Bashing

Jazzy · Post by **Jazzy** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:03 pm

Let's start with the *definition* of bashing:

Bashing is a harsh, gratuitous, prejudicial attack on a person, group or subject. Literally, bashing is a term meaning to hit or, colloquially, to assault but when it is used as a suffix, or in conjunction with a noun indicating the subject being attacked, it is normally used to imply a sense of uncompromising vehemence and bigotry about the assailant.

Good. Now that we know the definition to be discussed in this thread, I have some questions:

Why do people enjoy bashing? Why do people go into a thread where their only intent is to bash? What do people get from bashing? Are you guilty of bashing? :-3

*Definition* link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bashing_(pejorative)

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:07 pm

Yes yer honor... I am Guilty. SO SUE ME!!!! ha jk umm sometimes... i get bored and i just decide oh hey why not start a virtual fight!!! that'll kill time untill my next class.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:11 pm

Normally employed when the usual rules of engaging in arguement are lost. Some people find it important to have the last word whether its relevant or not. Maybe a trait that never quite left the school playground

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:16 pm

The 'basher' feels better for having put someone else down, it feeds their own ego and makes them feel good.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:18 pm

Hmm, but TLW always wins! :wah:

Yes, it is like a family squabble, they go on and on.......:rolleyes:

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:21 pm

chonsigirl;1290797 wrote: Hmm, but TLW always wins! :wah:

Yes, it is like a family squabble, they go on and on.......:rolleyes:
Speaking of which lol

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:32 pm

chonsigirl;1290797 wrote: Hmm, but TLW always wins! :wah:

Yes, it is like a family squabble, they go on and on.......:rolleyes:

Which then begins, 'well he started it', 'no she started it', at which point any sane person comes along and bangs their heads together!!

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:39 pm

It's for attention getting. In every situation you are going to have some people side with person "A" and some people side with person "B" and when a basher proves they have allies presto they continue to bash.

I have been guilty of bashing, that was long ago, then I hit maturity now I just keep my mouth shut. No point in drawing attention to myself in a negative way, I am far to old for that anymore.

Snowfire · Post by **Snowfire** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:43 pm

minks;1290810 wrote: It's for attention getting. In every situation you are going to have some people side with person "A" and some people side with person "B" and when a basher proves they have allies presto they continue to bash.

I have been guilty of bashing, that was long ago, then I hit maturity now I just keep my mouth shut. No point in drawing attention to myself in a negative way, I am far to old for that anymore.

A pink stetson is all thats required to draw attention

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:45 pm

:wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:45 pm

Snowfire;1290814 wrote: A pink stetson is all thats required to draw attention

Isn't it just, and how we all fought over that hat too!! :yh_rotfl

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 2:46 pm

Betty Boop;1290817 wrote: Isn't it just, and how we all fought over that hat too!! :yh_rotfl

It matched your cardi!

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:07 pm

Such is what should be expected in social forums which are moderately moderated. In some forums when a member begins to 'bash" either members, or societies, countries or what have you, they are warned and then banned if the behavior does not cease. It comes down to that in many forums. however, in a forum such as this if people are going to be permitted to "bash", or insult or bully certain members, then there is inevitably going to be resistance. What people who behave as bashers and bullies need to know is they cannot get away with the behavior without consequence or at least being called on it. Bullies should never be ignored, in my view.

As for the dis-ease of bullying itself, it is learned early on but is never addressed and becomes an unconscious behavior. At least being confronted by people who recognize bullying tactics, the bully may become aware of the tendency and have an opportunity to choose alternative behavior.

Anyway - thats my take on it.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:10 pm

Bashing

I thought it was a Canadian euphemism for having sex..

