ForumGarden

Dick: Did you know Jane, that all of those prisoners in Abu Graib and Guantanamo were captured on the battlefields of Iraq and Afghanistan?

JANE: No I didn’t know that, Dick. I’ve seen several documentary films about how American soldiers take anyone who happens to be walking by or simply break down the door of common people and arrested them at random.

DICK: Aw, that’s just communist propaganda.

JANE: Gee willikers Dick, I didn’t know the BBC were communists! Do you have any proof?

DICK: You don’t need proof when it comes to communists, leftists, and liberals Jane. McCarthy fixed it so all you have to do is hear a rumour ¦.. and that’s good enough.

JANE: I suppose they confess once they get a taste of real American democracy, eh Dick!

DICK: Well, with most of them you have to torture them first, Jane, and then they’ll tell you anything you want to know.

JANE: But I thought it was illegal to torture people by the Geneva Convention rules, Dick.

DICK: Yeah but if you call them terrorists you can do what you want with them and get away with it.

JANE: Is there anything you don't know Dick?

DICK: Stick with me and I'll learn you lots of stuff.

DICK: Tell me Jane, Do you know the difference between freedom fighters (partisan) and “people in civilian clothes who carry assault weapons and belong to small faith-based clubs"?

JANE: No, I don’t think that I know the difference, Dick. Do you?

DICK: Well, it all depends upon who the good guys are, Jane

JANE: How do you mean, Dick?

DICK: A “freedom fighter (partisan) is someone in civilian clothes who is a citizen of a country that has been invaded (and occupied) by a foreign people and there is longer a national military force capable of carrying on the battle to rid the country of the invader.

JANE: You mean like the Iraqis, together with the Mujahedeen who continue to fight against the Americans and the puppet regime that the U.S. has placed there, and to “throw the rascals out?

DICK: Heavens no! Those you speak of are terrorist!

JANE: Now I’m really confused, Dick.

DICK: Look, a good example of a freedom fighter (partisan) is “le maquis who (in civilian clothes) sabotaged the German Army during the occupation of France during the Second World War - and another very good example is “Red Dawn where young American citizens (in civilian clothes) courageously fought the invaders of the United States of America. In any case, the American politicos who sent its troops into Iraq are no longer in power so those Iraqis who fight on are “bad guys no matter how you look at it.



JANE: I see, Dick. But the Americans are still in Iraq so shouldn’t the Iraqis be considered “freedom fighters and partisans from the beginning of the invasion right up to today?

DICK: Jane, I think you should go off to sleep now and leave this subject to older and wiser folk.

JANE: But I’m older than you, Dick.

SPOT: Whoof! Why are humans always so obsessed with their age?

DICK: Jane, I probably didn't make this clear enough before, but "terrorists" are those who murder the innocent in a splashy public way in order to intimidate common people and get media coverage. Terrorists prefer innocent civilian targets over military targets. Real "Freedom Fighters" restrict their sabotage and aggression to actual oppressors and invaders... terrorists try to scare them away by killing the maximum number of innocents they can, with that very purpose in mind.



JANE: You mean the Iraqis could join some Army with nice uniforms instead of using roadside bombs against the American occupation of their country.

DICK: Well ¦.

JANE: You know, all of that lying about WMD’s and how clever they are by putting missiles down chimneys and blasting the hell out of the Iraqi defences sounds pretty “splashy.

DICK: You see that as splashy?

JANE: Well, what do you call it, Dick?

DICK: I call it giving the Iraqis fair warning that bad things will happen to them if they don’t do what America tells them to do.

JANE: What did America tell them to do Dick?

DICK: Not to have any WMD’s of course and to pay for the attack on 7/11!



JANE: But they didn’t have any WMD’s, Dick, and they had nothing to do with the attack on NYC.

DICK: What’s that got to do with anything, Jane?

JANE: So it’s OK for America to murder the innocent in a splashy public way in order to intimidate common people and get media coverage to draw attention away from the lies they tell about other countries?



DICK: It’s not called murder when the U.S. kills people, Jane, it’s called democratic justice.

JANE: What democratic principles have the Americans used in Iraq to set the example, Dick?

DICK: I already told you, Jane. To give up their WMD’s.

