Why I Hate Shopping With A Woman.

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:18 am

Even when I was still married I hated going shopping with my wife. When I wanna buy something I drive to the store; go directly to the right department, make my purchase and leave. But with my wife the scenario would go like this:

I am seated in my favourite armchair in front of the TV set waiting for the game to start.

Enter Donna from right. “Ryan honey please won’t you drive me down to the store?

Me: “Baby the game is about to start. You have a perfectly good automobile and you can drive. Why do you want me to drive you?

Donna: “Sweetie I like it when you come with me. Please! It won’t take long because I only have to buy that yellow top I told you about last week.

Me: You only gonna buy the top Donna ¦ NOTHING else?

Donna: “Just the yellow top honey.

Me: “You sure baby?

Donna: “Of course baby.

Why are married men so gullible? So I drive Donna to the store, park and turn off the ignition.

Me: “So go already honey. I’ll wait here in the car.

Donna: “No Baby I want you to come in with me. You know I hate shopping alone. I don't want people to think I’m a loose woman or a hooker. Come on

Yeah right. With her drop dead looks and ramp model figure exactly nobody is gonna think she’s a hooker. A high-class call girl maybe but never a hooker!

Donna: “Come on. I swear I’ll be quick as a flash.

We get out the auto and she hangs onto my arm as we walk into the store just in case she’s mistaken for a loose woman.

Now the distance between the entrance and the clothing department is about maybe forty yards so I figure we’ll be in and out quickly. But hold on! There’s body scrub and moisturiser to be bought first and lipstick and nail varnish. Forty five minutes have passed since we entered the store.

Me: “Donna baby ¦ you said ¦

Donna: “Oh don’t be such a grouch Ryan. The time has flown. I told you I wouldn't be long.

And so the forty-yard walk to the yellow top takes the best part of an hour and when we get there they all sold out. I in the meantime am pushing a trolley so full of Donna's purchases that the store detective is following me to make sure I pay!

Donna: “Damn! I really wanted the yellow one. I look so sexy in yellow. Now I'm going to have to find something else. Come on baby.

And that is why I hate shopping with a woman.

Ryan.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:20 am

why I hate shopping with mine:

It's fine, take it.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:55 am

I hate shopping so I'm thinking I wouldn't want to go with Donna either. :yh_rotfl

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:32 am

Here in britain, it is against the law for men not to accompany their wive's and girlfriends when shopping. It is law that men have to spend hours gazing moronically while their woman trie's on at least 25 outfits and matching shoe's and handbags. Men also by law have to accompany women on grocery shopping. This is so they can push the Cart with the wonkey wheel, bump into small children and do the queuing at the check-out while Mrs browses in the cd department. He must then load all the shopping intp bags and carry them to the car and un-load and put the grocerie's away when home.

Whilst out shopping, the man must always say 'Yes Hun, your bum will look great in those denims' or he will be arrested under British law.

Women upon reaching the check-out must also state they have left their purse at home so Mr has to pay the bill.

It works very well here in britain, so Touchstone, get off your butt and go and help your loved one with the shopping,

:)

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:45 am

oscar;1079569 wrote: Here in britain, it is against the law for men not to accompany their wive's and girlfriends when shopping. It is law that men have to spend hours gazing moronically while their woman trie's on at least 25 outfits and matching shoe's and handbags. Men also by law have to accompany women on grocery shopping. This is so they can push the Cart with the wonkey wheel, bump into small children and do the queuing at the check-out while Mrs browses in the cd department. He must then load all the shopping intp bags and carry them to the car and un-load and put the grocerie's away when home.

Whilst out shopping, the man must always say 'Yes Hun, your bum will look great in those denims' or he will be arrested under British law.

Women upon reaching the check-out must also state they have left their purse at home so Mr has to pay the bill.

It works very well here in britain, so Touchstone, get off your butt and go and help your loved one with the shopping,

:)

Or as you say in England:

"Fat chance!"

Ryan.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:47 am

Touchstone;1079574 wrote: Or as you say in England:

"Fat chance!"

Ryan.

We have a new generation in England now... It's more like F**k OFF!! :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:08 am

Oh Touchstone...You'd love shopping with me:-6

I'm in and out in no time...no muckin about:D

The worse person I went shopping with was my niece....We went into a local store....I wizzed through the place and bought tons of stuff. Later, I looked all over for my niece and found her STILL at the 1st counter:wah:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:12 am

Kathy Ellen;1079595 wrote: Oh Touchstone...You'd love shopping with me:-6

I'm in and out in no time...no muckin about:D

The worse person I went shopping with was my niece....We went into a local store....I wizzed through the place and bought tons of stuff. Later, I looked all over for my niece and found her STILL at the 1st counter:wah:

I went shopping once with a friend and i must admit, she drove me mad and i said 'never again. She was a health freak so she was reading every label on every food item for content, weight, carbo's etc etc. :-5:-5:-5

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:15 am

oscar;1079597 wrote: I went shopping once with a friend and i must admit, she drove me mad and i said 'never again. She was a health freak so she was reading every label on every food item for content, weight, carbo's etc etc. :-5:-5:-5

Oh, I do hate shopping except for furniture and food:-6

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:19 am

I don't linger when i shop, i don't like shopping all that well and i'm usually much to busy to take the time.

but my mother-in-law is a different story!

i go shopping with her and she goes up and down every aisle in the store and it seems like she looks at every item on every shelf!

i lost her in a store once, looked the whole store over and found her still in the first aisle!

then she can't make up her mind if she wants something so she has to keep going back and looking at it again!

