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What is "Happiness"? Can you really "make" yourself happy? Tell yourself don't spoil Today, worrying about tomorrow!

It has been said: "Being Happy doesn't mean everything's Perfect, It means you've decided/learned to see beyond the Imperfections"!

How does one know when there a point that the Imperfections are just too many to be overlooked, so as to be happy? :-2

Oh Happiness,Happiness The greatest gift that I process, I thank the Lord that I've being blessed, with more than my share of Happiness.by Ken Dodd.

It is commonly believed that the root of unhappiness is need. If you reduce your needs you increase your chances at happiness. Although denying one's needs may lead to insanity. Guess you gotta take your chances.

If you were never unhappy you would not learn to appreciate your happiness when you achieve it.

I read about a study done within the past 2 years and it found people who think themselves unhappy or unlucky can actually make their lives go in that direction. It made sense to me as I have always thought of myself as blessed and no matter what has happened to me - including cancer - I am a positive person. Yes, I have had occaision to cry as all people do but it doesn't dominate my life. I really believe people make their own happiness and thus their attitude of being "lucky" in life.

nvalleyvee wrote: I read about a study done within the past 2 years and it found people who think themselves unhappy or unlucky can actually make their lives go in that direction. It made sense to me as I have always thought of myself as blessed and no matter what has happened to me - including cancer - I am a positive person. Yes, I have had occaision to cry as all people do but it doesn't dominate my life. I really believe people make their own happiness and thus their attitude of being "lucky" in life.


It is wonderful for you that you are a positive person, it certainly will add to making you happy as you say. When the unhappiness is caused by your own "family" members (for "30" years) it is very hard, and even next to impossible to find happiness when "they" won't embrace it for us all! The old saying goes you can pick your friends, but not your family. It really causes more severe unhappiness because of the fact that "they" are family.

But just have to keep remembering; don't spoil today worrying about tomorrow!

happiness is having a wonderful husband! being able to provide him with a clean home, healthy meals, hugs & kisses. my guardian angel, my best friend, the person i rely on. so it is important to me to take care of him, that makes me the happiest. :-6

nvalleyvee wrote: I read about a study done within the past 2 years and it found people who think themselves unhappy or unlucky can actually make their lives go in that direction. It made sense to me as I have always thought of myself as blessed and no matter what has happened to me - including cancer - I am a positive person. Yes, I have had occaision to cry as all people do but it doesn't dominate my life. I really believe people make their own happiness and thus their attitude of being "lucky" in life.I agree with you nvalleyvee

I suppose it is being able to do what you want to do, where you want to do it, with who you want to do it.

john8pies wrote: I suppose it is being able to do what you want to do, where you want to do it, with who you want to do it.Now your're talking mate.

Agnes wrote: happiness is having a wonderful husband! being able to provide him with a clean home, healthy meals, hugs & kisses. my guardian angel, my best friend, the person i rely on. so it is important to me to take care of him, that makes me the happiest. :-6


Good for you Agnes, glad you are happy!!! Stay that way, keep taking good care of your better half, and he'll continue do the same for you!! :-6

cars wrote: It is wonderful for you that you are a positive person, it certainly will add to making you happy as you say. When the unhappiness is caused by your own "family" members (for "30" years) it is very hard, and even next to impossible to find happiness when "they" won't embrace it for us all! The old saying goes you can pick your friends, but not your family. It really causes more severe unhappiness because of the fact that "they" are family.

But just have to keep remembering; don't spoil today worrying about tomorrow!


Geez Cars - I was sexually and physically abused for 9 years by my family - I had a difficult time - I got over it to live my own life. I have to agree with you.

We are responsible for our own happiness. It's our choice if we let others make us happy or sad. While other people can contribute to our happiness or sadness, it's still a choice we make as to how long we let it affect us. Happiness can come in many simple things from being on the receiving end of a warm smile, or a little child holding on to our fingers, a puppy licking our face.

