Mad.... so very mad!

[Betty Boop]

I am actually disgusted with the lack of communication from my sons school over the last couple of years. But this week takes the biscuit, if my son wasn't so close to leaving this school anyway I would be removing him.

Yesterday my son was extremely anxious when he came out of school, asked and asked him what was up, got something from him about a friend being shut in a cupboard and she was very upset and scared..... ok, reassured him that everything was ok, she got out etc etc. It took him until midnight to go to sleep that night.

I spoke to his learning assistant this morning to point out that he was very concerned about what happened, we'll talk it over she assured me....

Tonight I pick him up from school and he starts on me as soon as I get him in the car, huge over reactions to every little thing... he has hit his little sister because she spoke to him, he has chased her around the house several times roaring at her, he has shouted and sworn at me several times. I then gather that it appears that he has lost a paperclip, bit of a major over reaction here I think to myself, but then that paperclip is his only escape from the cupboard that had no handle on the inside, he needs to keep it on his person at all times so he can get out the cupboard. So then when I manage to calm him down I discover that HE was trapped in the cupboard!

Any child that is accidently or purposely shut in a cupboard and is scared by the incident should surely mean that someone speaks to a parent or guardian about the 'incident', in my mind. Two of those children trapped in that cupboard were special needs, one was my son, the other a lovely little girl bless her but whose own mum is also special needs, the little girl was absolutely terrified, I wonder what support they have given her mum and whether they warned her of the incident so she could be prepared for over the top bizarre behaviour...

I am actually mad beyond words now.... :mad:

[kayleneaussie]

omg Betty that is shocking beyond words.....your poor little boy and the little girl must of been terrified:-1 :-1and how dare they not inform you of the incident:-5

[chonsigirl]

I am more than shocked, how could anyone do that to a child?:-1

[Lon]

Betty Boop;1117023 wrote: I am actually disgusted with the lack of communication from my sons school over the last couple of years. But this week takes the biscuit, if my son wasn't so close to leaving this school anyway I would be removing him.

Yesterday my son was extremely anxious when he came out of school, asked and asked him what was up, got something from him about a friend being shut in a cupboard and she was very upset and scared..... ok, reassured him that everything was ok, she got out etc etc. It took him until midnight to go to sleep that night.

I spoke to his learning assistant this morning to point out that he was very concerned about what happened, we'll talk it over she assured me....

Tonight I pick him up from school and he starts on me as soon as I get him in the car, huge over reactions to every little thing... he has hit his little sister because she spoke to him, he has chased her around the house several times roaring at her, he has shouted and sworn at me several times. I then gather that it appears that he has lost a paperclip, bit of a major over reaction here I think to myself, but then that paperclip is his only escape from the cupboard that had no handle on the inside, he needs to keep it on his person at all times so he can get out the cupboard. So then when I manage to calm him down I discover that HE was trapped in the cupboard!

Any child that is accidently or purposely shut in a cupboard and is scared by the incident should surely mean that someone speaks to a parent or guardian about the 'incident', in my mind. Two of those children trapped in that cupboard were special needs, one was my son, the other a lovely little girl bless her but whose own mum is also special needs, the little girl was absolutely terrified, I wonder what support they have given her mum and whether they warned her of the incident so she could be prepared for over the top bizarre behaviour...

I am actually mad beyond words now.... :mad:




I'm a bit confused. Was he put in the cupboard by a teacher or other staff? Does your son attended a parochial school?

[Chezzie]

Maybe it was an accident or maybe it was done on purpose but either way the school has an obligation to inform you. Your son could be traumatised for a long while Betts, id haul them over the coals naked till I got a proper apology. Its not the first time they have let you down and its always bad communication, they need to step up to the mark. Special needs children need even more special care.

[Betty Boop]

chonsigirl;1117043 wrote: I am more than shocked, how could anyone do that to a child?:-1


It appears that four children went to the cupboard to put away musical instruments, it would seem that two of the pupils pulled the door behind them, possibly to scare the other two who are the special needs children... I don't know, but one of them did actually shut the door and get them all trapped in there, but thats ok according to my son because that lad also got them all out again :rolleyes:

I do not like these other boys that were involved in this, they are constantly involved with 'things' happening at school, my son unfortunately seems to think they are wonderful. One in particular framed my son for something once before.