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:15 am

I shop on my own, no friends, no hubby, in and out like lightning!

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:36 am

Kathy Ellen;1079595 wrote: Oh Touchstone...You'd love shopping with me:-6

I'm in and out in no time...no muckin about:D

The worse person I went shopping with was my niece....We went into a local store....I wizzed through the place and bought tons of stuff. Later, I looked all over for my niece and found her STILL at the 1st counter:wah:

Well Kathy Ellen you would be a perfect shopping companion for me!

Ryan.

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:41 am

Hope6;1079602 wrote: I don't linger when i shop, i don't like shopping all that well and i'm usually much to busy to take the time.

but my mother-in-law is a different story!

i go shopping with her and she goes up and down every aisle in the store and it seems like she looks at every item on every shelf!

i lost her in a store once, looked the whole store over and found her still in the first aisle!

then she can't make up her mind if she wants something so she has to keep going back and looking at it again!

Wow Hope ... Will you and Kathy Ellen please go shopping with me?

Ryan.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 9:44 am

Touchstone;1079664 wrote: Wow Hope ... Will you and Kathy Ellen please go shopping with me?

Ryan.

i'd be glad to go shopping with you honey!

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:08 am

Hope6;1079669 wrote: i'd be glad to go shopping with you honey!

Cool Hope ... should i come to Virginia or will you travel to Gotham City?

Ryan.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:25 am

Ok let's put the shoe on the other foot! Just how long can a guy stand and browse motor oil and spark plugs. It's not like there's a huge variety and don't they all do the same thing. Or how bout browsing car dealerships huh??

I think the worse was when we went with my inlaws to OKC. We stopped at all the freaking John Deere dealerships coming and going. :-5

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:32 am

Hope6;1079708 wrote: well i've always wanted to see New York at Christmas time!

Okay honey ... let me have your address and I'll come fetch you and show you around the finest city on this planet!!

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:36 am

Sheryl;1079710 wrote: Ok let's put the shoe on the other foot! Just how long can a guy stand and browse motor oil and spark plugs. It's not like there's a huge variety and don't they all do the same thing. Or how bout browsing car dealerships huh??

I think the worse was when we went with my inlaws to OKC. We stopped at all the freaking John Deere dealerships coming and going. :-5

Nooooooooooooo Sheryl ... us guys don't do that kinda stuff! We already know spark plugs and motor oil ... where to get them etc.

Auto browsing on the other hand is the woman's fault! We know exactly which one we would like ... but you know any woman with a couple of kids who is gonna ride around in a sports car! So we gotta shop around looking for a family car you see!

Ryan.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:41 am

Touchstone;1079719 wrote: Nooooooooooooo Sheryl ... us guys don't do that kinda stuff! We already know spark plugs and motor oil ... where to get them etc.

Auto browsing on the other hand is the woman's fault! We know exactly which one we would like ... but you know any woman with a couple of kids who is gonna ride around in a sports car! So we gotta shop around looking for a family car you see!

Ryan.

No, I've never suggested car shopping. In fact I was the always the one would get their pants in a bunch everytime we pulled up into a new lot. It's all on you men in that area.

QUINNSCOMMENTARY · Post by **QUINNSCOMMENTARY** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:54 am

Here's the deal, you go with your wife and bring along your Blackberry or iPhone, find a nice chair and keep yourself busy. When its time to move to the next store, find a new chair and continue. There are several stores who have put my name on the back of a chair.

Occasionally you may be asked to comment on pending purchase, do so with positive enthusiasm.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 11:59 am

Touchstone;1079703 wrote: Cool Hope ... should i come to Virginia or will you travel to Gotham City?

Ryan.

Stop flirting with Hope

You have a girlfriend Ryan... Now stop it :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:04 pm

You know you can watch the NFL on your Cell Phone get with the program TS. :yh_rotfl I myself SPEED shop so I can be home in time for the games.

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:18 pm

QUINNSCOMMENTARY;1079742 wrote: Here's the deal, you go with your wife and bring along your Blackberry or iPhone, find a nice chair and keep yourself busy. When its time to move to the next store, find a new chair and continue. There are several stores who have put my name on the back of a chair.

Occasionally you may be asked to comment on pending purchase, do so with positive enthusiasm.

You don't know my ex-wife Quinn! If I had ever had the audacity to sit in a chair expecting HER to push a cart around the store, I shuddder to think what might have happened to me!

As for "occasionally being asked to comment on pending purchases" ... wow!