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:27 pm

Snowfire;1290814 wrote: A pink stetson is all thats required to draw attention

exactly my point ahahahahahaha OMG the dam pink cowboy hat comes back to haunt me ok let the bashing begin ahahahahaha:yh_rotfl

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:28 pm

YZGI;1290827 wrote: Bashing

I thought it was a Canadian euphemism for having sex..
:-2 OMG we are not that backwoods Y's

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:29 pm

minks;1290834 wrote: :-2 OMG we are not that backwoods Y's

I figured if I said Canadian I wouldn't get bashed near as bad than if i used other countries.:yh_rotfl

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:30 pm

Ahso!;1290825 wrote: Such is what should be expected in social forums which are moderately moderated. In some forums when a member begins to 'bash" either members, or societies, countries or what have you, they are warned and then banned if the behavior does not cease. It comes down to that in many forums. however, in a forum such as this if people are going to be permitted to "bash", or insult or bully certain members, then there is inevitably going to be resistance. What people who behave as bashers and bullies need to know is they cannot get away with the behavior without consequence or at least being called on it. Bullies should never be ignored, in my view.

As for the dis-ease of bullying itself, it is learned early on but is never addressed and becomes an unconscious behavior. At least being confronted by people who recognize bullying tactics, the bully may become aware of the tendency and have an opportunity to choose alternative behavior.

Anyway - thats my take on it.

Have to agree 100% and if it isn't reported it may be deemed as not bothersome and left to fester.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:31 pm

YZGI;1290837 wrote: I figured if I said Canadian I wouldn't get bashed near as bad than if i used other countries.:yh_rotfl

Cause we are just so darned polite. Much like the young Inuit man stated in his lovely speach at the opening ceremonies about us Canucks being so darn polite.

Sorry sorry I didn't mean to hurt anyones feelings

:wah:

theia · Post by **theia** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:50 pm

minks;1290833 wrote: exactly my point ahahahahahaha OMG the dam pink cowboy hat comes back to haunt me ok let the bashing begin ahahahahaha:yh_rotfl

Was that your pink hat of 1996, Minks?

Where are the pics again? Where is the video? Where are the threads?

Come on, humour me, I'm an old lady now and all I have are my memories :wah:

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:53 pm

theia;1290844 wrote: Was that your pink hat of 1996, Minks?

Where are the pics again? Where is the video? Where are the threads?

Come on, humour me, I'm an old lady now and all I have are my memories :wah:

Yes it was... I think if you use search words like elephant and trafalgar square you will find a thread of our great FG meet up. I shall go see what I can find.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:53 pm

Here is the elephant thread.

http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/gener ... quare.html

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:55 pm

chonsigirl;1290847 wrote: Here is the elephant thread.

http://www.forumgarden.com/forums/gener ... quare.html

you are too quick I was just going to post that.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 3:57 pm

theia;1290844 wrote: Was that your pink hat of 1996, Minks?

Where are the pics again? Where is the video? Where are the threads?

Come on, humour me, I'm an old lady now and all I have are my memories :wah:

I can remind you of some bits

being on the M25 and realising Theia is virtually sat in the footwell. Giggling all night over the size of suitcases for a weekend. 'Mind the gap' - doesn't take much to amuse us country bumpkins :yh_rotfl

We really should go to London again you know, it would be good for both of us

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:01 pm

minks;1290838 wrote: Have to agree 100% and if it isn't reported it may be deemed as not bothersome and left to fester.I think moderators could act upon the situation if they choose. I personally have only reported a post outside of spam or bots once, and that was recent. i think reporting posts is a bother to the moderator as they should not be thought of as the adult in the room. We are all adults who sometimes get carried away. Most of the time a simple reminder to a person is all it takes to get them back on track. Its not so easy for bullies though. They'll either leave or change the behavior once its brought to light and consistently called out by members when it occurs. Its either that or you let the bully continue to bully people at will, and thats unacceptable IMO.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:07 pm

Betty Boop;1290850 wrote: I can remind you of some bits

being on the M25 and realising Theia is virtually sat in the footwell. Giggling all night over the size of suitcases for a weekend. 'Mind the gap' - doesn't take much to amuse us country bumpkins :yh_rotfl

We really should go to London again you know, it would be good for both of us

Yes Mind the Gap gawd I said that for months after I got home. Cracked my up all the time, heck and I was calling everybody "mate" for like ever.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:08 pm

Ahso!;1290851 wrote: I think moderators could act upon the situation if they choose. I personally have only reported a post outside of spam or bots once, and that was recent. i think reporting posts is a bother to the moderator as they should not be thought of as the adult in the room. We are all adults who sometimes get carried away. Most of the time a simple reminder to a person is all it takes to get them back on track. Its not so easy for bullies though. They'll either leave or change the behavior once its brought to light and consistently called out by members when it occurs. Its either that or you let the bully continue to bully people at will, and thats unacceptable IMO.

yes but if reported and if more than one report comes in from different people it is a problem.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:22 pm

minks;1290855 wrote: yes but if reported and if more than one report comes in from different people it is a problem.I suppose! Though post reporting could become organized by members friendly with one another, so if the moderators are acting on reported posts only and members realize that it becomes a game.