[kayleneaussie]

Chezzie;1117047 wrote: Maybe it was an accident or maybe it was done on purpose but either way the school has an obligation to inform you. Your son could be traumatised for a long while Betts, id haul them over the coals naked till I got a proper apology. Its not the first time they have let you down and its always bad communication, they need to step up to the mark. Special needs children need even more special care.


I agree Cheezie....it dosent matter if it was an accident or on purpose or what kind of school it is, the fact is these children were traumatised by this and staff didnt inform the parents:mad: as you said cheezie this can affect them for a long time, it just not on:mad: I would be kicking up a mad stink about this:mad::mad:

[CARLA]

Just a form of BULLYING, and power over another person. The boy that did this should be suspended I don't care if he let them out he had no business doing that to anyone.

[Barman]

I would check this out further Betty, i am sure there is some health and safety law that states that any room in schools even if it is a cupboard large enough to walk in has to have a handle or means of escape on both sides of the door.

Contact the local authority.

I hope your boy recovers soon.

[Patsy Warnick]

I would start with the School and work my way up to Agencies....!!!

I'm sure the boys who closed the cupboard on purpose was a form of bullying.

I'm concerned of the Length of time in this cupboard..?

Which would lead to supervision (Teacher) - lack of supervision, certainly with special need children... Head count..?

Now that your son in Traumatised

What if there were a fire in that building? there's several possible serious scenerios.

you've had trouble at/with this school in the past

They'd hear from me

Good luck, & try to calm yourself down

Patsy

[Betty Boop]

I am going to look into it further, I will be in the heads office first thing on Monday morning. This is not good enough at all, two special needs unsupervised is not on at all. And thats before you think about the health and safety risks with the cupboard. Its just been pointed out to me that the school are actually playing a part in making my life hell at the moment, they are pushing my son so hard because he is clever that it is having a knock on effect here. We've always known he is clever, never doubted it, but if them working him to death at school is causing him to be horrible at home they are not working with me. I have a very unhappy boy on my hands, he is 11 and about to hit puberty, he is unable to get washed and dressed without supervision and constant reminders, how the hell can they expect him to act like a 'normal' child at school.

Sorry I'm still soooo mad........

I've also been advised to call in the local education authority.

[spot]

If it isn't in writing, Betty, then it didn't happen. Even if you start with copy/paste from this thread and then tidy it, it needs to be a letter to the head, hand delivered on Monday during your visit, marked clearly CC: LEA to whichever department handles special needs at council level so it's not just internal. Copy it to the councillor who runs the Education committee at the same time. If all it is on Monday is a visit by a distressed parent then you'll be seen as a nuisance with no teeth.

[minks]

spot;1117173 wrote: If it isn't in writing, Betty, then it didn't happen. Even if you start with copy/paste from this thread and then tidy it, it needs to be a letter to the head, hand delivered on Monday during your visit, marked clearly CC: LEA to whichever department handles special needs at council level so it's not just internal. Copy it to the councillor who runs the Education committee at the same time. If all it is on Monday is a visit by a distressed parent then you'll be seen as a nuisance with no teeth.


Good lord that is horrible BB. I agree with spot, get it on paper and keep yourself a copy and get copies to everybody you think needs to hear you.

School hours can be a huge mystery to us parents. My oldest was bullied for a year at age 8 and it took a year for the school to tell us... interesting how it all tied to her bedtime behaviors for a year, the poor thing hated going to bed and the fights were awful, well duh she was afraid to go to school... I was bloody mad and so naive, if I knew then what I know now I would have kicked some school authority a$$.

I hope your son is ok BB, I hope the weekend allows him to re-group and be able to go back to school without trauma.

Huggs hunny

[kayleneaussie]

spot;1117173 wrote: If it isn't in writing, Betty, then it didn't happen. Even if you start with copy/paste from this thread and then tidy it, it needs to be a letter to the head, hand delivered on Monday during your visit, marked clearly CC: LEA to whichever department handles special needs at council level so it's not just internal. Copy it to the councillor who runs the Education committee at the same time. If all it is on Monday is a visit by a distressed parent then you'll be seen as a nuisance with no teeth.


I agree with Spot here it does needto be put in writing and also keep a copy of all correspondence incase they lose it.

[Odie]

Betty Boop;1117023 wrote: I am actually disgusted with the lack of communication from my sons school over the last couple of years. But this week takes the biscuit, if my son wasn't so close to leaving this school anyway I would be removing him.