Lon wrote: We are responsible for our own happiness. It's our choice if we let others make us happy or sad. While other people can contribute to our happiness or sadness, it's still a choice we make as to how long we let it affect us. Happiness can come in many simple things from being on the receiving end of a warm smile, or a little child holding on to our fingers, a puppy licking our face.


How long we let other people affect us contributing to our happiness or sadness is not a choice here, when it's been going on for over "30" years! It's "family" members causing the sadness, and they can't be dismissed that easily! At least not in ones thoughts.

nvalleyvee wrote: Geez Cars - I was sexually and physically abused for 9 years by my family - I had a difficult time - I got over it to live my own life. I have to agree with you.


Sorry to hear of your difficult time, it's good that you moved on!!!

I have been "phychologically" abused for well over 30 years by my "family"!

I do have my own life, but they keep interfering/abusing over the years again & again! It's a never ending cycle! It's sad!

cars wrote: Sorry to hear of your difficult time, it's good that you moved on!!!

I have been "phychologically" abused for well over 30 years by my "family"!

I do have my own life, but they keep interfering/abusing over the years again & again! It's a never ending cycle! It's sad!


you are letting them do it !!!!!!

i have no contact with mine, its the only way for me to keep my sanity, or rather what they left of it

buttercup wrote: you are letting them do it !!!!!!

i have no contact with mine, its the only way for me to keep my sanity, or rather what they left of it


You're right "they" can drive you insane! I do have very little contact with them, as they live 1,300 miles away. So only see them at Weddings, & Funerals!

( All just went to a funeral 3 weeks ago)

Then right after that, the unhappiness starts, as they always have something to pick on and start about. :-5

You have great will power not to have no contact with your family, how do you do it, and not ever think about them? And how good it "should" have been between all of you. :guitarist I guess I am letting them do it to me, but sometimes I can't always get them out of my thoughts. Next funeral could be theirs or Mine!

cars wrote: You're right "they" can drive you insane! I do have very little contact with them, as they live 1,300 miles away. So only see them at Weddings, & Funerals!

( All just went to a funeral 3 weeks ago)

Then right after that, the unhappiness starts, as they always have something to pick on and start about. :-5

You have great will power not to have no contact with your family, how do you do it, and not ever think about them? And how good it "should" have been between all of you. :guitarist I guess I am letting them do it to me, but sometimes I can't always get them out of my thoughts. Next funeral could be theirs or Mine!


Wow you guys make me feel truly blessed. I love my family (those I share DNA with not those from the ex's side) I have always been close to my parents and brother and can't imagine it any other way. WOW.

Happiness hmmmm gosh having the ability to look around me and smile and be proud of all my accomplishments.

And Koan, right on about less is better OMG you have no idea how badly I want to go into my basement and take boxes and just throw them out because I have not opened them for a year. But.... I did that once and nearly threw out my childrens baby books so won't be that extreme...yet.

The purpose of life is not happiness but worthiness

**** - i dident really want to open up like this, but

here goes, i want to help

great willpower - no

much pain - yes

think about them - all the f*****g time

funeral - no-one will feel the pain or hurt as i do the day we lay my mother to rest

regrets - many

isent there anything i can do? - nothing, believe me i have tried, i tell everyone im a hairdresser which i am to trade, prior to that i was a social worker/psychologist to some degree, social science - lil bit

never think it is ok or acceptable to me how things are, its not

can i change it - no

do i accept that - yes

**** happens

capt_buzzard wrote: The purpose of life is not happiness but worthiness


good one, if you're not worth anything others are MISERABLE! :yh_glasse

Today, I will seek the goals that make life worthwhile and welcome 'happiness when it comes. Filix Adler

capt. have you had a hug today! :-6

Agnes wrote: capt. have you had a hug today! :-6Thank you Agnes:yh_hugs

Happiness today,

is seeing eveybody in the Garden getting along just peachy.:-4

abbey wrote: Happiness today,

is seeing eveybody in the Garden getting along just peachy.:-4This is a Happy Place 'Forum Garden' best site 2005

Good Lord Buttercup, I wish you could close the book and start a new one, one with a happier plot.

