Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a b!%ch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Sincerely, Anonymous
Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders
Dear Voldemort ,
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP
Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985
Dear Justin Bieber ,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Sincerely, Jack
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Sincerely, Shakespeare
Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Sincerely, Vuvuzelas
Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Done!
Sincerely, Colorblind
Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Sincerely, Mulan
Dear Romeo,
My death isn't the only thing I've been faking...
Sincerely, Juliet
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed
Dear Sex Educators,
Abstinence is only 99.99% effective.
Sincerely, The Virgin Mary
Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast
Dear Edward,
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty
Dear Facebook,
They will soon abandon you as well, don't feel bad about it.
Sincerely, Myspace.
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States
Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerly, Parents Everywhere
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman
Dear Americans,
I'm sorry, did you just insult us? I couldn't hear you over my health care benefits.
Sincerely, Canadians
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol
Dear Mr. Gump
WTF are you talking about? There's a little diagram on the lid that tells you EXACTELY what you're gonna get....
Sincerely, Jenny
Dear Katy Perry,
I liked the kiss too.
Sincerely, Justin Beiber
Dear Twihards,
If he sparkles, he's probably one of ours
Sincerely, Gay Men Of America
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Giant Spider On The Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely, Terrified
Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore
Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely, Elephant
Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr. Pepper
Dear girls making kissy faces on MySpace and Facebook
There’s a reason we close our eyes when we kiss.
Sincerely, boys
Dear Cat
Sorry for hoisting you into the air whenever ‘The Circle of Life’ plays.
Sincerely, a Lion King enthusiast
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FUNNY WOMEN #34: An Evolution Of Dear John Letters - The Rumpus.net
FUNNY WOMEN #34: An Evolution Of Dear John Letters - The Rumpus.net
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