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The trouble with being stuck indoors all the while is I end up looking pale, I need colouring up. Would anyone like to suggest a cheap brand of spray tan I could try?

And how long will it stick?

What's wrong with being naturally pale?

Just pinch your cheeks and smile.

B & Q do a nice range of colours In wood preservative.

You don't seriously buy Into that Image crap do you Spot ?

It's having watched this year's Eurovision, I feel I could do more if I tried a bit.

spot;1401619 wrote: It's having watched this year's Eurovision, I feel I could do more if I tried a bit. When It comes to self tanning the rule of thumb Is 'The lighter your hair, the lighter colour you need'.

Just be yourself... you don't need rubbish like that.

It can't be too selfish to want the Englebert factor for a few days, just to try. I've got the sunglasses.

I recommend sandtex. According to the advert it lasts for decades on lighthouses. Go for burnt ochre.

There's a saloon up Harry Stoke Road I just googled, they're cheap.

"The chemical smell usually associated with self-tan products is replaced by the fragrance of the Juniper bush".

spot;1401623 wrote: It can't be too selfish to want the Englebert factor for a few days, just to try. I've got the sunglasses.


You'll look like this:

David Dickinson Tops Up Tan - YouTube

No, they've got photos. Depending on how you read the leaflet either you get to look like Alesha Dixon or she comes by once a week to touch you up.

Robin Williams did a spray-on tan schtick in a film he did with Travolta not long ago.

Old Dogs

I think that was the name of it.

LarsMac;1401631 wrote: Robin Williams did a spray-on tan schtick in a film he did with Travolta not long ago.

Old Dogs

I think that was the name of it.
That, I suspect, is the exact look I'm hoping to achieve.

Old Dogs - Tan - YouTube

The problems with self tanners:

1. They're orange.

2. They stain the hair at the hairline unless you have dark hair.

3. They're orange.

4. They're hard to apply without looking blotchy.

5. They're orange.

The repeat of the colour factor is that you would look like an oompa loompa with orange hair and vitiligo.

I want to know who kidnapped Spot and replaced him with a whimsical double ?

It's a reaction to Facebook I expect. It might take weeks to get over the shock.

Admitting you have a problem is half the cure.

spot;1401629 wrote: No, they've got photos. Depending on how you read the leaflet either you get to look like Alesha Dixon or she comes by once a week to touch you up.


I want to sign up to having Alesha Dixon popping round once a week. I don't care how orange or blotchy I get. It'll be worth the humiliating remarks from family and friends

Snowfire;1401689 wrote: I want to sign up to having Alesha Dixon popping round once a week. I don't care how orange or blotchy I get. It'll be worth the humiliating remarks from family and friends


I sense a kindred spirit moving here.

Time for a quick photo, I think.

I've come over all unnecessary.

I think she powders her bits, mine don't look like that.

Nothing wrong with a light dusting of Johnsons however, your bits shouldn't look like hers

Snowfire;1401691 wrote: I've come over all unnecessary. Who's unnecessary ?

Dirty boy

Snowfire;1401694 wrote: Nothing wrong with a light dusting of Johnsons however, your bits shouldn't look like hers


There's a passing resemblance if I shave and constrict myself, I'm told. I don't see it myself.

Don't go away - where did I put my camera...

spot;1401696 wrote: There's a passing resemblance if I shave and constrict myself, I'm told. I don't see it myself.


If you constrict yourself in that manner, you wont see it will you

Snowfire;1401697 wrote: If you constrict yourself in that manner, you wont see it will you


I'll be a while, my batteries are flat from last night.

spot;1401610 wrote: The trouble with being stuck indoors all the while is I end up looking pale, I need colouring up. Would anyone like to suggest a cheap brand of spray tan I could try?
Why are you stuck indoors all the while?

AnneBoleyn;1401704 wrote: Why are you stuck indoors all the while?