Donna used to sit me down in a chair in the ladies clothing department and for the next hour and a half she would model all "pending purchases".

These are questions she used to ask me:

"This looks great on me doesn't it baby?"

"You will be so proud of me when I wear this won't you honey?"

"This top brings out the violet in my eyes ... don't you agree sweetie?"

Ryan.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:24 pm

my dad was the shopper of the family. my mother didn't do it only Christmas time(BLACK FRIDAY). My dad did ALL the grocery shopping. Would show the family all the Bargins. he would find. I find myself doing the same thing:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl. Mom would go get she wanted that was it. I loved going with DAD when i was a kid:)

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:47 pm

oscar;1079833 wrote: Stop flirting with Hope

You have a girlfriend Ryan... Now stop it :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Oh ... is flirting not allowed here?

Hey ... how do you know I have a girlfriend?

Ryan.

Touchstone · Post by **Touchstone** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:49 pm

CARLA;1079841 wrote: You know you can watch the NFL on your Cell Phone get with the program TS. :yh_rotfl I myself SPEED shop so I can be home in time for the games.

Now sure I can Carla. But with Donna ... (shiver!!!)

Ryan.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:50 pm

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl You poor man good thing she is your X-Wife.

[QUOTE]Now sure I can Carla. But with Donna ... (shiver!!!)

Ryan.[/QUOTE]

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 12:53 pm

Touchstone;1079887 wrote: Oh ... is flirting not allowed here?

Hey ... how do you know I have a girlfriend?

Ryan. some more of that kissing STUFF:yh_hugs:yh_love:yh_love:yh_kiss:yh_kiss:yh_kiss:yh_rotfl

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:27 pm

Jester;1080096 wrote: My wife wont take me shopping anymore... everythign she holds up I say is too expensive and can be bought at walmart for less.

Or I just ask, is that made in America?

Wal-Mart is American owned.

Shop at Rona......it's Canadian owned!;)

wildhorses · Post by **wildhorses** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 6:37 pm

Touchstone;1079530 wrote: Even when I was still married I hated going shopping with my wife. When I wanna buy something I drive to the store; go directly to the right department, make my purchase and leave. But with my wife the scenario would go like this:

I am seated in my favourite armchair in front of the TV set waiting for the game to start.

Enter Donna from right. “Ryan honey please won’t you drive me down to the store?

Me: “Baby the game is about to start. You have a perfectly good automobile and you can drive. Why do you want me to drive you?

Donna: “Sweetie I like it when you come with me. Please! It won’t take long because I only have to buy that yellow top I told you about last week.

Me: You only gonna buy the top Donna ¦ NOTHING else?

Donna: “Just the yellow top honey.

Me: “You sure baby?

Donna: “Of course baby.

Why are married men so gullible? So I drive Donna to the store, park and turn off the ignition.

Me: “So go already honey. I’ll wait here in the car.

Donna: “No Baby I want you to come in with me. You know I hate shopping alone. I don't want people to think I’m a loose woman or a hooker. Come on

Yeah right. With her drop dead looks and ramp model figure exactly nobody is gonna think she’s a hooker. A high-class call girl maybe but never a hooker!

Donna: “Come on. I swear I’ll be quick as a flash.

We get out the auto and she hangs onto my arm as we walk into the store just in case she’s mistaken for a loose woman.

Now the distance between the entrance and the clothing department is about maybe forty yards so I figure we’ll be in and out quickly. But hold on! There’s body scrub and moisturiser to be bought first and lipstick and nail varnish. Forty five minutes have passed since we entered the store.

Me: “Donna baby ¦ you said ¦

Donna: “Oh don’t be such a grouch Ryan. The time has flown. I told you I wouldn't be long.

And so the forty-yard walk to the yellow top takes the best part of an hour and when we get there they all sold out. I in the meantime am pushing a trolley so full of Donna's purchases that the store detective is following me to make sure I pay!

Donna: “Damn! I really wanted the yellow one. I look so sexy in yellow. Now I'm going to have to find something else. Come on baby.

And that is why I hate shopping with a woman.

Ryan.

45 minutes in one store? She must be a novice. I can comb a four block area in that much time and get all the best deals.

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sun Dec 07, 2008 7:08 pm

You have to SEARCH a store. you never know what you may find:D;)

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 1:51 pm

All women are NOT the same. I HATE shopping. I know what I want, go in and get it, and leave. If I'm buying someone a gift, I scan around, see something they would like, grab it and be done with it. My hubby on the other hand is the total opposite. He LOVES shopping and will search everything, even if it's not something we went in for. Our daughters will take him shopping instead of me cuz they know he'll give them all the time they want, look for stuff for them, and spend more than I will. I'm a pro at saying no. :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:06 pm

You loved it and you know it!

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:09 pm

I hate shopping! :-5

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:53 pm

Touchstone;1079887 wrote: Oh ... is flirting not allowed here?

Hey ... how do you know I have a girlfriend?

Ryan.

yeah, Oscar, please tell us, how do you know?:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:11 pm

Who in their right mind would go shopping with a woman?...