Old-Fashioned, Midwest!

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:38 am

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, North Dakota and South Dakota, those states' Tourist Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin, yeah, he did more work

before breakfast than you do all week in the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive,

you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because

I need it...not just to keep up with the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women

will get your butt whipped ... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us

if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for.

It's called bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making

their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up

to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth

for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.

Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two

pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and

served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.

We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we

use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We

stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors

because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too-and turtle. You really want

sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it.

Don't like it? Interstate 70, 80, & 90 go East & West;

Interstate 29, 35 & 55 go north & south. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a

religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.

Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard.

It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ...

his name is "Sir" ... no matter how old he is.

Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't over do your stay.......

We have corn to plant.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:39 am

i like number 11

pina · Post by **pina** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:17 pm

No. 9

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:28 pm

My favorite number AND my favorite comment: #13.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 1:39 pm

As for number 12-------our little town in southeast Georgia doesn't even have one stoplight.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 2:30 pm

don't feel bad. Neither does Panora. just a four-way stop sign.

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 7:52 pm

Wolverine wrote: i like number 11
I've always loved 1,2, and 4....Hehe...Hi Wolverine...How be ya?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 9:05 pm

"19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ...

his name is "Sir" ... no matter how old he is."...or possibly 'mam'

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:18 pm

Number 2!

Bridget · Post by **Bridget** » Wed Sep 28, 2005 7:54 am

You gotta love it, and it's all so true. I live on a farm 5 miles from a town of 1000 people that are home in the early morning and evening. My fave was # 16. They actually shut down the school on the first day of deer season as no one attends even the girls. The girls climb those deer stands right behind the guys. Their goal is to get their deer before their boyfriend or brother. An a lot of times it happens.

Several years ago a hunter had to haul his deer into the county court house and have the tags checked. So there were several and I mean several pick-ups with dead deers in the back waiting for the official checker to come by and check in their deers. It so happened it also was the day Santa Claus made his appearance in his really cute Santa house in the courthouse yard. There were several hundred children and their parents standing waiting for Santa. They suddenly realized all those trucks were full of Bambies. I understand there was screaming and crying like you have never heard. Also a lot of irate mothers.

frugalgrannie · Post by **frugalgrannie** » Sun May 17, 2009 7:17 am

Good Morning, Bridget

You could be describing where we live!

[except for the crying part]

:) :yh_coffee

tracy829 · Post by **tracy829** » Sun May 17, 2009 7:25 am

Well i think im from the Midwest at least thats what everyone tells me...MN here. Although im a city girl seeing as how the Twin Cities has over 600,000 people, your stories cracked me up,,,btw Frugalgrannie isnt Paul Bunyun territory northern MN?? :-3

hoppy · Post by **hoppy** » Tue May 19, 2009 3:55 pm

frugalgrannie;1190163 wrote:

Good Morning, Bridget

You could be describing where we live!

[except for the crying part]

:) :yh_coffee

Yeah, me too. I can't hunt anymore but one of my sons is taking up the slack. He's the family turkey killer. When he's turkey hunting he often gets withing near touching distance of deer, but when he has a deer tag, nary a one in sight.

frugalgrannie · Post by **frugalgrannie** » Wed May 20, 2009 9:39 am

Isn't that the way it goes!