ForumGarden

Thinking about BB's thread of asking us what we expect from a forum...

My husband Is a member of a specialised angling forum and some months ago he recieved a pm from a seasoned member offering advice. A friendship developed although he had never met this person In real life.

Then they exchanged phone numbers... Wrong move...

Then they exchanged E Mail addresses... Wrong move..

Then they exchanged addresses.... Wrong Move..

The chap In question lived alone In a small flat with absolutely no family and no Interests other than fishing.

Looking back over this disatrous episode, I can only guess that because this chap lived alone and had nothing In life except fishing, he believed the same of my husband.

Very soon, the odd phone call turned Into every night. Then every night turned Into 4 times a night. Then those phone calls would still be coming at one In the morning.

The moment my husband logged on to the forum and he saw him on line, the phone would ring. It became like he was being stalked.

Then the cyber bullying came telling my husband not to make complimenatary posts to certain members... telling him what to say In posts.... who not to associate with...

Even though my husband would try his best to explain that he had a wife, other Interests, places to go, things to do etc etc... this chap wanted total exclusitivity of him and that Included me..

Then we had some hard times such as with the nephew but nothing got through to him. It was all ME ME ME... and absolutely no recognition that we had a life to live other than pandering to him.

Then he would get nasty If messages were not answered Immediately or phone calls answered. Then family and even the Police began to tell us they had tried phoning us but we were constantly engaged.

In the end, for a while we had to tell every-one we knew to phone us on our 2nd line and Ignore all his messages...

Why are people like this about some-one they post with on line?

This was not the first time we have experienced this and It seems that there are some very needy people out there behind those screens.

We have learnt our lesson hard by now but has any-one else experienced this?

The one online stalker I had I actually knew, luckily for me I've never encountered any others. Yes, people have tried to suck me in, I've been sweet talked by a guy who used to post here, I used to find it amusing and never fell for it thank god! It is interesting why some people seem to feel the need to latch on to others. I think it can be said that generally, everyone is happy to support someone through certain things, just sometimes that someone becomes a leech which is sad as it ruins friendships.

Betty Boop;1327245 wrote: The one online stalker I had I actually knew, luckily for me I've never encountered any others. Yes, people have tried to suck me in, I've been sweet talked by a guy who used to post here, I used to find it amusing and never fell for it thank god! It is interesting why some people seem to feel the need to latch on to others. I think it can be said that generally, everyone is happy to support someone through certain things, just sometimes that someone becomes a leech which is sad as it ruins friendships. I could not agree more... Yes, we like to be there to support others members but when they want exclusive rights to YOU... It Is plain selfish.

As I said In your thread... the one's who have my private details now have them because I trust them but we will never fall Into that trap again.

I am now extremely wary of any-one who Immediately sends me a friend request before getting to know me.

I have recognised a pattern In the one's who have been like this In the past. It starts with asking for your E Mail address telling you that they do not trust the messaging system on the forum. Then after a very short while they begin to refer to you as 'My Friend' Instead of your user name. ' and E Mails begin 'Hey babes'.

The funny thing Is, that when you have absolutely no choice but to cut them off dead as my husband had to, they blame every-thing and every-one else Instead of recognising that they have hounded the living daylights out of you, upset your friends and have brought the whole thing on them-selves.

I just wonder how many more cyber phsyco's are out there and If It will be my Mis-fortune to find myself on a forum with them.

oscar;1327248 wrote: I could not agree more... Yes, we like to be there to support others members but when they want exclusive rights to YOU... It Is plain selfish.

As I said In your thread... the one's who have my private details now have them because I trust them but we will never fall Into that trap again.

I am now extremely wary of any-one who Immediately sends me a friend request before getting to know me.

I have recognised a pattern In the one's who have been like this In the past. It starts with asking for your E Mail address telling you that they do not trust the messaging system on the forum. Then after a very short while they begin to refer to you as 'My Friend' Instead of your user name. ' and E Mails begin 'Hey babes'.

The funny thing Is, that when you have absolutely no choice but to cut them off dead as my husband had to, they blame every-thing and every-one else Instead of recognising that they have hounded the living daylights out of you, upset your friends and have brought the whole thing on them-selves.

I just wonder how many more cyber phsyco's are out there and If It will be my Mis-fortune to find myself on a forum with them.


I'm pretty sure that there are more 'normal' people about than the nut jobs, I hope so anyway! lol

Wow, that's scarey!

I'm surprised he didn't show up at your door. Awful experience to go through, and awful to learn the hard way about such things.

Yes, all of these stories are giving me the creeps. I have to rethink how I present myself on the net. I try not to give out too much info, but sometimes forget.....oy vey....

oscar;1327248 wrote: I just wonder how many more cyber phsyco's are out there and If It will be my Mis-fortune to find myself on a forum with them.


I think people, both online and in RL, are drawn to people who are happy and funny and who give the impression they are outgoing and enjoying life and who also give the impression that they would not be mean to people.

People who are lonely or depressed are drawn out of their darkness and sadness by those who appear to shine. They want to be like that person who has brought light into their life, but, like someone who is drowning will clutch their rescuer so hard that they end up by nearly drowning them too, a poorly-phrased analogy but you know what I mean, so the person who needs light in their life will cling onto you desperately and not realise that you are beginning to drown too, because they are a weight around your neck.

Peter (or do you call him Pete?) is a lovely man. From what I know of him he seems kind and friendly, always ready to chat pleasantly to people, happy to help or give advice in a positive way, upbeat, he has a good sense of humour, he's kind and generous, taking time to be friendly, basically a lovely man. I've never met him, he may have an evil side where he plays horrible practical jokes on people or he may dress up in womens clothing! (Kidding, kidding!) :wah: But seriously, he comes across as a really lovely chap!

This chap, and others like him, may have wanted some of Pete's warmth and brightness in their lives and have befriended him and then clung to him like glue, desperate not to lose such a warm, caring soul from their lives. Someone who wouldn't reject them as they have probably been rejected badly so many times before.

People are forever talking to me. Total strangers will just strike up conversations. My other half teases me that I have sh** on my shoes because I attract people like flies round sh**. (He has an evil sense of humour!) I don't attract men (sadly) I attract little old ladies who will ask me to help them across the road or help them to reach something down from a shelf in the supermarket or ask me what day of the week it is, etc,. etc. I think they think I have a friendly face and wont reject them or laugh at them. No one likes to be rejected and I expect many people expect rejection for little or no reason. Many people have very sensitive feelings and can be easily hurt. (I fall into this category, I know I'm a total muppet but I just can't help it.) *sigh*

I think you should be glad that Pete comes across as such a lovely chap (and you a lovely chapess, of course) *grins* and just be nice to these people but start to distance yourselves from them. Don't antagonise them, just ignore them, and gradually they'll begin to leave you alone.

That's just my opinion anyway. You'll probably think it's total sh**, but there ya go. *sheepish grin*

Rapunzel;1327257 wrote: I think people, both online and in RL, are drawn to people who are happy and funny and who give the impression they are outgoing and enjoying life and who also give the impression that they would not be mean to people.

People who are lonely or depressed are drawn out of their darkness and sadness by those who appear to shine. They want to be like that person who has brought light into their life, but, like someone who is drowning will clutch their rescuer so hard that they end up by nearly drowning them too, a poorly-phrased analogy but you know what I mean, so the person who needs light in their life will cling onto you desperately and not realise that you are beginning to drown too, because they are a weight around your neck.

Peter (or do you call him Pete?) is a lovely man. From what I know of him he seems kind and friendly, always ready to chat pleasantly to people, happy to help or give advice in a positive way, upbeat, he has a good sense of humour, he's kind and generous, taking time to be friendly, basically a lovely man. I've never met him, he may have an evil side where he plays horrible practical jokes on people or he may dress up in womens clothing! (Kidding, kidding!) :wah: But seriously, he comes across as a really lovely chap!

This chap, and others like him, may have wanted some of Pete's warmth and brightness in their lives and have befriended him and then clung to him like glue, desperate not to lose such a warm, caring soul from their lives. Someone who wouldn't reject them as they have probably been rejected badly so many times before.

