i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:13 am

A cowboy rides his horse up to a saloon.

All the patrons gawked as the cowboy kissed his horse on the butt before coming in and asking for a drink.

The bartender serves him and asks, "Mind if I ask why'd ya kiss your horse on the butt?"

The cowboy says, "It's 'cause I got chapped lips."

The bartender asks, "Does manure help them heal?"

Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:22 am

Ok mods... this one is a little rude I will try to be polite.

A women finds after having 10 children that she is a little 'loose' down below.

She goes to a plastic surgeon and he agrees she needs a 'labiaplasti' or a 'fanny tuck'.

After her op she comes round to find 3 bouquets of flowers by her bed.

The first one is from her husband and the card says 'Well done darling, I love you'.

The 2nd bouquet is from her surgeon and the card says 'Here's to a speedy recovery'.

The 3rd bouquet is from a bloke in the Burns ward and the card says 'HEY, THANKS FOR ME NEW EARS!!!.

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:22 am

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress jokes, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:24 am

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".

"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen.":yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:26 am

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom : "Now what do I do?"

Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some damn ice cream."

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:27 am

A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets

up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight

attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that

she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies, 'I'm

blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and

co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that

belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because

she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and

she will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne

and I'm staying right here!' Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that

it was no use. And that he probably should have the police waiting when

they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?' 'I'll handle this, I'm married

to a blonde, and I speak blonde!' He goes back to the blonde, whispers

in her ear, and she says, 'Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea,' gets up and

moves back to her seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said

to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replied, 'I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne .'

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:27 am

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.

The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."

She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!":yh_rotfl

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:31 am

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend

of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital

and went home, I went to visit.

'May I see the new baby?' I asked

'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.'

Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'

'No, not yet,' She said.

After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'

'No, not yet,' replied my friend.

Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:37 am

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, agreed to have some naughty fun and took the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:38 am

This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver. The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a "Road Hazard, for other drivers!" What hazard? Asked the man. "A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it." Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir. Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch! Sir, I was referring to the dog! Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer? Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!:yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:40 am

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!":yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:40 am

oscar;1060952 wrote: Ok mods... this one is a little rude I will try to be polite.

A women finds after having 10 children that she is a little 'loose' down below.

She goes to a plastic surgeon and he agrees she needs a 'labiaplasti' or a 'fanny tuck'.

After her op she comes round to find 3 bouquets of flowers by her bed.

The first one is from her husband and the card says 'Well done darling, I love you'.

The 2nd bouquet is from her surgeon and the card says 'Here's to a speedy recovery'.

The 3rd bouquet is from a bloke in the Burns ward and the card says 'HEY, THANKS FOR ME NEW EARS!!!.

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl crack me up!!!!

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:41 am

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ****?"

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:47 am

Shelbel is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" Shelbel replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog. "Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

Shelbel is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. Her husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night.

Shelbel goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night. She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks." What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:49 am

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. She turns to him¦they kiss¦then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do? The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.:yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:50 am

Immy's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. I think you're bad luck.":yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:53 am

Barman;1061002 wrote: A wee boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?"

"Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're lucky you don't bark!"

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:58 am

Barman;1061002 wrote: A wee boy asks his mum "why am I black and you are white?"

"Don't even ask" she replies, "When i think back to that party, you're lucky you don't bark!"

Brilliant - my fave! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:03 pm

Jimbo the sperm was one of those yuppie type sperm

every morning Jimbo would get up and do his exercises

He would jog, do sit ups, pushups lift weights the whole nine yards.

All the other sperm were just like me, sit around all day smoking cigs, drinking and just plain being lazy.

One day all the other sperm asked Jimbo why he did all that exercising?

Jimbo says "Well one day we all are going to have the chance to be the one and only sperm to fertilize the egg and I figured if I did all these exercising that I would have the best chance"

The other sperm just laughed, they told Jimbo that it didn't matter if you exercised, it's all pure luck which sperm get to fertilize the egg.

Then one day Jimbo was exercising and all the other sperm were sitting around smoking and drinking, when suddenly things started heating up around the joint, there was a bunch of moaning and groaning and bam out of nowhere the sperm are all shooting foreword.

Sure enough there was Jimbo way out in front of the rest of the sperm. One sperm says wow look at Jimbo go. We should have done our exercising like Jimbo, he is going to get to the egg before we have a chance. Jimbo got so far out front the rest couldn't even see Jimbo.

All of the sudden here comes Jimbo running back at the pack of sperm he had left behind yelling GO BACK! GO BACK!

