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I received a spam call earlier. The guy had a midwestern accent.

Me: Thank you for calling Wood's Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning, this is Bob, how may I help you.

Caller: Hi Bob, this is Tom with blah blah company calling on behalf of Lancaster Golf Course. I'm trying to find out who to speak to regarding advertising for your business.

me: That would be Jesus, have you prayed and asked him what our advertising budget is?

Caller: huh?

Me: Well you have a midwestern accent like a cowboy would, and so I assume you're most likely a Christian. Are you?

Caller: (in a sheepish voice) Yes, sir.

Me: Well then, I'd think your first stop in procuring my business would be to pray to Jesus and ask him if you should take the next step in calling me. Have you done that yet?

Caller: (still sheepish) No, sir!

Me: Then might I suggest that you go back to step one and do the praying to get your answer and then send me an email if Jesus tells you to do so. Okay?

Caller: (very sheepishly) Uh, yes sir.

Me: Okay then I'll await your email. But I'll warn you that I have contracted with Jesus and he's restricted on divulging personal information about me or my business so unless he provides you with a secret question to ask me, he is not allowed to help you out. I'll know if you actually spoke to Jesus by that secret question. Have a great day, Tom!

Caller: (now whispering) Yes, sir!

Well done, Sir!

Thank you!

It just seems absurd to me that anyone living in a blessed Christian nation such as this would not check with Jesus first. I always assume that every Christian customer who makes an appointment with me was instructed to do just that by Him. Sometimes I do wonder why they bother to ask questions, but I guess God tells them to so the process doesn't seem boring.

You're a self-employed American. What's your take?

Everyone actually, you would not be doing whatever it is you do without God making it so. What does everyone think about how God directs America to work?

Wouldn't it be easier to say "No thank you Tom "

Ahso!;1520323 wrote: I received a spam call earlier. The guy had a midwestern accent.

Me: Thank you for calling Wood's Carpet & Upholstery Cleaning, this is Bob, how may I help you.

Caller: Hi Bob, this is Tom with blah blah company calling on behalf of Lancaster Golf Course. I'm trying to find out who to speak to regarding advertising for your business.

me: That would be Jesus, have you prayed and asked him what our advertising budget is?

Caller: huh?

Me: Well you have a midwestern accent like a cowboy would, and so I assume you're most likely a Christian. Are you?

Caller: (in a sheepish voice) Yes, sir.

Me: Well then, I'd think your first stop in procuring my business would be to pray to Jesus and ask him if you should take the next step in calling me. Have you done that yet?

Caller: (still sheepish) No, sir!

Me: Then might I suggest that you go back to step one and do the praying to get your answer and then send me an email if Jesus tells you to do so. Okay?

Caller: (very sheepishly) Uh, yes sir.

Me: Okay then I'll await your email. But I'll warn you that I have contracted with Jesus and he's restricted on divulging personal information about me or my business so unless he provides you with a secret question to ask me, he is not allowed to help you out. I'll know if you actually spoke to Jesus by that secret question. Have a great day, Tom!

Caller: (now whispering) Yes, sir!


I was a big fan of Tom for al long time but seems when anybody called was just too busy for a prank.

With the automated call centres if you where no one is actually there is when you answer I have found if you do not put the phone down, disconnect from your end they cannot disconnect from theirs. I find leaving them connected for a while tends to put them off calling you the number of such calls I get has decreased dramatically since I adopted the tactic. I have just left someone sitting for 2hrs 47minutes - bet you they don;t try again.

I used to like to play with solicitors when I had time, but, We never seem to get actual humans at the other end of the line, any more. They are quite sophisticated auto-response systems. They wait for you to say something before they begin their spiel. If you don't speak for half a minute, they hang up.

Some of them even have a series of questions that they will ask, and wait for response before continuing.

I get a lot of calls for work from various people, so I cannot just ignore unrecognized numbers. I respond rather slowly, and usually mutter my name and then "How can I help you?"

as soon as the spiel starts, I hang up.

I have no time for that stuff these days.

Ah! Clicking on 'new posts' seems to work okay.

Anyway, I only have so many "thank you, Tom[s]" in me before I have to let loose periodically. I receive SPAM calls all day.

Ahso!;1520400 wrote: Ah! Clicking on 'new posts' seems to work okay.

Anyway, I only have so many "thank you, Tom[s]" in me before I have to let loose periodically. I receive SPAM calls all day.


I have to admit I do play along at times, regular calls being along the lines of the caller has been advised about "The accident you had recently"

I have asked astonished "Where ?"

To which they have no answer other than 'so you did have an accident ?'

I can't keep it up though.

Depending on my mood I sometimes like playing with them. Like one I had a little while back with "Stephen", calling from TalkTalk, calling about my Internet Connection. Before he could go on with his spiel I went at him accusing of him of hacking my system, throwing him totally off kilter, desperately trying to get back to his script, going on, "No, I am looking at your connection now, and I see your computer is infected with a virus", so then I go on, "So you admit it. Get out of my f***ing computer", etc, etc. Eventually he catches on that he's being wound up & responds "re you making fun of me Mother ****er"? and hangs up. That call made my day.

FourPart;1520426 wrote: Depending on my mood I sometimes like playing with them. Like one I had a little while back with "Stephen", calling from TalkTalk, calling about my Internet Connection. Before he could go on with his spiel I went at him accusing of him of hacking my system, throwing him totally off kilter, desperately trying to get back to his script, going on, "No, I am looking at your connection now, and I see your computer is infected with a virus", so then I go on, "So you admit it. Get out of my f***ing computer", etc, etc. Eventually he catches on that he's being wound up & responds "re you making fun of me Mother ****er"? and hangs up. That call made my day.


That one is a serious scam they are after your passwords, They go on to ask for access to your computer so they can fix it. my mother in law fell for it and would have given them what they want but being over 80, a bit deaf and not exactly the most computer literate I think they gave up besides since the internet was not on she couldn't understand how they would know it was not working. I persuaded her to phone talk to confirm it was a scam as she wouldn't believe me to begin with. I imagine quite a few fall for it.

Gee ....I just hang up.

I had another one from "Stephen" at TalkTalk (Strange, I always seem to get Stephen. I'm sure it has to be the same one - after all, they can't have many Indians called "Stephen" working at TalkTalk). Once he went on to tell me that I was having "Problems with my Internet Connection" I kept going on at him, whenever he tried to say anything, excitedly repeating, "Oh, please, tell me about the problems. I want to know about the problems. Please tel me about the problems". When I first let them go all the way through with the scam, it wasn't a thing to gain access to passwords, but to try to sell me some fake Anti Virus software - although I imagine the real intent was to get the card number I was expected to use to purchase said software.