I do not.
I have trouble coaching my child on how to make sense of the world other people seem to perceive and I'm not sure how. She was not born to someone who understands.
Ultimate advice: You are alone. Everyone is alone. I hope to ease your pain by being a friend. Otherwise: find a way to accept it and be okay. Sorry.
Do you buy in to reality?
Do you buy in to reality?
koan;1369840 wrote: I do not.
I have trouble coaching my child on how to make sense of the world other people seem to perceive and I'm not sure how. She was not born to someone who understands.
Ultimate advice: You are alone. Everyone is alone. I hope to ease your pain by being a friend. Otherwise: find a way to accept it and be okay. Sorry.
My point of view is that I suppose there as many realities as there are people in the world. Each has her/his own unique perception. I think that children cannot help but buy in to their parent's realities in their early years since parents cannot avoid acting these out.
I have trouble coaching my child on how to make sense of the world other people seem to perceive and I'm not sure how. She was not born to someone who understands.
Ultimate advice: You are alone. Everyone is alone. I hope to ease your pain by being a friend. Otherwise: find a way to accept it and be okay. Sorry.
My point of view is that I suppose there as many realities as there are people in the world. Each has her/his own unique perception. I think that children cannot help but buy in to their parent's realities in their early years since parents cannot avoid acting these out.
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Do you buy in to reality?
It's what happens when you take the world too seriously or look at it within only a single frame of mind . You don't have to percieve the world at all from any mind point ...just make the decisions as you go and in a way that feels right on a consciencious level at the time ..back track when you find out differently .
I never (on a consciencious level) go with the sheeples ...I always see a danger in that, that will have consequences for my offspring down the track....tha'ts just how I roll.
I never (on a consciencious level) go with the sheeples ...I always see a danger in that, that will have consequences for my offspring down the track....tha'ts just how I roll.
Do you buy in to reality?
One of several adages that keep me on track may help to sum up what I believe.
"Whoever you sleep with, you wake up alone"
Says a lot more than the sum of the words.
"Whoever you sleep with, you wake up alone"
Says a lot more than the sum of the words.
I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth
Do you buy in to reality?
When I feel like I start to slip away from reality I just invent it, it's fun...
Have her do mathematics, it's pretty cool actually
Have her do mathematics, it's pretty cool actually
Do you buy in to reality?
koan;1369840 wrote: Ultimate advice: You are alone. Everyone is alone. I hope to ease your pain by being a friend. Otherwise: find a way to accept it and be okay. Sorry.
Which one could always re-word as one group famously did: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. Or, to mess with the New Testament: inasmuch as you do it to anybody else, even the least of them, you do it to yourself.
Here are two assumptions which, if you accept them, explain what happened: 1, the world is an illusory distraction created temporarily by yourself and 2, this really is the best of all the distractions you could have created so skip the guilt trip, you're doing fine.
Which one could always re-word as one group famously did: I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. Or, to mess with the New Testament: inasmuch as you do it to anybody else, even the least of them, you do it to yourself.
Here are two assumptions which, if you accept them, explain what happened: 1, the world is an illusory distraction created temporarily by yourself and 2, this really is the best of all the distractions you could have created so skip the guilt trip, you're doing fine.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. ... Hold no regard for unsupported opinion.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Do you buy in to reality?
What is reality? It is perceived individually, culturally, socially, etc. You have taught her the important things in life, and she will have to form her own vision of this, even if it is something you cannot.
