is, how smart or how big her t _ _ s are, if she doesn't have a straight nose I won't date her." Hey, he wasn't even single and his wife had some incurable illness. JERK!!

In defense of some of the sites, I have met a few nice guys who were as advertised and could spell, but they were rare.

Just start your own site and then take the pick of the litter.

YZGI;1294186 wrote: Just start your own site and then take the pick of the litter.


:yh_rotfl great tactic there Y's :yh_rotfl

I think I am lucky then, as the man and I found each other on a dating site. Hmmmm yep lucky us.

Ya know, I went through the dating site / social club thing with no success (lol), the one thing that did seem to make a differance was getting married :wah:

As soon as the wedding ring was on my finger, all these women came out of the wood work, showing interest, flirting... I mean, what the heck?

Needless to say, still happily married and loving being so more each day, I honestly think that its best just to wait for the right person to come along:)

I would never join a dating site, to many weirdo's and kinkys!:yh_rotfl

Mr. Right will come along one day.

I'm not that desperate.:yh_rotfl

Odie;1294210 wrote: I would never join a dating site, to many weirdo's and kinkys!:yh_rotfl



Mr. Right will come along one day.



I'm not that desperate.:yh_rotfl:rolleyes:

I love your sham profile, Abbey. If I was a fella looking for a fun lady, I'd be emailing you for sure!!! Anyone who can write like that is my kinda person. Very best wishes for finding a fantastic bloke with a good sense of humour.... intelligence, no ties or emotional baggage, financial security, a kind nature and who is alive, straight, not too hard on the eyes and rearing to go !!!

AussiePam;1294230 wrote: I love your sham profile, Abbey. If I was a fella looking for a fun lady, I'd be emailing you for sure!!! Anyone who can write like that is my kinda person. Very best wishes for finding a fantastic bloke with a good sense of humour.... intelligence, no ties or emotional baggage, financial security, a kind nature and who is alive, straight, not too hard on the eyes and rearing to go !!!


Sorry Pam, and Abbs, but he's gone........................................... I've got him and I aint sharin' :p :p :p :p :p

AussiePam;1294230 wrote: I love your sham profile, Abbey. If I was a fella looking for a fun lady, I'd be emailing you for sure!!! Anyone who can write like that is my kinda person. Very best wishes for finding a fantastic bloke with a good sense of humour.... intelligence, no ties or emotional baggage, financial security, a kind nature and who is alive, straight, not too hard on the eyes and rearing to go !!!


Now, that's a tall order, does any such person exist, outside of fantasies that is.

Odie;1294210 wrote: I would never join a dating site, to many weirdo's and kinkys!:yh_rotfl

Mr. Right will come along one day.

I'm not that desperate.:yh_rotfl


Some people like kinky

Odie;1294210 wrote: I would never join a dating site, to many weirdo's and kinkys!:yh_rotfl

Mr. Right will come along one day.

I'm not that desperate.:yh_rotfl


I don't think it's about being desperate, it's another option for people who don't like the bar scene and want to try a different avenue.

I do think mind you that you gotta weed through a lot of misfits and rejects for a long time before you find a match. I mean it is the internet after all anybody can post anything just like Ab's did hehehehe

If you joined a dating site twice...does that mean you can date yourself?

My friend met her partner through a dating site, they have been together two years and are very happy.

If i was single i think i'd give them a go, good luck Abbey.

p.s - love your spoof profile :wah:

minks;1294266 wrote: I don't think it's about being desperate, it's another option for people who don't like the bar scene and want to try a different avenue.

I do think mind you that you gotta weed through a lot of misfits and rejects for a long time before you find a match. I mean it is the internet after all anybody can post anything just like Ab's did hehehehe


I agree 100%, to many misfits, wanna-bee's and rejects, men who are married, creapos, like you said, it is the internet, anything goes.

Well you could always make out that you're a weirdo, shouldn't be too difficult ...................................................... oops ! just joking, honest :yh_rotfl