People are forever talking to me. Total strangers will just strike up conversations. My other half teases me that I have sh** on my shoes because I attract people like flies round sh**. (He has an evil sense of humour!) I don't attract men (sadly) I attract little old ladies who will ask me to help them across the road or help them to reach something down from a shelf in the supermarket or ask me what day of the week it is, etc,. etc. I think they think I have a friendly face and wont reject them or laugh at them. No one likes to be rejected and I expect many people expect rejection for little or no reason. Many people have very sensitive feelings and can be easily hurt. (I fall into this category, I know I'm a total muppet but I just can't help it.) *sigh*

I think you should be glad that Pete comes across as such a lovely chap (and you a lovely chapess, of course) *grins* and just be nice to these people but start to distance yourselves from them. Don't antagonise them, just ignore them, and gradually they'll begin to leave you alone.

That's just my opinion anyway. You'll probably think it's total sh**, but there ya go. *sheepish grin*
That has to be the lovliest thing I have ever read... Thank You Mel,,, You summed him up to a tee...

I think you are absolutely Spot on....

Peter at times Is just too easy going and will not tell some-one they are pushing It.

This guy would drone on and on for hours on the phone and Peter just would not say... Look I am tired, I am ringing off. So he became an ear for this guy and It became so demanding.

One night, the guy had kept him on the phone for 2 hours so trying to help, I called across the room... 'Peter, that programme you wanted to watch Is just starting'... the guy heard me and said to Peter 'Tell her to shut the **** up..'... He said It In a joking type way but that was the straw for Peter.

I do think you are right...

CARLA;1327253 wrote: I'm surprised he didn't show up at your door. Awful experience to go through, and awful to learn the hard way about such things.


He did !!!

Yikes...!! that's when I move in the dark of night. I'm surprised he stopped they usually don't.

oscar;1327259 wrote: That has to be the lovliest thing I have ever read... Thank You Mel,,, You summed him up to a tee...

I think you are absolutely Spot on....

Peter at times Is just too easy going and will not tell some-one they are pushing It.

This guy would drone on and on for hours on the phone and Peter just would not say... Look I am tired, I am ringing off. So he became an ear for this guy and It became so demanding.

One night, the guy had kept him on the phone for 2 hours so trying to help, I called across the room... 'Peter, that programme you wanted to watch Is just starting'... the guy heard me and said to Peter 'Tell her to shut the **** up..'... He said It In a joking type way but that was the straw for Peter.

I do think you are right...


"I usually am" she says, incredibly vainly hehehe (kidding)

I know Peter better than you think I do. When you're out at work I phone him up and say sexy words to him like 'fishing rod' and 'bait' and once I even mentioned his flies! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Actually, kidding aside, fishing has some pretty interesting words in it ~ tackle, flies, rod, pole ~ it's quite sexy talk when you think about it! :wah::wah:

Sorry, it's late, my warped sense of humour is kicking in. I've got the mother-in-law descending tomorrow, joy of joys. Looking on the bright side, at least it's only for a day. However, she's very depressing. Tomorrow night my sense of humour will be on holiday and I'll be all grouchy and miserable. :sneaky:

I hope it helped, he's a lovely person and you're a bright spark, so you both draw people to you like moths to a flame. I think sometimes people are so bright that other people cannot always stand the glow and so try to stamp the bright lights out.

Look at Pinky, she was always bubbling over with fun, everybody loved her, she was a joy to talk too. Then suddenly she said that someone was saying nasty things to her, which totally upset her and she just disappeared. It was such a loss to FG, imo. Luckily I still chat to her on FB, but I think many people here must still miss her. It's such a shame that someone apparently felt the need to hassle her to that extent. But then, maybe that's human mentality - destroy what you don't understand.

