A Rose By Any Other Name Would Still Have Thorns.

[jones jones]

The following story is true, but as they used to say on dragnet, “only names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.”

I have known Ronald and Lauren about twenty odd years. He is a German who still has business interests in Europe; she is from a wealthy family of wine farmers. They live in a large double storied house in what Real Estate Agents euphemistically refer to and “an upmarket suburb.” Lauren collects fine art; Ronald collects the bills incurred by the rest of the family.

Ronald owns a construction company and in addition his income is supplemented by dividends sent to him from Europe in Euros, which by the time they are deposited in his bank account have thanks to the exchange rate, increased fifteen fold. Lauren used to be a very good cook and I attended several dinners she hosted for guests she liked to refer to as “lateral thinkers.”

They are fairly well off but like you and I, they too have their cross to bear. Lauren is a petite lady whom I suspect has had at least one facelift. When she was fifty she looked forty but now that she is sixty, she looks seventy. This is due mainly to a combination of prescription drugs as well as perhaps some of the “recreational” type as well. She now leads a semi-reclusive life, struggling to sleep at night and seldom rising before noon on any given day. Their expensive house is on the market at fifteen million but the best offer to date has been nine.

They have two daughters, neither of whom has done a days work in their life, this despite the fact that one is forty something and the other thirty something. Each has her own home. The younger daughter Candice is short, overweight and quite frankly porcine in both appearance and manner. She studied art at university for about two years before dropping out. A friend of mine and well known artist whom I shall call Chrononhotonthologos simply because it was he who introduced me to Henry Carey’s satirical play of the same name, taught Candice practical art during her stay at the university. Chrono once told me that Candice wasn’t a particularly good student and that she didn’t really appear too interested in art anyway so it really didn’t matter.

I only came to know her sister Anna long after she might have done any studying so I am not aware of any particular life skills she may possess. In appearance, Anna is the direct opposite of Candice; she is tall, slim and pretty but her appearance is somewhat diminished by a few too many visible piercings. Lauren once told me that Anna has a rather unique method for choosing her boyfriends. He must be between 19 and 21, he must be unemployed and he must not have any means of private transport. This Lauren said, is so that he will always be available at any time, night or day that Anna should decide she wants him. Not a bad deal for the guy but tough on Ronald who sponsors Anna’s life including her boyfriends.

So what’s the point of the story you might ask? In a nutshell there is no point. Again I reiterate that the above is all true, so maybe it’s just to show that truth can and often is stranger than fiction.

Or it could be to remind you not to ever again bitch about your own name.

I mean how would you like to be called Chrononhotonthologos or for that matter maybe Aldiborontifoskofornio?

[Lady J]

"So what’s the point of the story you might ask? In a nutshell there is no point. Again I reiterate that the above is all true, so maybe it’s just to show that truth can and often is stranger than fiction."



Much like the play You reference....that play has been seen as nonsense verse, it was also seen and celebrated at the time as a satire. Much like the parody of Ronald and Lauren. Living life with all the riches and still falling short of a rich life.