I just recieved this from a mate who just retired after 33 years teaching.
Very funny ...cause it's true.
The New Improved Australian Citizenship Test:
LANGUAGE
1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
2. What is a mole?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey?
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
CUSTOMS
1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash?
2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ... b) You're going home in the back of a .... c) Fair suck of the .
3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss
4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
FOOD
1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming?
2. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup?
5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice?
6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own?
7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
CULTURE
1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
3. Who would you like to crack on to?
4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?
I like the way we take the piss out of ourselves :wah::wah:
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
anyone want a translation?
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
I suspect even after a translation much of it would be lost on me, but sure, go for it.
I certainly have some speculation on some of it.
I certainly have some speculation on some of it.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
- DH Lawrence
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
If I don't get these right I'll be shipped off to Manus Island in a leaky boat. ...........no hang on I'm white. nevermind. lol
1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
. died in the arse means either 'you've died in the arse'- tired pooped out, you need a nana nap. or something is broken eg. Knackered, has completely died in the arse. (Macca's Car just died in the arse)
2. What is a mole?
A mole is a slut with a nasty personality
3. Are these terms related:
chuck a sickie; - take a day off work when not sick, but telling your boss you are.
chuck a spaz; - totally lose it, To go off your nut, extreme temper tantrum
chuck a U-ey? - to do a Uturn, Sometimes said when someone wants you to turn around to face something.
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
On christmas day the relatives came over for a barbique, beverages and sausages. After a bit of a rest we opened the presents ate the chocolates, biscuits (cookies)and lollies. (candy /sweets) then we had a few cans of beer and mum got angry after steve and dad had an argument and a fight.
1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
. died in the arse means either 'you've died in the arse'- tired pooped out, you need a nana nap. or something is broken eg. Knackered, has completely died in the arse. (Macca's Car just died in the arse)
2. What is a mole?
A mole is a slut with a nasty personality
3. Are these terms related:
chuck a sickie; - take a day off work when not sick, but telling your boss you are.
chuck a spaz; - totally lose it, To go off your nut, extreme temper tantrum
chuck a U-ey? - to do a Uturn, Sometimes said when someone wants you to turn around to face something.
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
On christmas day the relatives came over for a barbique, beverages and sausages. After a bit of a rest we opened the presents ate the chocolates, biscuits (cookies)and lollies. (candy /sweets) then we had a few cans of beer and mum got angry after steve and dad had an argument and a fight.
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
fuzzywuzzy;1443660 wrote: If I don't get these right I'll be shipped off to Manus Island in a leaky boat. ...........no hang on I'm white. nevermind. lol
1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
. died in the arse means either 'you've died in the arse'- tired pooped out, you need a nana nap. or something is broken eg. Knackered, has completely died in the arse. (Macca's Car just died in the arse)
2. What is a mole?
A mole is a slut with a nasty personality
3. Are these terms related:
chuck a sickie; - take a day off work when not sick, but telling your boss you are.
chuck a spaz; - totally lose it, To go off your nut, extreme temper tantrum
chuck a U-ey? - to do a Uturn, Sometimes said when someone wants you to turn around to face something.
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
On christmas day the relatives came over for a barbique, beverages and sausages. After a bit of a rest we opened the presents ate the chocolates, biscuits (cookies)and lollies. (candy /sweets) then we had a few cans of beer and mum got angry after steve and dad had an argument and a fight.
#1 I could figure out.
#2 was a surprise.
#3 makes sense
#4 once you explained it I understood
Now if I heard these in your dialect I would probably be lost!
Great stuff Fuzzy!
1. Do you understand the meaning, or are able to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"?
. died in the arse means either 'you've died in the arse'- tired pooped out, you need a nana nap. or something is broken eg. Knackered, has completely died in the arse. (Macca's Car just died in the arse)
2. What is a mole?
A mole is a slut with a nasty personality
3. Are these terms related:
chuck a sickie; - take a day off work when not sick, but telling your boss you are.
chuck a spaz; - totally lose it, To go off your nut, extreme temper tantrum
chuck a U-ey? - to do a Uturn, Sometimes said when someone wants you to turn around to face something.
4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo."
