How to get banned from Wal-Mart (long)
Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:12 pm
I have done a few of these. It's fun!! You should try some out at your Wal-Mart!!!
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray airfresheners.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
Play with the automatic doors.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upsidedown.
Put M&M's on layaway.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
TP as much of the store as possible.
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOWLY, especially in narrow aisles.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,yelling, "Red Rover!"
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray airfresheners.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
Play with the automatic doors.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upsidedown.
Put M&M's on layaway.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
TP as much of the store as possible.
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOWLY, especially in narrow aisles.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,yelling, "Red Rover!"
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
...i shall have more "adventures of Bothwell in the states" stories soon Abbey! :wah: