Is Santa really a WOMAN?

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:16 am

Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off.

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag. :wah:

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if a male Santa did still have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

Men can't pack a bag.

Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.

Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.

Men don't answer their mail.

Men would refuse to allow their physiques to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."

Men aren't interested in stockings unless some woman's wearing them.

Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.

Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the idea that other mythical holiday characters are men:

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test.

But not Santa.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:19 am

helloooooo...i've been saying all along that santa is a woman.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:20 am

lady cop wrote: helloooooo...i've been saying all along that santa is a woman.
not the guessing game you twit! the actual Santa.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:24 am

oh, the actual real santa that is collecting for the salvation army? BWWWAAAAAAAAA:wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:25 am

lady cop wrote: oh, the actual real santa that is collecting for the salvation army? BWWWAAAAAAAAA:wah:
i give up. you've been hanging around Nomad too long. he's starting to rub off on you.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:27 am

aw, don't give up yet. :p how's your feet?

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:34 am

lady cop wrote: aw, don't give up yet. :p how's your feet?
tender. but i'm better.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:35 am

tenderfoot. yep. :wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:36 am

lady cop wrote: tenderfoot. yep. :wah:
Oh yeah.

HA HA HA

real freaking funny, Lady.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:38 am

Wolverine wrote: Oh yeah.

HA HA HA

real freaking funny, Lady.laugh if you want, but i am rooting for you all the way. even when i make fun of you. get used to it. :p it's a cop thing.

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:42 am

lady cop wrote: laugh if you want, but i am rooting for you all the way. even when i make fun of you. get used to it. :p it's a cop thing.
oh.....right:sneaky:

naw, i'm just playing.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:46 am

oh heck. briefing is at 0600.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 2:47 pm

Mrs. Claus is not telling....but she is a happy woman,

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:19 pm

along-for-the-ride wrote: Mrs. Claus is not telling....but she is a happy woman,

Santa ain't a woman, no (legitimate) woman has feet that big....

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:20 pm

minks wrote: Santa ain't a woman, no (legitimate) woman has feet that big....hey my combat boots are size 11:p

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:22 pm

lady cop wrote: hey my combat boots are size 11:p
black with leopard fur trim???

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:28 pm

minks wrote: black with leopard fur trim???how did you know?

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:31 pm

lady cop wrote: how did you know?

a little elf told me ahahahahaha

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:38 pm

elves lie.......................and they're nasty too! :wah:

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:41 pm

lady cop wrote: elves lie.......................and they're nasty too! :wah:

GASP!!!!

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:48 pm

JAB wrote: Ain't no way Santa is a woman cuz we wouldn't be caught dead going down a chimney and messing up our Christmas outfit.

and we don't do reindeer pooh

ELF · Post by **ELF** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:53 pm

I don't clean out the reindeer stalls either..................:wah:

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:59 pm

Oh, yuchy!

Reindeer poo.........................

santa · Post by **santa** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 4:13 pm

ELF wrote: I don't clean out the reindeer stalls either..................:wah:
You will tonight young elf.......................

ELF · Post by **ELF** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 4:21 pm

santa wrote: You will tonight young elf.......................

Yes ok Santa

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 4:24 pm

ELF wrote: Yes ok Santaconvenient 8 minute gap between elf and santy's posts.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:06 pm

Wolverine wrote: i give up. you've been hanging around Nomad too long. he's starting to rub off on you.

HEY ! You say that like its a bad thing ???

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:08 pm

Nomad wrote: HEY ! You say that like its a bad thing ???

The yellow shows up on darker colors. It's very noticeable.

ELF · Post by **ELF** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:52 pm

Far Rider wrote: This just in!

From the AP wire.

Novemeber 29, 2005.

South Dakota, USA.

Bob Ucker reporting....

A local farmer was placed on Santas permanent "Naughty list" after attempting to determine Santas sex, folowing the incident he was carried away by 36 small elves while yelling, "It's a girl, Its a girl!"

Boy, was Santa mad about that....................

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:06 pm

Nomad wrote: HEY ! You say that like its a bad thing ???

i can handle talking to one Nomad. if we start getting two or three.... my head will explode. i won't be able to keep up.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:07 pm

Wolverine wrote: i can handle talking to one Nomad. if we start getting two or three.... my head will explode. i won't be able to keep up.better get used to it copper

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:26 pm

lady cop wrote: better get used to it copper

now just who's team are you on??:-2

let me guess... your own now that you're retired, right?:wah:

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:32 pm

Wolverine wrote: now just who's team are you on??:-2

let me guess... your own now that you're retired, right?:wah:well i'm still certified and not officially retired yet. and i'm on your team pal! brothers forever. nomad is a thing we just have to tolerate. :rolleyes:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 7:35 pm

lady cop wrote: well i'm still certified and not officially retired yet. and i'm on your team pal! brothers forever. nomad is a thing we just have to tolerate. :rolleyes:
yeah. like a slinky. not godd for much but a crap load of fun to knock down the stairs. hehehehhehehe;)