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GENDERS OF NON-LIVING THINGS

>>

>> Some non-living things have a gender; for example...

>> 1. Ziploc Bags -- are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can

>> see right through them.

>>

>> 2. Copiers -- are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to

>> warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right

>> buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

>>

>> 3. Tires -- are Male, because they go bald and are often

>> over-inflated.

>>

>> 4. Hot Air Balloons -- are Male, because, to get them to go anywhere, you

>> have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

>>

>> 5. Sponges -- are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain

>> water.

>>

>> 6. Web Pages -- are Female, because they're always getting hit on.

>>

>> 7. Subways - - are Male, because they use the same old lines to pick up

>> people.

>>

>> 8. Hourglasses -- are Female, because over the course of time their

>> weight shifts to the bottom.

>>

>> 9. Hammers -- are Male, because they haven't changed much in the last

>> 5,000 years, but are handy to have around.

>>

>> 10. Remote Controls -- are Female. Ha! You thought they'd be male.

>> However, consider this -- it gives a man great pleasure, he'd be lost

>> without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push,

>> he keeps trying.

>>

>>

>>

Hahaha very good Minks. How do you guys come up with some of this material!!

chrisb84uk wrote: Hahaha very good Minks. How do you guys come up with some of this material!!














secret time, I get em in email, I have a couple others for today too good day for email laughs. Stay tuned

PMS

1.Pass My Shotgun

2.Psychotic Mood Shift

3.Perpetual Munching Spree

4.Puffy Mid-Section

5.People Make me Sick

6.ProvideMe withSweets

7.Pardon My Sobbing

8Pimples May Surface

9.Pass My Sweatpants

10.Pissy Mood Syndrome

11.Plainly; Men Suck

12.Pack My Stuff

.......and my favorite one..

13.Potential Murder Suspect

30 Years Difference:

1974: Long hair

2004: Longing for hair



1974: KEG

2004: EKG



1974: Acid rock

2004: Acid reflux



1974: Moving to California because it's cool

2004: Moving to California because it's warm



1974: Trying to look like Liz Taylor

2004: Trying NOT to look like Liz Taylor



1974: Seeds and stems

2004: Roughage



1974: Hoping for a BMW

2004: Hoping for a BM



1974: The Grateful Dead

2004: Dr. Kevorkian



1974: Going to a new, hip joint

2004: Receiving a new hip joint



1974: Rolling Stones

2004: Kidney Stones



1974: Passing the drivers' test

2004: Passing the vision test



Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.



The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1985. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.



Their lifetime has always included AIDS.



Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.



The CD was introduced the year they were born.



They have always had an answering machine.



They have always had cable TV.



They cannot fathom not having a remote control.



Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.



Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.



They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.



They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.



They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.



They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".



They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.



McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.



They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.





Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

:wah: Hahaha another good one Minks. You know you're on fire at the moment, someone should put u out before u get hurt!!

hehehehe well ya know... when your hot your hot

Love those, Minks!



Toilets are neither masculine or feminine, they're canine. Like man's best friend, they take all your crap and never complain.



Computers are feminine. They remember everything ... everything. You just have to know the right code to access it.



Bottle rockets are definitely male. They go off pretty easily, but are harmless if handled properly. Of course, if they go off in a crowd of other bottle rockets, watch out!

i guess i would be the quintessential hammer



or brick

HA!

Things to do in an Elevator!

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them

on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,

and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the

wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they

know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After

a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day

been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then

scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,

ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to

play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask

them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency

procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,

don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and

muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering

inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the

wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in

horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other

passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then

announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to

the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

Some strange observations:

1. Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

3. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

4. Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your back side?

5. Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is

stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

7. Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for

centuries' have a 'use by' date?

8. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a

horrible crisp no one would eat?

9. Is French kissing in France just called kissing?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll

squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but

don't point to their crotch when they ask where's the bathroom?

13. Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

14. If quizzes are quizzical, are tests testicals?

15. Why is it that when someone tells you that there is wet paint

somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure it is?

16. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad

at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of

the window?

Where do I begin to abscond with the funny stuff. You all have to realize it is going across to many many cousins.........how much FUN!!!!!!!!!!

#17. Why do we push past the people waiting on the elevator and push the up button ourselves? Do you really think they all forgot?

Great Sig Lines

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bureaucracy. Love it or fill out an extraction form in triplicate and submit through proper channels for permission to leave it!

found on

http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9448

and also in the above post

"If we all fought fire with fire, the world would go up in flames.

Splash water instead "

"The difference between an amateur and a professional: the amateur practises until it's right; the professional practises until it never goes wrong."

found on

http://com5.runboard.com/bmusicandnerdi ... uctions.t7

We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do

Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"...Dr. Seuss

found on http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/showt ... #post81986

Almost started a thread here on great sig lines but figured it fits in with the funny stuff posted in this thread.

Lotto

http://com4.runboard.com/blifetheuniver ... inchat.t42

MagicZ4941A

Thanks, Lotto! :yh_blush