Notes From Australia

[Bothwell]

Well I finally arrived aftyer spending 25 days in the air!!

Guess what it's tipping down, 12,000 bloody miles and it's pouring serves me bloody right. This is just going to drive all the funnel webs out of their burrows and up to the eigth floor of my hotel I know it.

Anyway arrived Sat morning and tried to sleep no chance, so I did what every proper traveller does decided to get a few beers inside of me. issued forth on to the streets of Sydney and in to the nearest bar. no smoking inside so I took my beer out to the paraiah's section and it was not long before I was engaged in conversation by a nice young couple of Australians, Steve and Rachael, except it transpires that Racheal used to be Ray and was halfway through the transformation for which Steve was paying.

Things got a little hazy after that but from what I gathered Ray/Rachael had the chest implants and the hormones but at Steve's request was going to retain certain items of "equipment" I poliely made my excuses and left apusing only briefly to check the room for spiders, snakes, jellyfish and Pandas( it's a personal phobia) fell into a deep but troubled sleep which was punctuated by vivid dreams involving people of uncertain and in some cases uindeterminable gender.



If I have the strength I shall be updating regularly

[lady cop]

hi baby, this time difference is making me crazy! :yh_love ...no jellyfish in the room i take it??

[Bez]

Great start...it can only get better from now on...keep us posted....by the way...it's NOT raining here .

[Betty Boop]

Bez wrote: Great start...it can only get better from now on...keep us posted....by the way...it's NOT raining here .


Has been here! I'm running out of buckets for my leaky porch!

[chonsigirl]

Both', your story is great! Please keep us updated daily-even the weather conditions. Nice to know your warm and toasty down under!

*were there any spiders?*

[Bez]

Betty Boop wrote: Has been here! I'm running out of buckets for my leaky porch!


if the winds blowing East, we'll probably get the rain tomorrow. Glad you escaped the snow Betty.

[cars]

Hi B, I heard from Austrailians I worked with, & also from pictures I've seen that Sydney is beautiful. I would like to see it myself, but that 25 days in the air like you said is whats stopping me. My Aussie friends said it took them about 19 hrs total to get here to the states. Well, maybe some day when they get the trip down to 2 hrs then I'll be able to go. Have a great adventure there!

[CARLA]

Bothwell, Can you imagine what you will find if you actually get in a car and drive out of town...:-3 Watch out for the DINGO'S and stay off the pier's you may fall in ... BIG GREAT WHITE SHARKS IN THEM WATERS, NOT TO MENTION THE JELLY FISH.. AND THE EVIL PANDA'S THAT ROAMS THE STREETS LOOKING FOR BAMBOO AND BRIT'S...

Might I suggest medication for the 25 days of flying on the return trip..!!

[lady cop]

SnoozeControl wrote: Right, this is probably a joke I missed somewhere, but... pandas in Oz?

I think you should be safe from those masked bandits, but you can't be too vigilant, I suppose.it's kind of a private joke, he claims to loathe pandas. here, read this! .........Australia ( 1 2 3 ... Last Page )

[lady cop]

Bothwell quote from australia thread...he was right!! LOL............. This is no joke, as LC will attest I am inherently clumsy and things just seem to happen to me, I am the guy who the nutcase sits next to on the bus, the cross dresser talks to in the bar etc etc:D

[lady cop]

he just called me , it's 1 on sunday aft. there. and 9 pm sat. here. i am so confused!! .anyway he said this was the most rain oz has had in 100 years. figures! :wah:

[Alfred]

still got the water restrictions running though

When will they declare a once and for all end to this seemingly neverending dry run i don't know...but at least were getting plenty.

[Nomad]

What do you do that requires such extensive traveling ? Do you enjoy it or is it tiresome or both ? Aside from home do you have a favorite land ? Is there one place you hate ? A particular place that feels right ? When you travel do you get the opportunity to absorb you're surrondings ? Do you collect things as you go along you're way ? Art ? Artifacts ? Do you consider you're experiences to be an education ? What one thing do you find to be a common trait amongst different cultures ? Are people basically the same where ever you go ? If you're in a foreign land do you ever find yourself looking around thinking WOW ! Im halfway across the world this is exciting or do you usually long to be home ?



Sorry for the barrage of questions but Im very interested in seeing the world and for the moment living vicariously through you.

[CARLA]

OK waiting for todays report Panda Man (aka Bothwell)..??? who did you meet, where did you go, and were there any Panda's running around..!!

[lady cop]

i just talked to him, it's late monday morning there. ...he's at a conference and sent me a pic. i will post the ones he sends me of him wrestling salties and jellyfish;) .

[CARLA]

Excellent... I need something to get me out of my Sunday Coma..!! If it wasn't for Football and the Chargers win over the Redskins in overtime. I would have succumed to total bordem today..!!

