A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
Click here to read FOC thread part 1
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
Milly;1061251 wrote: A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
brilliant:yh_rotfl
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
brilliant:yh_rotfl
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
Milly;1061251 wrote: A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
:yh_rotfl :wah:
Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'
Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'
She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee
:yh_rotfl :wah:
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
Barman;1061018 wrote: A friend of mine tried to talk to me into going to a party tonight. "Come on," he said, "you might meet the woman of your dreams."
I said no. I'm not sure I want to be seen in public with that filthy slut.
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061133 wrote: German Jokes.........................
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in the hospital.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose problem is destroying his family.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, my wife has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
So the Germans have no sense of humour hu.:rolleyes:
:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061138 wrote: A four seat Cessna aircraft crashed into an Irish cemetery today. Police have so far recovered 186 bodies: a figure that is expected to rise as digging continues into the night.
:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061144 wrote: Two homosexual Muslims have exploded whilst having sex, police think they were suicide bummers.
So funny I'm texting it to everyone I know!!!!
Barman should win, I'm crying with laughter.
I said no. I'm not sure I want to be seen in public with that filthy slut.
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061133 wrote: German Jokes.........................
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in the hospital.
A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose problem is destroying his family.
Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, my wife has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
So the Germans have no sense of humour hu.:rolleyes:
:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061138 wrote: A four seat Cessna aircraft crashed into an Irish cemetery today. Police have so far recovered 186 bodies: a figure that is expected to rise as digging continues into the night.
:yh_rotfl
Barman;1061144 wrote: Two homosexual Muslims have exploded whilst having sex, police think they were suicide bummers.
So funny I'm texting it to everyone I know!!!!
Barman should win, I'm crying with laughter.
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. .Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen , the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
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The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open!"
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. .Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen , the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
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The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open!"
"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.1
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
Kindle;1062421 wrote: An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. .Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen , the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
bravo!
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. .Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen , the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open!"
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
bravo!
Life is just to short for drama.
i'm going to donate $1000 for the best joke
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection:
a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
With a corner of the washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said,
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'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon.''
a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, Gourmet Mustard.
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
'Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich,' she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster.
It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding out.
With a corner of the washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said,
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*
*
*
*
*
*
*
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'Now you know why they call that fancy mustard 'Poupon.''
"Out, damned spot! out, I say!"
- William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 5.1