I have recently realized that I have no real friends anymore, and I do not know why. My 2 closest friends had moved away for different reasons, and I am still in touch with them. I miss them terribly. I miss calling them up and asking if they would like to go shopping or for a coffee of something.
When I call my other friends, all I get is excuses, even frim my sister, even if I see if they would like to do so a week in advance.
Am I that gruesome of a person? Am I that horrible to be around? Have I hurt people so much over the years that this is my payback? Does everyone I know think I am made of stone? Is this karma?
If this is karma, I would like to say I get it

I'm lonely. My family loves me and we spend time together. I'm grateful. I need other people too. I need a best friend.
I have been making friends but I also do not want to poach other friends. I am jealous of those who have group of friends and watch them and wonder why no one invited me?? I am supposed to be friends with them. I want to be included, to be part of a circle.
I would like to know what lesson I am supposed to be learning from all of this, or am I possibly over analysing things?
I can understand why some women have affairs as I have entertained it. I would never have one, or even flirt with the opportunity, but I understand why some people do it.
I'm just very sad right now. I am also not allowing myself to fully feel it and work thru it. I'm getting stuck and hung up on this because I feel I am not allowed to wallow, that I should 'suck it up, princess'.
:yh_sad
well, I have vented, maybe that will take the edge off. Thank you for your ear.