A Memorial

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:50 pm

My sweet baby Noah's heart stopped beating on Wednesday and he was born into the world at 1:45am Thursday, January 14, 2010.

Though I'll never have the chance to hear him laugh, dry his tears or watch him grow into a man, he will always be a part of me. Innocent, beautiful Noah I love you.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:53 pm

Oh Koan. My heart is breaking for you . All my love and tears for you .

-4:-4

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:56 pm

I am so sorry. :-1

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:59 pm

Koan at times words just can't express how they feel when they see a post like this.I know you so wanted this baby and to say I can feel your pain would be wrong as only you can know that hurt.

Noah R.I.P. Sweetheart and know you had a Mummy and Daddy that truely loved you and you will be forever in their hearts.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:04 pm

I am so sorry for your loss.

I share your pain as I too have lost a child.

If I was there with you, I would give you a hug.

Tiny Footprints on a Mother's Heart

When a baby arrives,

be it for a day, a month, a year or more,

or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-

the fragile spark of a tender soul

the secret swell of a new pregnancy

the goldfish flutter known to only you-

you are unmistakeningly changed...

the tiny footprints left behind on your heart

bespeak your name as Mother.

:yh_flower

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:05 pm

So sorry Koan :yh_hugs:yh_hugs and :-4 to you.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:10 pm

I am so very sad for your loss koan. :yh_flower

cars · Post by **cars** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:14 pm

Deepest condolances Koan, how very sad, no mear words can comfort!!

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:41 pm

I'm saddened by your news. You have my sincere sympathy, Koan. :yh_flower

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:43 pm

Oh Koan.

So sorry.:-1

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:49 pm

Oh Koan. :-4

I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news :yh_flower:yh_hugs:yh_hugs

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:21 pm

So sorry for your loss Koan you and Noah are in my prayers.. !!:-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:35 pm

Thank you.

I won't pretend I'm okay. I'm hugging his baby blanket right now, trying not to get it wet with my tears. But I know it will get better.

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:45 pm

Bless you Koan, it's so hard to say the right words, sorry is never good enough. But that is all I can say to you, so very sorry.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:50 pm

koan;1282314 wrote: Thank you.

I won't pretend I'm okay. I'm hugging his baby blanket right now, trying not to get it wet with my tears. But I know it will get better.

Oh Koan.

It does get better, but you never forget. :-1

I lost twins 13 years ago and another baby 3 years ago. They all have names. I cry for them on the anniversary of what should have been their birthdays and again on the anniversaries of when I lost them. I think of them often, they just pop into my head. You will never forget them but you must just whisper their names in your heart, breathe a prayer for them, bless them with your love.

I don't think people ever really comprehend the depth of your loss unless they have been there. You have carried that little soul, felt its fluttering movements, seen it's heart beating on a monitor. You see the dates of all your appointments on the calendar, how many weeks you're gone, how many still to go. Then the due date written in capitals and with love hearts all around it.

It's such a hard thing to go through hunny. Suddenly you see pregnant women everywhere and babies in prams everywhere and your womb contracts and feels its emptyness.

I'm sorry, this sounds really maudlin and unhelpful. People will tell you it's better it happened now rather than after the baby was born or when it was one or two years old. Personally I think you grieve just as much. That baby grew in your heart and soul as well as in your body. Every daily thought was for your baby and how to care for it, how to eat healthy food for the baby, how to keep him wrapped up warm and safe within you. He was a part of you and you need to grieve for him and take the time you need to come to terms with your loss.

You need to look after you now. I'm a Catholic. I had a mass said for my babies. I found it helped me. My priest was so kind. I am so grateful to him. You need to do whatever helps you to cope sweetheart. I'm sending you my love, my tears and the biggest hug ever. I understand your loss. It does get better. You never forget but your pain does ease. Take care of yourself now and God Bless Noah, he'll be forever with you in your heart. :-4:-4:yh_hugs:yh_hugs:yh_flower:yh_flower

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:04 pm

Dear Koan

There are no words that I can say that will help your loss.

You need time to grieve your little one.

I am so very very sorry.:-1

with deepest condolences,

Joan

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:40 pm

This is such sad news. My heartfelt condolences and hugs to you.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 6:43 pm

I am so very sorry for you loss:-1

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:01 pm

:-1 I am so sorry to hear of this, koan.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:31 pm

I'm so very sorry Koan!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 9:21 pm

I am so very sorry Koan.

Patsy

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 12:21 am

I am so, so sorry, Koan.

You and Noah are in my thoughts.

With my love

Jackie

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 1:37 am

koan;1282314 wrote: Thank you.

I won't pretend I'm okay. I'm hugging his baby blanket right now, trying not to get it wet with my tears. But I know it will get better.

It saddens me to hear of the loss of your baby. There are many support groups out there that can help you cope with the loss but for now just take your time. I've been in your shoes with the loss of a child. My prayers are with you at this sad time.

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:32 am

Koan im so sorry to hear this sad news. There is no loss greater or more tragic. All my sympathy is with you:-4:-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:02 am

Sending my Deepest Sympathy to you Koan.

Jazzy · Post by **Jazzy** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 6:54 am

Hard to type this response with the tears in my eyes. I am so very sorry Koan :-1

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 7:26 am

Words cannot express the hurt. May you find the strength to carry the load.

Thinking of you and praying for you and Noah

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 7:53 am

Koan, My very best wishes for you and yours.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 2:17 pm

I can only echo the words said by the others, so saddened to hear this terrible news. I wish I could reach out and hug you in person, but know my thoughts are with you.