I think I understand quite well your position, having gone through the wedding with a total disconnect from the in-laws. Nothing was ever perceived from our family's perspective, and what future expectations of familial relationships would be like. I think I will be hitting the proverbial brick wall-I will continue to try and gain their friendship, which is what is always done in our family. The invitation for some type of meeting and getting to know each other will be offered by me probably once a month or so-I do not hope for much. I have still not thought through what I will say to the father-in-law, he grunted at me during our first introduction, and it was the only auditory sound towards me for two days. I am still thinking on this one......(and I am not kidding about that grunt, the strangest thing I every experienced, I cannot even say rude to something like that, it goes beyond it)
I think I understand quite well your position, having gone through the wedding with a total disconnect from the in-laws. Nothing was ever perceived from our family's perspective, and what future expectations of familial relationships would be like. I think I will be hitting the proverbial brick wall-I will continue to try and gain their friendship, which is what is always done in our family. The invitation for some type of meeting and getting to know each other will be offered by me probably once a month or so-I do not hope for much. I have still not thought through what I will say to the father-in-law, he grunted at me during our first introduction, and it was the only auditory sound towards me for two days. I am still thinking on this one......(and I am not kidding about that grunt, the strangest thing I every experienced, I cannot even say rude to something like that, it goes beyond it)
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Kathy Ellen
- Posts: 10569
- Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm
Do you buy in to reality?
chonsigirl;1369875 wrote: What is reality? It is perceived individually, culturally, socially, etc. You have taught her the important things in life, and she will have to form her own vision of this, even if it is something you cannot.
I think I understand quite well your position, having gone through the wedding with a total disconnect from the in-laws. Nothing was ever perceived from our family's perspective, and what future expectations of familial relationships would be like. I think I will be hitting the proverbial brick wall-I will continue to try and gain their friendship, which is what is always done in our family. The invitation for some type of meeting and getting to know each other will be offered by me probably once a month or so-I do not hope for much. I have still not thought through what I will say to the father-in-law, he grunted at me during our first introduction, and it was the only auditory sound towards me for two days. I am still thinking on this one......(and I am not kidding about that grunt, the strangest thing I every experienced, I cannot even say rude to something like that, it goes beyond it)
Hi Chonsi,
I'm sorry, haven't been keeping up with things in FG lately. Is this your daughter's husband's family?????
I'm so sorry to hear this news. Why on earth are they acting like this towards you??????? You are one of the nicest women in the WORLD !!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand....???? What do you think is going on ??
I think I understand quite well your position, having gone through the wedding with a total disconnect from the in-laws. Nothing was ever perceived from our family's perspective, and what future expectations of familial relationships would be like. I think I will be hitting the proverbial brick wall-I will continue to try and gain their friendship, which is what is always done in our family. The invitation for some type of meeting and getting to know each other will be offered by me probably once a month or so-I do not hope for much. I have still not thought through what I will say to the father-in-law, he grunted at me during our first introduction, and it was the only auditory sound towards me for two days. I am still thinking on this one......(and I am not kidding about that grunt, the strangest thing I every experienced, I cannot even say rude to something like that, it goes beyond it)
Hi Chonsi,
I'm sorry, haven't been keeping up with things in FG lately. Is this your daughter's husband's family?????
I'm so sorry to hear this news. Why on earth are they acting like this towards you??????? You are one of the nicest women in the WORLD !!!!!!!!!!
I don't understand....???? What do you think is going on ??
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Do you buy in to reality?
My daughter was married last weekend-we did not meet his family until the night before, at the bridal dinner. Any overture to meet them was denied, and I really did not have their phone number or address, although they live within a mile of me. His mother had my number for six months, saw no need to call me.
So, when I met them at the dinner, I asked her if she had my number, and asked for hers. So I did get it the next day. Her husband grunted then when formally introduced-maybe he didn't like me asking such things? We were seated by two family members, who talked to us only after the third drink, then were very talkative. No further comment.
Oh my, one more tale on them, and then I will just say thank goodness she is married, it is what she wants. (like the reality question of koan, it is her reality) The reception-I went in with my husband, and sat him at a front table with six of his family members. I circulated, returned to the table-they all upped and left for another table. We did sit there by ourselves the whole time-got up and talked to our family members, played with the grandson, etc. They never talked to us again or said goodbye on leaving the party. I will call in a week or so, and see if she would like to have lunch or something. I am not hoping she will even pick up the phone, or return my call. The point will be made, until the shell around them is broken.
