Pestered by foreign man - advice needed please?

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Tue May 29, 2012 11:23 am

Hi I am a bit annoyed at the moment as at the weekends I like to go on the bus down to the coast, which is one hour and sixty minutes drive on the bus. I caught the bus at the weekend and it was busy and a man sat down next to me in the last seat and being polite we started to chat, or he began talking to me. He told me a bit about himself how he was divorced from his wife etc how he's got grown up kids, then out of the blue he said 'do you want to go for a drink somewhere?' :-3

I politely said no, as I had to meet someone. This man who is 'white African' (when I mentioned it to my mum she jumped to the conclusion he must be coloured. It's just the Dutch descendent's who came there centuries ago, not the natives.

I got off at the town before where I was going and walked along the seafront to the town I intended to go, relieved I wouldn't see him again. I am hardly likely to agree to go off with him as I don't know him, and he was miles older then me anyway. Came back on the bus and had the misfortune of bumping into him outside of Asda. Insisted on me taking his phone number, I agreed as not to cause friction then hurried off.

Had to go off to the coast the next day to a kiddie's party and I got on the bus and blow me he was on the bus! Sat next to him and talked politely but got off at the same town again and walked along the seafront. Prier to that I tripped over a woman's pushchair, she had a right go at me about looking where i should be going; this wouldn't have bloody happened if I hadn't been forced off!

Saw him on the bus back, :yh_ttthand that was the last straw. Luckily the bus was packed so he couldn't sit next to me and rabbit on about me calling me etc :yh_sweat what a relief.

What i would like to know is how do I stop this man pestering me for a date?

He may think it normal in his own country to jump on woman, but not here. I have seen many men I have liked, but I wouldn't dream of asking them on a date within a few hours or hour of meeting them! Advice would be welcome, as I like travelling at weekends and don't want to be pestered by this annoying man who is a complete stranger.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue May 29, 2012 11:29 am

**** Off tends to work for me.

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Tue May 29, 2012 11:30 am

Hi how you mate. I don't want to be rude, I'm sure he means well but it's a bit odd he should be trying it on with me.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue May 29, 2012 2:57 pm

Aura;1394629 wrote: Hi how you mate. I don't want to be rude, I'm sure he means well but it's a bit odd he should be trying it on with me. I'm good, thanks for asking.

Look, being serious here, you need to trust your Instincts.

We all have an Inbuilt alarm system. Some call It gut Instinct, women's Intuition etc etc but the rule Is.... If you ever feel uncomfortable then that's the signal that something Is not right and you need to heed It to stay safe.

Does this man make you feel uncomfortable or Is he just annoying ?

There's a difference.... If you want to avoid someone or a situation because It's just annoying, then fine but If that situation or person makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe In any way, then It has to be nipped In the bud before you end up worrying about getting that bus.

Sadly, we do not live In a safe world any more and you only get one chance at life. Your safety Is far more Important than running the risk of offending a stranger...

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Tue May 29, 2012 3:17 pm

As I've aged, it's gotten easier to just come right out and say "that's nice of you to ask but I'm not interested. Have a nice day" If that doesn't work, tell him to eff off or you're calling the cops.

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Tue May 29, 2012 3:31 pm

Does this man make you feel uncomfortable or Is he just annoying ? he does both. he told me he was devorced from his wife. makes you wonder why, perhaps I should mention something to the driver or my social worker.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue May 29, 2012 3:43 pm

I'm always a bit uncomfortable when a complete stranger shares personal information about themselves or tells his/her life story straight off.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Tue May 29, 2012 3:56 pm

Aura;1394657 wrote: he does both. he told me he was devorced from his wife. makes you wonder why, perhaps I should mention something to the driver or my social worker.

Mention It to the driver, and your social worker just to be sure.

If he sits next to you again... LIE.... tell him you're meeting your boyfriend for dinner who happens to be a police officer In Immigration.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Wed May 30, 2012 12:10 am

I like the "It's nice of you to ask, but I'm not interested," approach. It's plain, not offensive at all, and leaves the "Bugger off or I'm calling the police" option open.

(I'm a bloke, btw, just to give you a perspective from the other side)

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Wed May 30, 2012 4:12 am

Photos?

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed May 30, 2012 6:09 am

Ahso!;1394691 wrote: Photos? Are you being serious ?

Aura has learning difficulties and Is vulnerable. This man makes her feel uncomfortable.... are you suggesting she stands around asking him to pose for the camera? What sort of Impression would that give him ?

