The Light at the end of the Tunnel
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2005 1:52 pm
Okay...this is gonna be a long one I'm afraid!
This last year has been a pretty crap year for me.
My mum and I don't get along too well so we communicate through my younger sister. My sister says 'oh, mum said this about you' and whatever it is its always negative or critical or derogatory. Then I found out by accident that my sister has been telling my mum huge lies about me. It would take a loooonnnng time to go into all the detail but basically she told mum I had said mean things about her and she told me mum had said mean things about me and so we dont get along too well. But we both like my sister so she gets love and affection from both of us. When she was a small child she was very jealous of me because I was ten years older than her and working, earning good money, going out and partying.
Even though I gave her money and lots of presents. My aunt, to whom I am very close, has said that she was actually very jealous of me and my lifestyle. However, she has grown up now and has no need to be jealous!
Anyway, to cut a verrry long story a little shorter, I found out about these lies because she did something very spiteful to me. I suddenly realised how manipulative she had been and I was completely shocked! I told my mum of my sister's deviousness but she called me a liar and didnt speak to me for 6 months!
(Just to add, my sister has always been able to tell the most amazing lies with the straightest of faces whereas I can't lie for toffee!)
Then two months ago, my aunt died. I have always been closer to her than my own mum and her death was a shock to us all. At the funeral my sister completely ignored me and my mum told me I and my children, her grandchildren,were basically not worth bothering about! She hasnt spoken to me since.
Also in the last year I have had two sets of laser treatment for cancer, been diagnosed with diabetes and my daughter has suffered such dreadful bullying at school that I have had to take her out of school. I tried to transfer her to another school where her best friend goes because I was told they had places. Now they say they have no places and my daughter may be home for months. I'm trying to home-school her but she's resisting as much as she can.
And now today I have found out I am pregnant. BUT this is not a bad thing - it's a wonderful thing! When my son was born he had to have an operation when only 3 days old and then had kidney problems for a year, then when my daughter was a baby she had severe asthma attacks and ended up on a life-support machine. The doctors told us she would die! Thank God she pulled through but the stress was so great that I miscarried the twins I was carrying. That was ten years ago. I have brought up my children and been to college and university to get my degree. But always I missed those twins and desperately wanted another baby. Now I am 42, may still have cancerous cells, may have to have a hysterectomy, have diabetes, and have a mother who will tell me I am crazy to have another baby at my age.
Today my best friend phoned me and I told her I was pregnnant...she thought I was mad! I found myself apologising and saying it was an accident! Which is also what I said to my mum when she told me off for getting pregnant with the twins. I don't want to apologise for my baby and call him/her an accident! I want people to be pleased for me! So many people (when I was expecting the twins) said 'Oh God you DONT want to have a third baby! But THEY ALL had 3 children! So why can't I have three?
I am SO pleased to find I am having another little one after all this time!
Am I mad? Is this a really stupid thing to do at my age and with my health problems? I just really want someone to be happy for me and the one person who I thought would be pleased for me...isn't!
I just feel really upset when I want to feel really happy. Any thoughts or advice would be great at this stage as I dont know what to think anymore.
This last year has been a pretty crap year for me.
My mum and I don't get along too well so we communicate through my younger sister. My sister says 'oh, mum said this about you' and whatever it is its always negative or critical or derogatory. Then I found out by accident that my sister has been telling my mum huge lies about me. It would take a loooonnnng time to go into all the detail but basically she told mum I had said mean things about her and she told me mum had said mean things about me and so we dont get along too well. But we both like my sister so she gets love and affection from both of us. When she was a small child she was very jealous of me because I was ten years older than her and working, earning good money, going out and partying.
Even though I gave her money and lots of presents. My aunt, to whom I am very close, has said that she was actually very jealous of me and my lifestyle. However, she has grown up now and has no need to be jealous!
Anyway, to cut a verrry long story a little shorter, I found out about these lies because she did something very spiteful to me. I suddenly realised how manipulative she had been and I was completely shocked! I told my mum of my sister's deviousness but she called me a liar and didnt speak to me for 6 months!
(Just to add, my sister has always been able to tell the most amazing lies with the straightest of faces whereas I can't lie for toffee!)
Then two months ago, my aunt died. I have always been closer to her than my own mum and her death was a shock to us all. At the funeral my sister completely ignored me and my mum told me I and my children, her grandchildren,were basically not worth bothering about! She hasnt spoken to me since.
Also in the last year I have had two sets of laser treatment for cancer, been diagnosed with diabetes and my daughter has suffered such dreadful bullying at school that I have had to take her out of school. I tried to transfer her to another school where her best friend goes because I was told they had places. Now they say they have no places and my daughter may be home for months. I'm trying to home-school her but she's resisting as much as she can.
And now today I have found out I am pregnant. BUT this is not a bad thing - it's a wonderful thing! When my son was born he had to have an operation when only 3 days old and then had kidney problems for a year, then when my daughter was a baby she had severe asthma attacks and ended up on a life-support machine. The doctors told us she would die! Thank God she pulled through but the stress was so great that I miscarried the twins I was carrying. That was ten years ago. I have brought up my children and been to college and university to get my degree. But always I missed those twins and desperately wanted another baby. Now I am 42, may still have cancerous cells, may have to have a hysterectomy, have diabetes, and have a mother who will tell me I am crazy to have another baby at my age.
Today my best friend phoned me and I told her I was pregnnant...she thought I was mad! I found myself apologising and saying it was an accident! Which is also what I said to my mum when she told me off for getting pregnant with the twins. I don't want to apologise for my baby and call him/her an accident! I want people to be pleased for me! So many people (when I was expecting the twins) said 'Oh God you DONT want to have a third baby! But THEY ALL had 3 children! So why can't I have three?
I am SO pleased to find I am having another little one after all this time!
Am I mad? Is this a really stupid thing to do at my age and with my health problems? I just really want someone to be happy for me and the one person who I thought would be pleased for me...isn't!
I just feel really upset when I want to feel really happy. Any thoughts or advice would be great at this stage as I dont know what to think anymore.