Reality of it-from my viewpoint, my daughter married, but I did not partake of normal things you would expect prior to a wedding. No invitation to a bridal shower, but only the one planned when they all knew I was out of town. No making of the frilly stuff for tables, gown fittings, etc. It was a strange experience for me, very sad, very surreal. Oh, you know I am still not over it, I have vented too much. What is reality in all of this? I learned to never expect such things again, since that was my last daughter married. I learned to wear heels again, since I would have kicked them in the shins or worse. I learned not to bring my expectations of what is family, and embracing new members, to those who do not want you. My last comment to his mother, while my daughter was dressing was, "We will become very good freinds." A statement, a wish. She did not talk to me again after that.
Reality-my social/cultural background is completely different from theirs, I think they do not see this. The need to embrace a new relative and the happiness derived from it, is not seen from their viewpoint. They must have a different reality, which I must learn to understand, if possible. I will not embrace a negative reality, I am who I am. I bend more with age, but in some ways I do not.
But, I looked pretty good at the wedding in my dress and french braid.....I must laugh about something! And my grandson was a delight to have for a few days.
So, when I met them at the dinner, I asked her if she had my number, and asked for hers. So I did get it the next day. Her husband grunted then when formally introduced-maybe he didn't like me asking such things? We were seated by two family members, who talked to us only after the third drink, then were very talkative. No further comment.
Oh my, one more tale on them, and then I will just say thank goodness she is married, it is what she wants. (like the reality question of koan, it is her reality) The reception-I went in with my husband, and sat him at a front table with six of his family members. I circulated, returned to the table-they all upped and left for another table. We did sit there by ourselves the whole time-got up and talked to our family members, played with the grandson, etc. They never talked to us again or said goodbye on leaving the party. I will call in a week or so, and see if she would like to have lunch or something. I am not hoping she will even pick up the phone, or return my call. The point will be made, until the shell around them is broken.
Reality of it-from my viewpoint, my daughter married, but I did not partake of normal things you would expect prior to a wedding. No invitation to a bridal shower, but only the one planned when they all knew I was out of town. No making of the frilly stuff for tables, gown fittings, etc. It was a strange experience for me, very sad, very surreal. Oh, you know I am still not over it, I have vented too much. What is reality in all of this? I learned to never expect such things again, since that was my last daughter married. I learned to wear heels again, since I would have kicked them in the shins or worse. I learned not to bring my expectations of what is family, and embracing new members, to those who do not want you. My last comment to his mother, while my daughter was dressing was, "We will become very good freinds." A statement, a wish. She did not talk to me again after that.
Reality-my social/cultural background is completely different from theirs, I think they do not see this. The need to embrace a new relative and the happiness derived from it, is not seen from their viewpoint. They must have a different reality, which I must learn to understand, if possible. I will not embrace a negative reality, I am who I am. I bend more with age, but in some ways I do not.
But, I looked pretty good at the wedding in my dress and french braid.....I must laugh about something! And my grandson was a delight to have for a few days.
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Betty Boop
- Posts: 16988
- Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 1:17 pm
- Location: The end of the World
Do you buy in to reality?
chonsigirl;1369893 wrote: My daughter was married last weekend-we did not meet his family until the night before, at the bridal dinner. Any overture to meet them was denied, and I really did not have their phone number or address, although they live within a mile of me. His mother had my number for six months, saw no need to call me.
So, when I met them at the dinner, I asked her if she had my number, and asked for hers. So I did get it the next day. Her husband grunted then when formally introduced-maybe he didn't like me asking such things? We were seated by two family members, who talked to us only after the third drink, then were very talkative. No further comment.
Oh my, one more tale on them, and then I will just say thank goodness she is married, it is what she wants. (like the reality question of koan, it is her reality) The reception-I went in with my husband, and sat him at a front table with six of his family members. I circulated, returned to the table-they all upped and left for another table. We did sit there by ourselves the whole time-got up and talked to our family members, played with the grandson, etc. They never talked to us again or said goodbye on leaving the party. I will call in a week or so, and see if she would like to have lunch or something. I am not hoping she will even pick up the phone, or return my call. The point will be made, until the shell around them is broken.