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Wed May 30, 2012 6:59 am

What Photos? Where?

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Wed May 30, 2012 7:01 am

oscar;1394703 wrote: Are you being serious ?

Aura has learning difficulties and Is vulnerable. This man makes her feel uncomfortable.... are you suggesting she stands around asking him to pose for the camera? What sort of Impression would that give him ?

Oh I understand now. No sensible woman is going to want to take photo's of a weirdo now are they?

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Wed May 30, 2012 7:12 am

Aura;1394721 wrote: Oh I understand now. No sensible woman is going to want to take photo's of a weirdo now are they? Exactly !!!!

Wild Fire · Post by **Wild Fire** » Wed May 30, 2012 1:06 pm

Wow. Do you really think that it was coincidence that you saw him so many times after you exited the bus? There's no such thing as coincidence and this sounds to me like a damn stalker. Not someone to NOT take seriously.

I like the post about your gut telling you something is wrong. I'm a big believer in gut instinct and mine never fails me. All gut instinct is, is your subconcious trying to get some buried information out to the surface. If he makes you uncomfortable, there's a reason for that.

Yes, tell the bus driver! And not only that, be just as aggressive with this twit as he's being with you. He's feeling you out, searching for a weakness. Stand up to him and show him you will not tolerate his crap. You don't have to be nasty, if that makes you uncomfortable, but there is nothing wrong with being assertive; showing him you are not some wilting flower or victim. Look him dead in his eye and say, very plainly, that you are not interested and would like to be left alone. Then turn your back on him and pay him no more attention.

I truly detest men who think their aggression is somehow attractive. I'd tell him to take his stupid game and his pathetic self somewhere else and don't even try bothering me again! But that's me and I have no problem at all being assertive and aggressive.

Don't take this dude's crap. Shut him down with no grey area, be firm, and he'll see he's not dealing with some whimpy person. It's important to take jacka$$e$ like him seriously and not let them get any other message from you than GO AWAY!

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Thu May 31, 2012 2:15 am

I think he only travels at the weekend because he works during the week, but i have to go down on Sunday as there is a Jubilee thing going on. I think I might mention it to the driver but their attitude is 'couldn't care less'. I will sit next to someone on the bus if I can. I don't want to be rude in case it turns nasty

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu May 31, 2012 6:03 am

Aura;1394920 wrote: I think he only travels at the weekend because he works during the week, but i have to go down on Sunday as there is a Jubilee thing going on. I think I might mention it to the driver but their attitude is 'couldn't care less'. I will sit next to someone on the bus if I can. I don't want to be rude in case it turns nasty

Good Idea. Sit next to another female passenger and explain to her why you haven't sat In an empty seat.

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Thu May 31, 2012 7:48 am

Tried explaining to a social worker but silly moo thinks it was sweet that he spoke to me. Why are some social workers stupider then a post! Perhaps he should sit next to her.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu May 31, 2012 7:58 am

Aura;1394952 wrote: Tried explaining to a social worker but silly moo thinks it was sweet that he spoke to me. Why are some social workers stupider then a post! Perhaps he should sit next to her.

Put this scenario to your dumbarsse social worker....

You are followed by this man once you have got off the bus and he's attacked you.

You are In court and the defence Barrister Is cross examining you...

He asks you.... ' Why didn't you raise the alarm about how threatened you felt by him?'

You reply...... ' Because my social worker told me he was being rather sweet'.

Now what are the odds of him being convicted?

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 1:12 am

Luckily when i go down on the bus Saturday he won't be on it as i am going a bit earlier if I can.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 4:14 am

oscar;1394703 wrote: Aura has learning difficultiesHow would you know that?

You all are making a big deal over what was probably a nothing. Men desire women. BFD!

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:51 am

Ahso!;1395036 wrote: How would you know that?

You all are making a big deal over what was probably a nothing. Men desire women. BFD! I know Aura.... do you ?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:52 am

oscar;1395053 wrote: I know Aura.... do you ?You know her personally as in face-to-face encounters?

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:56 am

Ahso!;1395054 wrote: You know her personally, as in face-to-face encounters?

She came here for advice not to turn this thread Into demanding proof that members here know a little more about her life than you do.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 6:59 am

oscar;1395056 wrote: She came here for advice not to turn this thread Into demanding proof that members here know a little more about her life than you do.So that would be a "no" then?

But you assume as you often do that because you believe she has learning difficulties that she's stupid too. You are one special case, Oscar.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:04 am

Ahso!;1395058 wrote: So, that would be a "no" then?