[lady cop]

well it's now tuesday and it's still raining. bloody Brit took it with him. hahahahahaha

[lady cop]

lady cop wrote: it's kind of a private joke, he claims to loathe pandas. so cute!!! adorable little baby. i love him!! want to hug him! :-4 APNov. 29: Tai Shan, a four-month-old giant panda cub, in D.C.

[Bothwell]

A couple of days late but here it is

It’s day 2 of my sojourn in Sydney, Australia. This afternoon was set up and registration of conference delegates and exhibitors. I t had been decided that as I was the only exhibitor from the UK I should give a speech at the opening ceremony, as the audience was only 800 I had no worries!!

I was still feverishly engaged in erecting my company logos on the stand sides as zero hour approached. The main problem was that I had purchased from a nice vietnames gentleman some “White Tak” what, I hear you ask ii the difference between this and the well known “Blue Tak” well I can now tell you after exhaustive research that “White Tak” is not taky at all!!.

Just as the exhibition chairman was calling the delegates to silence the inevitable happened and both boards detached themselves. The left had one crashed through the French delegation’s ice sculpture of President Chirac mid-shrug the right hand one rendered unconscious the Phillipino who was busy hovering the carpet of my stand.

Undeterred I mounted the stage to address the assembled multitude. I should add at this stage that the French delegation had left in a huff pausing only long enough to ask the German delegation to man their stand, as ever the Germans gleefully accepted the French surrender and took the stand in a pincer movement through the donut concession and the California Institute of Aromatherapy (CIA) and were now eying the Polish stand with something approaching martial hysteria.

At the last moment I had decided to inject some scientific exploration humour into my speech (big mistake). “this android from planet Zarg walks in to a bar” I said, the shout went up “Liar”. Unbeknownst to me and the security guards three delgates from the Star Trek conference next door had gatecrashed our exhibition by employing the simple ruse of removing their home made tinfoil hats. It was they who had taken exception to my opening remark becauseas every trekkie knows there are no androids on Zarg. The three sci-fi fans were now advancing towards me with menace in their eyes and their home made Phasers set to “Kill”. Fortunately the aptly named CIA delegates brough them down with a hail of aromatherapy bottle and they were last seen gasping for air as the phials of Patchouli and Jasmine filled the air around them.

I proceede with my address which given the previous events was going to be a hard sell, and so it proved, some 10 minutes later I walked off to the sound of my own footsteps, the only applause came from the Norwegian delegation. I had me these three modern day Vikings whilst purchasing the aforementioned “white Tak”. They had seen me approaching the cashier of a novelty shop clutching some souveniers, to whit a fluffy white seal pup toy and a 4ft digeridoo. They had reached the erroneous but Norwegian conlusion that I was a fellow countryman who upset at missing the pup clubbing season had decided to recreate it in the pricayt of my hotel room with the items I was about to pay for! They had advanced towards me shouting “Furskin, Furskin”. The last I saw of them was three digeridoos waving in the air.

Upon exciting the auditorium I discovered that my exhibit had been moved to the car park and was now located next to the portaloos.

As you can imagine business was fairly slow and at 5pm I decided to call it a day and head for the same bar as the previous evening. Upon enetering I was spied my my two aqquaintances from the previous evening , Steve and Ray/Rachael. Ray was clad in a low cut top that showed his/her silicon enhancement and a pair of dayglo orange lycra cycling shorts that revealed the legs of a powerlifter. Obvioulsy he/she had some way to go in his/her transformation! I explained my day and they brought me a beer and sympathized. I had a better look around the pub than on the previous occasion and noticed that hanging from the rafters were stuffed examples of native fauna. These included a 12ft “saltie” crocodile. Steve and Ray/Rachael suggested we play a mime game involving Elton John lyrics to take my mind off the day. I was engaged in throwing sugar cubes at the reptile (Crocodile Rock of course) when I heard the familiar tones “Furskin, Furskin”. It was my Norwegian friends,they had been to a party thrown by the German delegation to celebrate the annexation of the French exhibit and were clad head to toes in traditional leather lederhosen. The sight of three strapping men shoutin “Furskin, furskin” (I am sure Stevet misheard) was too much for my companions, as I trudged wearily back to my room the Norwegians were trying to persuade Steve ad Ray/Rachael to accompany them to Seal Point for a Bar b Q, I hope that there were seals actually at seal point.

[Nomad]

*simple ruse of removing their home made tinfoil hats*



I should have gotten a patent dammit ! :-5

[lady cop]

Bothwell wrote: A couple of days late but here it is



It’s day 2 of my sojourn in Sydney, Australia. This afternoon was set up and registration of conference delegates and exhibitors. I t had been decided that as I was the only exhibitor from the UK I should give a speech at the opening ceremony, as the audience was only 800 I had no worries!!