Reality of it-from my viewpoint, my daughter married, but I did not partake of normal things you would expect prior to a wedding. No invitation to a bridal shower, but only the one planned when they all knew I was out of town. No making of the frilly stuff for tables, gown fittings, etc. It was a strange experience for me, very sad, very surreal. Oh, you know I am still not over it, I have vented too much. What is reality in all of this? I learned to never expect such things again, since that was my last daughter married. I learned to wear heels again, since I would have kicked them in the shins or worse. I learned not to bring my expectations of what is family, and embracing new members, to those who do not want you. My last comment to his mother, while my daughter was dressing was, "We will become very good freinds." A statement, a wish. She did not talk to me again after that.
Reality-my social/cultural background is completely different from theirs, I think they do not see this. The need to embrace a new relative and the happiness derived from it, is not seen from their viewpoint. They must have a different reality, which I must learn to understand, if possible. I will not embrace a negative reality, I am who I am. I bend more with age, but in some ways I do not.
But, I looked pretty good at the wedding in my dress and french braid.....I must laugh about something! And my grandson was a delight to have for a few days.
Chonsi, I'm speechless, what an odd way for them to carry on
yh_hugs:yh_hugs
So, when I met them at the dinner, I asked her if she had my number, and asked for hers. So I did get it the next day. Her husband grunted then when formally introduced-maybe he didn't like me asking such things? We were seated by two family members, who talked to us only after the third drink, then were very talkative. No further comment.
Oh my, one more tale on them, and then I will just say thank goodness she is married, it is what she wants. (like the reality question of koan, it is her reality) The reception-I went in with my husband, and sat him at a front table with six of his family members. I circulated, returned to the table-they all upped and left for another table. We did sit there by ourselves the whole time-got up and talked to our family members, played with the grandson, etc. They never talked to us again or said goodbye on leaving the party. I will call in a week or so, and see if she would like to have lunch or something. I am not hoping she will even pick up the phone, or return my call. The point will be made, until the shell around them is broken.
Reality of it-from my viewpoint, my daughter married, but I did not partake of normal things you would expect prior to a wedding. No invitation to a bridal shower, but only the one planned when they all knew I was out of town. No making of the frilly stuff for tables, gown fittings, etc. It was a strange experience for me, very sad, very surreal. Oh, you know I am still not over it, I have vented too much. What is reality in all of this? I learned to never expect such things again, since that was my last daughter married. I learned to wear heels again, since I would have kicked them in the shins or worse. I learned not to bring my expectations of what is family, and embracing new members, to those who do not want you. My last comment to his mother, while my daughter was dressing was, "We will become very good freinds." A statement, a wish. She did not talk to me again after that.
Reality-my social/cultural background is completely different from theirs, I think they do not see this. The need to embrace a new relative and the happiness derived from it, is not seen from their viewpoint. They must have a different reality, which I must learn to understand, if possible. I will not embrace a negative reality, I am who I am. I bend more with age, but in some ways I do not.
But, I looked pretty good at the wedding in my dress and french braid.....I must laugh about something! And my grandson was a delight to have for a few days.
Chonsi, I'm speechless, what an odd way for them to carry on
yh_hugs:yh_hugs
Do you buy in to reality?
Different backgrounds shouldn't have anything to do with it, they're acting like you're on work release from a federal penitentiary, for crying out loud. Good luck to your daughter, it sounds like she married into a miserable family.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Do you buy in to reality?
Well, on the bright side, here are two photo-find the grandson before the table of goodies, and my daughter and me. That is reality, family and love.
Attached files
Attached files
Do you buy in to reality?
You both look well scrubbed, chonsi. And, in your case, turquoised. They can't have been complaining at your turnout.
Do they regard your family as different? I reckon any extreme reaction like this has to be based on some form of bigotry, unless you feel they'd have done exactly the same to absolutely any bride he'd brought home. Is it him they're trying to express disapproval to rather than you, perhaps, for going against an earlier wish you've never heard of?
Do they regard your family as different? I reckon any extreme reaction like this has to be based on some form of bigotry, unless you feel they'd have done exactly the same to absolutely any bride he'd brought home. Is it him they're trying to express disapproval to rather than you, perhaps, for going against an earlier wish you've never heard of?