Yesterday my son was extremely anxious when he came out of school, asked and asked him what was up, got something from him about a friend being shut in a cupboard and she was very upset and scared..... ok, reassured him that everything was ok, she got out etc etc. It took him until midnight to go to sleep that night.

I spoke to his learning assistant this morning to point out that he was very concerned about what happened, we'll talk it over she assured me....

Tonight I pick him up from school and he starts on me as soon as I get him in the car, huge over reactions to every little thing... he has hit his little sister because she spoke to him, he has chased her around the house several times roaring at her, he has shouted and sworn at me several times. I then gather that it appears that he has lost a paperclip, bit of a major over reaction here I think to myself, but then that paperclip is his only escape from the cupboard that had no handle on the inside, he needs to keep it on his person at all times so he can get out the cupboard. So then when I manage to calm him down I discover that HE was trapped in the cupboard!

Any child that is accidently or purposely shut in a cupboard and is scared by the incident should surely mean that someone speaks to a parent or guardian about the 'incident', in my mind. Two of those children trapped in that cupboard were special needs, one was my son, the other a lovely little girl bless her but whose own mum is also special needs, the little girl was absolutely terrified, I wonder what support they have given her mum and whether they warned her of the incident so she could be prepared for over the top bizarre behaviour...

I am actually mad beyond words now.... :mad:




OMG............your poor son and the little girl!:-5:-5

[Patsy Warnick]

I would document everything - in detail

perhaps even a pic/video of your son acting up - trauma.

It would be helpful speaking to the other parents - are you familiar with them to discuss this issue.?

More support - more backup - strength in numbers.

this could possibly lead to a law suit

it's certainly neglect

it's certainly abuse

it's certainly traumatising

it's certainly dangerous

awful experience for your son

sorry to hear this

Patsy

[Nomad]

I can see why you would be livid. Your son doesnt need that kind of ****.

I hope you follow up to learn how its being handled. You should make the principal aware as well.

Those teachers are responsible for the children in the class.

Lets hope this is the end of it.

I wish I knew your son boops.

[wildhorses]

No cabinet in a children's area should have an actual latch on it. There a magnetic closures that can be used in place of a latch. That way if kids get inside they can easily just push the door open.

[mrsK]

Betty Boop;1117146 wrote: I am going to look into it further, I will be in the heads office first thing on Monday morning. This is not good enough at all, two special needs unsupervised is not on at all. And thats before you think about the health and safety risks with the cupboard. Its just been pointed out to me that the school are actually playing a part in making my life hell at the moment, they are pushing my son so hard because he is clever that it is having a knock on effect here. We've always known he is clever, never doubted it, but if them working him to death at school is causing him to be horrible at home they are not working with me. I have a very unhappy boy on my hands, he is 11 and about to hit puberty, he is unable to get washed and dressed without supervision and constant reminders, how the hell can they expect him to act like a 'normal' child at school.

Sorry I'm still soooo mad........

I've also been advised to call in the local education authority.


I am astounded Betty.

Why where these kids left on their own ,special needs kids need to be supervised full time.No if's or buts about it.

If not by the teacher Aide then by the teachers themselves & they should not be pushing your son so hard.Unless they have spoken to you about pushing him a bit harder & you have signed an agreement for this to happen.

Special needs kids find it hard enough with out all the extra pressure.

I would be having a good chat to the teacher about the "bullies" in that class room.If you don't get satisfaction,go straight to the top & tell them what is happening. And what you want done about it.

I hope your son & his friend are both ok now,bless:-4:-4:-4

[Kathy Ellen]

Oh Betty Boop...that's truly awful. I'm so sorry this happened to your child.



I don't understand how children could be unsupervised in a classroom . I won't leave my 3rd grade kidlets alone for a second...I watch them like a hawk. Accidents happen too quickly:mad:



Hope your boy feels a little better.

[OpenMind]

I would most definitely back up what Spot and Minks have said here, Betty. Make sure you've got names too, of all those involved in the incident as well as teachers' names if at all possible. This incident is too serious to let drop. Your boy is intelligent and has strong compassion, but he's special needs and if supervised properly, this incident should never have happened.

