Just a thought...

[Chloe_88]

Just a thought...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years.

We bought our own home in 2010.

We have said that we want to get married, not that it means anything to us really it's just a bit of paper, but more because of certain laws etc.

At the moment being unmarried; It would be terrible if I died, and all of a sudden half of everything would belong to my family and not 100% to him. Not that my parents would want it, but other family members might when my parents wouldn't be around anymore. People get funny about money..

Every year we make a joke about getting married next year.. 2014 sounds like a nice year, right?

There is just one (errr a few) thing(s) (and it might piss off mother-in-law) there will be NO big white dress, no big who ha, no guests, no maids of honour, no nothing except just us 2 and the 4 witnesses (both our mums & dads).

We always joke about going for a bag of chips afterwords..

So why not? Sound like a great plan to me!

I must admit, i am thinking of asking my mum if I could wear her wedding outfit.

She wore a little white skirt (knee length) and jacket. She was about the same size as I am now, so it should fit. Just pimp it up with some great shoes!

The other thing is, we agreed when we would get married, it would be cheap :wah:

Meaning: monday morning 9am at the registry office.. It's free! :wah:

I just flicked over to TLC, say yes to the dress.. People seriously pay like 5000 dollars for a dress?! that you wear once?!!!!!! Hell NO would I pay that! Wouldn't pay that much for the entire wedding!

Just saying... my mum and dad paid like 10 pounds for the wedding. And another couple of pounds on the outfits.. They will be married for 32 years in February.

Am I just being cheap, or realistic here ?

[Snowfire]

When me and my wife were married there was no church, no "who ha" and all in a registry office. We went for fish and chips after.

That was 37 years ago so. All the bells and whistles in the world wont change how you feel about each other now or in the future.

Enjoy the day.....and the chips

[Chloe_88]

Snowfire;1443772 wrote: When me and my wife were married there was no church, no "who ha" and all in a registry office. We went for fish and chips after.

That was 37 years ago so. All the bells and whistles in the world wont change how you feel about each other now or in the future.

Enjoy the day.....and the chips


That's wonderful :-4

[tude dog]

Chloe_88;1443771 wrote: Just a thought...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years.

We bought our own home in 2010.

We have said that we want to get married, not that it means anything to us really it's just a bit of paper, but more because of certain laws etc.


If it is just a piece of paper, unless a ceremony is a legal requirement, why bother? If required just to get that piece of paper, then why the fret over what you wear?

On a Wednesday, after work, Mrs.Dog and I were married in a Rabbi's office in front of a few family members and my two best friends.

At that time we had no mixed finances, it was all about the Mrs wanted a commitment, more than my word.

She had a point.

I've read that larger marriage ceremonies tend to be more successful.

Think about it.

Standing in front of family, friends, community. Telling all you bind yourselves in marriage according to the traditions of your tribe means something.

Or so me thinks.

I Pray, your Marriage lasts as long as mine seems.

[along-for-the-ride]

Hubby and I were married by the Justice of the Peace at the court house. 16 years ago.

To me, the marriage is more important than the wedding. To be commited to another person because you love him/her and want to spend the rest of your life together. That's what a wedding certificate is for...the eyes of the world.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Dont you have defacto laws in the Netherlands? Why would half your stuff go to your family?

A certificate is a contract. People forget that there is sometimes property , children, chattels involved in marital contracts. A certificate in my opinion is not to show the world as such but to show the courts if you have to one day. But in saying that I was protected also under defacto laws when it came to my divorce. Property settlement and a few other things were decided in time line respects by the birth of our first child (I wasn't even living with him at the time) which proceded the marriage by quite a few years.

My advice go sign a contract. And make sure you put lemon on those fish and chips. lol

[Patsy Warnick]

Chloe

Brides on a Budget sounds great to me.

I bought my dress at a garage sale - and " pimped it up" cost $20.00.

I bought a diamond wedding set from a friend who was recently divorced - took the diamonds & re-set them.

Your original

wearing Mums dress would be very cool & Mum would like that.

Patsy

[Lady J]

I think it is "special" to wear your mom's dress.

It is also Special to know you don't have to preach your love to a lot of people. It is only the two of you who really matter.

If it the law of ownership you are trying to work around then why not draw up a contract as Fuzzy suggested?

[Chloe_88]

Lady J;1443804 wrote: I think it is "special" to wear your mom's dress.

It is also Special to know you don't have to preach your love to a lot of people. It is only the two of you who really matter.

If it the law of ownership you are trying to work around then why not draw up a contract as Fuzzy suggested?


I just don't like the idea of a "contract" somehow.

and yeah i don't like standing infront of a big crowd preaching, my boyfriend doesnt either, so this sounded like the best solution.

On the matter of what to wear; well lets say parents will be making pictures and I dont want to be standing there in trainers and jeans. :wah:

Just a bit of paper? yes it is, it will not make me love him more or less, a piece of paper will not change that.

But we have had the rings for quite some time. Or well I think we'll be using them.. the rings were his grandparents rings, special made, one of a kind.

