ForumGarden

Have you ever had neighbours who just borrow, borrow, borrow?

How did you handle It or stop It ?

Mine even actually knocked my door on Christmas Day... Yes Christmas Day !!!

We've reached a point where we're hiding behind the blinds when they call.

Yes Yes Yes, I know... just say No.

We do that and then they try again the next day.

Neither of us want to be nasty and then we feel bad because they have a small child who may be going without.

It's everything from using our landline, to grocerys to cash to Ciggs to everything Including borrowing tools, garden equipment, everything. Every bloody day now.

next time give them the number for social services emergency or something similar. You're still helping them but not handing them stuff

fuzzywuzzy;1455167 wrote: next time give them the number for social services emergency or something similar. You're still helping them but not handing them stuff


It's a good Idea but from what I can make out, they are already taking full advantage of any help they can get ie welfare and Social Services.

Report them to Social Services that they spend cash on cigarettes instead of food for the kid. If that is true, of course.

AnneBoleyn;1455180 wrote: Report them to Social Services that they spend cash on cigarettes instead of food for the kid. If that is true, of course.


That's what an arssehole would do... we're trying to find a compromise,

Then just say no . I have just recently . someone sent their kid over for a ciggy I gave them two ....four times after that I just said this is the last time.....havent seen them since

fuzzywuzzy;1455186 wrote: Then just say no . I have just recently . someone sent their kid over for a ciggy I gave them two ....four times after that I just said this is the last time.....havent seen them since


We have said No... then the next day, It'll be cash, then the next day, It'll be borrow your tools, next day, have you got any potato's?, the next day they want to use the phone and so It goes on.

It's never the one thing all the time so we could even lie and say we've stopped smoking for example.

The, In hindsight after they've gone, I remind myself how lucky I am not to be short, but then I get resentful because I do work hard to pay our bills and pay our way.

Like the other night, she wanted Ciggs and I lied and said the 10 odd I had In my packet was all I had. I had another 40 In my bag that she couldn't see so I gave her about 5.

About half an hour after she went, I then felt so bad about lying that Peter rang her up and offered her the money to buy a packet.

We're struggling with being an arssehole one day and having a conscience also. We just can't seem to find middle ground.

Oscar Sellotape;1455182 wrote: That's what an arssehole would do... we're trying to find a compromise,


I admit I wouldn't do it. Unless I honestly felt the child was in danger. Did you ever sit them down & speak to them frankly? Are the parents young in need of your neighborly guidance? How can you compromise with them without clear discussion?

AnneBoleyn;1455190 wrote: I admit I wouldn't do it. Unless I honestly felt the child was in danger. Did you ever sit them down & speak to them frankly? Are the parents young in need of your neighborly guidance? How can you compromise with them without clear discussion? If we ourselves were on a strict budget, It would be easy to tell them that they are making us go short but they know we are not. That's half the problem... they know we are not short.

Oscar Sellotape;1455194 wrote: If we ourselves were on a strict budget, It would be easy to tell them that they are making us go short but they know we are not. That's half the problem... they know we are not short.


How can you ever compromise with them? All, or nothing, or hiding behind blinds? So, sometimes yes, sometimes no? I just feel sorry for the child who is growing up in that atmosphere as I know you are.

I'm very touched about your reply to Fuzzy. You genuinely want to share, to give, to be generous. However, in their case is it not enabling?

AnneBoleyn;1455195 wrote: How can you ever compromise with them? All, or nothing, or hiding behind blinds? So, sometimes yes, sometimes no? I just feel sorry for the child who is growing up in that atmosphere as I know you are.


Two weeks ago, one of them called wanting money. I was able to say No because It was at night and I wasn't lying when I said there was no cash In the house. They wanted to use our phone because they had ordered groceries on line and their card had failed. So the next day, I called on them and gave them £20 telling them It was a gift not a loan because I'd just had a winning treble on the horses. See, that was me feeling bad or being made to feel bad again. I thought that had worked because we didn't see them for days... but no, back to every day now.

It's our own fault but don't know any other way now other than get nasty.

You were right to call it a gift because...........do they ever actually repay anything?

all I can say is you're going to have to get nasty .

there's a difference between giving charity (everyone doesn't mind handing out a few times) but then there is being the victim of the manipulation of a soft target.