Funny you should ask this question, I was just thinking about it the other day.

My poor girl has had absolutely terrible health all our married lives (12 years) We've gone through unimaginable Hell together, and yet we are two of the happiest people I know.

Every day we tell each other how much we love each other and how wonderful it is to be together.

I guess happiness is a state of mind that is not linked to reality!

minks wrote: Good Lord Buttercup, I wish you could close the book and start a new one, one with a happier plot.


that is what im doing minks

all i really wanted to do was help cars out with the origional post about his family making him feel so bad, let him know there are others & its just one of those things we have to deal with

personally i would rather chat happy thoughts, but we're here for one another as well right? just wanted to let him know he's not alone & does have options even tho they are not particularly nice one's

intention was good, no harm meant

edit - happiness to me is blaring good music & jumping around singing at the top of my voice, thinking im still young

ooo no I didn't mean it in a bad way, I meant it in an I hope you can be strong and put it past you kind of way, bravo to be helping cars, letting him know he is not alone OMG don't think I was being cold there.

PS anyone who can close the bad doors and open up good ones and move forward is a hero in my eyes.

minks wrote: ooo no I didn't mean it in a bad way, I meant it in an I hope you can be strong and put it past you kind of way, bravo to be helping cars, letting him know he is not alone OMG don't think I was being cold there.


ooooooh thats a relief

thats the problem with messages i guess they can be taken two ways

sorted now tho, no worries

happiness is....

Happy Buttercup lyrics!

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again

But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)

I went to the door, I can't take any more

It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find

(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine

(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home

I'll be beside the phone waiting for you

Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore

If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)

Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more

Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find

(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine

(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home

I'll be beside the phone waiting for you

Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

Happiness to me, is when I am not thinking about things (this is rare). I am always thinking about what I should have done...or could be doing. When I can just be...that is happiness!

hotsauce wrote: Happiness to me, is when I am not thinking about things (this is rare). I am always thinking about what I should have done...or could be doing. When I can just be...that is happiness!Good to see you back in the Garden Hotsauce x.

buttercup wrote: ooooooh thats a relief

thats the problem with messages i guess they can be taken two ways

sorted now tho, no worries


Well at least we get the chance to clear ourselves up thank goodness. I really have to practice being clearer or using the faces on the right those may help some too huh.

Small unexpected moments in your life make you count your blessings and realise what you have is magic.

Oh Lexi you spoke volumes there dearheart.

Lexi wrote: Its true though isn't it minks, part of me wanted to ground the kids forever when i saw what they had done but the other part wanted to hug them forever lol

They are bonkers sometimes but i wouldn't be without them, life would be empty if they weren't here.


I hear ya, and you did the right thing to not be angry with them and see the cute side of it. Sometimes they teach us to be a kid every now and then when things get to crazy.

I feel the same about my 2 .

Jives wrote: happiness is....

Happy Buttercup lyrics!

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again

But you're late, I wait around and then (bah-dah-dah)

I went to the door, I can't take any more

It's not you, you let me down again

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find

(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine

(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home

I'll be beside the phone waiting for you

Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore

If you'd just let me know (bah-dah-dah)

Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more

Why do I need you so

(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find

(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine

(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home

I'll be beside the phone waiting for you

Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo

Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby

Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around

And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby

When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still

I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart

I-I-I need you-oo-oo more than anyone, baby

You know that I have from the start

So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart


awww jives thank you, thats so sweet

buttercup wrote: **** - i dident really want to open up like this, but

here goes, i want to help

great willpower - no

much pain - yes

think about them - all the f*****g time

funeral - no-one will feel the pain or hurt as i do the day we lay my mother to rest

regrets - many

isent there anything i can do? - nothing, believe me i have tried, i tell everyone im a hairdresser which i am to trade, prior to that i was a social worker/psychologist to some degree, social science - lil bit

never think it is ok or acceptable to me how things are, its not

can i change it - no

do i accept that - yes

**** happens


Thankyou for sharing. I know your pain, much of it is the same for me!!! I'll open up to.

