Sexual Harassment

[orangesox1]

I'm a little confused over a couple of things in this area, so I'd like some ideas on what others think.

How would you feel if some man commented to his friend that you had a nice backside, buns, bum what ever you call them. Would you be upset? or would you say thank you very much I work hard to keep my buns looking good?

How about if an older work colleague put his arm around your shoulders while walking and in front of other people, asked how you were doing, would you think of it as sexual harassment or just being friendly?

let me know what you think please

Guys also feel free to comment if you have found yourselves confused at times with how to treat a woman in this area.

[BabyRider]

If a guy said to me or another person, "Hey, that's a nice butt" I'd say, "Thanks! You should see my " If a guy of any age touched me without invitation, in any way whatsoever, I'd knock several of his teeth down his throat.

[PurpleChicken]

To me, that depends on the person. If it's someone I know reasonably well, then I won't be offended by the arm thing. It was quite interesting that in an organisation I used to work for, the HR manager was a fairly 'huggy' person. None of the actions themselves were inappropriate, but I didn't really think they were appropriate in the corridor!!



As for the bum comment - that's a bit tougher. I'd probably try to take it as flattery, but realistically those aren't really the sorts of comments that belong in the workplace.



The thing to remember about sexual harassment is that it's not about how someone else might feel in that situation, it's about how YOU feel. If you were made to feel uncomfortable, then you can make a complaint. However, I'd suggest that, if possible, your first step should be talking to the parties involved. Might make for an easier resolution of the issue. Naturally, if that doesn't get you anywhere and it continues, register a complaint.

[orangesox1]

BabyRider wrote: If a guy said to me or another person, "Hey, that's a nice butt" I'd say, "Thanks! You should see my " If a guy of any age touched me without invitation, in any way whatsoever, I'd knock several of his teeth down his throat.
Thats great BR I couldn't stop laughing when I read that.

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

[orangesox1]

The bum comment happend to someone at a training weekend with state emergency, they guys can be a bit rowdy, me personally would say thanks I work hard to keep it nice.

Thanks for you comments everyone.

[jasmund]

-If it was my boss who said I had a nice butt, to someone else, first consider would they say that,then depending on how you feel about it, be careful,uh, I asked my boss out(now my fiance) so you can see how that went.

-The putting the arm around ya, was that your boss? Also, did he do it because he wanted to imply that you had possibly more than a working relationship to the people he did it in front of?

-Be careful here, I know of which I speak, I worked with a fellow pahrmacist about 11 years ago, it was just he and I, on a night shift I bent down to put something in the filing cabinet and he stuck his hands between my legs,I came up and hit him.

-Understand I had made complaints to management for about 6 months.

-No one touches you, unless you want it.

[orangesox1]

He is a good friend so it doesn't bother me about putting his arm around me, but someone else accused him of sexual harassment when he did it to her, they're teachers, he is really upset by it all.

I'ts interesting to find out where others stand with this kind of thing.

[Jives]

The situation is such these days that I can't give a kid a hug under any circumstances. I once saw a child standing in the snow because her parents had forgotten her, but I'm not allowed to give her a ride home.

No touching the kids for any reason, not even if they are crying and need a hug,...or it's sexual harrassment lawsuit, termination, and public disgrace.

Sexual Harassment is a crime in which the man is guilty until proven innocent in the public's mind, and believe me....the kids know that.

[actionfigurestepho]

I don't think it's wrong for a colleague to put their arm around your shoulders. Especially older colleagues who are often just being friendly. If he's only doing it to YOU and he does it a lot and it makes you uncomfortable, sure, say something. I certainly wouldn't take offense. I guess if he were looking down your shirt while he did it it would be different, you know?!

As for the bum comment, if it happened in a mall, say thanks and let it pass. If it was someone at work you're not quite that friendly with, tell them to take it outside the office.

But be glad on the inside, because compliments can be few and far between!

[Jives]

I once worked in a restaurant with a sleazy guy. He was infatuated with a very beautiful little waitress. Every time she came in to work, he would play "When a Man Loves a Woman" on the jukebox. Then he would do things like "accidentally" bumping into her from behind while they were behind the bar.

Well she quit. About two weeks later, black limos full of lawyers pulled up outside. They interviewed everybody. After that we all had to attend a two week course on sexual harassment. The girl sued the guy for $50,000 personally, and the company for another $100,000. She got every penny, he got fired.

The key word in sexual harrassment lawsuits is "unwelcome". If the attention or comment is welcome, then it's fine by everyone. If it's unwelcome it's sexual harrassment, plain and simple.

[greydeadhead]

I worked in an office where a woman filed a sexual harassment suit.. so, no comments, no touching. I have seen what can happen from even the most innocent comment.. something as simple as " I like your new hair style" can be construed at harassment..

Screen savers or wallpapers on computers.. nothing of a sexual nature.. no pin up girls or anything along those lines.. that is construed as a hostile work environment.. nope.. keep that bad boy blank..

never ever meet with a woman alone in a conference room. Always in a public office or somewhere that you can be viewed or heard by others..

always always CYA..

[minks]

orangesox1 wrote: I'm a little confused over a couple of things in this area, so I'd like some ideas on what others think.

How would you feel if some man commented to his friend that you had a nice backside, buns, bum what ever you call them. Would you be upset? or would you say thank you very much I work hard to keep my buns looking good?