But you assume, as you often do, that because you believe she has learning difficulties, that she's stupid too. You are one special case, Oscar.

Aura has posted In previous threads here that she has learning difficulties that means she Is appointed a social worker. If you have never read here previous threads, then that's your problem.

Aura, take my advice, when you return to this thread, simply by pass Ahso's posts. He has nothing to add and only contributes to derail threads and and troll.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:09 am

oscar;1395061 wrote: Aura has posted In previous threads here that she has learning difficulties that means she Is appointed a social worker. If you have never read here previous threads, then that's your problem.

Aura, take my advice, when you return to this thread, simply by pass Ahso's posts. He has nothing to add and only contributes to derail threads and and troll.So you don't know Aura but you believe you do because you've read and apparently believe everything she's posted even though, according to you, she's stupid.

I think the only poster here with difficulties - learning, comprehension, and whatnot, is you, Oscar.

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:15 am

oscar;1395061 wrote: Aura has posted In previous threads here that she has learning difficulties that means she Is appointed a social worker. If you have never read here previous threads, then that's your problem.

Aura, take my advice, when you return to this thread, simply by pass Ahso's posts. He has nothing to add and only contributes to derail threads and and troll.

Better yet:

Go to Settings in upper right of your monitor

Under My Settings, sub-header My Account, click on Edit Ignore List

Enter Ahso! and click Okay

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:15 am

I have reported the above post.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:26 am

oscar;1395071 wrote: I have reported the above post.Should I be scared now, Oscar?

You stupidly go around this forum with your little girlfriend constantly making off-topic remarks and attacking, trolling and inadvertently calling others stupid, and you report my post for calling you out on it? At least I know what I'm saying and I don't shrink from it.

Merely another one of your difficulties, Oscar.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:29 am

Trolling, baiting and flaming.

I have reported the above post.

AnneBoleyn · Post by **AnneBoleyn** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:29 am

The panties in a bunch removed? Personally, I prefer "don't get your knickers in a knot". Why so angry Ahso!?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:31 am

AnneBoleyn;1395083 wrote: The panties in a bunch removed? Personally, I prefer "don't get your knickers in a knot". Why so angry Ahso!?Who's angry? Not me, I'm enjoying myself.

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 7:32 am

oscar;1395082 wrote: Trolling, baiting and flaming.

I have reported the above post.:wah::wah::wah:

Third time a charm?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:06 am

SnoozeAgain;1395070 wrote: Better yet:

Go to Settings in upper right of your monitor

Under My Settings, sub-header My Account, click on Edit Ignore List

Enter Ahso! and click OkaySo you also believe Aura to be stupid?

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:11 am

oscar;1395061 wrote: Aura has posted In previous threads here that she has learning difficulties that means she Is appointed a social worker. If you have never read here previous threads, then that's your problem.But according to you the social worker is stupid as well.

oscar;1395061 wrote: Aura, take my advice, when you return to this thread, simply by pass Ahso's posts. He has nothing to add and only contributes to derail threads and and troll.Why don't you cease telling this person what to do? Is it because you believe she's too stupid to make her own judgments?

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:07 am

Thanks all for the lastest installment of our new reality show. "As the Forum Turns"

Greatly enjoyed. Had many laughs. Now on to the next episode.

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:22 am

Oscar is our very own Joan Collins.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:23 am

SnoozeAgain;1395124 wrote: Oscar is our very own Joan Collins.

That would make you Linda Evans?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:26 am

SnoozeAgain;1395124 wrote: Oscar is our very own Joan Collins.

Do Joan's books all come with capital I's throughout too?? WOW. :wah:

Snooz · Post by **Snooz** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:30 am

YZGI;1395125 wrote: That would make you Linda Evans?

I think I'd rather be Heather Locklear and god help me, I even remember her character was named Sammy Jo.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 11:52 am

SnoozeAgain;1395128 wrote: I think I'd rather be Heather Locklear and god help me, I even remember her character was named Sammy Jo.
I'm more of a Sue Ellen

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:51 pm

You all are making a big deal over what was probably a nothing. Men desire women. BFD!

You obviously have never been approached by a man who made you feel uncomfortable and awkward have you? Being abusive towards Oscar and other people is not going to get you any brownie points and will brand you as a common troller. I have mild learning difficulties but i am not that stupid to realise when something is not right.