Rapunzel;1327265 wrote: "I usually am" she says, incredibly vainly hehehe (kidding)

I know Peter better than you think I do. When you're out at work I phone him up and say sexy words to him like 'fishing rod' and 'bait' and once I even mentioned his flies! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Actually, kidding aside, fishing has some pretty interesting words in it ~ tackle, flies, rod, pole ~ it's quite sexy talk when you think about it! :wah::wah:

Sorry, it's late, my warped sense of humour is kicking in. I've got the mother-in-law descending tomorrow, joy of joys. Looking on the bright side, at least it's only for a day. However, she's very depressing. Tomorrow night my sense of humour will be on holiday and I'll be all grouchy and miserable. :sneaky:

I hope it helped, he's a lovely person and you're a bright spark, so you both draw people to you like moths to a flame. I think sometimes people are so bright that other people cannot always stand the glow and so try to stamp the bright lights out.

Look at Pinky, she was always bubbling over with fun, everybody loved her, she was a joy to talk too. Then suddenly she said that someone was saying nasty things to her, which totally upset her and she just disappeared. It was such a loss to FG, imo. Luckily I still chat to her on FB, but I think many people here must still miss her. It's such a shame that someone apparently felt the need to hassle her to that extent. But then, maybe that's human mentality - destroy what you don't understand.
Yep, I have had many a convo with Peter about his Maggot, his Big Box, and his Rod... all In the Fishing sense of course.

Pinky Is lovely and I have her on Facebook also. There are some really wierd covo's go on late at night with us and Nomad. Some-times I think 'God I hope my family do not read all of this or they will think I have lost the plot'.

I think also with that kind of mentality that lead to the one's who cyber stalk Is that they latch on to some-one who Is popular when In fact they are jealous of them, so they set out to destroy.

As an example... there were messages going around at one point that my husband had never had cancer and I made It all up to get sympathy.

If you ring Peter again Tomorrow afternoon, can you tell him to remember to take the re-cycling bin out please.?

oscar;1327267 wrote:

If you ring Peter again Tomorrow afternoon, can you tell him to remember to take the re-cycling bin out please.?


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Have you got any spare room in your recycling bin? Mine's full already and they're not collecting again until next week!

Rapunzel;1327269 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Have you got any spare room in your recycling bin? Mine's full already and they're not collecting again until next week!


Talking of re-cycling bins, I have to share this with you...

You know the small green one's we get with the lid?

A friend's cat was killed In the road ( very sad) but she did not have a garden and the Council charged £30 to dispose of It. So I offered to bury him In my garden for her.

I went and collected him late one evening but did not want to bring him In the house and freak my dogs and cats out and I could not leave him In the garden un-buried so I put him In the re-cycling bin ready to bury him In the morning.

The Bin men arrived at 08 am to collect the bins which I had forgotten about. One knocked on my door and said ... 'We can not empty that because there Is a dead cat In there'... I just do not know what made me say It but I said....'*****, I wondered where he had got to?..

Rapunzel;1327265 wrote:



Look at Pinky, she was always bubbling over with fun, everybody loved her, she was a joy to talk too. Then suddenly she said that someone was saying nasty things to her, which totally upset her and she just disappeared. It was such a loss to FG, imo. Luckily I still chat to her on FB, but I think many people here must still miss her. It's such a shame that someone apparently felt the need to hassle her to that extent. But then, maybe that's human mentality - destroy what you don't understand.


I wondered where Pinky had gone. :-3

Quite miserably nasty some can be to hassle one on a forum.:-5

It's not mental mentality, its what that person is like.

They enjoy preying on certain ones through lack of self-confidence, self-esteem and jealously.



facebook is such a blast, especially when a few of us are all on at the same time.:yh_rotfl

speaking of which, where have you been?:sneaky::wah:

oscar;1327271 wrote: Talking of re-cycling bins, I have to share this with you...

You know the small green one's we get with the lid?

A friend's cat was killed In the road ( very sad) but she did not have a garden and the Council charged £30 to dispose of It. So I offered to bury him In my garden for her.

I went and collected him late one evening but did not want to bring him In the house and freak my dogs and cats out and I could not leave him In the garden un-buried so I put him In the re-cycling bin ready to bury him In the morning.