[Betty Boop]

The door in the school was corrected with 24 hours. A big play has been made on the fact that there is no bullying going on. Fair enough. But what still continues to astound me is the fact that the school still don't grasp that this is still having a knock on effect. I still have an extremely clingy and upset lad on my hands. I can't remember the last time he went to sleep before 11pm, he is sleeping with a hammer handle and a screwdriver under his pillow, it makes him feel safer.

I guess tomorrow I will be back in to see the SENCO, the thing that really gets me down is they always talk me down, they swing things around so that it makes me feel like an unfit mother, he's only insecure when with me etc etc I'm the one that can't get him to do his homework etc etc. The reason he shows me his insecurities is because he feels safe to release his emotions with me, it is also a well known fact that children like this separate home life and school life and homework is a huge issue.

My son spends his whole day being told what to do, yes as many children do, but I mean constant, from the minute he gets up, every instruction to get through the day has to be completely broken down. I know I have a lot of patience with him, I see others get thoroughly frustrated that he won't just get on and do something.

I am going to have to threaten the school with the local education authority, I don't really want to have to do this.... why, because I'm running out of energy, I'm fed up fighting the fight just to get a little bit of help. I now have a son that doesn't want to go to school at all, I wish I could just pull him out....

[Odie]

Betty Boop;1131835 wrote: The door in the school was corrected with 24 hours. A big play has been made on the fact that there is no bullying going on. Fair enough. But what still continues to astound me is the fact that the school still don't grasp that this is still having a knock on effect. I still have an extremely clingy and upset lad on my hands. I can't remember the last time he went to sleep before 11pm, he is sleeping with a hammer handle and a screwdriver under his pillow, it makes him feel safer.

I guess tomorrow I will be back in to see the SENCO, the thing that really gets me down is they always talk me down, they swing things around so that it makes me feel like an unfit mother, he's only insecure when with me etc etc I'm the one that can't get him to do his homework etc etc. The reason he shows me his insecurities is because he feels safe to release his emotions with me, it is also a well known fact that children like this separate home life and school life and homework is a huge issue.

My son spends his whole day being told what to do, yes as many children do, but I mean constant, from the minute he gets up, every instruction to get through the day has to be completely broken down. I know I have a lot of patience with him, I see others get thoroughly frustrated that he won't just get on and do something.

I am going to have to threaten the school with the local education authority, I don't really want to have to do this.... why, because I'm running out of energy, I'm fed up fighting the fight just to get a little bit of help. I now have a son that doesn't want to go to school at all, I wish I could just pull him out....




good god, sounds like they are blaming everything on you!

you are a great parent, don't let me wear you down...........I really feel for you, keep fighting this.

perhaps another school now would be better for him.

he has so much to content with now.

[Betty Boop]

Things have been coming to a head for a while. In one breath the teacher admits she has been too hard on my son but meanwhile she's still got the pressure on.

I witnessed her speaking to my son the other day, harshly and in short temper, I didn't really think too much of it at the time and just assumed that maybe he'd been playing up. The interesting point was when she realised I was standing in the classroom doorway, she did a double take and then became sweetness and light. I noticed my son looking at her in confusion, I let it ride at the time and questioned him a while later. He said to me that as soon as I was there his teacher spoke to him differently. Hmmmmm I'm not impressed.

The head has had a letter this morning where I've basically declared no confidence in this teacher and their lack of understanding of my sons Aspergers, so I wait with baited breath to see what happens next.

[Odie]

Betty Boop;1164549 wrote: Things have been coming to a head for a while. In one breath the teacher admits she has been too hard on my son but meanwhile she's still got the pressure on.

I witnessed her speaking to my son the other day, harshly and in short temper, I didn't really think too much of it at the time and just assumed that maybe he'd been playing up. The interesting point was when she realised I was standing in the classroom doorway, she did a double take and then became sweetness and light. I noticed my son looking at her in confusion, I let it ride at the time and questioned him a while later. He said to me that as soon as I was there his teacher spoke to him differently. Hmmmmm I'm not impressed.

The head has had a letter this morning where I've basically declared no confidence in this teacher and their lack of understanding of my sons Aspergers, so I wait with baited breath to see what happens next.


Something like that hun, you shouldn't override...she knew she was in the wrong by the way she was talking to him......and will continue that way unless told.

Aspergers is a really tough disease to deal with, she should know better and be told so!

xo

[Betty Boop]

Odie;1164657 wrote: Something like that hun, you shouldn't override...she knew she was in the wrong by the way she was talking to him......and will continue that way unless told.