SPOT: Whoof! I enjoy watching humans chase their own tails.

~snigger~

fuzzywuzzy;1454821 wrote: ~snigger~


You can laugh........I wouldn't dare.

how come?

fuzzywuzzy;1454826 wrote: how come?


Americans don't do satirical humour.

ahh yeah I forgot

Bruv;1454829 wrote: Americans don't do satirical humour.

that's funny tude

What about Lenny Bruce, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Chris Rock among dozens of others? Not satirical 'cause they don't dress up in Women's clothes? Okay then, Milton Berle.

Russia is cutting off Access to Future Space Flights for the United States because of our unwillingness to tax the rich, both people & corporations, to contend with our future Needs. We'd rather go to hell then tax. We will pay the price. We should be ashamed of our stubborness & stupidity, not proud of it like you seem to be. Oh sorry! That wasn't Nice.

AnneBoleyn;1454902 wrote: What about Lenny Bruce, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Chris Rock among dozens of others? Not satirical 'cause they don't dress up in Women's clothes? Okay then, Milton Berle.


OK I may have over stated it.....a little.

It's criticism from an external source they don't like.

Bruv;1454904 wrote: OK I may have over stated it.....a little.

It's criticism from an external source they don't like.


We deserve a good kick in the pants because we allow the humorless, war-like Rethuglicans too much attention.

AnneBoleyn;1454903 wrote: Russia is cutting off Access to Future Space Flights for the United States because of our unwillingness to tax the rich, both people & corporations, to contend with our future Needs. We'd rather go to hell then tax. We will pay the price. We should be ashamed of our stubborness & stupidity, not proud of it like you seem to be. Oh sorry! That wasn't Nice.


Did that little part of sarcasm hit a nerve?

Sorry for asking the obvious.:-3

You don't want to exchange insults with me, tood. Do yourself a favor & surrender now. I'm the smart Jew, remember? Good night.

Bruv;1454829 wrote: Americans don't do satirical humour.

that's not funny it's sick...........it's like 'hey I can kill people and repeat my speech writers jokes'

You can't take the piss out of an american they think you mean it when you don't.

I thought it was irony that americans had problems with?

posted by anne boelyn

You don't want to exchange insults with me, tood. Do yourself a favor & surrender now. I'm the smart Jew, remember? Good night.




If you were that smart you wouldn't be jewish:yh_rotfl:-3

Sorry couldn't resist the temptation.

A jew and a redneck came to the garden (please finish joke)

I think the tower of babel story is wrong, god didn't make us all different peoples to hold us back it was so we can laugh at the difference.

High Threshold;1454926 wrote:


He did chose the wrong job

gmc;1454943 wrote: A jew and a redneck came to the garden (please finish joke


This isn't what you asked for but it did tickle my fancy.

Jewish Redneck Jokes

You Might be a Jewish Redneck if:

- Your yarmulke says “John Deere or “NASCAR on it, or has fishing lures stuck in it.

- You turn off your bug zapper on Friday night.

- The only area on your lawn that is mowed is where you burned your Chametz

- You think Dolly Parton should have the lead role in Yentl

- Your Seder plate has a picture of Elvis on it.

- You open the door for Elijah at Passover to chase away possums.

- At Passover, a guy named Elijah really does show up.

Just a few from

JewishRedneck.com

fuzzywuzzy;1454942 wrote: that's not funny it's sick.......... '


You're right, of course. I was so intent on him being such an ass that I missed the "sickness" part of it.



gmc;1454943 wrote: ..... If you were that smart you wouldn't be jewish ....




It is said that a Scotsman is thrifty and fearless. I don't know how thrifty you are but ........



Bruv;1454946 wrote: He did chose the wrong job


I must confess, his deliverance and timing are superb!

gmc;1454943 wrote:

If you were that smart you wouldn't be jewish:yh_rotfl:-3




If I'm so smart, how come I'm not rich? There are Hasidic men in my neighborhood, on Fridays they go up to females asking if they are Jewish to hand out Sabbath candles & directions on what to do with them. The last time one asked me "Are you Jewish". I replied "No, I'm too dumb."