The Bin men arrived at 08 am to collect the bins which I had forgotten about. One knocked on my door and said ... 'We can not empty that because there Is a dead cat In there'... I just do not know what made me say It but I said....'*****, I wondered where he had got to?..


LMFAO! I bet they loved you! :wah::wah::wah::wah::wah:

Rapunzel;1327279 wrote: LMFAO! I bet they loved you! :wah::wah::wah::wah::wah:
They looked at me as though I was Cruella and It took a while to promise them I was joking. :wah:

Odie;1327272 wrote:

facebook is such a blast, especially when a few of us are all on at the same time.:yh_rotfl

speaking of which, where have you been?:sneaky::wah:


Sorry hun, I haven't been on in ages! *hides head in shame*

The last few weeks of term were so stressy that I didn't get a chance to go on there and I've been busy with other stuff since we broke up and not had much time. What time I do get I usually spend in here.

Have to say though, I work days and hubby works nights and we tend to be like 2 ships that pass in the night. It's also hard to do things together as either he needs to sleep or I do. So as I'm off for 6 weeks we're spending a lot of time just going out and doing things together, just us and the kids. It's been so lovely, really relaxing. I SO needed time to de-stress. I'm not looking forward to going back this time. I know it's going to be a very stressy year and I'm going to look for something else for next year, but that still leaves a stressy year to get through! So the more chilled I can be before I go back to school, the better!

I will make the effort to get back on FB soon. I've nearly missed a couple of sessions in the pub, meeting up with old mates, by not being on there. Luckily they've texted me so I was able to go and be a 'Lady wot lunches'. :wah:

oscar;1327281 wrote: They looked at me as though I was Cruella and It took a while to promise them I was joking. :wah:


I'll bet! :wah: So many people seem to have a zero sense of humour! It's criminal! :wah:



As a btw, did you know it's now illegal apparently to bury your pets in the garden?

I read it on my local council website after we buried our bunny last year. :-1

Apparently it contaminates the groundwater.

I liked having my bun in the garden though. I planted a beautiful blue flowering plant on his grave. Sadly now we've moved and had to leave him behind. :-1 I'm seriously considering sneaking into the garden at midnight and watering his plant so it doesn't die. Mad, I know. :wah:

Rapunzel;1327285 wrote: I'll bet! :wah: So many people seem to have a zero sense of humour! It's criminal! :wah:



As a btw, did you know it's now illegal apparently to bury your pets in the garden?

I read it on my local council website after we buried our bunny last year. :-1

Apparently it contaminates the groundwater.

I liked having my bun in the garden though. I planted a beautiful blue flowering plant on his grave. Sadly now we've moved and had to leave him behind. :-1 I'm seriously considering sneaking into the garden at midnight and watering his plant so it doesn't die. Mad, I know. :wah:


That Is outrageous !!!

I have had all my own pets cremated with the Intention of scattering their ashes but then could not bring myself to do It and they are still all In a cupboard together.

Does this mean we will now have Council carcass snoopers? Who will snoop around your garden with a dead pet detector? If they do then I may be In some trouble after my ex husband mysteriously vanished one day and by sheer Co-Incidence, I had a new Patio laid.

oscar;1327288 wrote: That Is outrageous !!!

I have had all my own pets cremated with the Intention of scattering their ashes but then could not bring myself to do It and they are still all In a cupboard together.

Does this mean we will now have Council carcass snoopers? Who will snoop around your garden with a dead pet detector? If they do then I may be In some trouble after my ex husband mysteriously vanished one day and by sheer Co-Incidence, I had a new Patio laid.


LMFAO!!! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl



No, I don't think there are snoopers. I just think the councils are being forced to become more environmentally aware.

I have a friend who has always had dogs. When each dog has died she has had him cremated and kept his ashes. She now has several boxes of ashes in her bedside cabinet which she says she wants to be buried with her when she dies.

My family have always buried our pets in the garden. Although I was really sad to leave my beloved bunny behind when we moved. We did vaguely play with the idea of digging up the box we buried him in and putting him in our new garden, but I don't think the box would have survived well and I couldn't bear the thought of seeing his little skeleton. Besides which, he couldn't be buried with me as I've told my family I want my ashes scattered off the back of the Isle of Wight ferry! :wah:

Pinky had a comment on FB a while back, it said "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." She commented after it...I keep my enemies close . . . they're all under the patio!