I think managers should be chosen wisely and given the needed authority to act without post reporting. Its got to be either the place is managed strictly or loosely and if the latter then its up to the community itself to police the place more or less.

Bullying behavior doesn't only cause tension in the forum but it also prevents others from joining or staying. Even though bullies can be nice to some from time to time, over the long haul most people would rather not associate with them.

DrLeftover · Post by **DrLeftover** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:46 pm

Or you could just write off your payment as a bad idea and move on.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:49 pm

Staying with the topic presented in a particular thread would trash the bash.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:53 pm

Ahso!;1290862 wrote: I suppose! Though post reporting could become organized by members friendly with one another, so if the moderators are acting on reported posts only and members realize that it becomes a game.

I think managers should be chosen wisely and given the needed authority to act without post reporting. Its got to be either the place is managed strictly or loosely and if the latter then its up to the community itself to police the place more or less.

Bullying behavior doesn't only cause tension in the forum but it also prevents others from joining or staying. Even though bullies can be nice to some from time to time, over the long haul most people would rather not associate with them.

absolutely true, there can be the "gang up" mentality. I spose it is a case by case scenario on how anyone wants to handle it.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:02 pm

I understand the concerns with "Bashing" or ganging up. I encourage you to use "Report this post" and the MOD'S will get it. As a MOD I can honestly say I have a busy life and don't read every post in every thread. If you feel something is wrong please "Report the Post" :-6:-6

If you fill it necessary to contact Tombstone please use the "Contact Us" button at the bottom of every page.

Thank you,

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 5:29 pm

Often, when a person has been the victim of long term bullying they deal with it in one of two ways; 1) they become a bully themselves or 2) they remain willing victims and a sort of protector of bullies.

In the case of #2, those are the people who encourage others to look the other way when bullying occurs or they actively do things to assist the bully by protecting them through taking their side in various ways because they are trying to assure themselves of not becoming the bully's next target. A sorrowful way to live.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:12 pm

Hi Jazzy :-6

No, I am not a basher or a bully....never have been nor will be.

:oI do have a very quick temper though and sometimes post before I think things through. Fortunately, I sometimes realize my misjudgement and apologize or try to make amends. I believe that I try to do this...if not please let me know through a pm. I'd appreciate that:o

I believe that people bash or bully other people because they can:mad:. They've gotten away with it and have never learned that their behavior is inapropriate, rude, arrogant and downright sh#tty.

It's about power and control. Bullies and bashers have no control over their own personal lives and feel superior when they can control others' thoughts and make them feel small.

Other people bully or bash because they're pot stirrers and just want to get the juices flowing in the forum or to start drama.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:29 pm

'Topics which attract bashing tend to be personally sensitive topics for the bashers, the victims or both. They also tend to be highly partisan issues. Common areas include religion, nationality, sexuality, politics and topics of critical appraisal within fandom.'

now there you have it, this is why so many tend to bully/bash in certain threads.

Everyone is sensitive to certain topics, everyone.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:49 pm

YZGI;1290827 wrote: Bashing

I thought it was a Canadian euphemism for having sex.. No... That's blowing a seal.

Bevdee · Post by **Bevdee** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 7:53 pm

Blowing a seal!!! Oh my goodness.:yh_rotfl

Amythest · Post by **Amythest** » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:30 pm

oscar;1290901 wrote: No... That's blowing a seal.

Since I'm Canadian the only euphemisms used for sex are "rattled", "tap", "get busy", "roll around"...

Tap comes from the rap culture.

