Overinvolved?

[Chloe_88]

I got angry when my (ex)psychologist and hubby said I was overinvolved with my family.

My dad is having issues with his illness and his works, everything goes via the email. So they write, I correct (in to dutch).

When my nan (she's about 68) found out about her kidney issues and possible need of transplant, I offered to be tested for a match.

When my brother was ill, and wife was expecting, I traded my holiday in for a week in Ireland to help out, getting the baby room sorted.

I don't have much family, we moved to holland with the 5 of us. My brother has moved to Ireland.. And my other brother has autism (probably asperger) and doesn't talk to me. The rest (2 aunts, 1 uncle and 2 grandma's, and 3 out of 5 are ill) live in England. So I do not have a lot of family.

According to the ex psychologist I shouldn't worry about the health of my 2 grandma's, nor should I worry or help my dad with his emails.

I thought family was ment to be there for each other?

I do not see that you can be overinvolved when it comes down to family in these types of situations..

I dropped the whole matter as i've dropped the whole psychologist gobbledygook, but it started again yesterday, when I was correcting an email and hubby said not to.

Not like it takes away from "us" time. And it's only max. twice a week for 10 minutes.

I do not see the problem, I cant just leave them to rot. I'd feel selfish, especially after asking for so much (financial)help over the past year. Can you be overinvolved in family matters like these ?

What's your experience / opinion?

[AnneBoleyn]

If everything is as you have explained it seems to me your psychologist is an idiot. Just because someone has been schooled does not mean they have talent for their work. You don't say your family badgers or hurts you in any way, nor do you say they detract from your life. Does your husband have family? If so, what is their relationship?

I have only my son left. He is my only family. I do have 2 cousins I grew up with, but barely see them although we like each other. Time, distance, that sort of thing.

My family story has broken my heart, so if you don't mind, I won't share it. I try to forget it. Not that I have, but I'm working on it.

[Oscar Namechange]

I believe that much of society problems today are the breakdown of family commitments especially In the Western world.

Decades ago for example, If your teenage daughter came home pregnant, the whole family rallied and supported. The same when the elderly got frail. They were taken In to the family and cared for.

I truely believe we have lost that, Instead expecting governments and authorities to pick up the tab. So when someone deeply cares for their family, as you do, to the younger generation, It seems alien.

Good for you Chloe. Don't feel bad for one Iota of a minute... he's a jerk.

I'd walk over red hot coals for my family.

[Betty Boop]

Yikes, sounds like your husband wants you all to himself. Does he imply that 'he's' your family and the one that comes first now?

[Oscar Namechange]

Oh gosh... I just read Betty's post and realised.

Speed reading I read your ex psychologist said you were over-Involved.

My apologies Chloe... didn't mean your husband was a jerk.... I meant the psychologist.

[Snooz]

I think you sound like a wonderful daughter/sister. Maybe you could find another psychologist, they're all not the same and the new one would be a better fit.

I'd say the same about your husband but that would be unkind.

[LarsMac]

Perhaps the meaning was more along the lines of your involvement being too emotional.

It's one thing to want to help, and feel the need to help family, but you can become so emotionally committed to doing so, at the peril of your own well-being.

Maintaining a bit of detachment from the situation helps to keep your balance.

It's kind of like what they teach you about how to rescue a drowning person. You must not get so close that they can drag you under, or you will drown a long with them.

With all that has been going on in my family this last year, if I could not remain a bit detached, I would have lost my little mind. My wife was so wrapped up in it, it was up to me to keep things sorted out.

[along-for-the-ride]

I personally applaud you for your involvement with your family. You will never regret being part of their lives while they are here on this earth.

However, your comment "not like it takes away from "us" time. And it's only max. twice a week for 10 minutes" makes me believe your hubby is a bit jealous. "Us" time needs to be more than "that".....you know what I mean. You sound like you are a busy lady, but do take time to hang-out with hubby: talk, listen or share a laugh together. He probably is proud of you for helping your family too, but he might feel left out and needs you too. Psychologists are a dime a dozen, but your hubby is not.

[Chloe_88]

I've had another little think about it :wah:

No but in my experience dutch people do not share their problems tnd worries very much. fights are like big pink elephants in the room no one talks about etc.

when i get angry etc. I like to show emotion, hubby sits there and just doesnt say anything.

I must add in there; the problem with my dad and his work has been going on for over 6months now.

