War imminent

Post by **spot** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 3:49 am

it would appear, reading between the lines, that HMS Vanguard fought the French nuclear submarine Le Triomphant to a bitter standstill near the old naval battlegrounds of the Azores. Neither succeeded in sinking the other, both limped into their respective ports. The Entente Cordiale is obviously dead, we can expect Super Ã‰tendards dogfighting over Kent by the weekend. The balloon's gone up chaps, head for the recruiting stations immediately.

BBC NEWS | UK | Nuclear subs 'collide in ocean'

el guapo · Post by **el guapo** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 3:53 am

it was the frenches fault they were driving on the wrong side and drinking wine

while eating frogs legs

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 4:03 am

:yh_rotfl

I knew two World Wars couldn't change the natural order of things!

(Gawd. That collision could have been a lot worse)

Post by **spot** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 4:08 am

Breaking news!

The pride of the French navy, the aircraft carrier Clemenceau, has been captured by British commandos and is at this very moment reported to be moored in Hartlepool dock having arrived under tow flying the Union Flag at its masthead. Jubilant residents describe the taking of the ship as "toxic", this year's colloquial word expressing delirious joy.

Toxic French aircraft carrier to be scrapped in England | NowPublic News Coverage

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:09 am

:wah:

"Warms the cockles of me 'umble patrioric 'eart, it does! Gawd Bless 'Er Majesty!"

(Clodhopper, in ancient, ragged brown raincoat and flat cap, is to be seen waving a little Union Jack, dockside at Hartlepool, as we speak).

Post by **spot** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:14 am

If only Miles Kington were here, he'd have had a field day with another Franglais column.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:44 am

Deux capitains, un Anglais, un Francais, allent down le pub. Ils ont tres malheureux.

"Helas," dites the capitaine Francais, "Le gouvernement va aller decommission mon petit sous-marin bleu."

"Incroyable!" Reponde son ami de l'Entente Cordiale, "Exactemente le meme chose est appenin to moi et mon petit sous-marin rouge!"

Cinq bouteilles du claret, et couple of absinthes later:

En chorus, les deux: "Merde a notres gouvernmentes jaune (hique)... Nous allons joue "chicken" avec notres petits sous-marins rouge et bleu..."

Et le rest, comme ils disaient, est histoire...

Kindle · Post by **Kindle** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:57 am

Is there no place where man can go in peace?

Last week a crash in space, now in the ocean................................ :rolleyes:

Post by **spot** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:13 am

My lord Clodhopper, it's a while since you took your O levels.

Just like Miles Kington. Sacre Bleu. Nom d'un nom. Bravo.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 8:05 am

My lord Clodhopper, it's a while since you took your O levels.

:wah: Oh, so you noticed, did you.

Actually, this isn't far off the sort of thing I DID write for O level...

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 9:10 am

Clodhopper;1136086 wrote: Deux capitains, un Anglais, un Francais, allent down le pub. Ils ont tres malheureux.

"Helas," dites the capitaine Francais, "Le gouvernement va aller decommission mon petit sous-marin bleu."

"Incroyable!" Reponde son ami de l'Entente Cordiale, "Exactemente le meme chose est appenin to moi et mon petit sous-marin rouge!"

Cinq bouteilles du claret, et couple of absinthes later:

En chorus, les deux: "Merde a notres gouvernmentes jaune (hique)... Nous allons joue "chicken" avec notres petits sous-marins rouge et bleu..."

Et le rest, comme ils disaient, est histoire...

Brilliant. :yh_rotfl

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 9:31 am

spot;1136030 wrote: it would appear, reading between the lines, that HMS Vanguard fought the French nuclear submarine Le Triomphant to a bitter standstill near the old naval battlegrounds of the Azores. Neither succeeded in sinking the other, both limped into their respective ports. The Entente Cordiale is obviously dead, we can expect Super Ã‰tendards dogfighting over Kent by the weekend. The balloon's gone up chaps, head for the recruiting stations immediately.

BBC NEWS | UK | Nuclear subs 'collide in ocean'

Relax. It seems the french surrendered to a shoal of haddock on the way home.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 10:54 am

gmc;1136383 wrote: Relax. It seems the french surrendered to a shoal of haddock on the way home.

Well see whether they "surrender" to England when they play them in the 6 nations in Paris, won't we.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:19 pm

gmc;1136383 wrote: Relax. It seems the french surrendered to a shoal of haddock on the way home.:wah:

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:28 pm

From ze Frenchie side, eet ees zees ucontrolled Anglo Saxons who have revealed ze leetle contretemps - les silly newspapers comme le Sun, le Times et le Daily Telegraph. Zey don't know how to keep zair mouth shut. Zut alors! The leetle submarines were super silencieux and just didn't hear each other. Could appen to anyone.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:49 pm

AussiePam;1136730 wrote: From ze Frenchie side, eet ees zees ucontrolled Anglo Saxons who have revealed ze leetle contretemps - les silly newspapers comme le Sun, le Times et le Daily Telegraph. Zey don't know how to keep zair mouth shut. Zut alors! The leetle submarines were super silencieux and just didn't hear each other. Could appen to anyone.

