I'm Going to Write a Book

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:20 am

My first career was a Licensed Embalmer/Funeral Director with over 800 funerals. It's time to write a book about my experiences and after careful thought I have decided to call my book.

"Sex After Death" Or How to Get Laid in a Casket.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:34 am

Ok i'm aware that there are people who enjoy sex with dead bodies but how do they get access to them, do they pay the morgue guy, the embalmer, funeral director?

How does that work Lon?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:49 am

buttercup;1252176 wrote: Ok i'm aware that there are people who enjoy sex with dead bodies but how do they get access to them, do they pay the morgue guy, the embalmer, funeral director?

How does that work Lon?

I guess you didn't see this as a joke. "Getting Laid" is a Yank expression.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:05 am

No i didn't see it as a joke, its not in the joke section and you are quite particular about using the correct forum to place your posts, whats the punchline to the joke?:-3

Does the yank expression 'getting laid' not mean having sex?

Anyway its a rather dark subject but you have me interested now, how do they access the bodies?

hoppy · Post by **hoppy** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:37 am

"How I bury stiffs" by Lon.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 7:59 am

buttercup;1252190 wrote: No i didn't see it as a joke, its not in the joke section and you are quite particular about using the correct forum to place your posts, whats the punchline to the joke?:-3

Does the yank expression 'getting laid' not mean having sex?

Anyway its a rather dark subject but you have me interested now, how do they access the bodies?

More like "laid out" in the casket BC., or "laid" to rest. It is kind of funny.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:01 am

buttercup;1252190 wrote: No i didn't see it as a joke, its not in the joke section and you are quite particular about using the correct forum to place your posts, whats the punchline to the joke?:-3

Does the yank expression 'getting laid' not mean having sex?

Anyway its a rather dark subject but you have me interested now, how do they access the bodies?

There is no punchline----------Most Americans would get this----it's the differences in our humour----I personally know of no instances of necrophilia other than what I have read about. If this had been place in the joke section it would have lost it's subtlety.

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:40 am

minks;1252200 wrote: More like "laid out" in the casket BC., or "laid" to rest. It is kind of funny.

That's funny.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:39 am

I never wanted to ******* it after it kicked the bucket.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 9:47 am

buttercup;1252176 wrote: Ok i'm aware that there are people who enjoy sex with dead bodies but how do they get access to them, do they pay the morgue guy, the embalmer, funeral director?

How does that work Lon?
I used to be a necrophiliac until a rotton pr*ck split on me. :sneaky:

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:02 pm

I got it... it was funny until I read the first reply. :wah: Lon's timing was just a bit off... most Americans aren't up that early. :p

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:03 am

Lon;1252174 wrote: My first career was a Licensed Embalmer/Funeral Director with over 800 funerals. It's time to write a book about my experiences and after careful thought I have decided to call my book.

"Sex After Death" Or How to Get Laid in a Casket.

Are you serious??!:yh_rotfl

Were you really an embalmer?? That makes your sense of humor well more sick than mine!:yh_laugh and you cant cut loose in public either!

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:16 am

Lon;1252174 wrote: My first career was a Licensed Embalmer/Funeral Director with over 800 funerals. It's time to write a book about my experiences and after careful thought I have decided to call my book.

"Sex After Death" Or How to Get Laid in a Casket.

Will there be a recipee for ginger shrimp stirfry? :sneaky:

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:35 pm

Raven;1252709 wrote: Are you serious??!:yh_rotfl

Were you really an embalmer?? That makes your sense of humor well more sick than mine!:yh_laugh and you cant cut loose in public either!

Oh yes-----I was an embalmer-----wan't a demo?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:38 pm

oscar;1252711 wrote: Will there be a recipee for ginger shrimp stirfry? :sneaky:

No, but there will be recipes for char-broiled liver and pate foie brains.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:48 pm

Lon;1252799 wrote: No, but there will be recipes for char-broiled liver and pate foie brains.

What do you do with the guts, brain and blood?

Did you ever see a corpse and think to yourself "wow...shes hot"?

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:03 pm

Nomad;1252816 wrote: Did you ever see a corpse and think to yourself "wow...shes hot"?
If they were in the cremation chamber, they would certainly be Hot Hot Hot.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:05 pm

I often wondered what makes a person choose a career as an embalmer, morgue assistant ect. I know 'obviously' somebody has to do it but why anyone would choose it as a career move escapes me. Care to discuss Lon?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:08 pm

Nomad;1252816 wrote: What do you do with the guts, brain and blood?

Did you ever see a corpse and think to yourself "wow...shes hot"?

There is no blood left as it has been displaced with embalming fluid and other chemicals (if embalmed). Viscera and brain remain if no autopsy otherwise removed and replaced .

Death destroys any illusion of looking hot.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:46 pm

buttercup;1252819 wrote: I often wondered what makes a person choose a career as an embalmer, morgue assistant ect. I know 'obviously' somebody has to do it but why anyone would choose it as a career move escapes me. Care to discuss Lon?

When I was in the 8th grade I decided that is what I wanted to do. I read a book in the school library about different careers and and the security of the funeral business appealed to me (people will always die). Plus, at that time I was interested in Egyptology and had two mortuaries on my paper route.

I was intrigued by the whole thing.

I left the business despite making a good living because it dawned on me that I could never acquire (or inherit) sufficient capital to have my own mortuary. I then went back to school majored in Finance and retired from a second career marketing pension/profit sharing/employee benefits.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 3:59 pm

Lon;1252822 wrote: There is no blood left as it has been displaced with embalming fluid and other chemicals (if embalmed). Viscera and brain remain if no autopsy otherwise removed and replaced .

Death destroys any illusion of looking hot.

You never once thought "nice rack"?

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:46 pm

Nomad;1252846 wrote: You never once thought "nice rack"?

Only with lamb.:wah:

Tan · Post by **Tan** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:22 pm

Lon;1252174 wrote: My first career was a Licensed Embalmer/Funeral Director with over 800 funerals. It's time to write a book about my experiences and after careful thought I have decided to call my book.

"Sex After Death" Or How to Get Laid in a Casket.

Thats hilarious! Please do.

Tan · Post by **Tan** » Fri Oct 16, 2009 9:25 pm

Nomad;1252846 wrote: You never once thought "nice rack"?

Ughh:yh_doh