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Period at the end. I had a student commit suicide on me this week. This one was one of the special and rare ones. He had quite the energy and was a bit of a character. No one, not even me, saw it coming, even though he was well-liked and I saw him every morning first thing. I had taken him under my wing a bit, he was a small boy, but with a big heart and military aspirations. He always tried to put on a brash and tough-guy swagger, but we all knew he was just a sweetheart underneath with too-easily-bruised emotions. Earlier this week, his first girlfriend dumped him for another guy. Then he got beaten up in the cafeteria before school by another kid who is a bit of a bully. I guess the one-two punch did him in. The parents are devastated, as am I. They came to school yesterday to specifically tell me how much their son admired me. Tough meeting.

The kicker? In his notebook for my class, he had drawn a heart with a bullet hole in it, a gun with one casing, and the words "Death to Love." Might as well have been a suicide note in flashing neon.

Yeah, I missed that, it was on the back of a page and I never saw it.

That's twice. The first time I was only in my second week of teaching, and for decades I told myself, "I've learned so much, I'll see it coming next time. So much for that theory.

This isn't a sympathy thread. I just thought I'd do some writing to get these thoughts out of my head so I can go on back to the stage and resume the show.

Condolences, don't blame yourself.

Bruv;1473957 wrote: Condolences, don't blame yourself.


Yeah. I don't. I understand at a rational level that I never had any chance to stop it. I still feel bad, though.

Saint_;1473952 wrote: Period at the end. I had a student commit suicide on me this week. This one was one of the special and rare ones. He had quite the energy and was a bit of a character. No one, not even me, saw it coming, even though he was well-liked and I saw him every morning first thing. I had taken him under my wing a bit, he was a small boy, but with a big heart and military aspirations. He always tried to put on a brash and tough-guy swagger, but we all knew he was just a sweetheart underneath with too-easily-bruised emotions. Earlier this week, his first girlfriend dumped him for another guy. Then he got beaten up in the cafeteria before school by another kid who is a bit of a bully. I guess the one-two punch did him in. The parents are devastated, as am I. They came to school yesterday to specifically tell me how much their son admired me. Tough meeting.

The kicker? In his notebook for my class, he had drawn a heart with a bullet hole in it, a gun with one casing, and the words "Death to Love." Might as well have been a suicide note in flashing neon.

Yeah, I missed that, it was on the back of a page and I never saw it.

That's twice. The first time I was only in my second week of teaching, and for decades I told myself, "I've learned so much, I'll see it coming next time. So much for that theory.

This isn't a sympathy thread. I just thought I'd do some writing to get these thoughts out of my head so I can go on back to the stage and resume the show.


I have no words to say it well enough. :yh_sad

No matter how much you think you know and how prepared you think you are, you almost never "see it coming"

Very sad story.

Growing up, those those are rough years.

There is something going on we will never know.

I sort of see things from the other side of the fence. Because of its very nature, conditions of the mind are extremely difficult to put across, and even the best of professionals can have difficulty in reaching the inner thoughts, even where the patient is wanting to communicate them, so please don't misunderstand me in what I'm saying here.

I am diagnosed as being Dysthymic, part of which is being Bi-Polar & subject to sudden & intense bouts of depression. These can often lead to being suicidal & have frequently led to actual suicide attampts. However, it may sound like a joke, but the reality is not funny at all, inasmuch as in the failure of the suicide attempt makes things seem so much worse, as it makes you feel as if you can't even get that right. The innate instinct for self survival is about the most powerful force to overcome so, because of my own experiences I have a sort of respect for him and, in a way, can be happy for him that he was able to reach what he was aiming for, regardless of what led him to it in the first place.

As I said, it's not an easy thing to explain, nor am I trying to change anyone's minds, one way or the other. Just offering a little possible insight into the mindset of the boy. In a way he is the lucky one. He doesn't have the problems life brings any more.

FourPart;1473981 wrote: However, it may sound like a joke, but the reality is not funny at all, inasmuch as in the failure of the suicide attempt makes things seem so much worse, as it makes you feel as if you can't even get that right.


Dude, that doesn't sound like a joke to me at all. This boy was classically manic depressive as well. He was always either really UP or very DOWN. There was no middle ground.

Saint_;1474006 wrote: Dude, that doesn't sound like a joke to me at all. This boy was classically manic depressive as well. He was always either really UP or very DOWN. There was no middle ground.
I know what it's like - only too well (btw - Manic Depression is just one of the Bi-Polar conditions).

Saint_;1474006 wrote: Dude, that doesn't sound like a joke to me at all. This boy was classically manic depressive as well. He was always either really UP or very DOWN. There was no middle ground.


I really had no intention of making further comment but ¦.. I don't understand. Your reply just now seems to contradict your original intro. I mean, you made it seem as though he was an unlikely candidate for such an extreme course of action. But now ¦.. Your emotion I understand but the other thing, not so much.