I just don't see anything wrong with helping out, and there have been moments when I have said no. regards to the psychologist, it was never my idea and i never really wanted to go, and i'm not going there again :wah:

[Oscar Namechange]

I went to a psychologist once. He told me I was a Paranoid schizophrenic.....

Well, he didn't actually say It but we knew he was thinking It.

[Chloe_88]

AnneBoleyn;1438618 wrote: If everything is as you have explained it seems to me your psychologist is an idiot. Just because someone has been schooled does not mean they have talent for their work. You don't say your family badgers or hurts you in any way, nor do you say they detract from your life. Does your husband have family? If so, what is their relationship?

I have only my son left. He is my only family. I do have 2 cousins I grew up with, but barely see them although we like each other. Time, distance, that sort of thing.

My family story has broken my heart, so if you don't mind, I won't share it. I try to forget it. Not that I have, but I'm working on it.


I'm so sad to hear you do not have a nice family "story", as you wish I will not get in to that any further.

My hubby has a good relationship with his family, but like I said in my (very speedy) message this morning, they do not discuss "issues". And I think maybe all this has taken to his surprise how close my family and I are, and how we vent things etc.

Although, maybe we are a little too open at "home". My dad suddenly asked me yesterday: Can you please tell me what a "MILF" is? Followed by the question; now we are on the subject, what's "teabagging"? I almost lost my lunch.. :yh_rotfl

oscar;1438657 wrote: I went to a psychologist once. He told me I was a Paranoid schizophrenic.....

Well, he didn't actually say It but we knew he was thinking It.


That gave me a good laugh :yh_rotfl , thanks Oscar :wah:

[Lone Wolf]

family come first to me above everything, my dad died last year leaving my elderly mum on her own, now i work part time and look after her the best i can ..im certainly not going to look back i think what could i have done nore regret

missed spent time ..

so..if anyone said to me ......... id prob say they were 'well' not nice caring people ....and wouldnt want to be

there family in need

[Chloe_88]

lostidentity;1438666 wrote: family come first to me above everything, my dad died last year leaving my elderly mum on her own, now i work part time and look after her the best i can ..im certainly not going to look back i think what could i have done nore regret

missed spent time ..

so..if anyone said to me ......... id prob say they were 'well' not nice caring people ....and wouldnt want to be

there family in need


Well said. I'm sorry about your dad. But your mum is very lucky to have you around.

[Lone Wolf]

Chloe_88;1438668 wrote: Well said. I'm sorry about your dad. But your mum is very lucky to have you around.
look me 47 years to find my purpose lol

[fuzzywuzzy]

I don't know about families today I remember a very different time. I don't understand the concept of families anymore.

Chloe, you just keep doing what you think is right .

[Oscar Namechange]

Chloe_88;1438662 wrote: I'm so sad to hear you do not have a nice family "story", as you wish I will not get in to that any further.

My hubby has a good relationship with his family, but like I said in my (very speedy) message this morning, they do not discuss "issues". And I think maybe all this has taken to his surprise how close my family and I are, and how we vent things etc.

Although, maybe we are a little too open at "home". My dad suddenly asked me yesterday: Can you please tell me what a "MILF" is? Followed by the question; now we are on the subject, what's "teabagging"? I almost lost my lunch.. :yh_rotfl



That gave me a good laugh :yh_rotfl , thanks Oscar :wah:


I also had to explain to an elderly relative what a MILF was... I know the feeling..... although I do have a list myself of FILF's :sneaky:

[Chloe_88]

fuzzywuzzy;1438677 wrote: I don't know about families today I remember a very different time. I don't understand the concept of families anymore.

Chloe, you just keep doing what you think is right .


That's what I keep thinking. And thanks Fuzzy



oscar;1438692 wrote: I also had to explain to an elderly relative what a MILF was... I know the feeling..... although I do have a list myself of FILF's :sneaky:


My dad turned 56 this year, so he's not ancient yet :wah: let's just say because he is at home because of his illness he has more time for "stuff". He was watching tv the other day, and suddenly shouted out: what the F is a vajazzle ?!

So it's now all about vajazzles.... :yh_rotfl

On family matters, Up till now (in this thread) it has sounded like only terrible things happen in my family. :wah:

We also have nice stuff going on, like; I've asked my mum if I can tag along with her morning dog(s) walk tomorrow, as she goes to the forrest on a sunday for a nice long walk. I'll try and get some nice pictures . And hubby can have the bed for himself for a little while (he never objects to that! :wah: )