I could already be a millionaire!

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:00 am

I just got this in the morning's e-mail. The fact that it got through some pretty serious school firewalls is amazing:

Dear Ives,

I will like to solicit your help in a business proposition, which is by

nature very confidential and a Top Secret. I know that a transaction of this

magnitude will make any one worried and apprehensive but I am assuring you

not to worry, as all will be well at the end of this endeavor.

I am Mr. william hellena,Client Service Manager of Capital Trust Bank London

United Kingdom, My partners and I have decided to seek your help in transfer

of some amount of money requiring maximum confidence from my bank.

A foreigner, Late Dr. Edward Ives, who had a balance of US$32 million which

the bank now expects his next of kin to claim as the beneficiary from the

London branch of my bank which is where he has channeled all the funds to.

So far, valuable efforts has been made to get to his people but to no avail,

as he had no known relatives more because he left his next of kin column in

his account opening forms blank and he has no known relatives . Due to this

development our management and the board of directors are making

arrangements for the funds to be declared unclaimed ,returned to being the

point of origin and subsequently paid into thegovernment purse.

To avert this negative development my colleagues and I have decided to look

for a reputable person from your country to act as the next of kin to late

Dr.Ives,so that the funds could be processed and released into his

account,which is where you come in. We shall make arrangement with a

qualified and reliable attorney that will represent you in liaising with my

bank for inconveniency of you coming to my country.

All legal documents to aid your claim for this fund and to prove your

relationship with the deceased will be provided by us. Your help will be

appreciated with 20% of the total sum (US$6,400,000). Please accept my

apologies, keep my confidence and disregard this letter if you do not

appreciate this proposition I have offered you. Thank you very much for your

time.

I wait anxiously for your response.

Yours faithfully,

william hellena

From the desk of william hellena

Client Service Manager Capital Trust Bank London United Kingdom

I especially like the part where she says they will provide the (forged and illegal) documents for proof of my (unreal) identity!!!ROFL!!!:wah:

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:09 am

Here's my answer to the screwballs:

Dear Mr. Hellena:

You'll have to excuse my skepticism here. Let me see if I have you straight...I pretend to be someone I'm not in order to claim an unclaimed inheritance from someone I am not related to. For risking prison time for any of many felonies in this process, I get 20% of the money, after which I will not be able to spend it, having been fingered by you for the crime and thereby being imprisoned.

Meanwhile, you and your associates will keep the 80% and leave the country, never having been met by me or impicated in any crime whatsoever.

Either you are on the level, in which case, I should remind you that I am a United States Air Force Officer, and as such, a man of integrity and character who would never become involved in so dubious a proposition.

Or you are a charlatan, in which case I should remind you that I am a teacher and a state representative required by law to seek you out and expose you.

Sincerely,

1Lt. Jonathan St. Ives USAFR

Lead Teacher

Transition Academy

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 8:20 am

Did you really send that Jives hehehe good one.

LilacDragon · Post by **LilacDragon** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:06 am

Damn - I was going to ask you for a loan.

While we all know of your reputation (as a rabble rouser, that is) I am thrilled that your reputation is known far and wide. Although in this case, I am not sure this is a good thing.

BTW - is liasing even a word?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 9:45 am

*in character*

You can all write a letter to me, telling me how to spend the million bucks Jives is giving me..........................

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 12:45 pm

chonsigirl wrote: *in character*

You can all write a letter to me, telling me how to spend the million bucks Jives is giving me..........................

by Barenaked Ladies

Lyrics: IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

I'd buy you a house

(I would buy you a house)

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

I'd buy you furniture for your house

(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you a K-Car

(A nice Reliant automobile)

If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars

I'd build a tree fort in our yard

If I had million dollars

You could help, it wouldn't be that hard

If I had million dollars

Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere

You know, we could just go up there and hang out

Like open the fridge and stuff

There would already be laid out foods for us

Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things

They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon

Well, can you blame 'em

Uh, yeah

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you a fur coat

(But not a real fur coat that's cruel)

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet

(Yep, like a llama or an emu)

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains

(Ooh, all them crazy elephant bones)

And If I had a million dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a million dollars

We wouldn't have to walk to the store

If I had a million dollars

Now, we'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more

If I had a million dollars

We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

But we would eat Kraft Dinner

Of course we would, weÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d just eat more

And buy really expensive ketchups with it

ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s right, all the fanciest ke... dijon ketchups!

Mmmmmm, Mmmm-Hmmm

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you a green dress

(But not a real green dress, that's cruel)

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you some art

(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I'd buy you a monkey

(Haven't you always wanted a monkey)

If I had a million dollars

IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d buy your love

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars, If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars

I'd be rich

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:48 pm

Word to the wise: Any time someone tells you something is "Top Secret", 9 times out of 10 it's secret because it's illegal and you are the patsy.:wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 1:53 pm

*getting out tin cans with string*

Now tell me your secret again, Jives.........................

gmc · Post by **gmc** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 2:23 pm

http://www.fsa.gov.uk/pages/Doing/Regul ... rnet.shtml

Also illegal. I can never understand why anyone is daft enough to fall for these kind of scams. Gulible and crooked probably.

The usual one i get is from a bank in Nigeria wanting people to open a bank account for them.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 2:28 pm

Hey, I know a good pyramid that needs built.............................

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Mon Oct 31, 2005 3:08 pm

Phishing is so amazingly obvious with its poor spelling, grammar, and syntax from someone who is supposed to be a top responsible person. And that's before you realise that they are proposing aiding and abetting them in a crime.

I will have to try and dig out an article about a group of people who try to turn the tables on the phishers. Might be a while because it's buried in a pile and I'm off to bed soon.