On christmas day the relatives came over for a barbique, beverages and sausages. After a bit of a rest we opened the presents ate the chocolates, biscuits (cookies)and lollies. (candy /sweets) then we had a few cans of beer and mum got angry after steve and dad had an argument and a fight.
#1 I could figure out.
#2 was a surprise.
#3 makes sense
#4 once you explained it I understood
Now if I heard these in your dialect I would probably be lost!
Great stuff Fuzzy!
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
I remember when Wonderwendy came out here and stayed . And she looked a bit taken back a couple of times when greetings were exchanged. Not so much in the cities because there is a higher population of new immigrants but out in the country it's different. If I insult you when greeting you it means I like you . If I'm cordial and polite it means I can't stand you or I dont' know you from a bar of soap.
Two men were vying for Wendy's attention in the local pub at one stage and when I left her there, to be ......ummm? how do I put this?.Fought over, she thought I was horrible when I walked off leaving her alone, but in reality she wasn't used to the roughness of the situation and she couldn't understand them at some points int he conversation. She thought harm would come of it. Lets just call it a learning curve. Like my dad calling her a 'septic tank'...before even saying hello. If my dad was still alive and Lady J came out over here. My dad would greet you with "didn't we kill all you Boers off"? It means you're welcome and sit your arse down for a cuppa. What my father would have expected was a smartarse comeback. And all would be well.
Two men were vying for Wendy's attention in the local pub at one stage and when I left her there, to be ......ummm? how do I put this?.Fought over, she thought I was horrible when I walked off leaving her alone, but in reality she wasn't used to the roughness of the situation and she couldn't understand them at some points int he conversation. She thought harm would come of it. Lets just call it a learning curve. Like my dad calling her a 'septic tank'...before even saying hello. If my dad was still alive and Lady J came out over here. My dad would greet you with "didn't we kill all you Boers off"? It means you're welcome and sit your arse down for a cuppa. What my father would have expected was a smartarse comeback. And all would be well.
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fuzzywuzzy
- Posts: 6596
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2009 5:35 pm
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
CULTURE
1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
3. Who would you like to crack on to?
4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?
1. Yes, yes and yes and yes.
2. Not in a paddock
3. Clodhopper is looking pretty fine these days. lol
4. would have to be John Williamson ----why? Cause he can run the arse off a kangaroo
5. I am that mate
6. I'd cry if I did. but yes....RIP Slim dusty
1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots?
2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"?
3. Who would you like to crack on to?
4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie?
5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool?
6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan?
1. Yes, yes and yes and yes.
2. Not in a paddock
3. Clodhopper is looking pretty fine these days. lol
4. would have to be John Williamson ----why? Cause he can run the arse off a kangaroo
5. I am that mate
6. I'd cry if I did. but yes....RIP Slim dusty
Aust. Citizenship test . New and improved LOL LOL
fuzzywuzzy;1443711 wrote: I remember when Wonderwendy came out here and stayed . And she looked a bit taken back a couple of times when greetings were exchanged. Not so much in the cities because there is a higher population of new immigrants but out in the country it's different. If I insult you when greeting you it means I like you . If I'm cordial and polite it means I can't stand you or I dont' know you from a bar of soap.
Two men were vying for Wendy's attention in the local pub at one stage and when I left her there, to be ......ummm? how do I put this?.Fought over, she thought I was horrible when I walked off leaving her alone, but in reality she wasn't used to the roughness of the situation and she couldn't understand them at some points int he conversation. She thought harm would come of it. Lets just call it a learning curve.
Hmmmmm.....haven't seen much of WonderWendy since she went down under. Did you send her back home or was she stolen by the Aborigines? :-3
Have you heard from her?
Two men were vying for Wendy's attention in the local pub at one stage and when I left her there, to be ......ummm? how do I put this?.Fought over, she thought I was horrible when I walked off leaving her alone, but in reality she wasn't used to the roughness of the situation and she couldn't understand them at some points int he conversation. She thought harm would come of it. Lets just call it a learning curve.
Hmmmmm.....haven't seen much of WonderWendy since she went down under. Did you send her back home or was she stolen by the Aborigines? :-3
Have you heard from her?