public opinion

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:03 pm

was talking with a friend this morning about how much importance we are taught to place on what other people think of us. it's my belief that everyone else is too busy worrying about what folks think of them to even remember what stupid or embarrassing thing i might have done.

theia · Post by **theia** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 4:12 pm

koan;1299582 wrote: was talking with a friend this morning about how much importance we are taught to place on what other people think of us. it's my belief that everyone else is too busy worrying about what folks think of them to even remember what stupid or embarrassing thing i might have done.

I think you're right, koan...trouble is, we know this but it doesn't seem to stop us worrying about what others think :yh_sigh

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 7:14 pm

I'm not sure what age you have to be when you stop worrying about what other people think of you, but I know I have reached that age sometime in the past.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 7:20 pm

I remember when I was a small child and another child wouldn't play with me. I was so upset and what my Father told me when I was 5 years old has stayed with me until today.

So... She doesn't like you? But other people do so why are you caring? All through life, not all will like you or agree with you but the one's who do like you are the one's to be cherished.

BUT... One of my Fathers regular sayings was ' Good God, what on earth will the Neighbours think Of It? :yh_rotfl

Life Is way too short to care what people think of you. If you have confidence, It should not bother you.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:01 pm

Good question.

I used to be consumed with what others thought of me. It was almost debilitating. I voiced opinions I only thought were generic enough to be not controversial. I was swayed easily because I thought others probably knew more than I did. If I said something or did something that made me look like an ass I would suffer from unbelievable anxiety.

In essence it was as if I allowed others to mold my personality for the sake of not being disliked. I was terrified to be myself.

Somewhere along the way I learned to like myself, not in spite of my flaws and quirkiness but because of them. Im unique and I enjoy that.

Another huge leap in my evolution was coming here to FG. After seeing how crazy you guys are I feel much better.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 12:14 am

FG - You thought you were an ass until you found us

sounds like a good slogan :wah:

It seems to me that part of the problem is that, no matter how many "cool" things a person does in a day, if they do one stupid thing that's what they think about when they get home.

Also, it's a devistatingly horrible thing to do but I've noticed a number of times that someone who was feeling insecure went around telling people in our social group that "everyone" was talking about them or that so and so said they thought the person was such and such... and it was pure bull. Yet you can see the victim's face drop in horror and quiet for the rest of the night. By the time it was done to me I'd seen enough of it happen to know it was a lie. There's a reason that form of attack was chosen though. It cripples people.

I came up with a mantra a few years ago, for whenever I catch myself immersed in worry: "No one else cares. No one else even remembers."

Lately, I don't even remember what I did :wah: But I'm told I was really funny... so I guess it's all good

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 7:05 am

Lon;1299623 wrote: I'm not sure what age you have to be when you stop worrying about what other people think of you, but I know I have reached that age sometime in the past.

Ditto. I think it comes with maturity and experience.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:46 am

koan;1299654 wrote:

Also, it's a devistatingly horrible thing to do but I've noticed a number of times that someone who was feeling insecure went around telling people in our social group that "everyone" was talking about them or that so and so said they thought the person was such and such... and it was pure bull. Yet you can see the victim's face drop in horror and quiet for the rest of the night. By the time it was done to me I'd seen enough of it happen to know it was a lie. There's a reason that form of attack was chosen though. It cripples people.

I dunno...

I used to do something similar. I think what happens is the people that are feeling insecure project what they feel on to others, not necessarily intentionally.

If I feel crappy about myself its certain others must be feeling crappy about me as well. If I dont like myself how could others like me? I think its less of an attack than it is a conditioned set of unhealthy patterns and it keeps perpetuating itself until it manifests into reality. The insecure person is determined to justify their own feelings by validating them through others.

Its a terrible mess but conditioning can be undone and replaced with new ways of percieving the world and self.

You could help that person.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:30 pm

What Koan said Is right.

I remember In sales, the company always said ...' Do a Good Installation and the customer will tell his neighbour.... Do a bad one and he'll tell the world.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Mar 27, 2010 12:32 pm

oscar;1300000 wrote: What Koan said Is right.

I remember In sales, the company always said ...' Do a Good Installation and the customer will tell his neighbour.... Do a bad one and he'll tell the world.

I had a customer yesterday say, "One oops just totally wipes out 100 attaboys".