ForumGarden

I`ve heard the theory that , if you want something, you should be ruthless and a bit impolite rather than accessible and courteous .

I was told this can be `proved` by, if you say to a complete stranger on a train or bus who is doing a crossword or writing a letter, "GIVE ME YOUR PEN FOR HALF A MINUTE, PLEASE" they are more likely to lend you their pen than if you say, for example, "Sorry to trouble you but please would it be possible to borrow your pen, sir?"

However I am just too reticent to even try out this exercise, let alone try to put it into practice in my daily life! ANy volunteers please?!

posted by john8pies

I was told this can be `proved` by, if you say to a complete stranger on a train or bus who is doing a crossword or writing a letter, "GIVE ME YOUR PEN FOR HALF A MINUTE, PLEASE" they are more likely to lend you their pen than if you say, for example, "Sorry to trouble you but please would it be possible to borrow your pen, sir?"


Depends on the tone used, but with the first one I'd be quite likely to tell them to get stuffed but spoken politely I would tend to assume they were just ignorant of good manners, but I would still probably tell them to get stuffed, the second one I'd probably be polite in return.

I ised to have to deal extensively with the public, both types would be dealt with fairly but the polite one got things sorted more quickly.

in this day and age anything is possible. they just don't feel well? being too nice is no good either. you can learn a lot about a person just be their behavior? give me a hard time and again, i just assume you're ill? :wah: shut up.

john8pies wrote: I`ve heard the theory that , if you want something, you should be ruthless and a bit impolite rather than accessible and courteous .



I was told this can be `proved` by, if you say to a complete stranger on a train or bus who is doing a crossword or writing a letter, "GIVE ME YOUR PEN FOR HALF A MINUTE, PLEASE" they are more likely to lend you their pen than if you say, for example, "Sorry to trouble you but please would it be possible to borrow your pen, sir?"



However I am just too reticent to even try out this exercise, let alone try to put it into practice in my daily life! ANy volunteers please?!




Assertive might be a better choice of words than ruthless. Assertiveness is not really being ruthless and will generally get results more quickly than a namby pamby, wishy washy approach. People that are direct or assertive can still be polite and yet may appear RUTHLESS to the more timid and less assertive soul.

Can I borrow your pen please? Works for me every time! Or: will you tell me the time please?

Not rude, not wishy-washey!

JOHN8PIES,

I agree with flopstock on this. Rude is not acceptable in my world. I have always found to opposite to apply. Kindness, manners go a long way sometimes. Actually this world needs to get back to manners, and kindness we would all be happier for it.

I can't imagine you being rude to anyone..

My former sister in law was not just impolite but ruthless. They went to a campground one summer to find that it was completely booked. They hadn't thought about booking in advance. With three kids in the car she started on a rant. Lying and saying that she had booked a site there and obviously they had lost the booking. She was OUTRAGED that her children had to be subjected to this kind of irresponsibility...blah...blah...blah. They got one of the best sites on the grounds.

My brother was in awe of her. She always got what she wanted. Except happiness.

Anyone that has spent anytime at all in "The Big Apple", (New York City) might find much of the population RUTHLESS, IN YOUR FACE or OVER THE TOP. While I deplore the behavior of those that act that way they tend to view it as survival.

my parents really thought courtesy was important, and instilled it in me. so i am invariably polite...for example...."excuse me sir, would you PLEASE lay down on the ground face-down and present me with your hands for the application of steel bracelets? thankyou"

lady cop wrote: my parents really thought courtesy was important, and instilled it in me. so i am invariably polite...for example...."excuse me sir, would you PLEASE lay down on the ground face-down and present me with your hands for the application of steel bracelets? thankyou"


The question is more about whether you would intimidate some one who is not breaking the law just to get what you want.

I wasn't meant to be so personal. That you bring up my personal information in this thread is quite disturbing to me. Information acquired through PMs and emails.

oh but i am supposed to let you **** on me in public?? i haven't ID-ed you. your threads are still here. you posted them . all about your relationship. i never gave your personal info to anyone, what i write is based on your own posts. why the hell did you have to make that remark? you liked me being a cop when you needed me.

KOAN,

I beg to differ, if you didn't mean it to be personal why the heck did you mention it at all.. :-5 You should start weighing your words, you would enlist a kinder response in doing so.

Always blaming the other person for their response to your posts doesn't work with me, you started it what did you expect. TALK ABOUT RUDE.. :-5

so much for this thread.

i'm in a banning mood, after 40+ hours with only 3 hours sleep.



koan, ladycop, care to both offer your memberships to me? i'm sick of this fighting between the two of you. you're BOTH poisoning the garden with this crap.

now, was that rude enough for y'all?

pm sent. to both offenders.