We agreed that spending thousands is silly for just one day.

And no it would not be the happiest day of my life, the happiest day of my life was when I met him!

[Chloe_88]

We could have a "Samenlevingscontract" -> Samenlevingscontract - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I just don't like the sound of it. You can have several of these with different people. And it costs more! :wah: 258 euro's and up.

* Registered partnership is something else we could do, but then again we would still have to go to the same office and sign that paper. You just don't have to do the "I DO" part. I think getting married would be the easiest.

I'm getting sick and tired when like phoning the tax office, they turn round and say; "oh no we cant help you, sir would have to phone himself! You're not married you know!" But when it comes down to getting money from them, suddenly we are partners!

[Patsy Warnick]

That silly piece of paper is security for a number of reasons for the both of you.

I think of all the weddings I've attended or participated in - the thousands & thousands spent. Sure they're beautiful - some over the top - to each their own.

A wedding is a ceremony to unite you two & the family's together.

I like the idea of you using your Mom's dress. - that's very cool.

What else can we help you with?:wah:

Congrats

Patsy

[jones jones]

I hate nit picking Chloe ... but on a thread I posted, you said; "I'm staying in tonight with hubby."



Guess you meant boyfriend ... right?

[Chloe_88]

jones jones;1443810 wrote: I hate nit picking Chloe ... but on a thread I posted, you said; "I'm staying in tonight with hubby."



Guess you meant boyfriend ... right?


thats ok JJ. yes i did say hubby as in husband. but we both do that, sorry for making things confusing ! we feel we are married, just it's not "official" yet

besides i dont like the term boyfriend now.. i dont know why, maybe because we've been together for quite a while and have bought a house a couple of years ago...

[Chloe_88]

Nothing is in a rush, it was just a thought, maybe this will be the year, maybe next year.. it all depends, also on what documents they'll require. I do have dutch nationality , but for some reason it says on the website of the registry office that I would have to contact them far in advance, because of being born outside of the Netherlands. I have no clue what i'm doing ! :wah:

Patsy Warnick;1443808 wrote: I like the idea of you using your Mom's dress. - that's very cool.

What else can we help you with?:wah:

Congrats

Patsy


Thanks Patsy

mum said she still has the skirt and I could wear it, but the top half went missing (?), skirt needs to be repaired (buttons etc nothing major).. It would just mean that if i decide to wear her skirt, I would have to think of something to fit on my top half that would look nice.

Again, i wouldn't mind going in there as I'm dressed now, but photo's will be made and I believe my dad would like me to wear something nice, meaning a skirt or dress. I never wear skirts or dresses :wah: In the last 10 years I wore a skirt..... Once!

Cycling in a skirt is not easy you know! :wah:

[Oscar Namechange]

I couldn't marry In a church with my ex husband because I refused to convert to Catholicism and he refused to convert to the Christian Church...

My marraige to Peter was also not In a church because I'd been married before but It never bothered me.

The most Important thing for us was exchanging our vows In front of family and friends. Being surrounded by people I love was far more Important than the bows and whistles of a fancy do.

The night of our wedding, as a surprise, I hired a Limo and the driver drove us through the Sussex Downs In the moonlight while we quaffed champagne In the back and then on to our Honeymoon... It was magical

My Father used to scoff at fancy weddings. He'd say that people paid all that money just to feed people they don't like :wah:

The most Important part of any wedding Is you and your boyfriend... you do whatever makes you happy... the rest will follow x

[Chloe_88]

oscar;1443815 wrote: The night of our wedding, as a surprise, I hired a Limo and the driver drove us through the Sussex Downs In the moonlight while we quaffed champagne In the back and then on to our Honeymoon... It was magical


That does sound magical!

oscar;1443815 wrote: My Father used to scoff at fancy weddings. He'd say that people paid all that money just to feed people they don't like :wah:


:yh_rotfl , but very true!

oscar;1443815 wrote: The most Important part of any wedding Is you and your boyfriend... you do whatever makes you happy... the rest will follow x


Thanks Oscar

[YZGI]

tude dog;1443779 wrote: If it is just a piece of paper, unless a ceremony is a legal requirement, why bother? If required just to get that piece of paper, then why the fret over what you wear?

On a Wednesday, after work, Mrs.Dog and I were married in a Rabbi's office in front of a few family members and my two best friends.

At that time we had no mixed finances, it was all about the Mrs wanted a commitment, more than my word.

She had a point.

I've read that larger marriage ceremonies tend to be more successful.

Think about it.

Standing in front of family, friends, community. Telling all you bind yourselves in marriage according to the traditions of your tribe means something.

Or so me thinks.

I Pray, your Marriage lasts as long as mine seems.


You were married by a Rabbi? I'm not sure that's recognized in the state of Kansas. LOL. Now if you were married by a native American medicine man all would be well.

[AnneBoleyn]

YZGI;1443818 wrote: You were married by a Rabbi? I'm not sure that's recognized in the state of Kansas. LOL. Now if you were married by a native American medicine man all would be well.