How about if an older work colleague put his arm around your shoulders while walking and in front of other people, asked how you were doing, would you think of it as sexual harassment or just being friendly?

let me know what you think please

Guys also feel free to comment if you have found yourselves confused at times with how to treat a woman in this area.


Well if you find the comment offensive simply say "thank You, however comments like that make me uneasy". If the comment is no big deal go for it offer up some snappy reply.

As for the physical one, run for the hills ok that is just me ahahaha I hate others in "my space" Again if it is offensive slide away and say "I am sorry, that makes me uncomfortable" If it is no big deal then nothing should be said but be prepared if it happens again. I think one should be upfront about those kinds of comments and actions because then there is no mistake to the "offender" (which they are not always) as to where they might stand. You said your piece it then is up to them to respect your wish. If they do not, then I would take a baseball to their knee caps and run tattling to the boss.

[minks]

greydeadhead wrote: I worked in an office where a woman filed a sexual harassment suit.. so, no comments, no touching. I have seen what can happen from even the most innocent comment.. something as simple as " I like your new hair style" can be construed at harassment..

Screen savers or wallpapers on computers.. nothing of a sexual nature.. no pin up girls or anything along those lines.. that is construed as a hostile work environment.. nope.. keep that bad boy blank..

never ever meet with a woman alone in a conference room. Always in a public office or somewhere that you can be viewed or heard by others..

always always CYA..


And on that note Grey, we have to raise our young teen boys like that too, because you never know what the young girls will say or do. Better safe than sorry.

[BabyRider]

minks wrote: I would take a baseball to their knee caps
I always I liked you....

[minks]

BabyRider wrote: I always I liked you....


Ahahahahahaha well sweet chick I been there done that and sadly wished like hell at a young adult age I had taken a bat to the &(^^%*( 's Kneecaps.

[cars]

Jives wrote: The situation is such these days that I can't give a kid a hug under any circumstances. I once saw a child standing in the snow because her parents had forgotten her, but I'm not allowed to give her a ride home.

No touching the kids for any reason, not even if they are crying and need a hug,...or it's sexual harrassment lawsuit, termination, and public disgrace.

Sexual Harassment is a crime in which the man is guilty until proven innocent in the public's mind, and believe me....the kids know that.


You're absolutely right Jives. What has this world come to, when you can be Jailed & hulmiliated for offering a gesture of kindness or compassion (especially to children) that may be observed/considered as suspicious & or harmfull?

Two weeks ago, school started in my area, & last week I was driving down the road, & saw standing all alone out in the open at a Bus stop, this little Boy with a backpack on. It was "poring/teeming" rain and you could see the little boy was soaked through & through dripping wet, as he did'nt even have a jacket on. My compassion went out to him, & I wanted to stop & offer him a ride to his school that was more than a mile away.

If his parents taught him right, he should have not accepred the ride anyway. But I just felt that he might, out of desperation of being so soaked, & dripping wet! As strong as my compassion was to try to help him & offer the ride anyway, it was "outweighed" by my fear of it being misinterpreted as being something perversive or harmfull!

So sadly I just keep driving bye, with out even slowing down, so as not to have someone take down my plate # saying I looked suspicious!!! Again, a very sad state of affairs!!! :wah:

[minks]

Yes in my years of being a girl scout leader I was leader of the youngest group for 1 year and we were forbidden to hug these little girls (ages 4-6) so scrapped elbows and knees and floods or tears were met with, oh hunny sit down in this chair while I put a band aid on it. Oh how cold is that to a small child???

[along-for-the-ride]

It's sexual harassment if you feel uncomfortable about it. The first time it is done is the time to do something about it, by either actions or words.

You can be friendly, professional, and courteous at work and your co-workers will know not to cross a certain line of behavior with you. It's what you allow.

Any compliments, you can respond with a smile and a "thanks" or ignore it.

[Bez]

I have worked for the same firm for many years and the people that give me a hug tend to be guys I have known for years. I think they looK at me as a 'mother figure'...my goddness...that's sad.....anyway, I think you have to judge the attitude of the person...there's a difference between a 'close' friend / acquaintance and a leary perv. I have dismissed someone recently for passing lurid suggestive remarks....the girls who were the 'targets' were pretty upset and scared.

Unfortunately it's a sad world....we had a works party once where a girl fainted and a guy who was a first aider put her iin the recovery position etc and got a punch in the mouth from her husband as a result...

Anyway...I would say be very very careful with any repsonses to to hugs, compliments etc...the wrong reaction can be misconstrued as encouragement, on the other hand you don't want to be branded as a misery....difficult one Heh?

[cars]

along-for-the-ride wrote: It's sexual harassment if you feel uncomfortable about it. The first time it is done is the time to do something about it, by either actions or words.

You can be friendly, professional, and courteous at work and your co-workers will know not to cross a certain line of behavior with you. It's what you allow.

Any compliments, you can respond with a smile and a "thanks" or ignore it.


Right on, unwanted harassment needs to be nipped in the bud! The first time someone says or does something questionable/offensive, they are sort of testing the limits & boundries where they can get away with what stuff. If it is offensive to you, tell them politely it is offensive, and that should set them straight as to where you stand. If they do it again after that, then tell your management to have a word with them. Harassment of "any" kind, is not acceptable in the workplace, and will not be tolerated by smart management!