And that's exactly what they are doing............... manipulating.

why not go over and offer to help them with a simple budget plan? You can feed them fish or teach them to fish.

AnneBoleyn;1455203 wrote: You were right to call it a gift because...........do they ever actually repay anything?Rarely... The large amounts of money get repaid but all the little £7's for ciggs etc never gets repaid.

I think I am just going to have to lie and tell them we have had a huge amount of bills come In and we are short of stuff... don't like lying but I can't think of anything else.

Tell them you must pay for the care of your Auntie Anne in America, & the bills from the Lunatic Asylum are staggering!

AnneBoleyn;1455207 wrote: Tell them you must pay for the care of your Auntie Anne in America, & the bills from the Lunatic Asylum are staggering!


:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

ha ha ha a couple of people walking past the house just looked toward the window cause I laughed so loud lol

fuzzywuzzy;1455211 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

ha ha ha a couple of people walking past the house just looked toward the window cause I laughed so loud lol


Always happy to serve!

AnneBoleyn;1455207 wrote: Tell them you must pay for the care of your Auntie Anne in America, & the bills from the Lunatic Asylum are staggering!


At least I wouldn't be lying :wah:;) :p :sneaky:

well well well don't we all have senses of humour today lol And I'm not even going to suggest anyone has had a bit of a tipple

Oscar Sellotape;1455216 wrote: At least I wouldn't be lying :wah:;) :p :sneaky:


Is that an offer to help with my care? I have witnesses!

fuzzywuzzy;1455223 wrote: well well well don't we all have senses of humour today lol And I'm not even going to suggest anyone has had a bit of a tipple


Unfortunately I can't tipple anymore. I sometimes do, but it ends up badly. I have to rely on my own sparkling humor.

Oh and speaking of which just had scott from next door asking for a few ciggys. He originally wanted a ride to the shops but I said I wasn't going out till later. He lost his lisence and I don't think he's the full quid since his accident

fuzzywuzzy;1455226 wrote: Oh and speaking of which just had scott from next door asking for a few ciggys. He originally wanted a ride to the shops but I said I wasn't going out till later. He lost his lisence and I don't think he's the full quid since his accident


That's exactly how my neighbours started...

Anne If you register as a charity, we can help... Peter Is a sucker for Charities. I've even now got a Donkey he's adopted,

"Anne If you register as a charity, we can help... Peter Is a sucker for Charities. I've even now got a Donkey he's adopted"

An idea whose time has come! I must leave this levity & say Good Night All. My son is home grading papers & he's hungry!

Oscar Sellotape;1455227 wrote: That's exactly how my neighbours started...

,


nah he's alright, annoying, but he's moving soon anyway .

Oscar Sellotape;1455206 wrote: Rarely... The large amounts of money get repaid but all the little £7's for ciggs etc never gets repaid.

I think I am just going to have to lie and tell them we have had a huge amount of bills come In and we are short of stuff... don't like lying but I can't think of anything else.


At some point, you will have to draw a line and stick with it.

They have you pegged as a soft touch. If you want to always be a soft touch then just give them whatever they ask for, no hiding, and stop yer whinging. If you want to stop the behavior, you need to just say "NO."

By the way, can I borrow twenty quid until payday?

Do they borrow, cadge from other neighbours ? Just tell them that you've got some big bills to pay and at the rate things are going, you'll maybe have to call round to them and borrow a bit of cash yourself ! You could also put a notice on your door ---- "The person who lends things and donates cash has moved out !"

Seriously, though, Fuzzy is right. You seem to have tried to do the right thing by your neighbour for some time, but they are now taking the 'piss' and taking you and Peter for granted (and to the cleaners !) You are not the local charity association with a bottomless pit for a purse, or a warehouse for a larder, or a 20 ft. by 30 ft. garden shed to store all your garden equipment in ! You will have to tell them not to keep using the emotional blackmail on you because there is a limit to neighbourliness, and your limit was reached weeks ago if truth be told !

I've no doubt they will look surprised and even hurt, but this will be all part of the act. The emotional blackmail. Yes they have a child, but they will have to organise their lives and their spending on non-essential things like alcohol and tobacco. They aren't the only people struggling to make ends meet. Have they no pride ? They cannot live their lives scrounging off neighbours. They must learn to budget and be ruthless about spending money on ludicrously expensive tobacco (I'm so glad I gave up smoking over 3 years ago as I could never afford to smoke these days !).

