How to give a cat a pill

hoppy · Post by **hoppy** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:07 am

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL...

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:12 am

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:25 am

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I hope i never have to do that process with my cat:yh_rotfl

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:29 am

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

I have to say that I have no trouble with this and over the years have become quite adept at It but Hops story reminds me of when we rescued 2 Pedigree Bengal cats who stood 3 times the size of a normal cat. I can add to Hops story....... Grab some cold flannels to stem the flow of blood and drive to the A and E department of your nearest hospital as soon as possible.

Oops · Post by **Oops** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 6:35 am

lol thats fab :wah:

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:01 am

omg.....so true!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

I hate giving mine pills and fur ball medicine!

they just spit it out.

you have to put the pill in their mouth......and hold heir mouth closed until they swallow.

if......you survive long enough!:-5:-5:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

princessladedah · Post by **princessladedah** » Tue Aug 11, 2009 3:49 pm

Run like hell and have someone else do it, especially if they still have claws:yh_rotfl

wildhorses · Post by **wildhorses** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:00 am

LOL....you guys are funny!!! But I do know how to give a cat a pill.

1. Dont try to give them a huge pill. If the pill is big then break it into two or three pieces.

2. Gently press the jaw joint on each side of their head....gently. And the more relaxed you are the more relaxed they will be.

3. Slip the pill almost to the back of the throat, but not so far back that you gag them.

4. Quickly let the jaw close and rub the tip of their nose. Their natural reflex is to lick their nose when you rub it. And to do that they have to swallow first.

If you blow any one of these steps then you might as well just throw the pills away because he/she will be onto you. A vet actually told me how to do this....and it works. But if you get nervous or rough, they wont trust you and you are on a downward spiral as far as getting them to take the pill. Did I mention I put catnip in her bed before trying this? So actually she was stoned out of her mind.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:27 am

Panadol works wonders if you want them to keep still:D

wildhorses · Post by **wildhorses** » Wed Aug 12, 2009 7:54 pm

fuzzywuzzy;1229015 wrote: Panadol works wonders if you want them to keep still:D

Oh thats good to know....just in case things dont go as expected. But wait....what is panadol? Not a pill I hope. If you can get them to take that...then you dont need it right?