I was still feverishly engaged in erecting my company logos on the stand sides as zero hour approached. The main problem was that I had purchased from a nice vietnames gentleman some “White Tak” what, I hear you ask ii the difference between this and the well known “Blue Tak” well I can now tell you after exhaustive research that “White Tak” is not taky at all!!.

Just as the exhibition chairman was calling the delegates to silence the inevitable happened and both boards detached themselves. The left had one crashed through the French delegation’s ice sculpture of President Chirac mid-shrug the right hand one rendered unconscious the Phillipino who was busy hovering the carpet of my stand.

Undeterred I mounted the stage to address the assembled multitude. I should add at this stage that the French delegation had left in a huff pausing only long enough to ask the German delegation to man their stand, as ever the Germans gleefully accepted the French surrender and took the stand in a pincer movement through the donut concession and the California Institute of Aromatherapy (CIA) and were now eying the Polish stand with something approaching martial hysteria.

At the last moment I had decided to inject some scientific exploration humour into my speech (big mistake). “this android from planet Zarg walks in to a bar” I said, the shout went up “Liar”. Unbeknownst to me and the security guards three delgates from the Star Trek conference next door had gatecrashed our exhibition by employing the simple ruse of removing their home made tinfoil hats. It was they who had taken exception to my opening remark becauseas every trekkie knows there are no androids on Zarg. The three sci-fi fans were now advancing towards me with menace in their eyes and their home made Phasers set to “Kill”. Fortunately the aptly named CIA delegates brough them down with a hail of aromatherapy bottle and they were last seen gasping for air as the phials of Patchouli and Jasmine filled the air around them.

I proceede with my address which given the previous events was going to be a hard sell, and so it proved, some 10 minutes later I walked off to the sound of my own footsteps, the only applause came from the Norwegian delegation. I had me these three modern day Vikings whilst purchasing the aforementioned “white Tak”. They had seen me approaching the cashier of a novelty shop clutching some souveniers, to whit a fluffy white seal pup toy and a 4ft digeridoo. They had reached the erroneous but Norwegian conlusion that I was a fellow countryman who upset at missing the pup clubbing season had decided to recreate it in the pricayt of my hotel room with the items I was about to pay for! They had advanced towards me shouting “Furskin, Furskin”. The last I saw of them was three digeridoos waving in the air.

Upon exciting the auditorium I discovered that my exhibit had been moved to the car park and was now located next to the portaloos.

As you can imagine business was fairly slow and at 5pm I decided to call it a day and head for the same bar as the previous evening. Upon enetering I was spied my my two aqquaintances from the previous evening , Steve and Ray/Rachael. Ray was clad in a low cut top that showed his/her silicon enhancement and a pair of dayglo orange lycra cycling shorts that revealed the legs of a powerlifter. Obvioulsy he/she had some way to go in his/her transformation! I explained my day and they brought me a beer and sympathized. I had a better look around the pub than on the previous occasion and noticed that hanging from the rafters were stuffed examples of native fauna. These included a 12ft “saltie” crocodile. Steve and Ray/Rachael suggested we play a mime game involving Elton John lyrics to take my mind off the day. I was engaged in throwing sugar cubes at the reptile (Crocodile Rock of course) when I heard the familiar tones “Furskin, Furskin”. It was my Norwegian friends,they had been to a party thrown by the German delegation to celebrate the annexation of the French exhibit and were clad head to toes in traditional leather lederhosen. The sight of three strapping men shoutin “Furskin, furskin” (I am sure Stevet misheard) was too much for my companions, as I trudged wearily back to my room the Norwegians were trying to persuade Steve ad Ray/Rachael to accompany them to Seal Point for a Bar b Q, I hope that there were seals actually at seal point.you're a brilliant writer. :yh_flower :yh_love

[CARLA]

Bothwell,

As always the events of your day are unbelievable and totally funny It could only happen to you..!! :wah: :wah: Sorry about the exhibit damn ticky tac stuff never works when you need it..!! :-5

I say it's time to venture out into the country and see what you can find.!! :sneaky:

[abbey]

That was sooooo funny, please please please keep us posted.

BTW the weather in your home neck of the woods has been awful, people snowed in etc.