They must make sure they are claiming all the benefits which they are entitled to, because one thing is certain, the authorities will never volunteer such information off their own bat ! Isn't there an organisation she could go to for advice and guidance with regard to benefits?

It all boils down to the fact that you will have to steel yourself and put your foot down, because it will just go on and on and get worse. Certainly no more cash - you will not be helping them, because they know you will keep giving them money and other things, but they have to learn that it stops right now. You cannot afford to finance two families with money and groceries and equipment - it stops now ! Don't get pangs of guilt, Julie, because while you keep giving them things and cash you will not be helping them. They have to manage themselves otherwise all will be lost and their children will only do like their parents did, when the children become adults. The children will learn to expect hand-outs and neighbours giving them stuff all the time, and it is quite likely that those neighbours may not be as kind as you have been. They will have no self respect and will suffer as people will look upon them as nothing more than scroungers.

As Fuzzy says, and I agree, you will have to be strong-willed and be cruel to be kind. Say no, you cannot manage to keep your household going as well as theirs. You've got to pay some large bills, and you have relatives who need help from time to time. It stops now.

Best of luck Julie.

Thanks for that Gill.

It's been so difficult because Yes, of late, It's been emotional blackmail.

Their 17 year old son was killed In a car crash a year ago and they have been In a bad place.

Yet now, every time they ask, there's a sob story about having to pay out to travel to the grave etc etc etc.

It's trying to define that moment between them being genuinely In a bad way and now manipulating us and I feel like shyte even thinking It's manipulation.

What did It for me was when Peter rang to offer them the money to buy the Ciggs, she was In the Pub !!!!!

No, they don't go to any other neighbour... they tell me they can't ask anyone else because they are all so sniffy In my road... which they're not.

LarsMac;1455245 wrote: At some point, you will have to draw a line and stick with it.

They have you pegged as a soft touch. If you want to always be a soft touch then just give them whatever they ask for, no hiding, and stop yer whinging. If you want to stop the behavior, you need to just say "NO."

By the way, can I borrow twenty quid until payday? Hahaha No, you're right Lars.... I think I'm just going to have to lie and say I've had a stack of bills come In.

Oscar Sellotape;1455271 wrote: Thanks for that Gill.

No, they don't go to any other neighbour... they tell me they can't ask anyone else because they are all so sniffy In my road... which they're not.


Then doesn't this tell you something? They tried and tested others and found the pleb. Don't feel bad you're the ones who are being taken advantage of ......not the other way around.

fuzzywuzzy;1455381 wrote: Then doesn't this tell you something? They tried and tested others and found the pleb. Don't feel bad you're the ones who are being taken advantage of ......not the other way around. You know what? I've given this a lot of thought since writing this thread... They may be taking advantage but they are on Welfare. I may be the pleb but In hindsight, I'd rather be a kind hearted pleb than an arssehole.

Oscar Sellotape;1455401 wrote: You know what? I've given this a lot of thought since writing this thread... They may be taking advantage but they are on Welfare. I may be the pleb but In hindsight, I'd rather be a kind hearted pleb than an arssehole.


Well, there ya go, then.

You do have to tell them 'no', once in a while, though, lest they get to taking you for granted, you know.

LarsMac;1455419 wrote: Well, there ya go, then.

You do have to tell them 'no', once in a while, though, lest they get to taking you for granted, you know. They are still a pain calling every day for something but In hindsight, we've all had hard times and maybe I am being harsh but It's just when It's every damn day, It's annoying... guess I should just be grateful I am not In their shoe's. Having said that, I do Intend on being a little firmer and Insisting the small amounts are repaid also..

But this also means you've accepted the situation, determined your course of action, & should no longer have any complaints about them. Which is a pity as I find your rants of them interesting!

A line comes to mind from "Thelma and Louise"

"We all get what we settle for."

LarsMac;1455484 wrote: A line comes to mind from "Thelma and Louise"

"We all get what we settle for."


Never saw that film but true. I think If we are firmer and Insist the small amounts are repaid as promptly as the large amounts then there's a compromise of some sort. They still get help but hopefully they understand they have a responsibility to repay everything and the taking for granted stops.

LarsMac;1455484 wrote: A line comes to mind from "Thelma and Louise"

"We all get what we settle for."


That's profound.