The line of TD's I reacted to most was: "I Pray, your Marriage lasts as long as mine seems." !!!!!!

My parents were also married at a Rabbi's study. My husband & I at a judge's office. My son's fiance wants the whole lalapalooza, an event that will cost 10's of thousands. Personally, I'd rather have the money. The thing most couples fight about the hardest is money, it's the thing that causes the most stress.

It's not the wedding, but the marriage that counts. When we owned a lingerie shop, it was across the street from a church, and I would see the wedding parties of many of our clientele. Then, months later, we'd hear about the divorces.

Simple is good, you are on the right track Chloe, I wish you all the best, your ideas sound lovely.

[gmc]

Chloe_88;1443771 wrote: Just a thought...

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years.

We bought our own home in 2010.

We have said that we want to get married, not that it means anything to us really it's just a bit of paper, but more because of certain laws etc.

At the moment being unmarried; It would be terrible if I died, and all of a sudden half of everything would belong to my family and not 100% to him. Not that my parents would want it, but other family members might when my parents wouldn't be around anymore. People get funny about money..

Every year we make a joke about getting married next year.. 2014 sounds like a nice year, right?

There is just one (errr a few) thing(s) (and it might piss off mother-in-law) there will be NO big white dress, no big who ha, no guests, no maids of honour, no nothing except just us 2 and the 4 witnesses (both our mums & dads).

We always joke about going for a bag of chips afterwords..

So why not? Sound like a great plan to me!

I must admit, i am thinking of asking my mum if I could wear her wedding outfit.

She wore a little white skirt (knee length) and jacket. She was about the same size as I am now, so it should fit. Just pimp it up with some great shoes!

The other thing is, we agreed when we would get married, it would be cheap :wah:

Meaning: monday morning 9am at the registry office.. It's free! :wah:

I just flicked over to TLC, say yes to the dress.. People seriously pay like 5000 dollars for a dress?! that you wear once?!!!!!! Hell NO would I pay that! Wouldn't pay that much for the entire wedding!

Just saying... my mum and dad paid like 10 pounds for the wedding. And another couple of pounds on the outfits.. They will be married for 32 years in February.

Am I just being cheap, or realistic here ?


Why don't you make at least wills. Don't know about the Netherlands but I suspect it would be much the same. there are rules relating to intestacy - who gets what. In the UK even with a jointly owned house his or her half belongs to his estate not to you it's possible a hostile parent can force a sale of the property or turf you out if it was in the deceased's name, not suggesting they would just pointing out such things do happen. Life assurance unless joint or written as life of another are the estates not yours.

A marriage is a legal contract that also involves property rights and control over any children indeed you could argue that was the main reason for the concept in the first place

posted by oscar

I couldn't marry In a church with my ex husband because I refused to convert to Catholicism and he refused to convert to the Christian Church


Love it, I assume that was tongue firmly in cheek.

[Oscar Namechange]

gmc;1443850 wrote:

posted by oscar



Love it, I assume that was tongue firmly in cheek. No, not tongue In Cheek.... very very true.

[gmc]

oscar;1443854 wrote: No, not tongue In Cheek.... very very true.


So you think Catholics are not christian - I know a few orangemen who would agree with you. Me I'm irreligious while I know all the arguments I think the whole thing nonsense.

Marriage as an institution was created as a means of controlling women and who they had children by our laws reflect that fact. But anyone living with someone male or female especially if they have bought a house together or are living in their partners house should make wills after one of them is dead is too late what they wanted to happen won't matter.

[Chloe_88]

gmc;1443850 wrote: Why don't you make at least wills.


We could, but then still have a problem with other things, small things, but it annoys us. Marriage would cover all.

[Chloe_88]

AnneBoleyn;1443832 wrote: Simple is good, you are on the right track Chloe, I wish you all the best, your ideas sound lovely.


That's what I thought, simple is good. And thanks Anne.

Good to read that there are still people out there that think simple weddings are good.

[Patsy Warnick]

I think simple is great

you have a dress and I'm sure there are other things available to you - with your personal touch the wedding is all yours - very nice.

Good luck

Patsy

[Bryn Mawr]

oscar;1443815 wrote: I couldn't marry In a church with my ex husband because I refused to convert to Catholicism and he refused to convert to the Christian Church...




I hate to tell you this but, last time I looked, Catholicism was the Christian Church

And for a details explanation as to why might I recommend John Henry Newman's Apologia Pro Vita Sua

[Oscar Namechange]

Bryn Mawr;1443992 wrote: I hate to tell you this but, last time I looked, Catholicism was the Christian Church

And for a details explanation as to why might I recommend John Henry Newman's Apologia Pro Vita Sua


My ex Mother In law was a devout Catholic and Insisted I convert and marry In their church. I wanted my wedding In my village church conducted by the Vicar who baptised me and where my sister had married. No compromise could be found so we went and booked the date down the registry office without telling my Mother In Law until the day before. She went mental and never spoke to anyone all through the reception. At the time, the arguments were more about who's church and who conducted the wedding.