Obviously I'm not an expert on this subject and my choice of expressions reflect my age.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:17 am

Bevdee;1290902 wrote: Blowing a seal!!! Oh my goodness.:yh_rotfl

That reminds me of a joke:

A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car start having trouble

He brings it to a garage in a small town to have a mechanic take a look

While waiting the penguin asks if there is somewhere he can go to get something cold as penguins like the cold

The mechanic sends him to an ice cream shop

Thrilled the penguin orders a super large vanilla ice cream

But not having hands it is difficult to eat with only his flippers and he makes a real mess

When he is done he goes back to the garage to check on his car

The mechanic says: “it looks like you blew a seal”

To which the penguin replies: “oh no no, it is only ice cream”..

:wah:

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:31 am

:yh_rotfl

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:02 am

mikeinie;1290937 wrote: That reminds me of a joke:

A penguin is driving through Arizona when his car start having trouble

He brings it to a garage in a small town to have a mechanic take a look

While waiting the penguin asks if there is somewhere he can go to get something cold as penguins like the cold

The mechanic sends him to an ice cream shop

Thrilled the penguin orders a super large vanilla ice cream

But not having hands it is difficult to eat with only his flippers and he makes a real mess

When he is done he goes back to the garage to check on his car

The mechanic says: “it looks like you blew a seal

To which the penguin replies: “oh no no, it is only ice cream..

:wah:
:wah::wah:

A Canadian Tourists car breaks down in Wales.

The mechanic tells her she's blown a seal.

She says 'Yeah? And You F**K sheep.'

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:16 am

Kathy Ellen;1290895 wrote: Hi Jazzy :-6

No, I am not a basher or a bully....never have been nor will be.

:oI do have a very quick temper though and sometimes post before I think things through. Fortunately, I sometimes realize my misjudgement and apologize or try to make amends. I believe that I try to do this...if not please let me know through a pm. I'd appreciate that:o

I believe that people bash or bully other people because they can:mad:. They've gotten away with it and have never learned that their behavior is inapropriate, rude, arrogant and downright sh#tty.

It's about power and control. Bullies and bashers have no control over their own personal lives and feel superior when they can control others' thoughts and make them feel small.

Other people bully or bash because they're pot stirrers and just want to get the juices flowing in the forum or to start drama.

It's been a long standing aspect of any forum that If you don't want to get bashed for your Political Opinions, then to enter the Political threads should be done with caution. In the past many members here say they deliberately stay out of the Political threads becuase they do tend to get rather heated. Others fear that their opinion and not their knowledge will be ridiculed when this should not be the case. I am quite used to being Insulted on the Political threads along with being called a rascist, fascist, neo-Nazi. I never actually take them personally. I certainly do not feel any rancour towards the person who wrote It as we all have opinions and we are all entitled to them. I have gone many round here on British Politics with some members and to an outsider, It would seem quite nasty. I have had to point out many times that the British have a way of verbally bashing each other but there Is no malice Intended or Umbrage taken. That's just the British way.

Very often, a member will come Into a Political thread that they know nothing about, add nothing to debate, yet post merely to Incite and antagonise other members, yet go crying when it Is turned on them.

I was not bullyed and I have never been a bully so the analogy there is way off beam.

What I have noticed of late Is an aversion to the educated Intellegent women on this forum. It seems some have a real hang up when a woman Is In the field of politics rather than cooking Hubby's dinner.

Kathy.... I love you the way you are... Don't change for any-one because I'm not !!! :wah:

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:43 am

oscar;1290951 wrote: It's been a long standing aspect of any forum that If you don't want to get bashed for your Political Opinions, then to enter the Political threads should be done with caution. In the past many members here say they deliberately stay out of the Political threads becuase they do tend to get rather heated. Others fear that their opinion and not their knowledge will be ridiculed when this should not be the case. I am quite used to being Insulted on the Political threads along with being called a rascist, fascist, neo-Nazi. I never actually take them personally. I certainly do not feel any rancour towards the person who wrote It as we all have opinions and we are all entitled to them. I have gone many round here on British Politics with some members and to an outsider, It would seem quite nasty. I have had to point out many times that the British have a way of verbally bashing each other but there Is no malice Intended or Umbrage taken. That's just the British way.

Very often, a member will come Into a Political thread that they know nothing about, add nothing to debate, yet post merely to Incite and antagonise other members, yet go crying when it Is turned on them.