AnneBoleyn;1454951 wrote: ...... There are Hasidic men in my neighborhood, on Fridays they go up to females asking if they are Jewish ..... The last time one asked me "Are you Jewish". I replied "No, I'm too dumb."


That's interesting. There is only one Hasidic man here in town. He's the rabbi and he live across the road from me. He asked me the same question once and I replied, "Unfortunately not".

High Threshold;1454953 wrote: That's interesting. There is only one Hasidic man here in town. He's the rabbi and he live across the road from me. He asked me the same question once and I replied, "Unfortunately not".


If there is only One Hasidic man, who is he rabbi to (for?)?

AnneBoleyn;1454967 wrote: If there is only One Hasidic man, who is he rabbi to (for?)?


Well, we only have one synagogue in town, it's orthodox. Most of the Jewish population are WW II Polish immigrants snatched from the death camps on the continent ... and their descendants. You don't need to be Hasidic to attend temple with a Hasidic rabbi and to be perfectly honest there are very few Orthodox Jews in town at all. Nearly all are conservative.

Read this to know more about our efforts.

http://harbourofhope.com/wp-content/upl ... eBuses.pdf

Good Grief that's a tome! I'll have to put that on my Things To Do on a Rainy Day List for now!

HT: "You don't need to be Hasidic to attend temple with a Hasidic rabbi...."

They'll take what they can get.

AnneBoleyn;1454982 wrote: HT: "You don't need to be Hasidic to attend temple with a Hasidic rabbi...."

They'll take what they can get.


You think maybe they should be picky? :wah:

Nothing to be picky about. They need anyone who breathes to survive. In New Hampshire, I was friends with the cantor & the conservative temple made lots of efforts to have my husband join their men's poker games, etc. They went out of their way to say any non-Jewish spouse was equally welcome, at social events as well as worship. I wasn't even a member of their congregation. I've never been a member of a congregation.

PS--your Yiddish accent is adorable!

Now that was an interesting read .

fuzzywuzzy;1454996 wrote: Now that was an interesting read .


What? The tome?

No the swedish thingy about he rescues and the white buses

That's the thingy I meant!

Oh well yeah then that thingy ......was interesting.

posted by anne boleyn

There are Hasidic men in my neighborhood, on Fridays they go up to females asking if they are Jewish to hand out Sabbath candles & directions on what to do with them.


That seems vaguely rude for some reason - Do theythink women can't work out which end to light?

Ummm forgive me if I'm wrong but isn't there a prayer and to put them in the holder in a certain order?

AnneBoleyn;1454995 wrote: PS--your Yiddish accent is adorable!


What's not to like?

fuzzywuzzy;1455030 wrote:


That is funny seeing as it's me who does the coffee at home!

gmc;1455018 wrote: posted by anne boleyn

That seems vaguely rude for some reason - Do theythink women can't work out which end to light?


As fuzzy indicated, there are rituals involved, a particular prayer, hand motions, etc.

AnneBoleyn;1455055 wrote: ... hand motions ......


Catching the warmth and applying it to your face.

Oh, alright ..... I'll do it if no one else wants to ..... "Tell me, Anne, why do we celebrate Pesach?"

Anyone have a dreidel I can borrow for a few hours?

High Threshold;1455071 wrote: Anyone have a dreidel I can borrow for a few hours?


Yes, I'll ship it Air Express. Should be arriving just about.................NOW!

High Threshold;1455070 wrote: Catching the warmth and applying it to your face.

Oh, alright ..... I'll do it if no one else wants to ..... "Tell me, Anne, why do we celebrate Pesach?"


It's a secret. We don't tell the real story to just anyone.

AnneBoleyn;1455074 wrote: Yes, I'll ship it Air Express. Should be arriving just about.................NOW!


Hark! I think that I hear a knock-knock-knocking at the door at this very moment!

AnneBoleyn;1455075 wrote: It's a secret. We don't tell the real story to just anyone.


You must be from a VERY liberal sect.

High Threshold;1455078 wrote: You must be from a VERY liberal sect.


That's right. We don't allow circumcision & we eat bacon.

AnneBoleyn;1455079 wrote: That's right. We don't allow circumcision & we eat bacon.


Oj vey! It was necessary I had to open my mouth?