Is it worth it...

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:45 pm

My son goes away on a camp tomorrow, first time he's been away on anything like this since he was eight, seven years ago.

Talk about anxious bless him, he's had an upset stomach all day, he's been walking around either in a dream or panicking over some trivial matter.

Tonight I asked him to help me pack his case, he ran to the bathroom feeling sick. I've packed the case and written a list of what I have packed as I know at this point telling him what is in the case will not be remembered.

Have spent the last two hours convincing him to go to bed and get an early night, he's still fretting. I know he'll hardly sleep tonight, getting him up and out the bed, let alone in the car in the morning will take all my powers of persuasion. No doubt he'll lock himself in his room which is his normal trick when he finds himself out of his normal routine.

I know I will spend the weekend wondering and worrying if he is ok and no doubt he'll have a wonderful time with all the other Aspergers kids but blimey, these changes to routine are damned hard work.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:49 pm

Ask him If he wants to go outright.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 2:54 pm

I agree with oscar.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:01 pm

He's got aspergers, asking him is pointless now, yes he wanted to go when it was booked and paid for, yes he wanted to go last month, yes he wanted to go last week, yes he wanted to go yesterday. What you're both not getting is that now the trip is upon us it means a change to his normal routine. Aspergers is on the Austism spectrum, none of these children like change to routine, they all show heightened anxiety. Once I get him out of the house and to the coach he'll see all his mates and be fine. It's not about not wanting to go. Every other mother or father of the children going on this trip tomorrow will be in the same position as me right now. I can imagine us all crumpling in heaps on the car park as we wave them off, heaving a sigh of relief we got them there on time.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:07 pm

Betty Boop;1401002 wrote: He's got aspergers, asking him is pointless now, yes he wanted to go when it was booked and paid for, yes he wanted to go last month, yes he wanted to go last week, yes he wanted to go yesterday. What you're both not getting is that now the trip is upon us it means a change to his normal routine. Aspergers is on the Austism spectrum, none of these children like change to routine, they all show heightened anxiety. Once I get him out of the house and to the coach he'll see all his mates and be fine. It's not about not wanting to go. Every other mother or father of the children going on this trip tomorrow will be in the same position as me right now. I can imagine us all crumpling in heaps on the car park as we wave them off, heaving a sigh of relief we got them there on time.
Then why ask the question In a thread ? Sounds as If you already decided.

I trust all go's well and he has a wonderful time.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:17 pm

Can you get any pointers from say, a pediatrician? I hate to think of

meds, but maybe it might be a help.

The only other thing I can think of to help is does he have a special

thing that's his own that you can let him hold during the process?

Younger children often have "blankies" but maybe just a special toy,

or a book... stuffed animal, something like that?

Hang in there Mom, it'll all work out!!

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:22 pm

There was no question mark.

As a parent I wonder if it's worth it, that's because I'm living how hard a work it is right here and now. I know what a struggle it will be in the morning.

On the flip side I also know how good it will be for him, he's been attending the youth club that has organised this trip for the last few months now. Even so, every Thursday night come youth club time he's locked himself in his room and again I have to talk him out. (It's a bathroom lock, I can get my way in if need be but I prefer to reason with him)

It would be easier to have a quiet life and let him stay home all the time, but that's not me doing my best for my son, making sure he experiences some fun things in life in an atmosphere where he's not different from all the rest, like at school.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:29 pm

valerie;1401004 wrote: Can you get any pointers from say, a pediatrician? I hate to think of

meds, but maybe it might be a help.

The only other thing I can think of to help is does he have a special

thing that's his own that you can let him hold during the process?

Younger children often have "blankies" but maybe just a special toy,

or a book... stuffed animal, something like that?

Hang in there Mom, it'll all work out!!

He's not under any doctors any more, we've been cast out to wade through life alone. Others have determined that I do not spend any more time looking after my 15 year old than another parent would spend with their 15 year old. They should come and live in my house and see the reality. He was offered ritalin years ago and I refused it after reading up on all the side effects. He's not hyperactive in bouncing off the walls but he's a twitcher, some part of his body is always moving, you don't normally notice but it's worse when anxious. I do sometimes give him some rescue remedy but that's not working as well as it used to.

He's got a transformers thing he clings to often, I'll remind him to pack it or keep it in his pocket when we leave in the morning, he also has a special ted but he doesn't like it leaving the house :wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:33 pm

oscar;1401003 wrote: Then why ask the question In a thread ? Sounds as If you already decided.

I trust all go's well and he has a wonderful time.

I'm sure it will all go well once I get him there lol He'll get to choose who he's sharing a room with and they have so many activities organised there won't be time to be homesick - I hope!

Bruv · Post by **Bruv** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:36 pm

Bloody kids are a problem from the day they are born.

All that worry anticipating, then all that worry while he's away.

Worried he is going through agonies amongst unsympathetic strangers, or at least none that care as much as you........

Then he will be back beaming all over his face, telling tales of amazing fun and excitement.....and you will feel silly for worrying.

Until the next trip......

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 3:45 pm

Bruv;1401008 wrote: Bloody kids are a problem from the day they are born.

