Divorce

Valerie100 · Post by **Valerie100** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:09 pm

I don't know how it is for men, but for myself, as a woman, being divorced is horrid! Everywhere you look, everyone is paired up. People sometimes look at me like it's unbelievable that I don't have a ring on my hand. Married women consider me a threat -- like, I'm going to steal their man or something -- because I'm not married. Or you get these morons that would rather think that you're gay or worse because you're not married. People actually get snobby and feel superior because they have a significant other or rings on their hands. I've seen it and I know it. I used to be one of those fools, too, and I think God is getting even with me. Yep, I'm paying the piper now.

Anyway, no one ever just assumes "Oh, she must be divorced." It's rough out here, in divorceland. All of the good ones seem to be taken, and if you have standards, that pretty much leaves you alone and by yourself. Pickings are slim, from what I'm seeing. But for what it's worth, though, a lot of married women are still very much alone in their marriages. All of us really and truly are, so I'm learning to be at-peace with myself and this divorced-being-alone thing. It does get hard, though, when others just don't or can't understand. You get tired of hearing and dealing with their ignorance, you know? :-5

On a more positive note -- I am glad that I can have the bed to myself now and not have to fight with him for the covers anymore. I can cook with mushrooms now. I don't have to hear him snore or complain about his ailments and allergies. And I really don't miss touching his way too oily skin, his dandruff, whisker hairs in the bathroom sink, or the odd little faces he used to make during...

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:38 pm

I wasn't divorced Val, I was a widower with grown children out of the house, but dated quite a few divorced women before re-marrying after five years. My observation was that it is much harder for the divorced female. I was quite aware of the difference in my being a widower and that I was considered a prime catch. Widowers wind up with all the assets and aren't paying child support or alimony. I sensed quite a bit of anger and even hostility from some of the women I dated. Not toward me particularly, but it was so obvious that they had been through the dating mill and had had some bad experiences. I took full advantage of my widower status and in retrospect feel a bit guilty. I like marriage and wanted to re-marry, it was just a matter of finding that right person. I had two prime criteria, one, I didn't want to marry someone that was native to the area in which I was living, because I didn't want to stay in that area when I retired and if their roots and family were there I'd be stuck. Second, I wanted to find someone that had assets pretty equal to my own so that I would know they weren't interested in me as a meal ticket. In the five years before re-marrying, I dated well over 60 women. I am not saying that to brag, it just took that many to find what I was looking for.

I met many single divorced men when I would go to singles clubs and dances and I hate to be so critical of my own sex, but so many of these guys were real loosers. At any rate, I do think it is tougher on the female than the male.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:47 pm

Lon wrote: I dated well over 60 women.
Lon, you're such a stud!! :yh_bigsmi

Val, what cracks me up is your comment about married women thinking you're going to "steal" their husband. That always makes me laugh. Women are so goofy, and catty and paranoid. It's no wonder some men ARE "stealable." Don't the women realize that a man can't be stolen unless he wants to be?? What a bunch of :yh_loser

I wouldn't be annoyed by them, I feel sorry for them.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Sep 30, 2005 11:43 pm

i was divorced, happy as a clam, for 10 years. took care of my own self and never expected a damn thing. i had 450 men as my workmates, believe me, i had ops....i did not look for a mate. and then i met this Englishman who only happened to be my soulmate.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 2:28 am

Val, You possibly havent been on your own long enough to have discovered the joy of it. Divorce is horrible. Even breaking up with someone youve lived with for a long time is horribly painful. Once you make the adjustment to being single,its almost hard to imagine compromising to have a relationship again. Look around

you at the unhappy looking couples..their stuck. You have the opportunity to have someone wonderful come along at any moment. All of those women you think are looking at you as a threat... are looking at you, wishing they were you.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:17 am

[quote=Valerie100] But for what it's worth, though, a lot of married women are still very much alone in their marriages.

Never a truer statement...I can testify to that after 40 yrs of 'marriage'.

It took me a long time and it isn't easy, but I do everything on my own....even go on holiday. It is tough but when I see couples rowing and arguing I thank my lucky stars....lonliness is tough..you have to fill your time and find plenty to occupy you.

There are many happy couples in the world...I amd so happy for them....maybe one day I'll be one half of a happy couple...i'll never give up hope but I'm not out searching just waiting for fate to take a hand.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:25 am

that's just it Bez...i was not looking either!! i had decided to be alone the rest of my life. the only way to let love walk in is to be a freebird yourself.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:31 am

lady cop wrote: that's just it Bez...i was not looking either!! i had decided to be alone the rest of my life. the only way to let love walk in is to be a freebird yourself.

A FREEBIRD...love it....that's what I'm gonna be....Thanks LC :-4

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:36 am

So let me get this straight, because sometimes ideas come to me without a clear connection of where they came from:

Women are raised to be dependent and spend their lives learning to stand on their own.

Men are raised to be independent and spend their lives looking for someone to lean on.

With obvious exceptions, are these accurate statements?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:36 am

do it Bez! you can!! :yh_flower :yh_flower :yh_hugs

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:43 am

Accountable wrote: So let me get this straight, because sometimes ideas come to me without a clear connection of where they came from:

Women are raised to be dependent and spend their lives learning to stand on their own.

Men are raised to be independent and spend their lives looking for someone to lean on.

With obvious exceptions, are these accurate statements?

CORRECT ! (WITH OBVIOUS EXCEPTIONS ACC

)

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:43 am

Accountable wrote: So let me get this straight, because sometimes ideas come to me without a clear connection of where they came from:

Women are raised to be dependent and spend their lives learning to stand on their own.

Men are raised to be independent and spend their lives looking for someone to lean on.

With obvious exceptions, are these accurate statements?your last PM to me...we are fine and you are a BIG help!. women used to be raised to be dependant stepford wives. my generation stopped that for the most part. my Dad NEVER told me i had to belong to a man. au contraire, he told me to run for the supreme court. and men like to profess their independance, but man needs woman. it's OK. we need you too.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 7:33 am

lady cop wrote: your last PM to me...we are fine and you are a BIG help!. women used to be raised to be dependant stepford wives. my generation stopped that for the most part. my Dad NEVER told me i had to belong to a man. au contraire, he told me to run for the supreme court. and men like to profess their independance, but man needs woman. it's OK. we need you too.

Men are from Mars and Women from Venus....so true....

venus · Post by **venus** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 12:47 pm

so true...

hence the name!!!!!!!:D

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Sat Oct 01, 2005 5:36 pm

I don't mind being divorced, I actually like my life and being able to get on with what I want when I want. I have had a few internet dates which have been fun, I never went with the expectation of finding Mr right but just to have a night out and meet someone new. Just last night I had a date I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't go any further that that night, but we had a good time together anyway.

I think that to be happily divorced you have to focus on your life as an individual and set future goals to aim for that don't involve a partner. If someone turns up you can always refocus, but to spend your life waiting and hoping for Mr Right to appear means that you haven't learned to live happily with your self, and are depending on someone else to make you happy.

I hope things work out for you Val, but try to focus more on yourself as an individual and the great thing you have going for yourself.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 03, 2005 9:41 am

Being Divorced is a tough thing to go through and I hope V you are giving yourself time to re-structure your life and to some extent heal. The lonliness is killer indeed. I struggle with that daily when I only had 1 daughter left at home for now many more years. One thing I found happen slowly but finally is happening, I am keeping busy, you have to occupy yourself, on your own, easier said than done, but it sure helps.

My biggest adjustment with being on my own, I hate the days when I think ... "I can't wait for bed time and this day to be over."