Both my folks are old, & frail, & sickly. Yet they will never change their ways.

They say "words" of love, but their "actions" speaks otherwise volumns of pain!!

They chose "one" of their children over the other! How can parents do such a thing? They are controlled/ruled by their Daughter, an evil, spiteful, hateful, vengefull, self-serving, selfish, heartless, thoughtless, mean, unconscionable, nasty big bag of sh*t! All my life, I've been treated as the bad apple in the family, thanks to her. She has stolen my parents from my life, and robbed me of my parents all my life. She is their Queen, and she "rules" them, and they follow her wishes as if she was a Queen! And it's all because she is a jealous, envious witch, that can't see myself & my Wife being happy together! You would think she should be happy for us, like a normal person. But because the "witch" is miserable, she is not happy until she has made it miserable for everyone else.

I will try to adopt some of your wisdom, into my thinking. Thankyou again.

Agnes wrote: capt. have you had a hug today! :-6


Hey, where's my hug?

Cars--The way I see it is this. Your sister wants you to feel as miserable as she is. You have now given her her way. My husband's family is much like yours. His half sister can do no wrong, he can do no right. No matter how hard he tries, and how much he does, or how far he makes it in life, it just won't ever be good enough for his mother. We see her about once a year and that is quite enough. She only lives 15 minutes away.

cars wrote: Hey, where's my hug? :)Cars...here's a BIG hug...and after reading your post may i say this...you and your wife are happy together, maybe that is the best you can hope for, but it is the best in life! you are blessed. you have love.

abbey wrote: Good to see you back in the Garden Hotsauce x.
awwww...okay...now that made me happy, too!

lady cop wrote: Cars...here's a BIG hug...and after reading your post may i say this...you and your wife are happy together, maybe that is the best you can hope for, but it is the best in life! you are blessed. you have love.


Thanks LC,

Yes I am blessed and & I am "HAPPY" that I have my wonderful wife, who really, really loves me to no end!!!

It's just hard on her, when I get the downers because of that big bag of Sh*t causing hurtful damage!

cars wrote: Thanks LC,



Yes I am blessed and & I am "HAPPY" that I have my wonderful wife, who really, really loves me to no end!!!

It's just hard on her, when I get the downers because of that big bag of Sh*t causing hurtful damage!we all bring some pain to our relationships. and the thing about love is healing that pain. i know what has caused my man pain, i am the only one who knows. but it helps to heal him. he can tell me. and the converse is true. i can tell him and be healed. it works. that is what love is. to take in each others' pain and help heal it. with love and acceptance.

cars wrote: Thankyou for sharing. I know your pain, much of it is the same for me!!! I'll open up to.

Both my folks are old, & frail, & sickly. Yet they will never change their ways.

They say "words" of love, but their "actions" speaks otherwise volumns of pain!!

They chose "one" of their children over the other! How can parents do such a thing? They are controlled/ruled by their Daughter, an evil, spiteful, hateful, vengefull, self-serving, selfish, heartless, thoughtless, mean, unconscionable, nasty big bag of sh*t! All my life, I've been treated as the bad apple in the family, thanks to her. She has stolen my parents from my life, and robbed me of my parents all my life. She is their Queen, and she "rules" them, and they follow her wishes as if she was a Queen! And it's all because she is a jealous, envious witch, that can't see myself & my Wife being happy together! You would think she should be happy for us, like a normal person. But because the "witch" is miserable, she is not happy until she has made it miserable for everyone else.

I will try to adopt some of your wisdom, into my thinking. Thankyou again.


I speak to two members of my family. My mother I speak to on occasion but have learned to hang up on her (felt great the first time). My family is my daughter. My father and younger brother are my friends. When you realize that you have the power to decide how much they influence your life their ability to hurt you disappears.