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. ... Hold no regard for unsupported opinion.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Do you buy in to reality?
What a gorgeous photo of a lovely mum and a lovely daughter :-6 :-4
What ridiculous in-laws!
What ridiculous in-laws!
Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers...Rainer Maria Rilke
Do you buy in to reality?
When my daughter got married, her mate's family were similar. They are from a completely different culture, than mine, and the families seldom interact.
My son-in-law is actually happy with that arrangement.
My daughter, less so. She wants her kids to have a solid footing in both sides of their heritage, and his family is very conservative and wants nothing to do with ours.
I don't much care, but I have made many efforts to help the grandkids with the cultural "melding"
What continues to amaze me is how different many of the Latin American cultures are from each other. Mexican and Cuban, for example, seem to have little use for each other. My wife's family will have little to do with my daughter's in-laws. And neither of those have much in common with my family.
Family gatherings are an adventure in diplomacy.
The clash of realities leads to amazing adventures.
But then, having grown up in a world of experimental psychedelics, shifting realities don't bother me much.
It's more about how you deal with the reality in which you find yourself.
We wake up to a new world, every day.
My son-in-law is actually happy with that arrangement.
My daughter, less so. She wants her kids to have a solid footing in both sides of their heritage, and his family is very conservative and wants nothing to do with ours.
I don't much care, but I have made many efforts to help the grandkids with the cultural "melding"
What continues to amaze me is how different many of the Latin American cultures are from each other. Mexican and Cuban, for example, seem to have little use for each other. My wife's family will have little to do with my daughter's in-laws. And neither of those have much in common with my family.
Family gatherings are an adventure in diplomacy.
The clash of realities leads to amazing adventures.
But then, having grown up in a world of experimental psychedelics, shifting realities don't bother me much.
It's more about how you deal with the reality in which you find yourself.
We wake up to a new world, every day.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
- DH Lawrence
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Do you buy in to reality?
spot;1369905 wrote: You both look well scrubbed, chonsi. And, in your case, turquoised. They can't have been complaining at your turnout.
Do they regard your family as different? I reckon any extreme reaction like this has to be based on some form of bigotry, unless you feel they'd have done exactly the same to absolutely any bride he'd brought home. Is it him they're trying to express disapproval to rather than you, perhaps, for going against an earlier wish you've never heard of?
Thank you spot-and Theia.
Spot, I really do not know them well enough to know. I know they did not talk to him also for 5-6 months before the wedding. I kept the channels open with my duaghter, who continued to visit me weekly.
Do they regard your family as different? I reckon any extreme reaction like this has to be based on some form of bigotry, unless you feel they'd have done exactly the same to absolutely any bride he'd brought home. Is it him they're trying to express disapproval to rather than you, perhaps, for going against an earlier wish you've never heard of?
Thank you spot-and Theia.
Spot, I really do not know them well enough to know. I know they did not talk to him also for 5-6 months before the wedding. I kept the channels open with my duaghter, who continued to visit me weekly.
Do you buy in to reality?
It sounds as though if you concentrate on being nice to the lad you might end up making a friend of him, and then you might get to hear the full story. But yes, by all means keep throwing out gestures at the rest of them.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left. ... Hold no regard for unsupported opinion.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious. [Fred Wedlock, "The Folker"]
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Do you buy in to reality?
Just started seeing ads for a new reality show called Monsters In-Law or something like that. "Me me me" screeched in a cartoon voice.
I've reflected back on times when I was not well in the past (kidney infections can make things very surreal) and realised that the problem isn't just getting along with "normal" people its that we face a cornucopia of variously maladjusted entities who are all equally convinced that their perceptions are relevant.
If society was made up of people who had identical perceptive abilities I think it would be a much different experience.
I've reflected back on times when I was not well in the past (kidney infections can make things very surreal) and realised that the problem isn't just getting along with "normal" people its that we face a cornucopia of variously maladjusted entities who are all equally convinced that their perceptions are relevant.
If society was made up of people who had identical perceptive abilities I think it would be a much different experience.