Is this reasonable?

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:32 pm

The Boyfriend wants me to move in with him after I'm done with my surgery and recovery. We've been dating for almost four years, so this isn't a surprise.

My issue is that his apartment is always trashed.

Now, I know he works a lot right now, but when I had my own apartment I also worked a lot and I managed to at least keep the living areas clean.

It's not even the clutter so much as it is little things like, oh I don't know, maybe throwing his empty sweet-n-low packets in the trash (which is on the way to the door) instead of leaving them sprawled across the counter like they're some kind of rare and sparkling rock collection he's especially proud of. Or the little plastic tips that cover his insulin syringe needles. They litter the flat surfaces of the apartment, over and under tables. It's like a heroin addict spends his nights curled up under the dining room table throwing pieces of plastic to keep imaginary intruders away.

I don't even care about the bedroom or the spare room.

I don't want to move in with him and spend the entire time cleaning up his mess. His mom did that for him for years and guess what, I'm not mom!

Is it too much to ask him that he keep his living areas clean for a trial run set amount of time before I even think about moving in there? Is this petty? Should I wait till his work load lightens before I say something? Is this typical 23 year old guy behavior and should I lighten up? Aside from this he's absolutely perfect.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:36 pm

Tell him you'll be happy to move in with him, (if that's what you want) as soon as he cleans the place up. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with expecting a grown man to clean his own apartment. Next thing you know, you'll be taking the place of his mom, and he'll let you!

Don't let this issue go undiscussed, Steph. If you stay silent, and then end up cleaning up after him, you'll resent it.

If it's important to you, it should be important to him.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:43 pm

BabyRider wrote:

Don't let this issue go undiscussed, Steph. If you stay silent, and then end up cleaning up after him, you'll resent it.

That's exactly what I don't want to happen. His mom did it for 20 years and then all of a sudden freaked out and wanted to know why her husband and son never cleaned up after themselves. Duh!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:49 pm

Oh geez....DUH is right! Just tell him, you want to live with him, not his mess, and you're not there to be his maid. Only be nicer than me. :yh_bigsmi

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Wed Sep 14, 2005 9:52 pm

He needs to be in the habit of keeping it clean himself before you move in, I would suggest a trial period for a few months, that way putting things away becomes a habit and not something he has just started doing the week before you move in. If it is to short a period between keeping clean and you moving in he will soon start leaving mess around again.

Hope it works out for you,

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Thu Sep 15, 2005 5:04 am

Most men dont see mess, they can live quite happily in squalor without realising the house is a s*** hole.why is it a man can walk past a bin liner full to the brim but not realise it needs to go IN the ruddy bin. why do men use every pot and pan in the house just to make a bacon sandwich. why do men think the toilet fairy comes once a week to replace the bog roll.why do men think the floor is the only place for their dirty socks. why do men live with their mothers untill they can find a replacement . some men you can house train- mine thinks taking the dog for his dump means he can relax remote control in hand and THE MANS JOB is done ! if you dont train him (like a puppy) dont live with them .

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:10 am

Don't want to sound mean here, but I have a question. Why does he want you to move in after your surgery and recovery? Will he take you in health and run when you're sick?

Address the issues you have with his lack of cleaning abilities NOW, before you move in. My other half leaves the lids to his syringes laying around too, empty cigarette packs, never empties an ashtray, etc. and it drives me absolutely insane!

Why should he though when he knows I'll do it.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 6:15 am

Have him clean up the place, pick you up from the hospital, stop at the chapel to get married, then let him take care of you.

Do you have other alternatives for nursing care?

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:42 am

Peg wrote: Don't want to sound mean here, but I have a question. Why does he want you to move in after your surgery and recovery? Will he take you in health and run when you're sick?

Not mean at all, good question. He actually originally wanted me to move in right away but I want to recover at my parents house for a very practical reason. My parents live in a ranch style house and there are no stairs, which would be hell after abdominal surgery. He has three flights just to get up into his apartment. Also I don't want to move in the middle of the school semester. Last time I did that it was a disaster and all sorts of stuff got misplaced and it was very confusing.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Sep 15, 2005 7:44 am

chonsigirl wrote: Have him clean up the place, pick you up from the hospital, stop at the chapel to get married, then let him take care of you.

Do you have other alternatives for nursing care?

1. We're actually going to elope after all this is over. Combine it with a vacation since I can't take any time away now with dialysis and all.

2. My parents, who will also be nursing my brother. Actually, I'll probably have a handful of family members just "dropping by" because we're all close like that. I have a great family.