[orangesox1]

The rotten weather must be following Both, I just returned from South Australia with a sun tan, didn't see any rain down there:-6 :-6

[Bothwell]

I am about to sally forthy into the Sydney night, I sdhall avoid, Norwegians, Tansexuals and 70 year old prostitutes. I will update after tomorrow night which is the exhibition cruise around Sydney harbour, although given my previous experiences the word "Cruise" fills me with dread. BTW the Phillipino has recovered

[lady cop]

Bothwell just called me at 0430 OZ time, he can't sleep, the jetlag hasn't abated. and he says it's STILL pissing down rain! so he hasn't seen much of what he describes as a great city. what a shame. further, if one more aussie tells him this is the most rain they've had in 100 years, he's going to choke them. :wah: well the cruise tonight should be eventful, knowing him, great white sharks will attack en masse in search of giant hairy spiders that populate the vessel.

[orangesox1]

lady cop wrote: Bothwell just called me at 0430 OZ time, he can't sleep, the jetlag hasn't abated. and he says it's STILL pissing down rain! so he hasn't seen much of what he describes as a great city. what a shame. further, if one more aussie tells him this is the most rain they've had in 100 years, he's going to choke them. :wah: well the cruise tonight should be eventful, knowing him, great white sharks will attack en masse in search of giant hairy spiders that populate the vessel.


Poor Bothwell,



I hope the weather clears for him, it's beautiful weather up here 600kms from Sydney

[Alfred]

just for luck a giant squid will attack.

given his account of the previous day it should be an interesting cruise.

it's too hard for me to contemplate rain right now, it's too warm. :-6 :-6 :-6

[Galbally]

Hey Alfred I forgot to say, me mate is getting married to a girl from Brisbane in 2 weeks, in Brisbane I think, or is it Cairns? Its in Queensland anyway. Actually I also know another girl from Brisbane myself, shes a really cutie, and being from queensland she also knows how to knock out crocodiles, which always impressess me in a woman.

[lady cop]

Alfred wrote: just for luck a giant squid will attack.



:-6don't tell him that! hahahahahaha.

[Alfred]

Galbally wrote: Hey Alfred I forgot to say, me mate is getting married to a girl from Brisbane in 2 weeks, in Brisbane I think, or is it Cairns? Its in Queensland anyway. Actually I also know another girl from Brisbane myself, shes a really cutie, and being from queensland she also knows how to knock out crocodiles, which always impressess me in a woman.


i wish i could knock out a croc. :wah:

yep queensland's were the party's at.

[orangesox1]

Alfred wrote: i wish i could knock out a croc. :wah:



yep queensland's were the party's at.


For the schoolies anyway.

[Alfred]

orangesox1 wrote: For the schoolies anyway.


true...havn't heard much about it on the news this year.

seems everyones keen to behave themselves after last years many incidents.

[orangesox1]

Alfred wrote: true...havn't heard much about it on the news this year.



seems everyones keen to behave themselves after last years many incidents.


You must have missed the news Alfred, there talking about cancelling it. Too many incidents.

[Galbally]

orangesox1 wrote: For the schoolies anyway.


Knowing many Australians, I am afriad to ask, but what are you reffering too, has Queensland come up with a new way of causing trouble?

[lady cop]

is it similar to spring break? college kids gone insane?

[Galbally]

Alfred wrote: i wish i could knock out a croc. :wah:

yep queensland's were the party's at.


I wish I could knock one out too, but being from Ireland I have a tendency to want to run away from large reptiles that could bite my head off with relative ease, some may call it cowardice, I call it natural selection. So I will leave it up to you guys, you seem to be good at the croc-punching thing. To be honest we don't have to generally deal with anything more dangerous than an angry badger as anything worse got wiped out a long time ago, at a distance, with automatic weapons. :wah:

[Alfred]

orangesox1 wrote: You must have missed the news Alfred, there talking about cancelling it. Too many incidents.


no i guess i stoped watching after schoolies week for the queenslanders finished, only 1 major incident.

but i still havn't heard much on any incidents, upon a quick review of last weeks sunday mail. i think they were talking about cancelling it or at least changing the location even before it had begun.

and yes i guess schoolies week is like spring break. for all the school leavers/ yr 12's

[Alfred]

Galbally wrote: To be honest we don't have to generally deal with anything more dangerous than an angry badger as anything worse got wiped out a long time ago, at a distance, with automatic weapons. :wah:


angry badgers :wah:

not much of a problem for people who could knock out a croc i suppose.

[lady cop]

whenever Bothwell talks to me about deadly florida fauna, he tells me England has nothing that can hurt you but wasps. and the pathetic little adder. a mere worm. :rolleyes:

[CARLA]

Oh no Bothwell on a cruise in Sydney Harbour on stormy rough waters...:-2 I hope he has his mesh shark suit on, and his life jacket over that ..!! :rolleyes: I can't wait to read how it went..

LC, Don't forget that dangerous beast the Hedgehog that roams the gardens of England.. This girls name is LEIGH THE HEDGEHOG..!! DANGEROUS FOR SURE..!!:D

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