All that worry anticipating, then all that worry while he's away.

Worried he is going through agonies amongst unsympathetic strangers, or at least none that care as much as you........

Then he will be back beaming all over his face, telling tales of amazing fun and excitement.....and you will feel silly for worrying.

Until the next trip......

Nope, that won't happen sadly, the trip will compartmentalised and not talked about until he's back with that youth group again. Same as school is school, spending time at Dad's is not talked about and likewise what he does here is not talked about elsewhere. It's part of the aspergers thing.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:00 pm

Interesting on the Rescue Remedy, that was another thing I almost

suggested but didn't, not knowing the availability where you are.

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 10:05 pm

I'd go over with him all the things that won't change while he's away.

1) You'll think about him all the time

2) You'll still love him just as much as forever

3) Some routine thing every morning that you'll still promise to do

then add something extra because he's doing it

1) You'll be so proud of him for being a big brave boy

And yes, it's worth it. You know it will be good for him and whether he tells you about it or not you know he's in good care doing things he couldn't have done at home.

It will be nice to see the other parents faces so you can have that little bonding moment, even if you don't say it.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Aug 17, 2012 2:44 am

He's on the coach now and headed for Torquay, a couple of hours away so not far.

Got up early, loaded up the car so he didn't come down and see the case and panic. Got the other two up first and dealt with them so I could go and talk the lad through getting up and getting ready and keep him calm lol. Forward planning went quite well, he co- operated and we got him out the door in plenty of time. All the while explaining what is happening while he's away, what he'll be doing etc. The next problem was beyond me, 'who is picking me up on sunday?' and seeing as his dad has not spoken to me about what's happening I had to just say 'I will be here when you come back' it's all I could say, I think he's going away on holiday with his dad on the monday but for all I know they could be setting off on sunday night, they may even not be going at all. I'm not privy to such information and keep trying to get it through to my ex that I'm not actually interested what he's up to but his son NEEDS to know what is happening.

There were just three parents dropping off here, the children were taken by car to join the coach in another town so I only saw one other parent who looked as harassed as I felt :wah:

The adults that have gone are all wonderful with Asperger's children and know what they are dealing with so it's a lot easier feeling sending him off than if it was a school trip.

theia · Post by **theia** » Fri Aug 17, 2012 3:13 am

I'm really happy for both of you :-6

Knowing you and the children in real life, I'm in a position to appreciate how difficult it can be for you and your son at times...you do really well :-6

Post by **Betty Boop** » Fri Aug 17, 2012 3:26 am

theia;1401026 wrote: I'm really happy for both of you :-6

Knowing you and the children in real life, I'm in a position to appreciate how difficult it can be for you and your son at times...you do really well :-6

Thank you Theia, he should be there within the hour and they'll spend the afternoon doing one of these activities: aeroball, archery, challenge course, problem solving, quad biking, giant swing and mountain biking. Biking should be fun he can't organise all his limbs to ride a bike bless him. But I'm sure he'll have a go at all the other activities, I think the idea is to have them all so busy and tired they won't have time to be homesick :wah:

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Fri Aug 17, 2012 2:26 pm

Betty Boop;1401002 wrote: He's got aspergers, asking him is pointless now, yes he wanted to go when it was booked and paid for, yes he wanted to go last month, yes he wanted to go last week, yes he wanted to go yesterday. What you're both not getting is that now the trip is upon us it means a change to his normal routine. Aspergers is on the Austism spectrum, none of these children like change to routine, they all show heightened anxiety. Once I get him out of the house and to the coach he'll see all his mates and be fine. It's not about not wanting to go. Every other mother or father of the children going on this trip tomorrow will be in the same position as me right now. I can imagine us all crumpling in heaps on the car park as we wave them off, heaving a sigh of relief we got them there on time.

I'm sorry. I was not aware he had aspergers. Once he gets into the routine at the camp, he should be fine.

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:33 am

...I'm assuming by the lack of comment here over the last few days everything is going well...

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:47 am

Clodhopper;1401477 wrote: ...I'm assuming by the lack of comment here over the last few days everything is going well...

No news was good news. The children weren't allowed to take any mobiles or other electrical equipment, but obviously the carers had our contact numbers and would ring if there was a problem.

They got back yesterday tea time, all had had a great time and there were moments when all of the group got homesick but the carers dealt with it without having to call any parents. I met my son and collected his case and sleeping bag, had a quick chat and hug before he got in the ex husbands car and headed off to Bournemouth for their holiday. Poor chap is shattered but he enjoyed the weekend and says he will go again which is a good sign he really did enjoy it.

Yes, it was worth the worry and having to deal with his anxiety

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Mon Aug 20, 2012 1:42 am

Oh good.

Can this event now become its own routine? Can you say the next time he has a trip of this sort that it is like this trip? Or is every change to the normal routine just a disruption each time?

(Oooh. Suddenly got so dark I've had to turn on the lights. Big storm coming over???)

Anyway, was going to suggest you had a nice cuppa tea and a special choccy biccy. Think you deserve them (Generous, aren't I?;))