Aspergers is a really tough disease to deal with, she should know better and be told so!

xo


I have no doubt she will totally deny it, but hey ho. They have a week to come up with an alternative plan for my son.

[Nomad]

Betty Boop;1164549 wrote: so I wait with baited breath


Youre revving me up !

[Kathy Ellen]

Hi Betty:-4



I have a lovely girl in my class who has aspergers. I always give her lots of extra time to complete tasks, have a buddy to help with organizational skills:-4, lots of guidance, and lots of hugs and understanding....



Best wishes to you:-6

[Rapunzel]

Kathy Ellen;1164680 wrote: Hi Betty:-4



I have a lovely girl in my class who has aspergers. I always give her lots of extra time to complete tasks, have a buddy to help with organizational skills:-4, lots of guidance, and lots of hugs and understanding....



Best wishes to you:-6


That's interesting. We had a boy with Aspergers last year. He liked everything to be regimented. If you told him something was going to happen then it had to happen exactly when and how you told him. He was an excellent worker - very thorough. He was an absolute joy to teach. But he wouldn't let you hug him. He didn't like being touched. When we took his year group for swimming lessons last year, we had teachers dotted all around the pool to keep an eye on the children. He would walk past us and say "Don't watch me. Don't watch me." We all had to watch him out of the corner of our eye to make sure he was okay and if he looked at us we had to pretend to be watching another child nearby, to stop him from throwing a wobbly. We have several children with higher functioning autism in our school and they are, on the whole, incredibly bright! Their language skills far surpass a lot of the ordinary mainstream children, although sadly their behavioural skills can let them down.

[Odie]

Betty Boop;1164671 wrote: I have no doubt she will totally deny it, but hey ho. They have a week to come up with an alternative plan for my son.


You should have confronted her then.

I just know how I would have felt if the teacher was acting mean and nasty towards my son, then saw me, and changed her personality to sweet with my son.:-5:-5:-5

[Imladris]

Good luck! :-6

[Betty Boop]

Kathy Ellen;1164680 wrote: Hi Betty:-4



I have a lovely girl in my class who has aspergers. I always give her lots of extra time to complete tasks, have a buddy to help with organizational skills:-4, lots of guidance, and lots of hugs and understanding....



Best wishes to you:-6
Thank you, he doesn't like his teacher or his one to one, what can you do about that when the school won't listen.

Rapunzel;1164716 wrote: That's interesting. We had a boy with Aspergers last year. He liked everything to be regimented. If you told him something was going to happen then it had to happen exactly when and how you told him. He was an excellent worker - very thorough. He was an absolute joy to teach. But he wouldn't let you hug him. He didn't like being touched. When we took his year group for swimming lessons last year, we had teachers dotted all around the pool to keep an eye on the children. He would walk past us and say "Don't watch me. Don't watch me." We all had to watch him out of the corner of our eye to make sure he was okay and if he looked at us we had to pretend to be watching another child nearby, to stop him from throwing a wobbly. We have several children with higher functioning autism in our school and they are, on the whole, incredibly bright! Their language skills far surpass a lot of the ordinary mainstream children, although sadly their behavioural skills can let them down.


They're all different, no my son wouldn't want cuddles either, but he does need reassurance and to be warned of changes to the timetable and talked through them, it's not rocket science. Some of these children are more pliable than others, my son's social skills have been taught through years of repition from me, when he's not happy he regresses into the not making any eye contact, not talking properly, just growling, he gets really angry that I don't know whats wrong with him, he really thinks I should be able to read his mind.

Odie;1164792 wrote: You should have confronted her then.

I just know how I would have felt if the teacher was acting mean and nasty towards my son, then saw me, and changed her personality to sweet with my son.:-5:-5:-5


He was with me at the time, had I confronted her there and then he would have witnessed it. I also wanted time to think about what I'd witnessed, after 24 hours I questioned him about when I came in to get him the day before, his words were 'she spoke different when you came in Mum' proof that I hadn't imagined it.



Imladris;1164957 wrote: Good luck! :-6
Thank you, I've had a phonecall from the head this morning she has only just read the letter :rolleyes:. She's said she'll get back to me on thursday when she has investigated the matter further. Very defensive and officious, a stark contrast to the previous head. She makes me feel like the one in the wrong