The New Priest
Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 10:39 pm
A new Priest at his first mass being attended by his Monsignor was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, you were too nervous. “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip of the vodka.â€
So next Sunday, the new Priest took the Monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous, so he took a drink of vodka.
His nervousness went away, & he proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door from his Monsignor:
1) I said "Sip" the vodka, not to gulp it!
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the phantom.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, you don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.â€
11) The recommended grace saying before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
12) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s, "not" a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
:D
After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, you were too nervous. “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip of the vodka.â€
So next Sunday, the new Priest took the Monsignor’s advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous, so he took a drink of vodka.
His nervousness went away, & he proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door from his Monsignor:
1) I said "Sip" the vodka, not to gulp it!
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the phantom.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, you don’t say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.â€
11) The recommended grace saying before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
12) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter’s, "not" a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
:D