Big Girl Pants

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:14 am

Ive spent all winter involved with the care of my mother. She went into the hospital on January 15th for a major surgery, and her recovery is still going on now. Complications resulted in her spending a total of 10 weeks in the hospital. Her huge incision absysed, and she wound up wearing a wound vac.

A wound vac is a little portable machine that is designed to make huge wounds close up faster. The original size of the wound was 13cm long by 4 cm wide by 4cm deep. Very huge, very deep, and very scary. I have been able to avoid looking at the wound all this time, as the vac totally seals it up, and nurses have been coming to the house 3x a week to change the dressing. It has always been impossible for me to look at anything like this.

I freely admit to being someone who cannott deal with injurys and wounds of any kind. Unfortunately, once you leave the hospital, you are on your own, and forced to make decisions for the person who is in your care. A wonderful male RN who is a wound specialist from the hospital, stayed in touch with me by e mail. He had taken quite a liking to my mother my sister and I.

Last week he instructed me to measure and photograph the wound. It was the only way for him to determine if the vac could come off. The mere suggestion almost made me faint. I was like " What are you kidding me???"

It took me 24 hours to get up my courage. I pumped myself up, for when the nurse came to take off the dressing. Walked into the room with my camera. Looked. Measured. and photographed the wound. I e mailed him the photos. His feeling was that the vac could come off. Yesterday, we went to see him, and he took it off. It now requires a wet dressing. He taught me how to do it. I will be changing the dressing 2x a day. The wound is still 12cm long 3cm wide... but only .50 cm deep which makes it more superficial than horrifying. Its still and ugly and frightening thing to see. But I did it.

Once again taught me that we can do anything we have to, or put our minds to doing. Its great because my mother is very happy. Shes in less pain, she doesnt have to stay plugged into a socket in the wall, and we dont have to be stuck waiting for nurses to come to the house. Taking care of someone else is a huge responsibility. It is a responsibility I did not want. I have been quite resentful about it sometimes. The patients problems become your problems, and your life gets altered. It also makes you feel good. The greatest feeling comes from knowing you are keeping someone safe, who cannott look out for themselves. There were incidents in the hospital where inept staff almost killed her. And the visiting nurses are not skilled enough to know when the vac has to come off. A too small wound with a vac causes more pain, as the dressing is too tight. It pinches and causes skin irratation.

They want to keep coming, as it is a fee everytime they do come. So you have to use your brain, and all of your powers of taking responsibility, and take part in making decisions. Yes, even at this age you have to put on your Big Girl Pants, and meet the challenge of something you thought was beyond your capabilities.

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:27 am

Well done Weeder !! Just shows us all that things can be done............just got to face our demons and kick em into touch! It happens to us all......... then we look back and wonder why we made such a fuss about it - but one has to remember that the demon we got rid of was very real before. There is definitely a real sense of achievement !;) :guitarist :-6

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:30 am

Sorry to hear your mum has had to suffer so much:( What a wonderful daughter you are:-4 its amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. You are doing a brillant job and I hope your mum keeps on improving:-4

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 4:39 am

You do have courage, my friend. To have fear and still do what you must do. I admire you.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 4:47 am

along-for-the-ride;1169149 wrote: You do have courage, my friend. To have fear and still do what you must do. I admire you.

My thoughts exactly. You did what you had to do even though you were scared to do it. Good luck to you and your mother. She's lucky to have you. :-4

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 5:05 am

Well done Weeder, keep up the good work :-4

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:59 am

My thoughts are with you Weeder.

Mr O had radical open surgery two years ago and i've always been a little sqeemish. When he was discharged from hospital, like you, i had to get on with it and clean his wound. He came home home with an infection around the staples in his wound and it was truelly revolting.

Sending your mum best wishes.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 8:26 am

Weeder BRAVO you can do anything you put your mind to. Nothing pretty about open wounds or infections. Your mom is so very lucky to have you to take care of her. You are now well versed on care of open wounds and what to look for.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 8:30 am

You can do it, weeder. It is hard-things you never thought you would do. You mother is in capable hands.

I never wanted the role of primary carregiver, running the household, bringing in the money again. I gave it all up to be nicely cared for by my husband, it was a great 4 1/2 years at the beginning! I never try to think of all those days, when my income was disposable, and I could go shopping and do loads of things. So I tote out to work (and job fairs) and do what must be done, and return to do the next round. Those closest to you will know how hard you work, and the love you share when you do each simple chore for your mother. It is a gift of love to her, and you will always be admired for it, because we know it is a hard thing to do. :-4

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:05 pm

If anyone could do it you could.

It's hard caring for someone, there are times when you could scream and pull your hair out in frustration,

these are the times you hitch your big pants up under your armpits give a silent scream and march onward and upward.

Your mum is so lucky and she must be so proud of you. :-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 2:51 pm

This is a test of all you can mustard up..

your stronger than you give yourself credit for " BIG GIRL " ....

Congrats

Patsy

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:17 pm

Thanks everyone of you.. I love you all. Believe me, I went kicking and screaming up to this task. DID NOT WANT TO DO IT!!! Im not a saint, I had no choice. Just changed the wound for the first time alone tonite.... I told my mother, " I can do anything you know" She said " I know you can"

Made me feel very very good. Carla your a nurse, you know what this is like. Chonsi you are selfless every day of your life. And ABBEY youve been an incredible Caretaker and wonderful daughter. Your all better women than me. I leave FG sometimes for a long time. When I come back your all there waiting for me, like true and dear friends. What can I say? I am blessed .

Love, Laura

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:24 pm

Also... Abbey, Ive never met you... and I love you. Peg, Carla, Along for the ride, and chonsi, I would love to meet you some day... G Gill you too. Betty I have never forgotten you. Great women all of you. I am proud to know you.

There are other women here who despite my long abscences have always welcomed me, and made me feel great. I cant remember all of The online names... because I am getting OLD..... But your in my heart...

Love, Weeder

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 6:27 pm

Peg, Oscar, Patsy, Kaylenaussie G Gill.....:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 7:32 pm

Your Mother is Proud of you - you know that....

I have taken care of people all my life it seems

and have tested myself many times.

I have patience I thought I'd never have - it's a reality Growth Leap.

We're proud of you tooooooooooooo

Patsy