Spell Check. The worst misprint howlers

[Oscar Namechange]

Ironically, with increased use of computer "Spell checkers", unintentionally funny misprints on restaurant menu's, in books, newspapers and adverts are actually becoming more common.

Martin Toseland has collected some of the most amusing for a new book.

(Stolen from The Daily Mail)

Here are my favourites FG members. Do you have any to add?

NEWS IN BRIEF

"The Irish Stammerers Association will hold a seminar will hold a seminar entitled "Aids for Stammerers tonight." (The Irish Press)

People in Preston ward are invited to a meeting at 7.15pm tonight in St Mary's Church Hall, Brighton, to meet councillors and beat police officers. (Brighton Evening Argus)

The skeleton was believed to be that of a saxon worrier. (Daily Express and Echo)

The strike leaders had called a meeting that was to have been held in a bra near the factory, but it was too small to hold them all. (South London Press)

A new public house at Martlesham, near Ipswich, has been named after Sir Douglas Bader, the RAF's legless wartime hero. (The Daily Telegraph)

One man was admitted to hospital sufferings from buns. (Bristol Gazette)

Police in Harwick yesterday called off a search for a 20 yr old man who is believed to have frowned after falling into the swollen River Teviot. (The Scotsman)

Arthur Kitcener was seriously burned saturday afternoon when he came into contact with a high-voltage wife. (Surrey Advertiser)

Winners in the home made claret section were Mrs Davis (fruity, well rounded), Mrs Rayner (fine colour and full-bodied), and Mrs Ogle-Smith (slightly acid, but should improve if laid down). (Leicestershire Parish magazine)

Mr S. Butters for reasons of ill-health, is permanently discontinuing widow-cleaning. (Cambridgeshire Times)

CORRECTIONS

Due to an error in transmission we stated in an inquest on saturday that Mrs Sussannah Vincent of Porth was found dead with a bottle in her left hand and a plastic bag over her head. This should have read "A bible in her left hand". We apologise for any distress caused to the family. (Swindon Evening Advertiser)

Due to a printing error, a story in last weeks Gazette refered to Athletics coach Billy Hodgins as an "Old Waster". This should have course, have read "Old Master". We apologise to Mr Hodgins for any embarressment caused. (The Gazette)

In a recent report of a competition held at one of Pontin's holiday camps it was inadvertently stated that it was for "elephant grandmothers". We apologise to Mrs Helen P--, who gained third place, for any embarressment this may have caused. (Stockport Advertiser)

SPORT

The mystery fan behind the takeover bid for Port Vale Football Club today said he would pull out of the deal if his identity is revealed. It is understood Stone-based businessman Peter Jackson wants to remain anonymous until the contract is signed and sealed. (Staffordshire Sentinel)

HEADLINES

CHIP SHOP OWNER BATTERED MAN (Gateshead Post)

SCHIZOPHRENIC KILLED HERSELF WITH TWO PLASTIC BAGS (Milton Keynes Gazette)

NAMES

With the Chief Constable will be Chief Superintendent Peter Skinner, and Chief Inspector G. Bollard of the traffic division. (Buckinghamshire Advertiser)

ADVERTS

Children shot for Christmas in the home - Regent Photographic Studios (Morecambe Visitor)

Lesbian, 35, non smoker, loves horses seeks same for friendship (Spare Rib)

Dog Kennel, suit medium sized dog. Good condition. Very turdy. Buyer collects. £9.99 (Wisbech Standard)

For Sale: 83 Ford Grandad. (Express and Star Wolverhampton)

Lady, 65, reasonable looks, medium build, 65, likes short walks, outings, the occassional drunk. (Westmorland Gazette)

Airedales - house-trained, safe with children, best protection against burglers, or ladies living alone. (Dog World)

Male (24) seeks doom in central flat. please phone 0141 ****** (Edinburgh Evening News)

Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council: Crematorium assistant required. the council operates a no-smoking policy. (Sheffield Star)

For more, buy "The catastrophic World of Misprints" by Martin Toseland, Portico Books.