The rest of the sperm said whats wrong Jimbo?

IT A BLOW JOB! ITS A BLOW JOB!!!

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:40 pm

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:41 pm

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard.":yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:43 pm

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!":yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:44 pm

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:45 pm

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!":-3

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 12:58 pm

Chezzie;1060980 wrote: This man, his wife and their Border Collie, Maisy were out for a drive in the country one afternoon in their new convertible, with the top down. The husband and wife were enjoying the scenery as they drove along. While unbeknownst to them, Maisy gave birth to seven puppies while laying on the back seat of the automobile. The couple continued to drive along, unaware of the new arrivals. Soon the road began to deteriorate and was beginning to become quite rough. Suddenly, the car ran over a deep pothole in the road, and one of Maisy's puppies bounced up and out of the car, landing on the roadway just in front of a police car that had been following the man and his wife.

The police officer switched on his lights and siren, and soon had the couple pulled over to the side of the road. What are you pulling me over for? Queried the startled driver. The officer responded, "I pulled you over for creating a "Road Hazard, for other drivers!" What hazard? Asked the man. "A puppy bounced out of your car and put myself, and several other drivers at risk, trying to avoid hitting it." Now your Drivers License and Proof of Insurance please. Thank you Sir... And the 'Bitches' name, Sir. Hey! How dare you call my wife a bitch! Sir, I was referring to the dog! Oh... Her name is Maisy. What do you want her name for, officer? Well Sir, after I write your ticket for "Endangering Vehicular Traffic", I am going to cite your dog, Maisy, for Littering!:yh_rotfl

OMG! That's terrible! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:00 pm

Chezzie;1060995 wrote: Shelbel is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" Shelbel replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog.” "Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

Shelbel is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. Her husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night.

Shelbel goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night. She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks." What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"

Poor Shellbell but LOVED the joke! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:03 pm

Chezzie;1060998 wrote: Immy's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck.":yh_rotfl

This is my and the other half's favourite joke. Whenever things go wrong we always say to each other "Whenever things go wrong - you're always there! ..... You're a f.**ing jinx!" Sounds lame but it cracks us up every time! Maybe you gotta be there! :yh_rotfl

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:06 pm

Barman;1061005 wrote: A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Sod off, you won't bring it back."

:yh_rotfl My fave :yh_rotfl

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:09 pm

Barman;1061006 wrote: A bloke is in court accused of having sex with dogs ,

The judge says "This is disgusting, how low can you go?

"How about a chihuahua?"

:yh_rotfl My second fave! :yh_rotfl

This reminds me of when Mickey and Minnie were in the divorce courts and the judge said to Mickey "You can't divorce Minnie just because she has buck teeth"

And Mickey replied "I didn't say she had buck teeth, I said she was f.**ing goofy!"

:wah:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:12 pm

Barman;1061128 wrote: How does a mathematician cure his constipation

He works it out with a pencil

heh heh I heard he worked it out on paper!

Did you hear the one about the wall?

I couldn't get over it!

Next we'll be doing all those old:

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?

Russell

kind of jokes! :wah:

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

Doug.

Daft. Lol. :wah:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:45 pm

Barman;1061144 wrote: Two homosexual Muslims have exploded whilst having sex, police think they were suicide bummers.

Fking hilarious! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 1:46 pm

Barman;1061145 wrote: Man teases ex-wife's new husband: "How's the 2nd hand *****?"

New husband "Great, after the first 3 inches, it's brand new!"

OMG! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

(I had to think about that one for a minute then slapped my hand across my mouth and burst into fits of laughter!) :wah:

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 2:44 pm

jimbo;1060912 wrote: $600 first prize

$400 second prize

and $100 for the best anti immy/shellbell joke :sneaky::sneaky::sneaky::yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

:wah: I think the joke's on us................Jimbo is flat broke.

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Mon Nov 17, 2008 3:12 pm

Imladris;1060964 wrote: A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets

up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight

attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that

she will have to go and sit in the back. The blonde replies, 'I'm

blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and

co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class that

belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because

she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an Economy place and

she will have to leave and return to her original seat.

The blonde replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Melbourne

and I'm staying right here!' Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that

it was no use. And that he probably should have the police waiting when

they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?' 'I'll handle this, I'm married

to a blonde, and I speak blonde!' He goes back to the blonde, whispers

in her ear, and she says, 'Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea,' gets up and

moves back to her seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said

to make her move without any fuss.

The pilot replied, 'I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne .'

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Good one Immy