Sleep well beautiful boy. :yh_flower:yh_flower

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Jan 15, 2010 4:45 pm

I am so sorry for your sad news Koan. My deepest sympathy to you and family:-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Jan 17, 2010 1:22 pm

Oh Koan, words are never enough and nothing can comfort you right now. I'm sending my love and giant hugs to you, and may your precious little Noah be in the arms of God...you will be in my prayers. :-4

farmer giles · Post by **farmer giles** » Sun Jan 17, 2010 5:17 pm

my thoughts are with you and my heart breaks for you if you ever need to talk i'm here

you will never forget your child or ever stop loving him as i have never stopped loving my own sweet Natasha ,Noah will live on in your heart for ever

-1:-1

words fail me even though i know exactly how you feel :-1

try to talk i know its hard but it really does help ....jimbo :-4:-4

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Jan 17, 2010 5:36 pm

Noah will always be in your heart, I know your pain and I grieve for you to hurt at this time. Please know that I'm thinking about you!:-4

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:25 pm

Blessings

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:24 am

Oh no, I am so so sorry.

It may not be much but in Ireland a candle will be light in a church for you and your baby.

I wish you well and know that thousands of miles away a stranger holds you in his thoughts. :yh_sigh

There's one more angel in heaven

There's one more star in the sky

There's one less place at our table

There's one more tear in my eye

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 8:55 am

My sincerest condolences Koan.

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 9:12 am

Thank you everyone.

I've never been good at grieving but I'm getting a crash course in learning how to cry in front of people. My daughter is going with me to the funeral home today to sign the paperwork then we're going to have angel pendants engraved with Noah's name so we can keep him close to our hearts.

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 10:14 am

I wrote a poem once for another mother who lost her child. This one's for you Koan...

To My Lost Child

By Jon St. Ives

The gift of life is all about what is, and what can be.

For so short a while I had your life...

Inside, a part of me.

You brought me happiness and love,

An ecstatic joy that burned.

But left an aching hole in my soul,

When to Heaven, you returned.

But in the midst of despair and pain,

I realized the truth...

You were a messenger from God

An angel as his proof.

The message sent became very clear,

As I dreamed and thought of you,

This is God's gift,

The gift of life,

To be cherished a whole life through.

So when I see you there my child,

I'll thank you with a kiss,

For reminding me of all the things,

That I was going to miss.

Play for me, and wait till the day,

In Heaven's glorious wild,

When we'll be reunited there again...

A mother and her child.

:-4

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 10:32 am

koan;1283140 wrote: Thank you everyone.

I've never been good at grieving but I'm getting a crash course in learning how to cry in front of people. My daughter is going with me to the funeral home today to sign the paperwork then we're going to have angel pendants engraved with Noah's name so we can keep him close to our hearts.

doing all this, it will help you, believe me:-4

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:23 am

Koan, I too have also walked in your shoes...I have no words just feelings:-4

So sorry

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 11:26 am

Koan, my wife lost her daughter shortly after birth. I wish I could tell you that the pain will end, but she never got over it to this day.

I can tell you that time will somewhat ease the burden, though. As little consolation as that is, its all I have to offer.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jan 18, 2010 2:03 pm

that was a beautiful poem Saint.

Post by **spot** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 1:51 am

This belongs here too, if I may, from Far:I just heard about Koan, can you please extend to her my deepest sympathies and my prayers are with her and her Husband.

My thoughts also are with you.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Wed Jan 20, 2010 4:32 am

Oh Koan! How absolutely heartbreaking! My mothers heart aches for you. I cant even begin to know the grief and pain you must be feeling.

I too will light candles for you and Noah. My Prayers are with you and yours.

I am so sorry. :-1

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:52 am

So sorry to hear this, thinking of you :-4

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:51 pm

Early in the pregnancy I was joking about needing to build an ark because of all the rain. I decided to call him Noah later on and hadn't thought of the connection.

It occurred to me that there are a few parallels.

In the story, God floods the world because he was disappointed in mankind.

The world I lived in before Noah was filled mostly with nasty, narcissistic people. Liars, frauds, deeply disturbed people that couldn't be woken. Since Noah's death I've been surrounded by kind, generous people with hearts of gold. My world has changed for the better.

I'm on Noah's ark right now. I'll be lost at sea for forty days and forty nights and then I'll be brought evidence of solid ground again. My world will become better.

Noah made me realise how badly I want more children. He has given me dreams and hopes for the future that didn't exist before. In the story of Noah's ark God promises not to flood the world again. I'm holding him to that promise.

cars · Post by **cars** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 2:58 pm

koan;1284303 wrote: Early in the pregnancy I was joking about needing to build an ark because of all the rain. I decided to call him Noah later on and hadn't thought of the connection.

It occurred to me that there are a few parallels.

In the story, God floods the world because he was disappointed in mankind.

The world I lived in before Noah was filled mostly with nasty, narcissistic people. Liars, frauds, deeply disturbed people that couldn't be woken. Since Noah's death I've been surrounded by kind, generous people with hearts of gold. My world has changed for the better.

I'm on Noah's ark right now. I'll be lost at sea for forty days and forty nights and then I'll be brought evidence of solid ground again. My world will become better.

Noah made me realise how badly I want more children. He has given me dreams and hopes for the future that didn't exist before. In the story of Noah's ark God promises not to flood the world again. I'm holding him to that promise.
What a heart warming outlook. Best wishes for your dreams comming true!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:20 pm

I Love that - wonderful state of mind

God Bless You Koan

Patsy

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Jan 21, 2010 3:53 pm

I have no idea what to say but I hope better days are ahead for you and yours Koan.

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Jan 22, 2010 5:54 am

Thats a very good place to start over. Thats a very good philosophy to have. The candles are lit, love will strenghthen and sustain you. Hold on to it, because in the end, thats all we really need.