One Sided Friendships?

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 1:49 pm

Has anyone here ever had one of these? If so I would love to know how you dealt with it. You have a friend that you love and care about, who you want to be friends with, but it always seems like you are doing something for them, they need help with something. But if the time comes when you might need some help with something, they can't seem to be bothered to help you. :-2 I always thought friendship was supposed to be a two-way street.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:34 pm

Maybe that's a question worth asking potential friends at the get-go so there's less chance of a misunderstanding.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:35 pm

Hope6;1385601 wrote: Has anyone here ever had one of these? If so I would love to know how you dealt with it. You have a friend that you love and care about, who you want to be friends with, but it always seems like you are doing something for them, they need help with something. But if the time comes when you might need some help with something, they can't seem to be bothered to help you. :-2 I always thought friendship was supposed to be a two-way street.

It should be a two way street but it doesn't always turn out that way. I trust and give to anyone, even though sometimes you get nothing back. I will continue to always give to friendships simply because through my life there have been people who have done nothing but give to me. Sadly they've then had to move away and my side of the giving didn't get a chance to be returned. I spent a long time feeling like I'd used this person but she was having none of it, her philosophy was that you just keep giving and you expect nothing in return, I will be eternally grateful for that friend's friendship.

Even so, friends still come and go, it seems some are meant to be firm long term friends and others just flit into our lives and stay for the short term. One day we may work out why that person came by and what we were meant to learn.

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:37 pm

Ahso!;1385609 wrote: Maybe that's a question worth asking potential friends at the get-go so there's less chance of a misunderstanding.

Yeah right... what can you do for me?

I've come to accept that it doesn't work that way. You're either there for a person or you aren't, it shouldn't matter how they feel.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:20 am

Buckets and dippers, dippers are constantly dipping from the buckets and the buckets allow it. Two buckets would make good friends but two dippers might kill each other, or die of thirst..

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:33 am

YZGI;1385648 wrote: Buckets and dippers, dippers are constantly dipping from the buckets and the buckets allow it. Two buckets would make good friends but two dippers might kill each other, or die of thirst..Some people today refer to this as group selection. It always intrigues how natural and intuitive evolutionary theory is to living beings.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Feb 24, 2012 8:41 am

SnoozeAgain;1385621 wrote: Yeah right... what can you do for me?

I've come to accept that it doesn't work that way. You're either there for a person or you aren't, it shouldn't matter how they feel.If a person assumes that their needs will be met by others they friend then it seems to me that it makes good conversation. That doesn't mean people cannot be friends if the other party cannot meet certain needs, but it can mean that at least unrealistic expectations are kept low and the relationship itself could be managed better.

Most relationships between men are at a bit of a distance, I suspect, for the reasons I stated above.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 1:34 pm

"...man has almost constant occasion for the help of his brethren, and it is in vain for him to expect it from their benevolence only. He will be more likely to prevail if he can interest their self-love in his favour, and shew them that it is for their own advantage to do for him what he requires of them." -- Adam Smith in the Wealth of Nations

Actually it can be read online. wealth of nations page 20 - Google Search

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Sat Feb 25, 2012 4:01 pm

K.'s quote from Adam Smith brought to mind The Art of War by Sun Tzu. Relationships often feel like a war, don't they? The following quotes may back this up:

"We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors"

"The clever combatant imposes his will on the enemy, but does not allow the enemy's will to be imposed on him." (substitute 'friend' for enemy!)

"Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys.

Look on them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death!" (substitute 'friends' for soldiers!)

"So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong and to strike at what is weak." (substitute 'life' for war!)

"Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance."

And so on, as Sun Tzu gives plenty of advice on dealing with our enemies, many of whom were certainly our friends first. It's sad to say but friendship & other relationships often turn into a competitive tug of war. I guess you have to ask yourself what is the worth, and why.

Post by **LarsMac** » Mon Feb 27, 2012 9:27 pm

Interesting.

My friends are my friends, simply because we like each others' company. There is not quid pro quo involved.

When I help a friend, I do so because helping him or her means I get to hang out with them.

I have never wanted for help when I have needed it, either. So it seems my friends feel the same about me company.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:52 am

LarsMac;1385957 wrote: Interesting.

My friends are my friends, simply because we like each others' company. There is not quid pro quo involved.

When I help a friend, I do so because helping him or her means I get to hang out with them.

I have never wanted for help when I have needed it, either. So it seems my friends feel the same about me company.So you agree that each of you barter to fulfill everyone's self need to be "appreciated"...:yh_wink :yh_wink :yh_wink nod, nod

Post by **LarsMac** » Sat Mar 03, 2012 2:39 pm

K.Snyder;1385980 wrote: So you agree that each of you barter to fulfill everyone's self need to be "appreciated"...:yh_wink :yh_wink :yh_wink nod, nod

Nope. We just like to hang out with us.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:13 am

I've never been the type to ask anyone for anything. I'll usually do without before I will ask for something, so it's very unusual that I asked this person for anything anyway. I know now though, this person is a taker, not a giver. I will never ask anything of them again. I on the other hand am a giver. I've been told......by someone here I care about a great deal....that I am a doormat. eek!!