I was not bullyed and I have never been a bully so the analogy there is way off beam.

What I have noticed of late Is an aversion to the educated Intellegent women on this forum. It seems some have a real hang up when a woman Is In the field of politics rather than cooking Hubby's dinner.

Kathy.... I love you the way you are... Don't change for any-one because I'm not !!! :wah:The entire post is revealing, but the part I'm highlighting is especially interesting because I expected it.

Girls and Boys Do Not Bully the Same Ways

The tactics used by girls who bully are distorted versions of some normal mechanisms of social development. According to research done by Lagerspetz, Bjorqvist and Peltonen at the University of Miami, when girls bully they use things like alienation, ostracism, deliberate and calculated random exclusions, and spreading of rumors to harass their peers. Girls get other kids to gang up on one or more peers as a way of exerting control. Sometimes they incite other children to act out aggressively and sit back to watch the show. They form groups that pick and choose members at random and exclude others without real reason. They form alliances with other social groups in an effort to jockey for popularity and positions of power among peers. All too often the bullying tactics used by girls are brushed off as cruel but normal social interactions.

In Girls, Bullying Behaviors and Peer Relationships: The Double Edged Sword of Exclusion and Rejection, Barbara Leckie explains how bullying by girls manifests itself and how it is handled by adults. Leckie went over numerous studies dating back as far as 1980 and identified the many different ways that girls bully. She also found that adults were slower to react to the bullying tactics used by girls

How Girls Bully - The Different Ways That Girls Bully Peers

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:07 am

Ahso!;1290955 wrote: The entire post is revealing, but the part I'm highlighting is especially interesting because I expected it.

How Girls Bully - The Different Ways That Girls Bully Peers
You need a shrink. You seem to have a morbid fixation with bullying. This is a classic symptom of 'guilt reversal'. Sufferers of guilt reversal tend to excuse their own hang-ups by Insisting others are suffering from the very affliction that blights their own life.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:13 am

Ahso, I found the best thing that worked for me regarding online bashing and bullying is to carry on and ignore it. It is not easy, I think it is human nature to retaliate, however if a bully or basher doesn't get a reaction from their victim they soon tire of that and eventually give up. Sadly it does not stop them from moving on to another victim indeed. But sometimes one has to look after ones self first and foremost.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:15 am

oscar;1290961 wrote: You need a shrink. You seem to have a morbid fixation with bullying. This is a classic symptom of 'guilt reversal'. Sufferers of guilt reversal tend to excuse their own hang-ups by Insisting others are suffering from the very affliction that blights their own life.You mean projecting? I had given that lots of thought lately prior to asserting my claim, and I'm reasonably convinced that is not the case. I'm pleading innocent on that one.

No matter what you say, I will not back down from you unless you decide to change your behavior and stop throwing cheap insults at me and others on this forum. Your behavior on other forums is not my business.

Just be polite and I'm your pussycat.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:17 am

Ahso!;1290965 wrote: You mean projecting? I had given that lots of thought lately prior to asserting my claim, and I'm reasonably convinced that is not the case. I'm pleading innocent on that one.

No matter what say, I will not back down from you unless you decide to change your behavior and stop throwing cheap insults at me and others on this forum. Your behavior on other forums is not my business.

Just be polite and I'm your pussycat. I'm very fussy as to who my ***** cats are and your not one of them.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:19 am

oscar;1290967 wrote: I'm very fussy as to who my ***** cats are and your not one of them.See! You just keep on insulting. You honestly don't see what you do?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:22 am

minks;1290963 wrote: Ahso, I found the best thing that worked for me regarding online bashing and bullying is to carry on and ignore it. It is not easy, I think it is human nature to retaliate, however if a bully or basher doesn't get a reaction from their victim they soon tire of that and eventually give up. Sadly it does not stop them from moving on to another victim indeed. But sometimes one has to look after ones self first and foremost.I understand, but it will only carry over to other threads as it already has. This began a few ago and hasn't let up yet. i can take it.

Jazzy · Post by **Jazzy** » Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:54 am

Ahso!;1290970 wrote: I understand, but it will only carry over to other threads as it already has. This began a few ago and hasn't let up yet. i can take it.

Are you guilty of bashing Ahso?