You tell em Pammy! :-6

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:41 pm

AussiePam;1136730 wrote: From ze Frenchie side, eet ees zees ucontrolled Anglo Saxons who have revealed ze leetle contretemps - les silly newspapers comme le Sun, le Times et le Daily Telegraph. Zey don't know how to keep zair mouth shut. Zut alors! The leetle submarines were super silencieux and just didn't hear each other. Could appen to anyone.

In your world maybe :-2:-2:-2:-2

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:43 pm

Galbally;1136522 wrote: Well see whether they "surrender" to England when they play them in the 6 nations in Paris, won't we.

You really are deluded arn't you?

:yh_youkid:yh_youkid:yh_youkid:yh_youkid:yh_youkid

Chookie · Post by **Chookie** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:47 pm

Galbally;1136522 wrote: Well see whether they "surrender" to England when they play them in the 6 nations in Paris, won't we.

oscar;1136841 wrote: You really are deluded arn't you?

The gentleman of Ireland is not deluded, he is merely not English - thus he is not subject to delusions.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:50 pm

Chookie;1136844 wrote: The gentleman of Ireland is not deluded, he is merely not English - thus he is not subject to delusions.

I'm not English either I'll have you know my little Scottish one :p:p:p

Chookie · Post by **Chookie** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:14 pm

oscar;1136848 wrote: I'm not English either I'll have you know my little Scottish one :p:p:p

To quote your very own self your Oscarness:- "As Brighton is where i was born and raised....".

That indicates that no matter how you slice it, you are English.

Never mind, those of us in the civilised (Celtic) nations gave up burning heretics long ago.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:17 pm

Chookie;1136867 wrote: To quote your very own self your Oscarness:- "As Brighton is where i was born and raised....".

That indicates that no matter how you slice it, you are English.

Never mind, those of us in the civilised (Celtic) nations gave up burning heretics long ago.

My father is Irish which makes me half Irish, there-fore I am only 50% deluded :yh_rotfl

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 9:25 pm

The Atlantic Ocean covers 41,105,000 square miles, or 21% of the earth and you guys run into eachother. :rolleyes:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:02 pm

Nomad;1137365 wrote: The Atlantic Ocean covers 41,105,000 square miles, or 21% of the earth and you guys run into eachother. :rolleyes:
We come from tiny little Islands Nomad but that green Island they call Ireland... well the British own that........ or they will very shortly when they've been declared bankrupt. :sneaky:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:28 pm

Scrat;1137395 wrote: There's some captains that have some explaining to do. That's a big ocean, just how can 2 boats occupy the same space at the same time?

They must've been playing chicken.

I don't think the captains are going to be commanding anything but rubber duckies in a tub from now on. I've just been reading this morning's news here in Blighty time and apparently they are saying that both sides tried to cover the incident up as it was very nearly a disaster.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:32 pm

oscar;1137401 wrote: I've just been reading this morning's news here in Blighty time and apparently they are saying that both sides tried to cover the incident up as it was very nearly a disaster.

Found it

British and French Navies' cover-up nuke sub crash | The Sun |News

Post by **Sunshine** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:34 pm

So they just cruise around in the ocean without using the sonar? Unbelievable!!!!!

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:37 pm

Sunshine;1137404 wrote: So they just cruise around in the ocean without using the sonar? Unbelievable!!!!! That's the french for you........ like to sneak up without you knowing. :wah:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:37 pm

Sunshine;1137404 wrote: So they just cruise around in the ocean without using the sonar? Unbelievable!!!!!
Don't be too harsh........ we only just got electricity and running water here in England.

Post by **Sunshine** » Mon Feb 16, 2009 11:48 pm

oscar;1137408 wrote: Don't be too harsh........ we only just got electricity and running water here in England.

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Keep your candles handy. :wah:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:03 am

Sunshine;1137415 wrote: :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl Keep your candles handy. :wah: :wah::wah: I think that's all the Navy's had by the sounds of it. If it had of happened..... it would have been a right bitch-slap between England and France blaming each other.

You hit me:

No i didn't... you hit me

you hit me first

no i didn't

Post by **Sunshine** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 12:10 am

oscar;1137423 wrote: :wah::wah: I think that's all the Navy's had by the sounds of it. If it had of happened..... it would have been a right bitch-slap between England and France blaming each other.

You hit me:

No i didn't... you hit me

you hit me first

no i didn't

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Post by **spot** » Tue Feb 17, 2009 5:47 am

Sunshine;1137404 wrote: So they just cruise around in the ocean without using the sonar? Unbelievable!!!!!

Good lord, they're scarcely going to sail around with a device running which says "48 active ICBMd nuclear warheads here ready for launch at 4 minutes notice, come and get them" are they.