I think you should bugger off (end of my politeness) and leave board space on this thread for someone who doesn't go round abusing strangers. I am going to report you as well and hopefully they will ban you. Trollers like you make me sick and your kind should be put against a wall and shot! I hope your keyboard blows up so you can't upset any more people.

Oscar well done for reporting this stupid trolling yob.

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:53 pm

Ahso!;1395084 wrote: Who's angry? Not me, I'm enjoying myself.

You would do, trollers usually do. Remember nasty things happen to nasty people!

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:53 pm

oscar;1395082 wrote: Trolling, baiting and flaming.

I have reported the above post.

How do I report ******* as well please?

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:57 pm

Aura;1395168 wrote: How do I report ******* as well please? Look to the bottom left right under your avatar. Under where It says' points 560 ' you will see a small black triangle.

Click on that and a page will come up where you can type why you are reporting the post. Then click on ' submit report',

Ahso! · Post by **Ahso!** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 2:58 pm

Aura;1395167 wrote: You would do, trollers usually do. Remember nasty things happen to nasty people!Is it a man-thing? Just asking because I'm the one defending your intelligence. For a person with a learning problem you've definitely learned to express yourself quite well. Sometimes labels can cause one to be so dependent on others that they accept being degraded as a trade-off. Could happen to anyone, though.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:08 pm

Anyway... getting back to topic....

Aura, I can completely relate to how uncomfortable you feel and I empathise.

Without going Into details, about 3 years ago, I got myself In the local newspaper. For one, half of what I was suppossed to have told the newspaper, I never actually said. The next day, the entire story was re-printed In the biggest national newspaper, the Daily Mail... Then The Sun, The Telegraph and The Express. Suddenly, very strangely addressed letters began arriving at my home. Some were simply addressed to 'War Pilot's daughter, Bristol'..... ALL were supportive and very kind but because they were talking about my life and they had never met me, I began to feel quite uncomfortable.

Because It was an on going story, newspapers were printing up dates for a year. Then the weirdo's started contacting me, even calling at my home wanting me to support them In similar troubles to my own.

For 3 years now, OK not as regular as It was, I couldn't leave my house for people I didn't know stopping me In the street and the supermarket asking ' Are you that woman In the papers'? People I had never met In my life before would expect me to stop In the street and give them a running commentary of how things were progressing.

It was absolutely horrendous and It still occassionally happens to me.

I didn't ask the Daily Mail to steal the article from my local paper and I didn't ask the other Nationals to cover the story also. I had absolutely no control over what they printed.

Because I was In National newspapers, complete strangers believed I had become 'public property' and that gave them license to stop me In the street, approach me and question me about my life.

At first, I was like you... too polite and didn't want to offend anyone. After months of It, I began to get very angry. I even seriously considered moving house. Then I thought one day ' What the feck am I thinking'?

The final straw was one evening I was having a family meal with my family In a well known chain of Carvery's. With us were young family children. Even although we were eating, two men just came over to our table and started talking to me even calling me by my name. It was then, I told them where to go without worrying about hurting their feelings.

When anyone approaches me In the street now, I just ask ' Sorry, do I know you' ? And walk away.

No-One Is public property. Just because you are on a bus and he's on a bus, It doesn't mean you have something In common In which he has a god given right to force himself on you. If what he Is doing makes you feel uncomfortable In any way, then It Is wrong.

My experience taught me that If I want someone In my life then I Invite them In. They do not force themselves Into MY life. We choose the friends In our lives because we like them, trust them, and enjoy being with them. No-one can force their friendship on you. Trust your Instincts Aura. Remember, It's YOUR life, not his.

Aura · Post by **Aura** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:58 am

Hi I have had dealings with the Daily mail concerning a mother and baby unit. Anyway I have reported Ahso! when my friend died and we put a tribute page up, it was flamed by these faceless idiots. I have also blocked the poster, I can't believe some idiot would drop into a thread just to be a complete bastard. Obviously the poster is sick in the head. Anyway this experience has taught me to be careful on the bus. Did you get my friend request?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:55 am

All you need do is be assertive, tell him you are not interested, he may be thick skinned and not getting the message. He may well just be lonely rather than a potential stalker/rapist as some immediately think. He may well have social difficulties, who knows. Just be firm, place a bag on the seat next to you if he gets on the bus to deter him sitting next to you, if he asks you if he can sit there tell him you want to spend your journey in peace. If he still then continues to try and engage you in conversation just ignore him after telling him once again you are not interested and you want to be left alone loudly enough for others to hear.