college dating

blondie66 · Post by **blondie66** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 6:09 pm

Hey- new to this forum, in need of some advice...

Last weekend I met a guy outside my dorm. I was with 2 of my guy friends, and him being a nice guy, we invited him up to hang out for a while, where we all had a few more drinks. Later on, we all went for a walk, and by the end of the walk the two of us were talking quite a bit.

When we got back to the dorm, he decided he was gonna go get a cigar from his room so he and one of my friends could smoke. I went with, although it took a while to leave because he was drawing me pictures. By the time we got to his room, I noticed his chin was bleeding pretty badly, I guess he said he fell, or ran into something. I ran back down to my room to get his things.

When I returned, I don't know what it was, it happened all of a sudden. We started making out hardcore, and didn't stop for 2 hours. It didn't get too much more than that, he respected my 'no' unlike the other guys I've met in the past. Something about him makes me think he's a virgin, which isn't bad, but I also know he's kinda shy.

We exchanged numbers, and the next night, we hung out (sober, haha) for a movie. It went well, although there was nothing more than conversation. I don't know if this is because 1) he was too shy to make a move, or 2) he is just interested in being friends.

We were supposed to hang out a few days later (Wednesday), but he had to cancel for some group sport that he got back late from. He called to say he couldn't make it, and apologized. (genuine nice guy here!!)

Thursday night one of my friends from the first night was visiting, and decided to give my (crush) a call. We were just outside talking, and weren't going to be there long. He comes out for 5 or 10 minutes in the cold, doesn't talk much, and then leaves when we decide to go in.

Over the course of the weekend we both had friends visiting us, and we didn't hang out at all. My guy friend says it's probably him wanting to hang out with the guys without introducing a girl who isn't yet 'significant'.

I'm wondering if this is something I should continue to persue. He hasn't given me any definite no's, but he also hasn't initiated anything himself. I really don't know where to go from here, and I don't want to get too obsessed with the whole thing.

What to do, what to do? Should I call him and ask him on a more formal date, or should I just continue the friendly chitchat via the internet, hoping he'll open up??

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Mon Oct 17, 2005 8:18 pm

hmmm I dunno...sounds like he is blowing you off. But then who knows really? Was he drunk or drinking when he made out w/ you that first night? Not to be mean but he could have just had "beer goggles".....Or maybe he has a girlfriend? No matter what, keep your options open. You are young and have so much ahead of you. If you are chatting on the net, I would continue. So far he seems like a nice guy to you, so why not? Good luck to you and hope things turn out like you want them to!

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:40 am

Speaking as an old hound who's done his share of sniffing around, I recommend you move on. He might be okay for casual sex, if you're into that, but any emotional attachment would just be looking to get hurt.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a porch to guard.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 10:20 am

Scrat wrote: [...]

We do get wiser with age but never really change, AC is still a horndog but he stays on the porch where it is safe.

The above is only an opinion.
:yh_rotfl I only chase the one domestic chicken now. :sneaky:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 10:26 am

Since when are you insignificant? If he ignores, put him on your permanent "DO NOT INTEREST ME list. Rudeness is rudeness, whether in college or not.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 12:02 pm

If someone really likes you they're going to make time for you. I'd give him the boot and find someone who's going to treat you better.

blondie66 · Post by **blondie66** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:33 pm

[QUOTE=Accountable]Speaking as an old hound who's done his share of sniffing around, I recommend you move on. He might be okay for casual sex, if you're into that, but any emotional attachment would just be looking to get hurt.

QUOTE]

I've had my share of guys with the casual-sex type thing. He just seems different than the other guys I've known, and as far as I could tell, he was a virgin.... I have a feeling about him being way to respectful to use a girl for sex... Who knows about that...

blondie66 · Post by **blondie66** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:37 pm

Scrat wrote: Why do you want to get involved with someone at this point in your life anyway? Anything beneficial and constructive is not likely to evolve (quickly) and school should be a priority. It would not hurt (on the other hand) to cultivate relationships in your life as they may pan out down the road. Just don't expect alot and keep focused on your goals for now. You should be the main priority, not someone else.

As for the guy I think he was put off by the presence of your friends and his personal questions ect. Idoubt he is ready or wants a personal relationship. Keep in mind that men tend to think in a very shallow manner at that age.

School is definately a priority for me, as it should be. However, I've gotten to the point where i have the ability to focus on more than one thing. I've had my share of casual dating, casual relationships in the past, I'm just ready for something more than just casual... it never hurts to look, right?

I'm thinkin you're right about the not sure what he wants thing... and the last line, SO TRUE!! haha

thanks, though

blondie66 · Post by **blondie66** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:40 pm

chonsigirl wrote: Since when are you insignificant? If he ignores, put him on your permanent "DO NOT INTEREST ME list. Rudeness is rudeness, whether in college or not.

The thing is, he hasn't ignored me, he's ALWAYS talked to me, hung out with me (except the once) and gone out of his way to see me, he just never initates it... it could be just the shy factor.

He's not being rude at all, he's being very gentlemanly. If anything, he's just one of the guys who 'just arent that into you' but he's very nice about it... I haven't met a guy this nice in quite a while, so he's really throwing me off guard!!!

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 2:51 pm

Sounds like he would be just as badly hurt if he thought he was just being used for sex. Emotionally, you may be walking on eggshells with this guy. If you really like him, you need to find out as much as you can about his views on different aspects of life. This could mean delving into his upbringing, and religious and philosophical views. You need to test his reactions. What would make him angry? What does he feel strongly about?

Best of luck. I hope it works out. Use your instincts and go slowly.

Welcome to the forum, by the way. I hope you're not using it just to solve this problem. If you are, well, nice to meet ya anyway.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:41 pm

Dang - it's been 30 years - I don't remember!!!

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Tue Oct 18, 2005 8:47 pm

I would say hang back a little and see if he starts to come around you...Don't go out of your way to get his attention and sooner or later he will be there knocking or you will have moved on.I wouldn't give up all together- because I married ..Mr. Shy guy the first time and if I wouldn't have just laid it out in front of him by saying...."Hey are you ever going to ask me out??" and of course his answer was "Gez....I didn't know if you'd go"...LOL So hang in there -only you can tell if you feel an affection for him...let it ride a week or two!! Good Luck to you- and way to go keeping your head focused on school.....your a smart girl!

Oh yeah.......WELCOME TO THE GARDEN!!:-4

blondie66 · Post by **blondie66** » Wed Oct 19, 2005 6:46 am

mominiowa wrote: I would say hang back a little and see if he starts to come around you...Don't go out of your way to get his attention and sooner or later he will be there knocking or you will have moved on.I wouldn't give up all together- because I married ..Mr. Shy guy the first time and if I wouldn't have just laid it out in front of him by saying...."Hey are you ever going to ask me out??" and of course his answer was "Gez....I didn't know if you'd go"...LOL So hang in there -only you can tell if you feel an affection for him...let it ride a week or two!! Good Luck to you- and way to go keeping your head focused on school.....your a smart girl!

Oh yeah.......WELCOME TO THE GARDEN!!:-4

thanks so much for the advice... i'll be around here again for sure... and i'll def. keep you all posted with results

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Wed Oct 19, 2005 6:49 am

Well I'm certainly not one to give advice on dating, but I wish u the best of luck with your love life blondie.

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Wed Oct 19, 2005 6:54 am

blondie66 wrote: thanks so much for the advice... i'll be around here again for sure... and i'll def. keep you all posted with results

Come in anytime! Good luck and just remember these are your "good ole days"!!!

PS...Be careful in those co-ed dorms!