My next-door neighbor, who is also my landlord, who is also my mom's boyfriend's sister, who is also in her 70's is really odd when it comes to my talking to men. It's almost like she doesn't want me to know any and/or be close to any. Now you have to understand that I am a 35-year-old woman and divorced. Whenever I start to get close to a man that she knows also, she just has to push her way into the center of things, to keep me and the man apart. I can't figure it out. What do you call that?
My mom's boyfriend's son was one of these men. Every time that him and I were alone and she knew about it -- why she just had to push her way into the center of things. Something maybe could have happened here with this man, but our window has way passed now. Thanks to her. Although, I do see now that him and I are just two different people, but it would have been a lot fun for us to find that out in our own way, if she only would have just stepped the h@@@ out of the way!
Tonight, on Thanksgiving night, I started getting into a good conversation with her grown son. He's in his 50's. Don't you know that she had to interrupt the conversation by putting his food down that he was to take home with him in front of him, giving him the cue that it was time for him to leave.
I don't understand this woman. Why doesn't she want me to know any men? She's alone and a widow herself. She's 72 or 73. She doesn't need a good man in her life. She doesn't want to remarry. Well, I'm a 35-year-old woman, and I need a good man in my life already -- and without her interfering!
I can't afford to move right now. And it's not all bad here either, but I don't want to be stuck here having to take care of her when her health goes, either. Maybe, that's why she doesn't want me to get together with a man. She wants me around for herself, so that I'll be there if and when she ever needs someone. I do hope to be married and moved out by the time her health starts to go -- God forgive me. I don't like feeling like I'm being setup to be a caretaker for her, and to have to do that, as selfish as it sounds. I need my own life already.
Any insights that anyone can offer about why she is acting like this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
It's Odd, and Why?
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Valerie100
- Posts: 419
- Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 6:31 am
It's Odd, and Why?
Actually, Val, people like this only have as much power over you and your life as you allow them to have.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
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Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]
Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
It's Odd, and Why?
Could it be that the more time you spend with a man, the less time you'll have to spend with her?
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
It's Odd, and Why?
Val100 - she is my Mom and you are my sister who was adopted out. 
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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CountryDweller
- Posts: 1022
- Joined: Sat Aug 27, 2005 5:50 pm
It's Odd, and Why?
Boundaries, boundries, boundries Valerie100! Gotta set them with this woman if you want to be in control of your own life. And by doing this, you'll have to communicate how you are feeling to her.
Explain how you are feeling to her and tell her what you told all of us right here. Then, sick to your guns by what you believe and want out of your life. We teach people how to treat us and if you continually conform to their rules, you'll never be your own person. They'll continue to look upon you as that little girl.
Just because this woman is in her 70's and doesn't want to re-marry, doesn't mean she wouldn't like companionship. Perhaps her own life is so empty that she's living hers through yours?
Explain how you are feeling to her and tell her what you told all of us right here. Then, sick to your guns by what you believe and want out of your life. We teach people how to treat us and if you continually conform to their rules, you'll never be your own person. They'll continue to look upon you as that little girl.
Just because this woman is in her 70's and doesn't want to re-marry, doesn't mean she wouldn't like companionship. Perhaps her own life is so empty that she's living hers through yours?
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Valerie100
- Posts: 419
- Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 6:31 am
It's Odd, and Why?
I think there are generational differences between us, too, and our outlooks on dating, sex, and marriage. Her views will always be her own views, and my views will always be my own. I don't know why she feels the need to protect my virtue, when that's long been lost. My mother says that she's never had a daughter, which is why she's probably acting like this. I'm thinking that she doesn't want me to meet anyone, fall in love and get married and/or live in sin, because she doesn't want to be completely alone.
I wish she would stop trying to impose her beliefs on me. The minute I get into this with her, though, it's going to open up a can of worms. There's bound to be an argument. Maybe, that's what it's going to take, though. If it comes down to that, then that's what it is going to come down to. I don't like to fight, but she does need to back off on this point.
