Friends and Relationships

Shadow8472 · Post by **Shadow8472** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:17 am

How do you start a relationship when everyone you've ever considered dating isn't interested? I'm a male and most of my friends are female. I've found that I'm not one for blind dates or just randomly picking someone up at a bar, club, or other similiar venue. Nothing personal to those who do, but it's just not my style. In fact I feel quite out of place at both those places.

But I digress. Still, Im not one for random dating. I'm 22, just out of my undergraduate, working and starting my MBA and I'm looking for something serious and potentially long term. But everyone I ever become interested in simply doesn't return my feelings. I tend to want to get to know people I'm interested in before I start dating them and inevitably we develop friendships wich ultimatley stunt the potential for anything on the romantic side, either that or the friendships were based on something mutual (IE a fellow violist in the orchestra) and beyond that there's very little between us and she's too 'remote' from me and I can't even get her to sit down with me long enough to ask her.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I have a lot in life I am greatful for. I'm in good health, I'm living well on my own, I'm financially secure, I have a job with major growth potential, and i couldn't ask for more in these aspects of my life. But the one thing that matters most to me, a strong serious relationship with a smart, intelligent, secure, attractive lady, continues to allude me.

I'm worried that once I get out of school my chances of finding someone are going to dry up extraordiarily fast. I do what I can to put on a smile and keep my head held high, but I fall asleep every night feeling lonley and I wake up every morning feeling the same. I've tried to find consolation in statements such as "If it's meant to be, it'll happen", and "You'll find someone", and the like, but honestly...I've found no consolation there whatsoever. Call me impatient if you will, but if you do, please add some helpful advice. I'd appreciate anything constructive.

Thanks

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:28 am

Take an hour and read your post again. Try to imagine it's someone else talking to you. What would you advise?

Hunting for a relationship is like catching a hummingbird, it just doesn't work that way. Don't look for a relationship. Look for friendship. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your friends. Don't push it. If you do it right, you may suddenly discover a hummingbird sitting in the palm of your hand. Trust.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:00 am

flopstock wrote: Tell your girl friends you need a girlfriend. Maybe ask them to help give you tips. how to dress, how to walk ....how to dance(hold a couple of them) practice the kissing technique(just to help you out of course..heheheh). I'll bet she's been sitting under your nose this whole time playing 'friends' because you haven't shown any interest!

MEN!:p
I like her suggestion better. Go with that! :yh_wink

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:37 am

And keep trying, gosh you are way to young to think your chances decrease with age.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 9:29 am

Let your girlfriends hook you up!

The best relationships I've had have been set ups...often people on the outside who love us can see more details about us and who we would be compatible with than we might care to admit.

I let my little brother hook me up and it's working out wonderfully.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 9:46 am

I got a couple things from your post. First off, 22 is VERY young to be concerned about a serious relationship. Enjoy your life, work, your friends. Settling down too early is a sure-fire recipe for BOREDOM. IMO.

But. If you're serious about finding someone, here's what I think: You sound like an educated, successful, ambitious man. You sound like you have pretty high standards, (always a good thing). The woman eludes you because she is extraordinary. You're young to be so "together", as together as you sound from your post. Other women your age have not necessarily reached the mental level you have attained. Your girl is out there, trust me. It's just going to take some effort, and time to find her. The old cliche, "Nothing worth having is easy" applies to you and what you seek. You don't sound like the kind of man to "settle" so don't. You expect a lot from your partner, as you have a lot to offer. It will take time to wade through the shallow, the high population of bimbos, the gold-diggers, the needy, the weak and the twits. But when you take the time, and don't settle you'll be pleasantly surprised. I always say that things happen for a reason, and in the way they are meant to. Don't rush. She's out there, and you will find her, when you're supposed to.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:17 am

If you can make the time, try volunteering in some field you're interested

in. Get out there, you'll be doing good for someone else and you might

find someone who shares your interests.

Or, don't laugh... try the grocery store!

Go to museums. Join a hiking group. A photography club. Anything you like

to do.

You have so much to offer. You really do. Be proud of yourself, and that

will show through.

RELAX.

:-6

Hang Man · Post by **Hang Man** » Thu Aug 25, 2005 10:36 pm

I have the same problem dude. I'm twenty one and I have a great life, I'm not one for casual relationships.

To me a casual relationship is a waste of time when there is a more important goal to acheive. I'm not saying its right, just saying thats how it is in my mind.

I've been friends with this one girl for 6 years. We haven't been the best of friends. We have always traveled in different circles, but whenever we crossed paths we always had good fun. Well a while back we were having one of our great times and things suddenly changed. Next thing I know we are gettin it on...

Now I dunno what to think about it. I called her out of courtesy two days later and it was just kinda odd. I'm not sure how things will be next time our paths cross. More trouble than it was worth I'd say.

I suppose its just a cautionary tale for you. Meaningless sex does not fill the void of a loving relationship. An amusing distraction at best.

Anyways back to you, not that I have had much sucess to work from, but what has worked to some degree is managing your female aquaintences. Treat your friends one distinct way and let it be known and treat the people you have a romantic interest in another distinct way. so that anyone paying attention will notice the difference.

The second biggest thing is Be yourself. Its cliche but it works. If your cool with yourself, other people will be cool with you.

The last thing I can say is be cheesey. Girls say this and that about cheesey guys but they like it anywayz. They really arent much difference from guys, they just emphasize on different things.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Fri Aug 26, 2005 9:15 am

Hang Man wrote:

The last thing I can say is be cheesey. Girls say this and that about cheesey guys but they like it anywayz. They really arent much difference from guys, they just emphasize on different things.

Ha ha ha! Yes! We do love a bit of the cornball in our men.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 2:18 am

Accountable wrote: Take an hour and read your post again. Try to imagine it's someone else talking to you. What would you advise?

Hunting for a relationship is like catching a hummingbird, it just doesn't work that way. Don't look for a relationship. Look for friendship. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your friends. Don't push it. If you do it right, you may suddenly discover a hummingbird sitting in the palm of your hand. Trust.

I was going to add my 2 cents but our friend here has summed it up well enough I think.

Relax, breathe, enjoy your days, learn to be confident and happy with yourself.

Many women will find these things desirable character traits.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 2:22 am

valerie wrote: If you can make the time, try volunteering in some field you're interested

in. Get out there, you'll be doing good for someone else and you might

find someone who shares your interests.

Or, don't laugh... try the grocery store!

Go to museums. Join a hiking group. A photography club. Anything you like

to do.

You have so much to offer. You really do. Be proud of yourself, and that

will show through.

RELAX.

:-6

Lets talk about the grocery stores Val

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Thu Sep 01, 2005 1:32 pm

If you dead end with gals you know try a dating site. Greatly improved my romantic life.

I met my wife online. However it is easier for some people to lie by computer then in real life.

My name on one dating site was nonsmoker919 and one gal even lied about her smoking status. Like a smoker was going to fly with me.

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/?sponsor=Z4941

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PS Thought of the day if God wanted us to ues the metric system Jesus would have had 10 deciplies:)