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I drown but there is no one to lift me. I cry a million tear but no one cares. My little brother just asked me the reason for these tears, and I replied my eyes are just sensitive. This child just by laying next to me feels my misery, but those to whom I suffered, and stood by, turned their backs when I fell down. Don’t they know that I fell down, because of them? But to me, it was Ok. Everything was Ok. I didn’t take it as walking backwards but victory as though I was climbing a mountain or walking upstairs. I watch the TV, of those who suffer a lot, these children in Mali and Palestine… I see the blood that shed and those tears in their eyes… so pure and innocent and tragic… how I yearn to caress those children, and mingle with their parents, at least they are going to Heaven. I love them yet envy them. How I wish I was with them. At least these wounds locked within me will escape for the sake of good, for the sake of a loving country, God… for the sake of people who deserve my tears, my suffering. One voice speaks aloud, but not enough. I scream, but even those echoes resist to follow me…as though they feel embarrassed… I yearn to run, but there is no where to go… I love to stand on the roof, and get lost in the middle of the view, the cars, the homes, the police from afar, but I am scared I will fall down… I ponder and ponder, what is the point of living? And all what I am left with is blankness. I have no outstanding mission, nothing. I have failed every one, and better yet, myself. I talk, but no one understands. I fight, but they are stronger. How come they cannot comprehend the fact, that I, like them, is Eve’s daughter, I have the sensitivity of a woman’s heart and the earnest of a man. How come they misunderstand my love and take it for granted. If I hate someone so badly, I would not be able to stab them at the back? How could they? If they could just confront me directly face to face, even with a sword in the palm of their hands, I would respect them, but no they are cowards living lame lives. Guys you are so pathetic, live your own lives, leave me at peace. When you are stranded in the epitome of despair, and strive to breathe, to gasp for a pinch of air, you will know how I feel, that is when you drown. But if you took this emotion in the opposite way, if you fought to block the air to pass through your nose, mouth, and esophagus, so that you will breathe your last breath, you would understand. If suicide was not the key to hell, it would be my only option. But I will live, not love for life, but for love of a better life, Heaven.

ive read a few of your posts hun, much as i am touched by them, im wondering if a forum for mental health issues would not be a better place to express yourself, i dont mean to be offensive, i myself contribute to a forum such as i have mentioned, i say this purely as from what you write your issue is quite specific & could i believe be supported better in that catagory

just my 2 cents worth

if you care to p.m me i can direct you to a great place designed for what you are experiencing, alternativley you can just ignore me

regards buttercup

Buttercup thankyou...i didn't want to say anything , but i was thinking the same.

lc its well seen bothwell is heading over, you've gone all mushy :-4

buttercup wrote: lc its well seen bothwell is heading over, you've gone all mushy :-4HEY!!! i am NOT mushy! xoooxox

nothing is wrong with my health, but when i feel sad i just write and feel better and thx for replying

like i said hun it was not meant to offend, i just thought you would find more support for how you feel at a forum i know of

was just trying to help

lc - oh yeah forgot your a bitch, yeah right :rolleyes: i luv ya :-4

lol ok thx anywayz :-3 lool looks like u need therapy jk honey

im in therapy, thats why i know you need it lol

That was deep.......Sometimes- I feel like I have read your stuff before....in my own family..

:-2 thx honey. i have posted some of my writings in other forums perhaps u heard it from there.