Headlines from 2029

Chookie · Post by **Chookie** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 1:35 pm

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:11 pm

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Kindle · Post by **Kindle** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:16 pm

Chookie;1158667 wrote: Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

This is both funny :yh_rotfl and sad

..................

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 5:01 pm

NEWS JUST IN FROM ENGLAND

'Gordon Brown says he is looking forward to his 8th term of Office'.

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:05 pm

Mexifornia... Floruba? No, no, no... the US will have essentially absorbed Canada, Mexico and Cuba by then and the dollar will become the amero just like the euro in Europe.

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:25 pm

oscar;1158764 wrote: NEWS JUST IN FROM ENGLAND

'Gordon Brown says he is looking forward to his 8th term of Office'.

Unfortunately, there are very few Brits left to govern (they all fled the country before the end of his first term in office!) :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:32 am

oscar;1158764 wrote: NEWS JUST IN FROM ENGLAND

'Gordon Brown says he is looking forward to his 8th term of Office'.

Meanwhile Hadrians wall reinforced as scotland tries to stem tide of people fleeing "brownland" . Home secretary (brown-nose) oscar covered in brown custard by protestors while attending we love gordie boy rally.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:16 am

News from Ireland in 2129.

His Majesty High-King O'Kelly of the Gaelic Empire (now encompassing about 27 percent of the surface of the planet, and run through the thousands of Irish bars/military bases located across the planet) has taken tribute from his vassal Prince Hussein III of the province of Albion, and his Taoiseach (or Prime Minister in olde English) David Thatcherblair, that tribute being a jar of Jellied Eels, a Koran, and a waistcoat with some buttons on it.

In return English subjects are being allowed to own one pig each, have half and acre of potatoes, practice their cherished Islamic religion privately, and they are allowed to speak Englishabic at home (though not in public).

The leaders of the independent and honoured Celtic Nations of Crymu and Alba are currently gathered at the Hill of Tara to contribute to the negotiations about how to deal with the current violence in "Northern England", which has experienced a lot of ethnic tension since it was partitioned in 2024 in an effort to prevent ethnic violence between Jocks and Geordies.

While High King O'Kelly's Taoiseach Miss Jenny Foley is back from Washington, in negotiations with the El Grande Presidente Feurtes about the division of the Eastern Seaboard of the old Canada and USA whose Citizens (134 million of whom now claim Irish descent) no longer want to remain within the Democratic People's States of Mexamerica or DPSM for short.

Meanwhile in an exciting development, Irish scientists have found some DNA belonging to St Patrick, and are currently working on growing him back, the Empire has informed Pope Guilty IIV, and she has agreed that the Pseudo-Patrick can become a Cardinal as soon as he is fully reanimated.

Meanwhile, in the World Gaelic Football Cup, Real Madrid beat Kilkenny 2-3 to 1-5.

:rolleyes:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:46 am

Galbally;1158856 wrote: News from Ireland in 2129.

His Majesty High-King O'Kelly of the Gaelic Empire (now encompassing about 27 percent of the surface of the planet, and run through the thousands of Irish bars/military bases located across the planet) has taken tribute from his vassal Prince Hussein III of the province of Albion, and his Taoiseach (or Prime Minister in olde English) David Thatcherblair, that tribute being a jar of Jellied Eels, a Koran, and a waistcoat with some buttons on it.

In return English subjects are being allowed to own one pig each, have half and acre of potatoes, practice their cherished Islamic religion privately, and they are allowed to speak Englishabic at home (though not in public).

The leaders of the independent and honoured Celtic Nations of Crymu and Alba are currently gathered at the Hill of Tara to contribute to the negotiations about how to deal with the current violence in "Northern England", which has experienced a lot of ethnic tension since it was partitioned in 2024 in an effort to prevent ethnic violence between Jocks and Geordies.

While High King O'Kelly's Taoiseach Miss Jenny Foley is back from Washington, in negotiations with the El Grande Presidente Feurtes about the division of the Eastern Seaboard of the old Canada and USA whose Citizens (134 million of whom now claim Irish descent) no longer want to remain within the Democratic People's States of Mexamerica or DPSM for short.

Meanwhile in an exciting development, Irish scientists have found some DNA belonging to St Patrick, and are currently working on growing him back, the Empire has informed Pope Guilty IIV, and she has agreed that the Pseudo-Patrick can become a Cardinal as soon as he is fully reanimated.

Meanwhile, in the World Gaelic Football Cup, Real Madrid beat Kilkenny 2-3 to 1-5.

:rolleyes:

:wah:

"10"

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:02 am

Headlines from 2029:

Canada is still cold

Kansas is still flat

Spot challenges ex President George W. Bush to an oxygen tube pinching duel to see who lasts longer.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:48 pm

Very clever. I'm just wondering if I will be around to know if this will be true.

Richard Bell · Post by **Richard Bell** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:23 pm

G-man;1158789 wrote: Mexifornia... Floruba? No, no, no... the US will have essentially absorbed Canada, Mexico and Cuba by then and the dollar will become the amero just like the euro in Europe.

Won't make much difference. China will be calling the shots by then, anyway.

Clint · Post by **Clint** » Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:38 pm

Iran is very close to launching a nuke.

N. korea threatens to launch a nuke, U.S. sends aid...again.