I have a phobia about bees and especially wasps and quite likely horseflies, if I went out in this weather sufficiently wrapped all over in my hoodie and properly tucked in at the wrists neck and ankles I'd get heatstroke.

spot;1401707 wrote: I have a phobia about bees and especially wasps and quite likely horseflies, if I went out in this weather sufficiently wrapped all over in my hoodie and properly tucked in at the wrists neck and ankles I'd get heatstroke.
I had to read this several times, but yes, I believe you. I remember English summers. You folks sure have a lot of those pests. I visited Tintagel Castle & I got stung by something on my knee. Well, lucky me, there was also a swarm of boy guides, or scouts, whatever, & their scoutmaster thought this was an ideal time for a lesson. So, they all swarmed me squeezing the knee to try to get the stinger out. After my knee swelled up & there was no stinger, the scoutmaster, whatever, declared it a wasp sting, therefore no stinger, & they all suddenly left, leaving me in much worse shape than before they started. Plus, where they had me sit was surrounded by wasp nests.

I sympathize. I'm so very sorry for you.

Snowfire;1401697 wrote: If you constrict yourself in that manner, you wont see it will you


Here we go...

Attached files

Damn. Posted myself upside down, that's what comes of holding the camera without seeing the screen. Try again...

Attached files

AnneBoleyn;1401708 wrote: So, they all swarmed me squeezing the knee to try to get the stinger out. After my knee swelled up & there was no stinger, the scoutmaster, whatever, declared it a wasp sting, therefore no stinger


On the upside, five badges were awarded and the troop still officially celebrates their inaugural Grope A Tourist Day.

I'm terribly confused. Is that your heel?

spot;1401712 wrote: Damn. Posted myself upside down, that's what comes of holding the camera without seeing the screen. Try again...


That's the smoothest testicle I've seen In a long time.

SnoozeAgain;1401728 wrote: I'm terribly confused. Is that your heel?


One's heels are not hairy, Snooze, not even mine. It is exactly what it looks like.

Is this the look your going for?

YZGI;1401751 wrote: Is this the look your going for?I have on occasion gone out after midnight in camouflage based predominantly on that shade but I've always washed it off before breakfast. It's slightly excessive for a long term fashion statement.

He could use this woman....

Absolutely Fabulous - Eddie's fake tanning session - YouTube

spot;1401712 wrote: Damn. Posted myself upside down, that's what comes of holding the camera without seeing the screen. Try again...


The photograph has been tagged wrongly as a thumbnail. I'm positive that's not a thumbnail but the area of the body that required the light dusting of Johnsons baby powder.

I don't ever remember being given the opportunity to attain a tourist rubbing badge, brass rubbing but never American tourists, even during bob-a-job week

Snowfire;1401758 wrote: even during bob-a-job week


I was pushed through a bathroom window by a couple of very disreputable looking chaps with instructions to open the back door for them. Fair do though, they paid the shilling and signed my card for me.

spot;1401760 wrote: I was pushed through a bathroom window by a couple of very disreputable looking chaps with instructions to open the back door for them. Fair do though, they paid the shilling and signed my card for me.
Will one be embarking on any other beauty procedure's.?

Buttock Implants?

The Eyebrow tinting?

Back sack and crack?

Pec Implants?

Nail extensions?

Hair extensions?

Lip Plumping?

etc etc....

Will one be embarking on any other beauty procedure's.?

Buttock Implants?

The Eyebrow tinting?

Back sack and crack?

Pec Implants?

Nail extensions?

Hair extensions?

Lip Plumping?

Pedantry removal ?

etc etc....





With apologies to Oscar

Bruv;1401773 wrote: Will one be embarking on any other beauty procedure's.?

Buttock Implants?

The Eyebrow tinting?

Back sack and crack?

Pec Implants?

Nail extensions?

Hair extensions?

Lip Plumping?

Pedantry removal ?

etc etc....





With apologies to Oscar


I am considering the back, sack and crack.

Lip Plumping. Is that similar procedure to how I prepare my pillows before bed ? Is it as physical an activity ?

Snowfire;1401776 wrote: Lip Plumping. Is that similar procedure to how I prepare my pillows before bed ? Is it as physical an activity ? Think Lesley Ash.

http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/beauty/albu ... 89308.html

Is it an elbow? Why did you post whatever it is? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!

SnoozeAgain;1401791 wrote: Is it an elbow? Why did you post whatever it is? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!


Stretcher and a cylinder to Bay 3 please.

SnoozeAgain;1401791 wrote: Is it an elbow? Why did you post whatever it is? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN!?!


I hope It's not wart.

My last guess: his nose.

SnoozeAgain;1401814 wrote: My last guess: his nose.


It's obviously an elbow Snooze, the alternatives are too gross to contemplate.

Your turn.