Great minds! hehehehehe :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Rapunzel;1327282 wrote: Sorry hun, I haven't been on in ages! *hides head in shame*

The last few weeks of term were so stressy that I didn't get a chance to go on there and I've been busy with other stuff since we broke up and not had much time. What time I do get I usually spend in here.

Have to say though, I work days and hubby works nights and we tend to be like 2 ships that pass in the night. It's also hard to do things together as either he needs to sleep or I do. So as I'm off for 6 weeks we're spending a lot of time just going out and doing things together, just us and the kids. It's been so lovely, really relaxing. I SO needed time to de-stress. I'm not looking forward to going back this time. I know it's going to be a very stressy year and I'm going to look for something else for next year, but that still leaves a stressy year to get through! So the more chilled I can be before I go back to school, the better!

I will make the effort to get back on FB soon. I've nearly missed a couple of sessions in the pub, meeting up with old mates, by not being on there. Luckily they've texted me so I was able to go and be a 'Lady wot lunches'. :wah:


Oh I know you told me you were busy with terms.

and I do know what its like when your husband and you are on opposite shifts as Mike and I were as well....like you said, I slept nights....he slept days.

You need that time off and of course going back will be stressful......working alway is.



see you soon on facebook!

Rapunzel;1327293 wrote: LMFAO!!! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl



No, I don't think there are snoopers. I just think the councils are being forced to become more environmentally aware.

I have a friend who has always had dogs. When each dog has died she has had him cremated and kept his ashes. She now has several boxes of ashes in her bedside cabinet which she says she wants to be buried with her when she dies.

My family have always buried our pets in the garden. Although I was really sad to leave my beloved bunny behind when we moved. We did vaguely play with the idea of digging up the box we buried him in and putting him in our new garden, but I don't think the box would have survived well and I couldn't bear the thought of seeing his little skeleton. Besides which, he couldn't be buried with me as I've told my family I want my ashes scattered off the back of the Isle of Wight ferry! :wah:

Pinky had a comment on FB a while back, it said "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." She commented after it...I keep my enemies close . . . they're all under the patio!

Great minds! hehehehehe :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I prefer to keep my enemies close as I find a punch In the face speaks far better than words.

That Is the problem with burying a beloved pet In the garden.... Moving house and having to leave them behind. Mind you, years ago I buried a much loved cat called McVitie In my garden and my dog dug him up 6 times. In the end I had to take the rotting corpse to the vet and ask him to send him off for cremation. By the time I got there, a leg had fallen off.

I think the Council are over-re-acting about the water getting contaminated. I can Understand It If you are Big Chief Sitting Duck and you have herds of Wildbeesti to bury or a flock of cows. Burying a Goldfish In your garden is hardly going to kill off the Nation, well, not unless It died of Avian Flu or Swine Fever.

I really must go get some rest now... My epidural from my op has worn off....

Rapunzel;1327285 wrote:



As a btw, did you know it's now illegal apparently to bury your pets in the garden?

I read it on my local council website after we buried our bunny last year. :-1

Apparently it contaminates the groundwater.

I liked having my bun in the garden though. I planted a beautiful blue flowering plant on his grave. Sadly now we've moved and had to leave him behind. :-1 I'm seriously considering sneaking into the garden at midnight and watering his plant so it doesn't die. Mad, I know. :wah:


wow, its 2am here, still up, can't sleep.:-5

folks in the Uk are just waking up!:yh_rotfl

I've often thought of buring my cats in the backyard, but with my luck some animal would dig them up, plus as you said & I agee, when I move.......

your not mad.........your sensitive babe!:-6

Is It just me or Is there an Echo In the room?

I swear I can hear a Parrot also.... Oh well... Must be the drugs.

Odie;1327299 wrote:

I've often thought of buring my cats in the backyard, .

Would It not be kinder to let them die first?