Rules for Surviving Childhood
written by kids ages 8-15
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never pee on an electric fence.
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers.
Turn off the dust buster before you pick up the cat.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
Surviving childhood
Surviving childhood
:yh_rotfl
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
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Surviving childhood
Can I add to that:
Don't ask your brother what 'gay' means.
Don't tell your father you do not want to watch him play cricket.
Do not tell your father you are not interested in his speech to the Tory party.
Do not bring home half-alive road kill when your mother is cooking.
Do not phart at your fathers cocktail parties,
Do not tell your elder brother that spiders don't scare you.
When your father tells you that you look nice... go and change your clothes.
Do not draw on your brothers face when he is asleep.
Do not cut off your fathers 'comb-over' when he is asleep.
Do not say that you believe 'Arthur Scargill' is quite a nice chap.
Always cry 'He started it' to your mother.
Do not accuse your mothers sister of having a moustache and beard.
Don't ask your brother what 'gay' means.
Don't tell your father you do not want to watch him play cricket.
Do not tell your father you are not interested in his speech to the Tory party.
Do not bring home half-alive road kill when your mother is cooking.
Do not phart at your fathers cocktail parties,
Do not tell your elder brother that spiders don't scare you.
When your father tells you that you look nice... go and change your clothes.
Do not draw on your brothers face when he is asleep.
Do not cut off your fathers 'comb-over' when he is asleep.
Do not say that you believe 'Arthur Scargill' is quite a nice chap.
Always cry 'He started it' to your mother.
Do not accuse your mothers sister of having a moustache and beard.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Surviving childhood
Nearly forgot:
When your father asks you If you think he is wrong... ABSTAIN :wah:
When your father asks you If you think he is wrong... ABSTAIN :wah:
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Surviving childhood
hoppy;1240358 wrote: Rules for Surviving Childhood
written by kids ages 8-15
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never pee on an electric fence.
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers.
Turn off the dust buster before you pick up the cat.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
written by kids ages 8-15
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never pee on an electric fence.
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers.
Turn off the dust buster before you pick up the cat.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
Surviving childhood
Never put you knickers that you peed on in the oven to dry, you get caught.
I was only 4 :-4
I was only 4 :-4
Surviving childhood
I never did anything wrong when I was a kid.....it was always my bro's fault.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Life is just to short for drama.
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Surviving childhood
buttercup;1240444 wrote: Never put you knickers that you peed on in the oven to dry, you get caught.
I was only 4 :-4 :wah::wah:
Never bring home a half alive rat and proceed to give it mouth to mouth on your mothers kitchen worktop.... I was 10.
Never put up a poster of Arthur Scargill in your bedroom window.... I was 14
Never tell your big brothers new girlfriend that you have seen him in the bath and he has a rash on his bum.
Never tell your father that you want to marry Kieth Richards.
I was only 4 :-4 :wah::wah:
Never bring home a half alive rat and proceed to give it mouth to mouth on your mothers kitchen worktop.... I was 10.
Never put up a poster of Arthur Scargill in your bedroom window.... I was 14
Never tell your big brothers new girlfriend that you have seen him in the bath and he has a rash on his bum.
Never tell your father that you want to marry Kieth Richards.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Surviving childhood
oscar;1240455 wrote: :wah::wah:
Never bring home a half alive rat and proceed to give it mouth to mouth on your mothers kitchen worktop.... I was 10.
Ok clearly i have a thing for ovens but the above made me think of another :wah:
I found a dead chaffinch, its eyes were missing but i thought if i brought it home and put it in the oven where it was warm i could somehow revive it.
Granny was cooking Sunday roast and went bloody mental when she found it.
Never bring home a half alive rat and proceed to give it mouth to mouth on your mothers kitchen worktop.... I was 10.
Ok clearly i have a thing for ovens but the above made me think of another :wah:
I found a dead chaffinch, its eyes were missing but i thought if i brought it home and put it in the oven where it was warm i could somehow revive it.
Granny was cooking Sunday roast and went bloody mental when she found it.
Surviving childhood
:yh_rotfl Those are great. I gotta assemble them into one post. :yh_rotfl
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Surviving childhood
buttercup;1240458 wrote: Ok clearly i have a thing for ovens but the above made me think of another :wah:
I found a dead chaffinch, its eyes were missing but i thought if i brought it home and put it in the oven where it was warm i could somehow revive it.
Granny was cooking Sunday roast and went bloody mental when she found it.
:yh_rotfl
Never collect dead flies from window sills and put them in sandwiches when helping mother make cricketeers tea in the Pavillion........ I was 8
I found a dead chaffinch, its eyes were missing but i thought if i brought it home and put it in the oven where it was warm i could somehow revive it.
Granny was cooking Sunday roast and went bloody mental when she found it.
:yh_rotfl
Never collect dead flies from window sills and put them in sandwiches when helping mother make cricketeers tea in the Pavillion........ I was 8
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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Oscar Namechange
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- Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am
Surviving childhood
Never answer your fathers business line and tell the caller you are 'Madam Fifi'.
Never ask your aging grandmother where her will Is.
If your a boy.... never tell your father you want to go to Ballet classes with 'Dominic'.
Never bring home 30 football fans telling them 'My mother will cook tea'.
Never ask your math teacher If he's a gayboy.
Never try to get out of netball by faking a false leg.
Never try to get out of P.E. by telling your teacher that you have your monthly period when you are 6 yrs old.
Never ask your aging grandmother where her will Is.
If your a boy.... never tell your father you want to go to Ballet classes with 'Dominic'.
Never bring home 30 football fans telling them 'My mother will cook tea'.
Never ask your math teacher If he's a gayboy.
Never try to get out of netball by faking a false leg.
Never try to get out of P.E. by telling your teacher that you have your monthly period when you are 6 yrs old.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
Surviving childhood
Guess I was not the only one with a warped childhood. :yh_rotfl
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Surviving childhood
hoppy;1240474 wrote: Guess I was not the only one with a warped childhood. :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl
Never tell your aging great aunt that you believe in euthenasia.
Don't wait until she's serving the food to tell your mother that you took a call from her guests to say they couldn't make it after all.
Never tell your father that 'That man touched me' not even as a joke.
Never tell your big brothers girl that he's always masterbating over pics of women in mags.
Never accept a bet to eat 12 jars of pickled onions in one go.
Never put laxative in your brothers girls tea before they head for the cinema.
Never tell your dad's pals that you are the result of an affair your mother had.
Never eat the floaty stuff in the ocean.
Never tell your aging great aunt that you believe in euthenasia.
Don't wait until she's serving the food to tell your mother that you took a call from her guests to say they couldn't make it after all.
Never tell your father that 'That man touched me' not even as a joke.
Never tell your big brothers girl that he's always masterbating over pics of women in mags.
Never accept a bet to eat 12 jars of pickled onions in one go.
Never put laxative in your brothers girls tea before they head for the cinema.
Never tell your dad's pals that you are the result of an affair your mother had.
Never eat the floaty stuff in the ocean.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon