Social group for special needs, could I do better?

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Aura
Posts: 412
Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:23 am

Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by Aura »

Please excuse me if this sounds a bit garbled, but I have edited this several times before posting. I hope this is the right forum

I'm in a social group based in Salisbury in Wiltshire. When I first joined it was brilliant. This is is a social group for people with mental health issues, disabled and people with learning difficulties.

I have Aspbergers so the group was ideal at the time because the woman who used to be in charge was easy to talk to. She has since left because the two new members of staff we took on caused a lot of upset, and many people began dropping out. Ten years later I'm still with lifestyles because without them I couldn't go to some of the places we have visited.

The group gave me the confidence to travel and get 'out there'. We have in the past been to some fantastic places like the Isle of Wight, Cadburys World in Birmingham etc. There is only a handful of people left now in Lifestyles, it's a bit like ‘same old same old’ (if you get what I mean)

At the time of it's creation, the social group was a very good idea, but the two member of staff (can't mention names) have run it into the ground over the years and it's just become, stale. We used to have disco's on Valentines day and at Christmas, we haven't had one for years but I don't miss it anyway.

The problem is that the two members of staff (one male, one female) are just not suited to deal with anyone with mental health let alone special needs. Many people I know might disagree with me, let me explain one thing.

I am with another group which is a rescue and resilience team who treat me as part of the gang which is great as it boosts my confidence. I'm encouraged to take photos of the training exercises etc. Only thing is my confidence is very low so when we go to the pub, I don't say a lot as I'm worried I'll embarrass myself.

In the social group, the 2 members off staff seem to only focus on what's 'wrong' with me and are both sarcastic and patronising, therefore their view is ‘I have special needs, I must be thick as a plank’. They also seem to get irritated as if they don’t want to be there, my dad says their only in it for the money and nothing else.

I also can’t talk to the female member of staff like the predecessor, as suddenly I realise she’s not listening to me, or I’m being ignored.

I’ve thought long and hard about jacking it in and going elsewhere, but then I think again and they do go to some great places.

Should I jack it in and go somewhere where I can actually get some respect?

Thanks for reading.
Clodhopper
Posts: 5115
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:11 pm

Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by Clodhopper »

The first thing that strikes me is that you have put up with this for 10 years. Gosh.

If you are still able to write to us and be yourself after that you have more strength than you realise. Many people would have been destroyed by the way they have treated you. In many ways I think you should just leave the group - it's the obvious solution especially if there is another group you can join that does trips away (I don't know if there is or not).

However it seems you would prefer Lifestyles to go back to being what it was. I don't know if this is possible but if they have bosses or the charity has governors you could write to them, saying to them what you have said to us: that the two people in charge are rude, sarcastic and patronising and give the impression they don't want to be there and that numbers have dropped away since they have been there. If others in Lifestyles feel the same way they might want to sign the letter as well and if you can write a clear, well put together post like the one above I'm sure you could write a letter to the people at the top. They might not do anything but on the other hand they might and then things would hopefully improve.

If they don't have bosses then it's either put up with the bad treatment for the trips away or leave, as far as I can see. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

edit: Honestly, they sound like characters from Oliver Twist!
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

Lone voice: "I'm not."
Aura
Posts: 412
Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:23 am

Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by Aura »

Thanks for your reply

The first thing that strikes me is that you have put up with this for 10 years. Gosh
Yes it was totally different when i first joined.

if they have bosses or the charity has governors you could write to them, saying to them what you have said to us:
I could but a lot of them are the members parents who are a little on the elderly side, and not always on the same wavelenght as the participants.

If others in Lifestyles feel the same way they might want to sign the letter as well
I'm afraid because of some of the problems they have, they are like sheep. I hope I'm not being rude saying this. I sometimes wonder what the hell I'm doing there.

Honestly, they sound like characters from Oliver Twist!
More like Shawshank redemption more like.
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LarsMac
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Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by LarsMac »

Well, I'd suggest that you may have outgrown the organization, and perhaps it is time that you move on.
The home of the soul is the Open Road.
- DH Lawrence
Clodhopper
Posts: 5115
Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:11 pm

Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by Clodhopper »

Well, it sounds to me as if they are absolutely the wrong people to be running things for any special needs group.

Do you know where others who left have gone? I don't imagine charities of this type are thick on the ground...

As to the sheep reference, I don't think you are being rude especially given the way you say it, you are just describing how they are and give the reason (their problems). It is, though, one of those phrases that has a lot of negative aspects and some might not take it the way you intended. I suppose it would be more polite to say "Easily led," and less prone to social awkwardness...;) Personally I'm fine with it.

I suppose in the end no-one can make the decision to leave or not for you. But looking at the question which you use as your header, ...could I do better? The answer is Yes.
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"

Lone voice: "I'm not."
Aura
Posts: 412
Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:23 am

Social group for special needs, could I do better?

Post by Aura »

Do you know where others who left have gone?


A lot of them have migrated over to Mencap which I don't want to go to as it's a step backwards for someone like me. Guess it's time to look for another social group.
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