When I first rented this trailer from her, she said that no one was to move in with me. I said, "Well, if I have a boyfriend and I want him to stay over a night or a weekend, then that's what I'm going to do." She says, "Oh, no," like it was the end of the world. I said, "Well, if I'm paying you rent, then it's not your say." It still upset her, but it isn't her say. I'm paying to live here. I have the right to have overnight company if I want. I'd never have any privacy with her living next-door, because she's really newsy, so I really couldn't -- unless of course we were super quiet like kids.
Living by a senior's rules when you're a 35-year-old single woman is horrid. I refuse to live completely by her rules. As a paying tenant, I'm entitled to have overnight company in the form of the opposite sex, if I wish. Oh, and round and round we go...
I wish she would stop trying to impose her beliefs on me. The minute I get into this with her, though, it's going to open up a can of worms. There's bound to be an argument. Maybe, that's what it's going to take, though. If it comes down to that, then that's what it is going to come down to. I don't like to fight, but she does need to back off on this point.
When I first rented this trailer from her, she said that no one was to move in with me. I said, "Well, if I have a boyfriend and I want him to stay over a night or a weekend, then that's what I'm going to do." She says, "Oh, no," like it was the end of the world. I said, "Well, if I'm paying you rent, then it's not your say." It still upset her, but it isn't her say. I'm paying to live here. I have the right to have overnight company if I want. I'd never have any privacy with her living next-door, because she's really newsy, so I really couldn't -- unless of course we were super quiet like kids.
Living by a senior's rules when you're a 35-year-old single woman is horrid. I refuse to live completely by her rules. As a paying tenant, I'm entitled to have overnight company in the form of the opposite sex, if I wish. Oh, and round and round we go...
It's Odd, and Why?
Valerie100 wrote:
When I first rented this trailer from her, she said that no one was to move in with me. I said, "Well, if I have a boyfriend and I want him to stay over a night or a weekend, then that's what I'm going to do." She says, "Oh, no," like it was the end of the world. I said, "Well, if I'm paying you rent, then it's not your say." It still upset her, but it isn't her say. I'm paying to live here. I have the right to have overnight company if I want. I'd never have any privacy with her living next-door, because she's really newsy, so I really couldn't -- unless of course we were super quiet like kids.
Living by a senior's rules when you're a 35-year-old single woman is horrid. I refuse to live completely by her rules. As a paying tenant, I'm entitled to have overnight company in the form of the opposite sex, if I wish. Oh, and round and round we go...
When you first rented this trailer and what she said to you, should have been the red flag moment to decline renting it!
Living by a senior's rules at 35....it's a choice you have made. Yes, you do pay the rent and should be entitled to have overnighters, but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen if you choose to continue living there.
Bottom line is....you have the choice, to continue living the way you are or move. And if it were me, I'd choose the latter. End of problem.
When I first rented this trailer from her, she said that no one was to move in with me. I said, "Well, if I have a boyfriend and I want him to stay over a night or a weekend, then that's what I'm going to do." She says, "Oh, no," like it was the end of the world. I said, "Well, if I'm paying you rent, then it's not your say." It still upset her, but it isn't her say. I'm paying to live here. I have the right to have overnight company if I want. I'd never have any privacy with her living next-door, because she's really newsy, so I really couldn't -- unless of course we were super quiet like kids.
Living by a senior's rules when you're a 35-year-old single woman is horrid. I refuse to live completely by her rules. As a paying tenant, I'm entitled to have overnight company in the form of the opposite sex, if I wish. Oh, and round and round we go...
When you first rented this trailer and what she said to you, should have been the red flag moment to decline renting it!
Living by a senior's rules at 35....it's a choice you have made. Yes, you do pay the rent and should be entitled to have overnighters, but it doesn't sound like it's going to happen if you choose to continue living there.
Bottom line is....you have the choice, to continue living the way you are or move. And if it were me, I'd choose the latter. End of problem.
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Valerie100
- Posts: 419
- Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 6:31 am
It's Odd, and Why?
I agree. Hopefully, sometime in 2006, I'll be out of here.
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Valerie100
- Posts: 419
- Joined: Sat Sep 17, 2005 6:31 am
It's Odd, and Why?
You really want to create some problems for me, don't you? 